He Gets Really Drunk Every Weekend

[amayana]

Hi guys,

 

I think this might be the second thread or so I'm starting on here and I'd love to hear what you have to say.

Lately, my boyfriend has been going out an unusual lot. Usually he goes out Fridays and Saturdays and gets completely trashed, meaning he admits he got really drunk or he even gets sick. Sometimes he also gets drunk on Wednesdays.

 

I've always been very open-minded with his lifestyle. We're both at university and we are also both graduating in a month. I understand that students go out and drink. I do it every once in a while. However, lately it's just been getting on my nerves because first of all, he is hungover, miserable and tired when we skype. Also, I'm a bit worried that it's starting to become an unhealthy habit for him to destress. Then, of course I'm worried what he's up to when he's drunk and out of control...

 

What do you guys think? I haven't said anything so far because I don't want to be a partypooper for him. I also don't want to be the clingy, bossy girlfriend... But it does bother me and I feel like if I don't say anything I'll get really bitter. However, I am also afraid he might not really understand why I am not happy about this. Maybe I'm just overreacting

[Haydn]

Different uni`s?

 

Could be a moving on thing? Not sure. When i went to uni. We both moved away from each other, slowly at first, I made new friends so did she. Drunk every weekend is not a problem as a student, i loved it. (Sort of).

 

Have you asked him straight out?

 

 

Hi guys,

 

I think this might be the second thread or so I'm starting on here and I'd love to hear what you have to say.

Lately, my boyfriend has been going out an unusual lot. Usually he goes out Fridays and Saturdays and gets completely trashed, meaning he admits he got really drunk or he even gets sick. Sometimes he also gets drunk on Wednesdays.

 

I've always been very open-minded with his lifestyle. We're both at university and we are also both graduating in a month. I understand that students go out and drink. I do it every once in a while. However, lately it's just been getting on my nerves because first of all, he is hungover, miserable and tired when we skype. Also, I'm a bit worried that it's starting to become an unhealthy habit for him to destress. Then, of course I'm worried what he's up to when he's drunk and out of control...

 

What do you guys think? I haven't said anything so far because I don't want to be a partypooper for him. I also don't want to be the clingy, bossy girlfriend... But it does bother me and I feel like if I don't say anything I'll get really bitter. However, I am also afraid he might not really understand why I am not happy about this. Maybe I'm just overreacting

[amayana]

Well, yes! We have been long-distance for two years. He has also gone out quite a bit so have I but lately it's just been a bit too much, you know?

 

So, you think I should address this issue with him?

 

 

Different uni`s?

 

Could be a moving on thing? Not sure. When i went to uni. We both moved away from each other, slowly at first, I made new friends so did she. Drunk every weekend is not a problem as a student, i loved it. (Sort of).

 

Have you asked him straight out?

[amayana]

The thing is this is a norm at university. It's not good but that's what a lot of students do. I have self-respect, trust me. It's not like he's been doing this for two years but lately he's been overdoing it IMO.

 

But I would assume you think the same.

 

If my boyfriend got drunk more than once..he would not be my boyfriend. I do not tolerate substance abuse.

 

Not sure what type of woman with self respect is open to their partner's destructive lifestyle. This is the quality of a man you want in your life?

[Haydn]

My partners have always drunk, just not to excess. Eating can be substance abuse as well Claire. Do you tolerate that?

 

Sorry OP.

 

I am not suggesting that getting trollyed all the time is good. But as a student.....as with a smattering of other things, is all ok. But i think the drinking is masking something else here. You have to ask.

 

 

If my boyfriend got drunk more than once..he would not be my boyfriend. I do not tolerate substance abuse.

 

Not sure what type of woman with self respect is open to their partner's destructive lifestyle. This is the quality of a man you want in your life?

[Haydn]

Yes i think you should. I had the same issue and all my instincts were right, actually so were hers. But it could be nothing at all, could be just having too much fun and no harm done.

 

 

Well, yes! We have been long-distance for two years. He has also gone out quite a bit so have I but lately it's just been a bit too much, you know?

 

So, you think I should address this issue with him?

[amayana]

That's a good point. I have mentioned it once and he said that it was his way of coping with stress. But i think I should address this more directly in case it's something else.

 

My partners have always drunk, just not to excess. Eating can be substance abuse as well Claire. Do you tolerate that?

 

Sorry OP.

 

I am not suggesting that getting trollyed all the time is good. But as a student.....as with a smattering of other things, is all ok. But i think the drinking is masking something else here. You have to ask.

[Haydn]

I never had any stress at uni apart from the panic of waking up late. But if you are at two different uni then it can take its toll. Hope you guys are fine and he is just being a `student`

 

 

That's a good point. I have mentioned it once and he said that it was his way of coping with stress. But i think I should address this more directly in case it's something else.

[amayana]

Yes, I feel like being apart must be hard on both of us. He's not one to talk about feelings. So, sometimes I have to tickle it all out of him. Maybe that's also his way of coping with this situation. I wouldn't put it past him, I've caught myself doing the same.

