painfullyobvious Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Classic. The ol I am out of here run out the door when busted. Way too defensive for a person that has little to hide. Your relationship is in so much trouble because you don't trust her. Wonder why she came back home? Her AP married/girlfriend. One trick I used to bust my ex was to send flowers to our place or work see if she told me about it in a reasonable time or hid them from me until she knew they were not from her AP. Find out when they are being delivered. You have the added benefit of key loggers in this situation. I had them delivered to our place right when I was to arrive and she was home. Flowers were in another room for some reason when I arrived home concealed from an unsigned card. I wonder why? Sorry you are going through this 2
A.Moscote Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 I don't know anything about what is on the computer but you have to "trust me". Be honest with her, don't get accusing or confronting, and tell that you wanted to trust, but you just can't. Then ask her what she would be willing to do to make you to trust her. Evaluate her answer.
Buckeye2 Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 Classic. The ol I am out of here run out the door when busted. Way too defensive for a person that has little to hide. Your wife is doubly terrified compared to most wayward wives. She has both her kink and the OM to hide. You finding out about either one would humiliate her. You have received excellent advice about VARs and GPS. She may be so panicked that she stops her activities for now. So just because you don’t find anything right away doesn’t mean much. Just stay cool and friendly and make her think she fooled you again. If she feels safe again you may be able to find something. Collect all the evidence you can because I suspect she will not admit anything you can’t prove. If you decide that you want to stay married I suggest you find out as much about her kink as you can. Then you can show her that you know all about it and don’t have a problem with it and would like to participate. Two months ago when I was out of town I got a pocket dial one evening. What I heard was a her own self bondage self play time. What were the noises you heard that made you think it was self bondage?
Author ablankslate Posted May 2, 2014 Author Posted May 2, 2014 Exactly. She want you to think of her and be see by the world as a respectable wife and mother. She doesn't care what the OM thinks of her so he's good for the bondage stuff. Look at this thread by Mattzeo. Just read his posts. The same thing was going on. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/349853-my-wife-had-long-term-affair Wow that seems very close. I didn't talk about her family/wife/community/church being because it is so opposite of the space I believe her to being playing in and frankly if you knew her beyond saying she is very beautiful/heavy work out queen as well you would peg her as the perfect girl next door.
atreides Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 My first reaction is you "blew your cover" too early. Now she can be defensive "gas-lighting" and go deeper. Dichotomy has made really good point too. but to add... Did you track where she went after "tell the kids im done" when she left the house? I would think that time specifically would be spent for her IF SHE is cheating to have an "oh sheeeeet" moment with the AP to figure out how to continue. Any tracking info might prove useful. Then again she could be innocent, but her reaction to me was a bit over the top which suggests if she is not full blown in, some guilt is there. As for bondage, that usually leaves marks, if you are paying attention you might notice something but that could be a stretch. Pocket rings make all kinds of funny noises, what makes you think bondage is at play here? Keep digging but keep your cool. If she is innocent, you have severely hurt the marriage but her reaction of "im done" ...that tells me she is half way out the door basically has guilt of something.... although i am sure other women may say that your insult justifies that response... my opinion based on my wife and others i know... i side with what i said.
bubbaganoosh Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 When she came back home after she stormed out of the house, you should have asked her if she forgot her red G string and handed it to her. Maybe if you did that and checked out the look on her face when you did, that one look would speak volumes. I know that for a fact when I saw the look on my second wife's face when a I popped a question that she didn't expect. The look was priceless and there was no way for her to deny. OK. Question from me, an old guy but what is self bondage? How does one tie themselves up and untie and if she's into bondage, then doesn't she need a partner for this game. I don't understand and I know it sounds silly but I really don't know. Getting back to the G string, you still can do it. produce it and ask her why she's hiding it from you. Then watch her face and it will read like a dime store novel.
No Limit Posted May 3, 2014 Posted May 3, 2014 With that she went ballistic called my sad,insecure,no trust packed her bag and walked out the door at 11:00 and said "you can tell the kids" I'm done. So I stayed up waiting for the kids to come home expected at 1:00 curfew. At 11:45 she came back with no words went to the guest bedroom to bed. Next day she got up just after me..came in and said. I don't know anything about what is on the computer but you have to "trust me". That's all you need. It's her confession. Don't expect her to ever truly admit to anything, especially not since she's very desperate right now. Her behavior is the only thing of value, her words are meaningless. Of course, material proof will help you greatly in court for a divorce...
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