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Whats wrong with me? (Sex after breakup)

forgetmenot75

By forgetmenot75
in Coping

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forgetmenot75 Established Member

forgetmenot75

Posted
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I've been no contact for 10 weeks now. I can't say I'm feeling great, but definitely better than the first month.

I'm trying to overcome a love addiction to this guy, and I'm trying very hard to move forward.

This is what had happened tonight: I had sexual relationships with a guy I met several months ago. We are friends. Weird thing is I started to cry while we were intimate.this is the first time I'm with another guy after my breakup.

I couldn't stop crying and the poor guy freaked out.

Why is this happening to me? I really wanted to have a nice moment but somehow I felt terrible because the image of ex continued to pop up and images of him making love to me seriously disrupted the moment.

What's wrong with me? I want to feel normal again :(

David87 Established Member

David87

Posted
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There's nothing wrong with you, I think that you felt guilty that's why you cried.

 

This means that you aren't ready to date yet.

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TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

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You THINK you're letting go, a lot faster than you are ACTUALLY letting go.

 

Why do you insist on punishing yourself for wanting to be happy again?

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forgetmenot75 Established Member

forgetmenot75

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You THINK you're letting go, a lot faster than you are ACTUALLY letting go.

 

Why do you insist on punishing yourself for wanting to be happy again?

 

What do you mean with punishing? I just want to move forward.

I woke up feeling awfully sad today. I'm 10 weeks no contact but I still miss him greatly and the episode from last night made my brain remember him more.

I have the feeling I'll never be ok again. I've had heartbreaks in the past, but none of them was as hard as this one to overcome. Feeling frustrated:(

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
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What do you mean with punishing? I just want to move forward.

I woke up feeling awfully sad today. I'm 10 weeks no contact but I still miss him greatly and the episode from last night made my brain remember him more.

I have the feeling I'll never be ok again. I've had heartbreaks in the past, but none of them was as hard as this one to overcome. Feeling frustrated:(

 

Using sex to move forward isn't the way to go, especially when you are in the thick of your hurt and pain. Find a positive avenue to help you move forward.

 

I've said this time and time again. You keep using "men" to do the work for you. You need to stay away from guys for a long while and focus on doing all the heavy lifting on your own.

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TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted
What do you mean with punishing? I just want to move forward.

Not enough. Your head says one thing, but your heart says another.

Sadly, heart is winning...

 

I woke up feeling awfully sad today. I'm 10 weeks no contact but I still miss him greatly and the episode from last night made my brain remember him more.

I have the feeling I'll never be ok again. I've had heartbreaks in the past, but none of them was as hard as this one to overcome. Feeling frustrated

I rest my case.

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted (edited)
I woke up feeling awfully sad today. I'm 10 weeks no contact but I still miss him greatly and the episode from last night made my brain remember him more.

I have the feeling I'll never be ok again. I've had heartbreaks in the past, but none of them was as hard as this one to overcome. Feeling frustrated

 

10 weeks NC isn't really much time, FMN. And it's normal that you feel yourself sometimes falling back. You're going through these random stages especially when it's only been a little over two months. Six months from now is going to be vastly different from where you are today. It's a slow process but you'll get there.

 

"I'll never be ok" is defeatist and negative thought patterns that you need to be rid off. It isn't realistic. You say to yourself that for now you feel sad, for now I feel bad about that situation -- for now. This is only for now -- why -- because you will and must do the work to heal and move forward. If you're determined to do that and YOU WANT to do that, never and always should not be in your vocabulary. I'll never be okay mentality sets you back and keeps you there. Change that.

Edited by Zahara
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forgetmenot75 Established Member

forgetmenot75

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Not enough. Your head says one thing, but your heart says another.

Sadly, heart is winning...

 

 

I rest my case.

 

Heart is winning? Are you serious? And even in the case it was true, please, the last I need is this.

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forgetmenot75 Established Member

forgetmenot75

Posted
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10 weeks NC isn't really much time, FMN. And it's normal that you feel yourself sometimes falling back. You're going through these random stages especially when it's only been a little over two months. Six months from now is going to be vastly different from where you are today. It's a slow process but you'll get there.

 

"I'll never be ok" is defeatist and negative thought patterns that you need to be rid off. It isn't realistic. You say to yourself that for now you feel sad, for now I feel bad about that situation -- for now. This is only for now -- why -- because you will and must do the work to heal and move forward. If you're determined to do that and YOU WANT to do that, never and always should not be in your vocabulary. I'll never be okay mentality sets you back and keeps you there. Change that.

 

thank you. Having hope that in 4 months I'll feel different makes me feel better. I'm doing the work. Every single minute. I have good days, and bad days, but the bad days really make me think this is going to be eternal, and I don't want it to be.

I had sex last night because I thought it was going to be fine, but it was not. I can't even enjoy a moment of pleasure, that I have this other guy bothering on my mind.

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

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What you don't get, is that we see it.

 

You may not realise it, you may be in denial.

But you're not getting over this guy half as quickly as you need to because your heart isn't entirely committed to doing so.

 

You may think this is the last thing you need, right now.

 

It's actually, possibly PRECISELY what you need, right now.

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forgetmenot75 Established Member

forgetmenot75

Posted
  • Author
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What you don't get, is that we see it.

 

You may not realise it, you may be in denial.

But you're not getting over this guy half as quickly as you need to because your heart isn't entirely committed to doing so.

 

You may think this is the last thing you need, right now.

 

It's actually, possibly PRECISELY what you need, right now.

 

I was asking myself this morning, how can it possible be I still remember him. He's nothing I'd want in a guy. Still, I miss him and yes, my heart is not helping.

I've tried to hate him. I've tried to ignore my feelings. I've tried to compare him. I've tried to dissect him. I've tried to forgive him. He's still on there.

I don't want to be miserable the rest of my life. I need him to disappear from my heart.

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted
thank you. Having hope that in 4 months I'll feel different makes me feel better. I'm doing the work. Every single minute. I have good days, and bad days, but the bad days really make me think this is going to be eternal, and I don't want it to be.

I had sex last night because I thought it was going to be fine, but it was not. I can't even enjoy a moment of pleasure, that I have this other guy bothering on my mind.

 

Stop having sex with men. You are self-medicating and that means you are using external tools to help you get over your break-up. You need to be utilizing YOU to help YOU move from this. I just said, no more men. No more using men to fix your emotions, to fix your situation, to fix your needs, to fix your loneliness -- you're not investing in doing the work if you keep doing this to yourself.

 

I'm not sure how many times it has to be repeated. Stay away from men and do the heavy lifting on your own. If you keep self-medicating (sex) to get over your emotions all you'll do is keep magnifying the monster.

 

Please, FMN. Feel the pain on your own. Bear with it on your own. Deal with it on your own. Get through it on your own.

STM206 Established Member

STM206

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There isn't anything wrong with you.

 

The saying "time heals all wounds" is so true, don't be so hard on yourself, you're only 10 weeks post breakup. I have been guilty of trying to rush through this and that isn't the way. Find more innocent things to bring you joy. Go take a weekend trip with your family or friends, get out and go for a walk, do some word searches even... Find things that bring you even the least bit of joy... It's crucial that you stop self medicating with other men. I started doing this and felt great for a second and then felt worse afterwards because I realized I wanted someone to be with.

 

The main thing is GIVE IT TIME, but also try and be proactive... It'll help speed everything up in a natural way.

 

If you need to, go see a therapist, there isn't anything wrong with that. <3

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