 

Also, we're also on different continents since he's in the US and I'm here in the UK. To me it's also hard with the time difference. He'll go to bed drunk when I get up in the morning. And then he'll be hungover for the rest of the day and be too sick to talk until it's almost time for bed for me..

 

I never had any stress at uni apart from the panic of waking up late. But if you are at two different uni then it can take its toll. Hope you guys are fine and he is just being a `student`

[Haydn]

that's far apart. I was in London and she was in Manchester

 

Yes, I feel like being apart must be hard on both of us. He's not one to talk about feelings. So, sometimes I have to tickle it all out of him. Maybe that's also his way of coping with this situation. I wouldn't put it past him, I've caught myself doing the same.

 

Also, we're also on different continents since he's in the US and I'm here in the UK. To me it's also hard with the time difference. He'll go to bed drunk when I get up in the morning. And then he'll be hungover for the rest of the day and be too sick to talk until it's almost time for bed for me..

[HeavenOrHell]

It could well be his way of coping with the distance, does sound quite excessive but also pretty normal for students, although that doesn't mean it's ok..if he keeps on like that it will take its toll on his health.

I would talk to him about it, tell him you're worried about him and is he ok?

 

>He's not one to talk about feelings. So, sometimes I have to tickle it all out of him.<

 

Oh tell me about it, pretty frustrating at times and means I often guess what's going on with him when really I've no idea

 

Good luck, hope you can talk to him about it and see what he says.

 

 

 

Yes, I feel like being apart must be hard on both of us. He's not one to talk about feelings. So, sometimes I have to tickle it all out of him. Maybe that's also his way of coping with this situation. I wouldn't put it past him, I've caught myself doing the same.

 

Also, we're also on different continents since he's in the US and I'm here in the UK. To me it's also hard with the time difference. He'll go to bed drunk when I get up in the morning. And then he'll be hungover for the rest of the day and be too sick to talk until it's almost time for bed for me..

[amayana]

Thanks for your input! Yes, it's hard to tell if it's him just being a student or if there is anything else bothering him too. He would never tell me himself unless I asked. And yes, I agree that it's frustrating... it's just hard to see how someone is truly doing when you hardly see them

 

I think I'll to him about it tonight and hopefully he won't get defensive or think I'm criticising him. I'm sure he'd be worried himself if suddenly I started getting ****faced all the time when he knows I usually don't...

 

It could well be his way of coping with the distance, does sound quite excessive but also pretty normal for students, although that doesn't mean it's ok..if he keeps on like that it will take its toll on his health.

I would talk to him about it, tell him you're worried about him and is he ok?

 

 

>He's not one to talk about feelings. So, sometimes I have to tickle it all out of him.<

 

Oh tell me about it, pretty frustrating at times and means I often guess what's going on with him when really I've no idea

 

Good luck, hope you can talk to him about it and see what he says.

[bluegreen]

Am sorry to hear that cause I remember you and you are very nice girl.

Being at U is just excuse for drinking to much person can do it or not do it in any other circumstances and so can he.

You realize that right ?

 

So its all about choices I tried doing same thing you did it was first weekends then vacations then .... no matter how hard I tried I could not pretend he did not had issues with alcohol.

 

One of these days or nights he is gonna get "trashed" and either in hospital or someone's girl house or back of the car U are to full of young ignorant wild and no shame or moral sense young people.

 

You need to have a serious talk to him I admire you very much for being able to hold on together so long in these circumstances but you won't be able to wish this issue away.

 

 

I truly would hate to hear that next excuse is job searching then job then his boss then weather then ....

 

 

By all means lets make it clear am pessimist and I always prepare for worst first HUGS

 

 

 

 

 

"talk to him now = bust his ass "

[HeavenOrHell]

Once when I felt frustrated with my partner, as he was being distant to me, I snapped a bit and said I was fed up with him being closed off... and then I felt mean and said; Sorry, what I mean is are you ok? I hope you are...

And he said no he's not and he's been depressed for a while and he apologised for being distant, after that he seemed less distant, like it had helped to voice it maybe. I wished I'd said something sooner rather than waiting until it got to the point I felt annoyed and it came out snappy.

So if you can say it in way which is out of concern for him rather than sounding annoyed, hopefully he's less likely to be defensive..

Yes I'm sure he'd be worried if it were you who were getting as drunk as often.

Let us know how you get on?

 

Thanks for your input! Yes, it's hard to tell if it's him just being a student or if there is anything else bothering him too. He would never tell me himself unless I asked. And yes, I agree that it's frustrating... it's just hard to see how someone is truly doing when you hardly see them

 

I think I'll to him about it tonight and hopefully he won't get defensive or think I'm criticising him. I'm sure he'd be worried himself if suddenly I started getting ****faced all the time when he knows I usually don't...

