Hopeful30 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 (edited) I read online - in more than one place - that for men, work will always be #1 priority. That's not to say that a relationship isn't a priority at all, just that they want to be protectors and providers, and without that (modern day equivalent being work) there would be no relationships to be had (none in which they would feel like men anyways). How true is this? In a recent conversation with my recent ex, he said the same thing. Work is #1 priority for him and he doesn't feel bad making it a higher priority than our relationship. (Ouch) One one hand I agree with him. He needs to build his life and stand on his feet - stability. On the other hand I feel like (and please call me out if im just being super female by saying this) that i'm disposable should his work need more of his attention in a particular time (when we were together and things got rough, he said "I don't have time for this, I have other things to do" - to me that just sounded like our relationship wasn't a priority at all and that he won't take the time to work things out simply because he had lots of work to do). Edited April 5, 2014 by Hopeful30
soccerrprp Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Do men really always put their work first? Questions that have words like ALWAYS, NEVER, etc. have one answer.....NO. 5
Woggle Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Not really but there was a time when coming up was my number one priority. I didn't grow up with privileges so I had to work my butt off and make smart investments to be where I am now. We live in a world where you need money to survive so people do what they have to do. Now that I have enough in the bank to not have to work for a few years and I know how to make smart investments I have more balance in my life. 1
Author Hopeful30 Posted April 5, 2014 Author Posted April 5, 2014 Do men really always put their work first? Questions that have words like ALWAYS, NEVER, etc. have one answer.....NO. You're right. I should have said, "Do a large majority of men put their work before anything else? And if they do, does that make every other priority after that disposable?"
mario_C Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Well, no one else is going to pay those bills for him, are they? And the average love partner has zero interest on what he has to go through to get the proverbial bacon on the table, so long as he does. And he serves it with a smile and a "I love you" every time.
Woggle Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 My wife comes before most things but for me a woman has to be well worth it for me to make her that kind of priority. That is a position she has to earn and my wife did. Many men who have things going for them feel that way but if a woman earns it he usually will go all out for her like I will. 1
Author Hopeful30 Posted April 5, 2014 Author Posted April 5, 2014 Well, no one else is going to pay those bills for him, are they? And the average love partner has zero interest on what he has to go through to get the proverbial bacon on the table, so long as he does. And he serves it with a smile and a "I love you" every time. Not true. We are business partners and I've been with him every step of the way to help him build his career. Even though we are broken up, I still offer my services and help where I can (without bending over backwards). Please try not to over generalize.
Keenly Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Some guys show love through providing for their families. 2
Author Hopeful30 Posted April 5, 2014 Author Posted April 5, 2014 My wife comes before most things but for me a woman has to be well worth it for me to make her that kind of priority. That is a position she has to earn and my wife did. Many men who have things going for them feel that way but if a woman earns it he usually will go all out for her like I will. But did you meet your wife during the time you were working your bum off to make a career? Or after?
soccerrprp Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I put my job secondary to the people I love. I have to come home to my loved ones, I don't have to bring my work home and I certainly do not love my job like I love my family, friends or SO (wife, gf). Another thing, there's a difference in the stage/level of the relationship. If I have just started dating, I will put my work before the woman I'm dating. It it's serious, committed, then I put my job more secondary to the relationship and if married or engaged, etc. my job is definitely secondary. 1
Author Hopeful30 Posted April 5, 2014 Author Posted April 5, 2014 Some guys show love through providing for their families. You're absolutely right. Especially given our culture (we are both Eastern European), a man isn't a man if he can't provide. Interesting.
soccerrprp Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 You're absolutely right. Especially given our culture (we are both Eastern European), a man isn't a man if he can't provide. Interesting. Ah, yes, but providing for one's family doesn't not equate to putting one's work first. I provide for my family, but ALWAYS make the emotional, physical needs by my presence and attention first. There's always compromise, but there also needs to be a balance that, I believe, weighs a little heavier towards your family, children, people you love... 2
acrosstheuniverse Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 (edited) You can't tar all men or all women with the same brush, everyone is an individual! For me, aged 26 and close to qualifying in my field, my work comes first. Relationships so far have all been temporary, and i would be an idiot to compromise my future for somebody who could leave me at any moment. The right partner will respect and admire that. It helps that my field is a vocation for me, not simply a career designed to make me money. There are few things in life I'm more passionate about than doing this work, so it helps that even if I were single due to my career, I think I would still ultimately be happy and fulfilled. Edited April 5, 2014 by acrosstheuniverse 3
Author Hopeful30 Posted April 5, 2014 Author Posted April 5, 2014 For me, aged 26 and close to qualifying in my field, my work comes first. Relationships so far have all been temporary, and i would be an idiot to compromise my future for somebody who could leave me at any moment. What if you fall in love with someone who you see a future with? Who equally sees the same in you?
TXGuy Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Please try not to over generalize. You asked a generalized question and got a generalized answer ('average guy...'). Now you are scolding the guy (marioC) for giving you exactly what you asked for.
Woggle Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 But did you meet your wife during the time you were working your bum off to make a career? Or after? I sort of met her after. Honestly after my divorce I made some smart investments that made me a lot of money. I make good money at my job but it isn't some super flashy career. I can't stand yuppies anyway so I don't want to work with them. It's not just my career. Finally in my life I have peace and minimal drama so if a woman doesn't improve my life or she adds drama she is not worth it.
