butiloveyou Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 So I've been dating this new guy for a month now. I have three kids and I'm not bringing anyone around them until I know they'll be around for a long time. Needless to say we don't get to spend a lot of time together. I do, however, spend all my free time with him. I'm just not sure he's really into Me. He told me I make him feel like a booty call. I can't keep opening my heart and getting it crushed. I'm on the verge of suicide **** it I don't want to be alone forever. I ruined my life before I was 18..... I'm just done
smackie9 Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Simple you both sit down and set up a schedule, by going over expectations, and make some compromises. Many single mothers do find ways to work out babysitting by exchanging times with other single moms so it costs nothing. You can even ask family for help. Communication is key, so talk over with him how to work him and your children into your time. He isn't losing interest he is frustrated, so dicussing this and clearing the air will him and you out of your slump. If he feels like he is a booty call, stop sleeping with him all the time and do quality dates instead so it's more meaningful, and gives you time to mentally connect. As for being crushed, it's just part of life, you win some you lose some. Stop focusing on the negative and be more positive and things will definitly improve.
Mrin Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 +1 on the schedule. You might even want to think about putting it in a Google calendar along wit your custody etc and give him access to it. When he sees the rest of your life and that you dedicate a substantial amount of your free time to him, he might realize he's less of a booty call than he thinks.
Michelle ma Belle Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 (edited) Well, is he a booty call? I mean, is just about sex with him or do you feel something more? Does he make you happy? Do you have fun together? Do you share any common interests other than knocking boots? How does he treat you? I can totally understand not wanting to bring men your casually dating around your children. I think that is a very smart and mature decision on your part (I was the same) so kudos to you! I think it's still very early in the relationship to be too worried about anything, it's only been a month. And you have every right to remain a bit guarded/protective of both your children and yourself. If he is a good guy and treats you well, I think a bit more communication might be all you need right now to get past these hurdles. Let him know how you're feeling and what you need going forward. Again, if he's a good guy, he'll understand and work with you. Good luck! Edited April 3, 2014 by Michelle ma Belle
Gaeta Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 (edited) So I've been dating this new guy for a month now. I have three kids and I'm not bringing anyone around them until I know they'll be around for a long time. Needless to say we don't get to spend a lot of time together. I do, however, spend all my free time with him. I'm just not sure he's really into Me. He told me I make him feel like a booty call. I can't keep opening my heart and getting it crushed. I'm on the verge of suicide **** it I don't want to be alone forever. I ruined my life before I was 18..... I'm just done Life is VERY long, you have plenty of time to meet Mr. Right, heck you have enough time to meet 3-4 Mr. Rights. If you have young kids then your time should be devoted to them, and I am reading between the lines that is what you are doing, good job!. Children are a blessing, no matter how they were given to us. They are hard work, they demand time and more patience that we can spare BUT they are the ones that will love you forever! Your children are the ONLY unconditional love you will experience in your life! So embrace it with all of your heart. As for men they will come and go. If Mr. rightnow cannot understand your situation then it's time to let him go. This man has very little respect for you as a mother Drop him! FAST! You know butiloveyou, life is not all about having a romantic relationship. How about you try to find yourself as a woman, and as a mother first, then you look into a man! You have to be happy with yourself and your life FIRST otherwise you will never have a healthy relationship. I am not telling you to not meet men, or not date here and there, or not have sex. I am telling you put aside for now looking for Mr. Right that will sweep you away. I was single for a long time. During that time I was a single mom. I have learn a loadsheet about myself during that time! I built myself a career, built myself some self-esteem, built strong connection with my friends and family, AND I had a true relationship of the heart with my daughter who's 26 today, and who adores me and would do anything for me. THAT has more value to me than ANY dudes that could have come in my life during those years. Edited April 3, 2014 by Gaeta
FitChick Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Date someone else who has kids. He will understand and be in the same situation.
smackie9 Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Everyone here has made some valid points. Putting too much emphasis on finding a man to give you a life or bring you out of your depression is setting you up for even more disappointment. You have to change the way you think and how you approach things. Knowing that sex is not what makes a man commit or like you is key when starting a relationship. Keeping your legs closed and your eyes open will prevent any misunderstanding leading to again "disappointment". You are finding yourself very alone, is an indication you don't have much of a social circle for emtional support when you need it. This is why you lean so hard on a relationship to get you through the day. Bad bad way to be. This is why I say you need to change. The way you have been doing things is the reason why you are in this position, and not becuase you are a struggling single mom.
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