Trouble with supervisor.

[bluechocolate]

Late joiner here

 

the wisest course has been mentioned several times - do nothing.

 

By the way, the manager and I get along great. I get along just fine with everyone except her.

 

Chances are everybody knows what she's like & if it weren't you it would probably be somebody else. She sounds like a bit of a bully.

 

It's too bad you can't bring yourself to kill her with kindness - that would be my strategy - it would isolate her even further from everyone elses opinion of you 'cause they'd be like, "what is her beef? especially when he is so polite & nice to her?". If she hasn't actually gone to the owner & complained about your performance then really you have nothing to complain about. Yes, you're right when you say she should behave more professionally but it is not your position to inform her of that fact.

 

As has already been mentioned, tell your friend that you don't want him repeating her conversations to you & definitely say nothing negative about her to anybody there.

 

It's a shame that she has soured the place for you and it's also a shame that you've allowed her to do that. Ignore her - enjoy your time there with your mates. In the grand scheme of things she is just a stinging little hang-nail - they really piss you off at the time but you're not going to make a doctor's appointment because of one.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by Moose

At my welding shop, if one of the guys were trying to get on my good side or approach me about problems with another employee, I would take that as a sign of a personal conflict, and that has no place at work.

Wouldn't you want to resolve conflict among your employees? I want to end her poor treatment of me, not have her reprimanded.

Originally posted by SadAndLonely

if she harrasses you or does anything illegal, report her

What's harassment? Anything I can find online is pretty vague.

[moimeme]

Wouldn't you want to resolve conflict among your employees? I want to end her poor treatment of me, not have her reprimanded.

 

There is no resolving conflict among employees. You can't help personal antipathies. When they spill over into the workplace to the point that they affect work, then you get rid of one of the combatants - generally the one with the least seniority.

 

She is keeping on top of you for errors you admit making. There is, actually, nothing wrong in that. She's doing her job to the letter. Nothing in her job description says she has to treat anybody with kid gloves. And as for the trash talk, no employer in his right mind would prevent employees from doing it - it releases steam.

 

Dyer, from what you're writing, I realize just how much you still don't know about the world. I forgot how it was to be that far away from reality. Remember back when you had one joyous delusion that you believed in? Well, believing that all employers are deeply invested in fairness is another of those delusions. The working world is nothing like that. IF you find a boss that actually manages people well, you can count your lucky stars. But don't hold your breath. The entire working world is full of mediocrity, not excellence. To expect excellence on the part of your managers or your colleagues is generally completely unrealistic.

 

Watch The Apprentice. You may think Trump's a knob, but he thinks manager-think. If there's a problem, he's not going to fix it. He doesn't want to. He gets rid of it. Management gurus have for the past several decades written excellent books on how to manage people and organizations. Organizations send their people on courses. The people come back and do exactly as they have always done. It has ever been thus.

 

There are a few companies that are different but they are rare.

[amerikajin]

Dyer, you're not in a position to force her hand. You're a part-time 16-year-old worker; she's 19 and presumably a full-time manager. I'm sure the boss realizes you're the nicer of the two, but frankly, to him, she's more important. She spends more time there and her responsibilities are greater. You're getting a lesson in life, dude - at least you're learning it now.

 

The best thing you can do is to smile and do your job, though smiling is optional. As others have suggested, you might even want to try getting on her good side if it's at all possible. You might find that she brightens up a bit if you can find something in common to talk about.

 

The other option that hasn't really been mentioned yet, but one I think that's definitely option is, quitting. I know that there's a part of you that wants to stand your ground and fight for your rights, but trust me, businesses don't give a s*** about you or your rights. It's not like you couldn't have just as much satisfaction doing the same thing or something else somewhere else. Now be sure to leave on good terms, like leaving with at least two weeks notice. Realize, too, that you can't run away from every situation or quit at the first sign of distress. But there's no shame in quitting if someone is putting you in a difficult spot. If anything, that might awaken the manager's eyes to the fact that he's got a manager who runs good help off, which is something every good manager or owner HATES.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by amerikajin

You're a part-time 16-year-old worker; she's 19 and presumably a full-time manager.

She's part time too--we have a manager--she's a floor supervisor. We're on the same salary, almost the same schedule--plus, she's just a kid. It would be one thing if she was like some career driven round table (oops ) woman, but I just feel like it would be best, not to force her hand, but to somehow address it. It's obvious I'm getting no help from my friend.

 

There's no sensible approach to talking to her? Would it make it worse? She's not terrorizing me, she's just cold to my face, and catty behind my back. I'm under the impression my friend encourages it.

 

If she was a bitch, I could go on--but she's nice to other people.