GemmaUK Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I think it woudl have to depend on length of time in teh relationship and whether there were particular issues at work or in the relationship. I'm female, 45, got my own place, working in a role I have been in for 6 years now. I was dating someone a while back who after about three months of dating told me that he should be priority over my work. He actually told me I should leave my job. Err...he wasn't paying my mortgage, or bills or feeding me so in the priority list he came second. I think many people these days see work as a priority and I actually respect that in a man. 1
soccerrprp Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I think it woudl have to depend on length of time in teh relationship and whether there were particular issues at work or in the relationship. I'm female, 45, got my own place, working in a role I have been in for 6 years now. I was dating someone a while back who after about three months of dating told me that he should be priority over my work. He actually told me I should leave my job. Err...he wasn't paying my mortgage, or bills or feeding me so in the priority list he came second. I think many people these days see work as a priority and I actually respect that in a man. I think your situation is extreme. NO ONE in their right mind would even entertain the idea of leaving their job while dating. Work should be everyone's priority, but how high of a priority it is when you are at a certain level of commitment is what is important. If your SO spent an inordinate amount of time at work instead of with you, neglecting quality time with you, would you be okay with this? For most....no. Do you value your time and commitment to your job more than your loved ones? That is the all important question, imho. 1
GemmaUK Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I think your situation is extreme. NO ONE in their right mind would even entertain the idea of leaving their job while dating. Work should be everyone's priority, but how high of a priority it is when you are at a certain level of commitment is what is important. If your SO spent an inordinate amount of time at work instead of with you, neglecting quality time with you, would you be okay with this? For most....no. Do you value your time and commitment to your job more than your loved ones? That is the all important question, imho. Not at all. I need my job to survive though. I have no one to fall back on but myself.
soccerrprp Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 Not at all. I need my job to survive though. I have no one to fall back on but myself. I hear you GemmaUK. I'm making some assumptions in this discussion. 1. That you are employed 2. That you have a relationship or some sort (family, friends, SO) I'm simply stating the obvious, I think. Your job should not be a higher priority that it hurts your relationship with those you care about. The OP asks men put their work first and my answer is it depends where he is in in a relationship with the other person. Men (or women) make appropriate adjustments to priority when they are in a committed, serious relationship. But there are those who, even when committed, burden the relationship by placing greater importance and time to their job than working on the relationship. That's not desirable. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 What if you fall in love with someone who you see a future with? Who equally sees the same in you? That has happened, I still pursue relationships! I'm dating and in love with a guy now but he understands that my passion in life and my goal is to have a career in my field and he supports that. He has his own goal and passion that he's working towards too and I'd never expect him to put me above that, partners can leave at any time and if you've missed grabbing a life enhancing hard to achieve opportunity due to the relationship then you're kinda left high and dry. If I'd been with somebody many years and was married or had a child together then of course they'd gain greater weight of importance but still, I'm not going to abandon my life dream for something that doesn't have any guarantee of sticking around. 2
WrinkledForehead Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I am a master juggler. I am a woman. I place equal amounts of importance on all things on my plate: home, children, partner, work, school. All have their places in the priority queue. At certain points school is more important than work and et cetera. I cannot put words in my boyfriend's mouth but his actions are evident to a similar mindset. He, with finesse, prioritizes those things which need urgent attention at that point in time, as I do. Succinctly, juggle all of those things. Metaphorically, they are all balls within one's sphere and at any given moment certain balls are held closer and others maintain their trajectory in air, but all take their turns. 1
GemmaUK Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I hear you GemmaUK. I'm making some assumptions in this discussion. 1. That you are employed 2. That you have a relationship or some sort (family, friends, SO) I'm simply stating the obvious, I think. Your job should not be a higher priority that it hurts your relationship with those you care about. The OP asks men put their work first and my answer is it depends where he is in in a relationship with the other person. Men (or women) make appropriate adjustments to priority when they are in a committed, serious relationship. But there are those who, even when committed, burden the relationship by placing greater importance and time to their job than working on the relationship. That's not desirable. Yes I am employed as a management accountant. I am not in a relationship, my only family live thousands of miles away and yes I do have friends. I agree but also there are times when work demands are higher and that is always going to be the case with my chosen career. I totally understand when that is the case too for someone when I'm in a relationship with them. Sometimes you just have to do your best to balance things. I guess one thing that I have noticed is that chatting with men around my own age there seems to be the general opinion that my job isn't really a valid role.
Andy_K Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 No, family comes first. I've got a four year old daughter. I see her at weekends... I will not work a weekend and miss seeing her. I will take days off work to see her if I can't make it at the weekend for any reason. I would not even entertain the idea of moving further away to advance my career given it would make seeing her more difficult.
soccerrprp Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 I guess one thing that I have noticed is that chatting with men around my own age there seems to be the general opinion that my job isn't really a valid role. Well, GemmaUK, you know what THIS is about, don't you? You're better off not dating men who have such views as they tend to be more insecure, more controlling and less likely to respect you for the WHOLE woman that you are and choose to be. 4
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