Bishop556 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 If your ex moved on quickly with another, in my case less than a month, does it mean that they ever loved you? I had a moment where all my emotions about the break up resurfaced, and I started thinking about how my ex left with the first guy she could find. Maybe it's just me, but if the roles were reversed, I would not have done that to her. I would understand that what we had was meaningful, and that I would need time to truly get over it. Unfortunately, I was not given the same kind of respect. However, I should have noticed the signs. She did that with her ex before me, and she was in two relationships after their breakup, me being the second, in about a month and a half time span. What is your opinion about people who hop from one relationship to another with very little time in between?
iDrumKing Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Thats a tough question. My ex gf of 2 years is already in a new relationship. We broke up 2 months ago. It really makes you wonder, but honestly it doesn't matter. They're gone and that's that. 3
maturityassets Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Often times people are addicted to that honey moon stage of relationships. They sometimes break up with another to experience that feeling again of exploring someone new and like that anticipation of revealing themselves to another. 5
sooshi Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 My ex-fiance started to flirt with my best friend a few days after he ended our engagement, and started to pursue her seriously in less than two months after this started. My opinion of people who do things like that, or jump from one relationship to another in a short time, is low. They're running away from something and need to fill a void, which they seek fulfillment from other people. 8
iDrumKing Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 often times people are addicted to that honey moon stage of relationships. They sometimes break up with another to experience that feeling again of exploring someone new and like that anticipation of revealing themselves to another. a toxic habit... 2
Strength in Healing Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Sooshi basically nailed it. People jump to run away from themselves. Run from the pain. Their poor victims are too stupid to realize it, too a lot of times. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 This topic is discussed a lot on this forum. And yes, this is what my ex did to me, and I suspect to her last BF before me as well. The reasons could be many, but as another poster mentioned, why does it even matter at this point? Just don't let it happen again to yourself!! Even worse, what about those who have someone else lined up even before they end the RS with you?? Or cheat throughout the RS? Or is that something else entirely?
BC1980 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 There are many people who relationship hop for fear of being alone. It will burn them in the long run. I think some of those people are also the types who keep thinking they will find something better. They keep going from person to person. I know my ex has some of these traits. He had dated an awful lot of women but seemed to have some issue with all of them. 1
mangetout Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Totally agree with sooshi. It takes guts to deal with your issues alone. Most people cannot face their demons alone. They would rather mask it with drugs , sex etc
InnocentMan Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 It's usually fairly obvious if you get involved with these types of people at the start of any relationship. You kinda pay your money and take your chances. Personally I would prefer if someone left me for someone else, as opposed to them just preferring to be on their own. The thought that people who go from relationship to relationship are doomed to some type of future mental collapse because of it, is a bit of a myth. Assuming they're not doing it on a monthly basis, I don't see it as a major character flaw. Is it any healthier to pine over your ex for a year or more, and reject the thought of meeting anyone else? Either way is perfectly normal human behaviour, and unfairly demonising your ex, who may have moved on quickly, kinda shows that you didn't really understand their nature in the first place.
anemptycup Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 sooshi said it i think - she needs to fill a void... my Ex did the same to me - 3 year relationship ended - and a week later slept with a guy and was dating guys immediately - i know that she doesn't handle break-ups well at all - that's an understatement actually - she really can't handle them.. so she throws herself into the arms of anyone who will hold her... it's hurtful to us.. and for me - impossible to forgive - if by some miracle.. she ever contacted me wanted to get back together - i just can't see myself ever saying yes after what she's done... it's sad... but think about it - those of us who don't need to do that are actually stronger and less needy in a way - and that's something to be grateful for. 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Is it any healthier to pine over your ex for a year or more, and reject the thought of meeting anyone else? It would be nice to know that they needed a little time to grieve and process their RS with you. Took a little time to reminisce and contemplate the fact that you're not around anymore. Jumping right into another RS seems to indicate it really didn't mean much to them and that there is nothing holding them back from moving on with you completely out of their thoughts. Obviously, they don't owe us this, it just kinda hurts is all... 2
sooshi Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 InnocentMan, it's true that sometimes the people we're with do get over us quickly. My ex-fiance was over me in a maximum of five days. That was hard. anemptycup, I'm so sorry for what you had to go through. That sounds so painful. I do hope you're able to open up your heart again. I agree with you, mtnbiker. It does hurt when they move on so quickly, and it does make us feel like the relationship didn't mean much to them. 1