 

As for quitting, I feel like it. I make plenty of money from things on the side, I don't need the job. I do it because I honestly like working there. I love the people there. Also, I'd feel uncomfortable to leave. I work in a very close community within this city, it would be hard for me to find a job outside of the community (my mom works there too, it's easy for her to pick me up from her work), etc. The biggest thing is the fact that I seriously go there every day. It's where I get my lunch, I haven't paid for a pizza in two years.

[moimeme]

There's no sensible approach to talking to her?

 

No.

 

Would it make it worse?

 

Yes. I believe I already said this, but think of people you dislike. How likely is it that they could say anything to you to change your mind once you've decided you don't like them? People cling pretty tenaciously to their antipathies. Really and truly, try the kindness thing. If anything might win her over, that would be it.

[amerikajin]

Okay, my bad. I had some facts confused there, but thanks for clarifying.

 

>>>There's no sensible approach to talking to her? Would it make it worse? She's not terrorizing me, she's just cold to my face, and catty behind my back. I'm under the impression my friend encourages it.<<<

 

So she's just got a case of the occasional super b!tch? Man, I wouldn't sweat that, Dyer. I was under the impression she was going to the owner with a laundry list of "grievances."

 

I have war stories from just about every place I've ever worked (and I also interned a few times during college). These situations are where you really learn about how to be a man, Dyer; I can't emphasize that enough. You'll learn more in a few years than the rest of us will forget over the course of our lives because you've got that spongelike mind of yours, which makes a lot of other people around you jealous and resentful. And get ready to deal with this, because it'll worse once you start competing with other people over the same kinds of jobs - like once you've decided on a career path. In some cases, they'll be just as gifted and just as ambitious as you, kid, so watch out. Most people are just content competing, but some will stop at nothing to f*ck you out of a promotion. Trust me, she's tame. Just deal with it and do your job. I mean, if she's outright defaming you then, yeah, perhaps you could confront her privately. That's always a decision made on a case-by-case basis.

 

Don't quit. yet

[tokyo]

.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by moimeme

How likely is it that they could say anything to you to change your mind once you've decided you don't like them?

I don't know. I'm certain that if I was treating someone poorly, and they brought it up to me nonagressively, I'd at least try to watch it--if anything because it would reflect on me poorly professionally.

Really and truly, try the kindness thing. If anything might win her over, that would be it.

I'm totally kind to her, always have been. You know when you're nice to someone and there's no response? That's what I get, and I'm not really interested in being nice to her anymore. I mean, sincere effort to be nice, it's not like I'll be mean.

Originally posted by amerikajin

Man, I wouldn't sweat that, Dyer.

I know, it's nominal.

 

But I really take it personally. It bothers me that she doesn't think I do my job well. It bothers me that she doesn't like me. I know I can't change that, but it still bothers me. The thing I'd like to change is how she treats me professionally. My question is how's the best way to go about that, and it seems as though talking to her will make it worse?

I was under the impression she was going to the owner with a laundry list of "grievances."

It would be better that way, I feel. Then I'd have a list of things to improve upon, instead of the feeling someone's talking crap about me behind my back.

[tokyo]

Well, you either try my advice or the others. But I guess, they are all more experienced than I am and they all basically agree that you should not talk to her.

[Moose]

Dyer,

 

I know how you feel. This place is almost like a second home to you. It kills you to think that you may wind up avoiding the place completley because of this manager. It's just not fair. Believe me when I say I feel your anguish.

 

Don't quit. I know you feel like you should, but don't. It'll be a pain in your side for a while until something gives, but stand your ground. This place means too much to you, and I'm willing to wager that some if not most customers and other patrons would feel out of place if you weren't there at your assigned time. And believe or not, the owner counts on that kind of rapport. You have the upper hand my man, whether it's visible or not.

 

You've said yourself, you're not there for the paycheck, you're there because you truly enjoy your job. I bet the manager counts on her job for her paycheck, and believe me when I say this, the owner knows all of that. So, don't let this person force you out of your house, stand your ground, treat her the way you always have, and watch the chips fall where they may. I guarentee you that if the owner had to choose between someone who loves their job, and someone only there for the pay, he'd rather have the person who loves to come to work.

 

Good luck!

[Bronzepen]

Originally posted by dyermaker

It would be better that way, I feel. Then I'd have a list of things to improve upon, instead of the feeling someone's talking crap about me behind my back.

 

 

It would suck to leave a job you like because of one person. So......

 

 

Do this.

 

Let her be your mentor. I mean it.

 

Speak with her. Tell her this.....word for word. Don't use "big words" trust me on this.

 

"Hi katie, this is my first job and I feel like I am doing OK at work but I know I can do better but I am not sure how. I know your very busy but can you show me how I can improve?"

 

 

Now there is two possible outcomes from this.

 

If she hates your guts then she will say "Your right, I am busy and I don't have time to show you anything, figure it out yourself!

