Author d0nnivain Posted April 4, 2014 Author Share Posted April 4, 2014 I called his wife. I got all the details & I'm babysitting duty next Friday so she can take him to treatment & then let him rest before I bring the kids back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveislife11 Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 Sometimes we men don't want to hear whining or hear about illness we would rather talk about cheerful, hopeful, and fun topics. Sometimes we don't want to say the wrong thing....like when we attempt to argue with a women and know exactly how it turns out. Maybe your husband doesn't care about this person and the enemy Is encamped and set up a tent in his "livingroom" so to speak. I mean after all not all people are loving and kind...some are NOT in alignment with the reality and truth of LOVE. To ask WTF...is like asking why a unbeliever doesn't believe...you won't get the truth until they accept the truth and walk in it or like it. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 There's another side to this that could be worth bearing in mind. First off your link to your friend's Husband is via your friend and it sounds like you are being a great support to her. You offered help and you are carrying that through, plus you are letting her bounce thoughts off you no doubt and also just listening and are interested in updates on how he is doing. This is a relief for her as she has back up in you and has a shoulder of her own (yours) to lean on. The other side, along with yes guys don't tend to talk about things like this for fear of sounding like they are prying or making themselves and the other guy feel awkward. The other side is that your friend's husband will have this on his mind from the moment he awakes until the moment he falls asleep. Any normal daily interaction which doesn't focus on his illness will be appreciated. He won't care a jot that your husband didn't ask ow he was. He most likely just embraced a normal every day conversation and it could well have felt refreshing for him to have a conversation like that. My Dad was very ill at one stage and was in intensive care for several months. I did appreciate when people would ask how he was but over time it was almost as though there was no 'me'. No one asked how I was. Perhaps it was clear that I was shattered. I was running off to the hospital most evenings after work and just trying to keep my life together really. Something I really really appreciated was a few folk who wouldn't ask how my Dad was. They would just have normal conversations with me. It could be anything from did you see 'xyz' show on TV or them telling me what they got up to at the weekend with friends and family. Those were the conversations I liked. It was a distraction for me and they made me feel like a normal human being again and not just a person with an ill father. People being just normal around you when times are tough really helps. I remember many years later when my Dad passed away I invited many of his friends to his funeral. Not very many of my big group of friends had met my Dad and those who had met him it was only a brief hour ere or there over the years. At the wake which my Dad had wanted held in his favourite old man's pub things were coming to a close by around 7pm. Most folk had left. I didn't want to go home. The kitty my Dad had requested be put behing the bar wasn't used up andI felt low and disappointed. I was really surprised to see one by one all of my group of friends turning up there. It was one of the lad's birthday's that day too. All of the guys and girls turned up and I was so touched. The evening was just exactly how my Dad would have liked. We had a party. We didn't focus on my Dad, though a few glasses were raised to him as the evening went on. My crowd just made it be a normal happy and fun evening and I will never forget them all for doing that. (I have tears in my eyes as I type here. Happy ones! ) The night ended perfectly too. I went to order the last drinks in and once I had got them the owner of the pub gave me 2 pence. It was the remaining funds of the kitty my Dad had wanted behind the bar, all used up Perfect! I think you are doing a stunning job helping out and being there for your friend but also I think your man did right too by not asking how he was. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 Asking about a possibly terminal illness is very tricky. What if the friend had said, "Thanks for asking. Doc said I have 3 weeks to live" ? Im a girl, and I wouldn't have asked him specifically about his illness. If he wants to share, he will. Link to post Share on other sites
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