Author Bishop556 Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 (edited) It's usually fairly obvious if you get involved with these types of people at the start of any relationship. You kinda pay your money and take your chances. Personally I would prefer if someone left me for someone else, as opposed to them just preferring to be on their own. The thought that people who go from relationship to relationship are doomed to some type of future mental collapse because of it, is a bit of a myth. Assuming they're not doing it on a monthly basis, I don't see it as a major character flaw. Is it any healthier to pine over your ex for a year or more, and reject the thought of meeting anyone else? Either way is perfectly normal human behaviour, and unfairly demonising your ex, who may have moved on quickly, kinda shows that you didn't really understand their nature in the first place. Thank you for your input, it was thought provoking. The true issue, I see, is that it is easy to demonize someone who hurt you. My ex could have moved on for all I know. I doubt it due to how see would constantly stare at me and specifically do different maneuvers to see me when all I want to do is be left alone. However, in some cases they have moved and in some cases they didn't. I guess an objective view on human behavior is important. Humans are flawed by design and everyone is different. Unfortunately, that means one person's values can differ from your own. It does not mean there a horrendous person, just that they are living with different brain chemistry. About the comment of getting involved with these types of people, you are right. I didn't have awareness at that period of my life, but all the signs were there that she would do this to me in the future. For example, she would flaunt me in front of her ex occasionally when we first started dating That's incredibly cruel to do to someone, and yet she believed she did nothing wrong to her ex. In my case, my ex would check out men right in front of me a day after we broke up (we had the same class), knowing I would probably see her in the act, and moved on with someone she emotionally cheated on me with at one point in our relationship a week later. And yet, she believed she did nothing wrong as well, and that having feelings for another man while dating someone was something minor and silly that I would be offended by. And while I did contribute a good amount to the drama of the break up, I feel as if she will continue to repeat the cycle instead of having introspection and improving herself, as I have been dedicated to the last couple of months. Moral of the story: gotta pay attention to those red flags. It while nip you in the ass if you're not careful. Unfortunately, most people do not know why they do the things they do, so there is no way you'll truly understand a person's mind if they don't truly understand themselves. Edited April 6, 2014 by Bishop556
InnocentMan Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 How someone behaves after they have left you, often has very little to do with you personally, or how they felt about the relationship. The reason that they left has a lot to do with you, in most cases, but their behaviour afterwards doesn't. Most of us follow set patterns all through our lives, without even knowing it. Imagine you had been the one to dump your ex. Do you think she would move on equally as swiftly? I would guess yes, on most occasions. Some people need a break after a relationship, regardless of who dumped who. Others have the need for instant attachment. The only hurtful thing about it, should be the ending of the relationship. The reasons are always generally a bit meh. Being cheated on while you think the relationship is ongoing, is a different matter. People often assume infidelity because they have moved on so quickly, but it's not always the case. It's an attachment issue, not a moral one, or something to be hurt about. I've generally never known how quickly any ex's have moved on, because it makes no difference to how I feel about the break up. People put themselves through months of unnecessary pain, for something that really has nothing to do with them. 1
Author Bishop556 Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 I thought I was being cheated on initially, but I trusted my ex and believed that I was just being paranoid. The cause of the break up was my fault, I'll admit that. We had a bad fight, I was undergoing a panic attack, and I raised a fist at her in a moment of weakness. I tried to go to couple counseling with her to correct this rough patch, but you cannot force someone to do anything that they don't want to do. She wanted out, and she got it. I would beat myself up for my actions for the first few months, but that is just experience now, and I have a more positive, happy outlook on life in general. I would never act in the same way again no matter how emotional I became. You're right about her behavior having nothing to do with me. It just feels as if I was played by my ex and the guy she had feelings for. I found out that he would call her on nights where he was drunk and discuss sexual topics with her, that he would remark on how sexy she is, yada, yada, yada during our tie together. I remember asking him about having feelings for her when my ex first told me that she emotionally cheated eight months ago. He told me that I she didn't do anything with him, and that he truly was hoping we would stay together as I told him I was thinking of leaving her. I now have to doubt if he was telling the truth, probably not. And yet, I was the one who didn't care about her and that she did nothing wrong at all. I believe my ex has a victim complex. While I am guilty of my actions, I believe she wants to feel as if she is innocent and the world is out to exact vengeance against her. I even have to doubt if my ex used our fight as an excuse to leave me for this other man, or to start dating other people immediately. You are completely right about people setting patterns, as well. I'm sure my ex will do something similar with her new boyfriend for some other issue or fight that occurs. She did it with her ex before me, I was the new guy that she jumped to right after the break up, and, in this case, he is.
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