 

OR

 

Like some people have pointed out here, If she is resentful of you because she may think you know more then her then she will appreciate that you have "come to your senses" and asked for her advice.

 

It's always an ego boost when someone comes to you for advice. It's a sign of respect and a little admiration.

[dyermaker]

That sounds good, Bronzepen, I'll try it if I have to.

 

It looks like I won't be having to. She's somewhat scared to death of me.

 

I went back to make a bucket for the floors, and she's getting stoned with a coworker in the back. She looks at me, turns white, and wonders whether I know what she's doing. Now she just avoids me.

[tokyo]

Originally posted by dyermaker

and she's getting stoned with a coworker in the back. She looks at me, turns white, and wonders whether I know what she's doing.

 

Hahahha, it sounds like your problem got solved.

[CurlyIam]

Beside the "stoned" part, I think you cared more about her not appreciating your work rather than her being cold towards you. That's taking it personal.

 

Another thing I think you've lost of your sight: you were looking at the effects and not at the cause. YOu won't be able to solev all the time the effects, so it's best if you're aiming for the cause. I think part of the problem is your friend. How can you not be bothered by his attitude? Especially since he's obviously on her side? (keeping the great a$$ parst aside).

 

Tat what she is, a piece of a$$. You, on the other side, are his friend. Placing your trust and knowing whom to keep near may help you in the future.

 

As for the "management guru", moi, she has some vali points. But you have to understand that eveyone's influencable. You have a huge power too. It's all a little game of power. I'm am positive that if your friends would have been reluctant or told her to cut you some slack...

 

The thing is, she cannot speak all alone. She must speak to someone. And that someone has to tell another person in order fot you to hear the rumour. Again, don't be that fair play. And think that people rarely have a spine when they know they can get under the "floor manager"s skin.

 

 

 

I hope she won't ger even more paranoid in getting you fired after catching her 'white handed' .

[Mr Spock]

Good. Every time you see her in front of someone make reference to her being a complete and utter waste of space. You know, pinch your fingers together and inhale. Next time she yells at you or finds a mistake simply say "What, are you high? Why don't you go smoke another fatty out back and let me do my job"

 

The only way this girl will treat you better is if she thinks you have some kind of power over others. You're 16, so you're someone she figures she can push around.

 

Don't try the nicey nice bull****. That works for corporations that don't hire and fire a gazillion teenagers every week. It also works for people who work full time.

[CurvyGurl]

Honestly... I'd do nothing and ignore her. If she could fire you, she would have already. I think, at 19, she's on the biggest power trip of her life. For some reason she doesn't like you... I personally revel in the fact that people dont like me. That means I'm not being all complacent and people pleasing.

 

So, relax and get some joy out ofit. Smile at her and give her more respect than you thought you could. Laugh. Have fun. Do an EXCELLENT job. Say hello to her, even, and goodbye when you leave. When she points out the umpteenth minute mistake, say 'I'm SO glad you pointed that out. THANK YOU!'

 

And when she sneers or bitches or whines or ignores you, smile inside. Big, bright, BOLD smile inside.

 

 

Because it's driving her CRAZY.

[moimeme]

Every time you see her in front of someone make reference to her being a complete and utter waste of space. You know, pinch your fingers together and inhale. Next time she yells at you or finds a mistake simply say "What, are you high? Why don't you go smoke another fatty out back and let me do my job"

 

Oh yeah. There's good advice. Act like a total moron. This certainly will mark you as management material and earn you a promotion rapidly.

 

Really, Spock, can't you cut the sarcasm once in a while? You surely couldn't have been serious. Yeesh.

 

eveyone's influencable

 

Everyone is not vulnerable to your influence, however. Your capacity to influence depends entirely on your position. And you are more of a nobody than her, still.

[Mr Spock]

Management material, my arse. This isn't the apprentice. This is a one day a week after school job that is filled by a normally intelligent young dude-that's a CHANGE. Patty's fast food drama is the norm. Not exactly high powered fast action corporate tactics.

 

I wouldn't call referencing her use of an illegal substance moronic, I'd call it strategy. When you've got a 19 year old supervisor on your ass (think like rentacop complex) because they don't like the look of you, or the way you talk, or perhaps you're just their scapegoat you need to behave like you're operating within the parameters of reality.

 

Who knows. Maybe Dyer is as irritating in person as he is online (I don't find you particularly irritating Dyer but I am aware others do) regardless he needs to watch his back NOT try and make kiss ass friends with this girl. And proving he's got a backbone instead of turning his rear and showing her she can place a boot up it will be a change of pace. You can't reason with idiots.

