swfc_77 Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 My story is in the other thread, I'm just after some neutral non bias advice on how I was in the relationship Relationship 3 years together Cohabiting We were making plans for a future Her parents live in NZ (they do not like me) Breakup Father offers a plane ticket for her to NZ I say we can't afford it at the minute She takes a few days to think about stuff talks to her parents and leaves to go back to NZ She has nothing but a suitcase of clothes everything else gets dumped We talk on the phone a few times before she leaves, just saying goodbye etc. Aftermath She has left me with a lot of guilt, called me controlling on the phone which has hurt me a lot. Her reasons for calling me controlling are as follows / my reasons on right I told her to get a better job / she was moaning about work I encouraged her to save money / she had £0.00 I tried to help her with her eating / she had an eating disorder It's just that parting shot she took, "you were controlling" The job, she had a crummy bar job with friends that were not really friends, I'd walk home with her every time she worked and she'd moan about her colleagues, wages, money she was also drinking every night, the late nights also meant she was stopping in bed all day and she was working all weekends, she also had a few rows at work and would come home in tears at times. What I did, I told her she was better than a bar job, she wasn't very well educated but I believed she could do better, a different job would bring new friends, more money, possibly more confidence, we'd spend more time together weekends and evenings. The money, she couldn't save for ****, she would blow her wages every week on takeaways for us both, make up and just general crap. What I did, I told her she should be saving money at 25 worst case if we broke up, then she'd have something to fall back on and use or she could pay for herself to go back to NZ, eventually we both opened a joint account so we could save together I wanted to show her how easy it was to save. The eating, she had an eating disorder, she wouldn't eat anything other than crap basically, no fruit, veg or meat apart from chicken. What I did, I encouraged her to get counselling and told her she'd be better taking multi vitamins, just to get something decent inside her body, she did, her eating didn't improve, she was also putting weight on, having really bad stomach upsets. I told her I was getting fed up of not seeing her at weekends, her constantly being broke for 3 years and I wanted her to "sort herself out" is that fair? Now I can understand she is her own person and I fully respect that, but we were together and I thought we were committed, obviously she wasn't, we are both mid 20s, I didn't want her to change her personality, but those 3 things were important work/money/health. These were all things she would to me about work/money/health I wasn't interested in her Facebook, phone, where she went or who with really, I'm not a jealous guy, I think I just wanted to help her and if we were going to be together these things were important. One thing that sticks with me is I thought about her diet and wondered whether she would carry a child full term, obviously this worried me I was attracted to her personality and her looks, did I do the right thing? Over the last few months of the relationship I grew increasingly frustrated, angry and upset, and we had some horrible rows and I said some stupid things, I don't know if what i did was right regarding support. I'm looking at me now, I'm thinking about anger management but I want to know if this is how you behave when you are with someone. I know why the relationship broke down, she obviously wasn't ready to settle down and I was naturally trying to take it to the next level, we were very tangled up in each other's lives she lived with me, my family liked her, her UK family are really good friends. If it wasn't my own life it would be quite laughable, i am trying to improve myself but I need to work out if and where my own issues are. The way she left/run has made me look at how my own life is and look at my own self. personally think she got into a rut and didn't have the strength and confidence to get out, I did what I could for the girl.
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