[amayana]

That's what I'm worried about... that the drinking will become something that won't go away. And I agree with you that saying 'we're students, we don't have any responsibilities' is a horrible excuse for binge-drinking. I was bad in my first year of uni too but I have calmed down enormously, especially since I'm with him and want to respect him by not getting excessively drunk with my friends. I do go out and drink every once in a while but I would never go out, get drunk, be sick, be hungover and then go out AGAIN the next day to do the same thing... Thank you for you feedback and concern! It helps to have other people speak their minds

 

Am sorry to hear that cause I remember you and you are very nice girl.

Being at U is just excuse for drinking to much person can do it or not do it in any other circumstances and so can he.

You realize that right ?

 

So its all about choices I tried doing same thing you did it was first weekends then vacations then .... no matter how hard I tried I could not pretend he did not had issues with alcohol.

 

One of these days or nights he is gonna get "trashed" and either in hospital or someone's girl house or back of the car U are to full of young ignorant wild and no shame or moral sense young people.

 

You need to have a serious talk to him I admire you very much for being able to hold on together so long in these circumstances but you won't be able to wish this issue away.

 

 

I truly would hate to hear that next excuse is job searching then job then his boss then weather then ....

 

 

By all means lets make it clear am pessimist and I always prepare for worst first HUGS

 

 

 

 

 

"talk to him now = bust his ass "

[amayana]

That sounds like a decent idea and I will let you know what he thinks! I tend to snap a bit too sometimes but didn't want to do it this time. Although I did get a bit mean when he texted me he was feeling absolutely awful. I apologised straight away though... But it's something that he texts me every Friday and Saturday and it's starting to get to me...

 

It doesn't help that my parents have had drinking problems... For me it's all a touchy subject when it comes to drinking.

 

Once when I felt frustrated with my partner, as he was being distant to me, I snapped a bit and said I was fed up with him being closed off... and then I felt mean and said; Sorry, what I mean is are you ok? I hope you are...

And he said no he's not and he's been depressed for a while and he apologised for being distant, after that he seemed less distant, like it had helped to voice it maybe. I wished I'd said something sooner rather than waiting until it got to the point I felt annoyed and it came out snappy.

So if you can say it in way which is out of concern for him rather than sounding annoyed, hopefully he's less likely to be defensive..

Yes I'm sure he'd be worried if it were you who were getting as drunk as often.

Let us know how you get on?

[bluegreen]

You are very welcome doll and I truly hated to write this post and be so jaded.

Still Am hoping you will be able to get him to come to his senses you did not just gave him 2 days but two years of your life.

 

You deserve better then this and make sure he knows it if he chooses going on then you won't need any advice from us answer would be for smart girl like you

clear as water ....

 

 

 

 

 

 

ps: If all goes to hell stick to your decision this is life long issue

[amayana]

I talked to him and he was very considerate and understanding. He says he's just being a student and he was being honest about it. He also said he was sorry and that he was going to try and change his drinking habits a little bit due to the circumstances. He is going out tonight but not drinking.

That is a compromise I can live with I think.

[bluegreen]

As long as he is honest about it ( sorry pessimist me again )

But you don't feel bad to "watch" over situation either its your right to have what you give.

 

Hopefully it works out : )))

[Haydn]

good start, curb the imbibing a bit.

 

let us know. X

QUOTE=amayana;5626463]I talked to him and he was very considerate and understanding. He says he's just being a student and he was being honest about it. He also said he was sorry and that he was going to try and change his drinking habits a little bit due to the circumstances. He is going out tonight but not drinking.

That is a compromise I can live with I think.

[HeavenOrHell]

Good to hear

 

 

I talked to him and he was very considerate and understanding. He says he's just being a student and he was being honest about it. He also said he was sorry and that he was going to try and change his drinking habits a little bit due to the circumstances. He is going out tonight but not drinking.

That is a compromise I can live with I think.

[Els]

I think you should communicate your discontent to him, but make it about how it makes you feel when he's always hungover and miserable on Skype. Don't make it about 'what he's up to', unless you have genuine reasons to not trust his fidelity.

 

Edit: Oh, whoops. Glad you two sorted it out.

[d0nnivain]

If it's the last hurrah before graduation & entering the real world, I wouldn't worry so much about it. If the behavior continues after graduation, he may have a problem.

[amayana]

I trust that he's honest. If I didn't we shouldn't be together in the first place because there is no way for me to ever find out if he is truly honest or not!

 

As long as he is honest about it ( sorry pessimist me again )

But you don't feel bad to "watch" over situation either its your right to have what you give.

 

Hopefully it works out : )))

[amayana]

That's pretty much what I did. I asked him if he felt it was affecting our relationship and he hadn't really seen it from that point of view. He said he was very sorry about it all and that he had no idea that was the way I felt.

 

I think he does understand but I'll see how it goes. He isn't hungover today. And that's very nice for a change! He even admitted that it feels great not to be hungover all weekend... So yeah haha.

 

I think you should communicate your discontent to him, but make it about how it makes you feel when he's always hungover and miserable on Skype. Don't make it about 'what he's up to', unless you have genuine reasons to not trust his fidelity.

 

Edit: Oh, whoops. Glad you two sorted it out.