 

Try it. "What, are you high or something ______? Did you just go blast a fat one in the cooler? You know that's done correctly"

[Moose]

Everyone is ignoring the obvious yet again. In case you didn't realize, Dyer is now in a worse position than before. Yes, it's good that he caught her in the act, (I told you she'd make a mistake eventually), BUT, now he's also the minority. He caught her with another co-worker. His enemies just increased.

 

If I were in your shoes Dyer, I'd corner her as soon as there's no chance of anyone eaves dropping, and lay it down to her like this:

 

"I know what you were doing, so here's the deal, you lay off of me, treat me with respect, and it never happened."

 

This leaves the thought in her head that you're in control of the situation. She could still turn the other co worker on Dyer and act as a witness swearing it was just a cigarette. Then it would be his word against theirs. So I would just act as though I could spill the beans at ANY time, but as long as she's civil to you, you'll keep the secret.

 

The key is though, you need to act first. That's the first thing they teach in self defense, "if you feel threatened, you strike first".

[moimeme]

Abrasive, obnoxious, and moronic are not attitudes to adopt in any job. You have no idea what people you may meet or what connections you can make - even from a 'one day a week after school job'.

 

Anyway, the mark of your character is how you treat everyone and every situation in your life. If you take the attitude that people and positions are so far beneath you that you're entitled to treat them with contempt, then you mark yourself as a jerk. Fortunately, Dyer's not a jerk.

 

I also think your idea's bad, Moose. Saying that could amount to a threat. She knows he saw her and he knows she knows. That's enough. None of this stupid pseudo-Mafia 'well, you keep quiet if you know what's good for you' or making 'finger-pinching' gestures near her. You'll just look like some Sopranos wannabe.

[Mr Spock]

Those who have insight into how things really work rarely have to deal with people such as Dyer's supervisor-and when they do, they do it quickly with minimum amounts of fuss or pondering.

 

Oddly enough Moi, you're describing the actions of this girl in your second paragraph. One of the things that makes a person an effective communicator is being able to express yourself on a level THEY understand. She doesn't understand nice, or respectful. She's not going to be the CEO of a company Dyer applies for one day. She's a b*tch who will be knocked up in less than 6 years with a husband that gets really high and downloads internet porn.

 

I think your advice stinks, personally. My Grandmother used to say kill them with kindness and be nice to them when they're awful to you-but she's almost 90, and isn't in touch with the reality of people today. Doesn't work well on bullies anyways, never did.

 

I'm not saying he has to be an active jerk to her, but the next time she hassles him unreasonably shoot her down.

[moimeme]

Doesn't work well on bullies anyways, never did.

 

You need the insight to understand whether you're dealing with a bully or not. Women aren't often bullies. They're sneaky. If this were a bully, she would not be avoiding Dyer. She'd mosey right up to him, stare him down, and tell him he saw them smoking cigarettes only and if he wanted to make something of it, he'd be unhappy at the result. The Soprano method of bossing. Instead, she's shrinking away. Her own guilt is getting her and therefore Dyer doesn't need to do a thing. She's scared of him now. If he starts acting stupid, then she'll get mad. Scared is better than mad. He is just fine at this point. He has the upper hand and if he tries the nice and pleasant route, she'll go along because she already knows what he knows.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by Mr Spock

Who knows. Maybe Dyer is as irritating in person as he is online

It's highly probable,

Try it. "What, are you high or something ______? Did you just go blast a fat one in the cooler? You know that's done correctly"

I think that's kind of rude, and while it would be oh-so-fulfilling, I doubt it would solve my problem, which is that she treats me poorly.

Originally posted by Moose

He caught her with another co-worker. His enemies just increased.

The other co-worker doesn't care, she's a friend of mine, and unlike Katie, she wasn't clocked in, so it's not like she has anything to be afraid of.

If I were in your shoes Dyer, I'd corner her as soon as there's no chance of anyone eaves dropping, and lay it down to her like this:

 

"I know what you were doing, so here's the deal, you lay off of me, treat me with respect, and it never happened."

What is this, The Sopranos? There's no way I'm going to do that. Even if it's brilliant advice, it's not me.

 

I feel like this is all way too much manipulation for me. I just want to do my job, the fact that I get along with everyone else there is just a benefit. I'm the kind of person who gets bothered when people don't like me.

[CurvyGurl]

Dyer, I agree, it is't worth all of that manipulation for a 19yr old who will quit next year to go to work for Footlocker.

 

Remember, if she could fire you, she would have. Repeat after me: POWER.TRIP.

 

I know you don't want to rock any boats, but her behavior is out of line and borderline abusive. The one thing you CAN do is tell her that if she has something constructive you're happy to hear it. Otherwise BACK OFF. And after you've issued this missive and she doesn't stop, you've every right to address it with the owner.

 

Supervisors have a responsibility to supervise, teach, guide. Not belittle or harass.

 

But something tells me you really shouldn't have to worry about her anymore.