DontBreakEven Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 (edited) <Link to personal situation> Another thread on here really hit home for me, and as much at the end of the day as I can find reasons that I'm better off for not being with my ex anymore, as much as I can say I deserve better, the sad cold hard truth is that she just stopped loving me. She didn't want to stop. She wanted deep down to WANT to be with me. She just couldn't get her feelings back. I try and tell myself well then I'm better off than to be with someone who is able just fall out of love like that, or I deserve so much more and someone who loves me right. Well yes, I do. But I have nothing to be angry about when it comes to her. People fall out of love all the time and I am trying to get over this heartbreak by getting angry within myself and telling myself she is stupid and makes stupid choices, but the fact of the matter is, she made no choice at all. She just didn't feel it anymore. And that's where I start to feel really sorry for myself. I couldn't be pretty enough, or exciting enough, or whatever enough to hold her "in love" feelings for me. Which is devastating. And so hard to accept. I am a loyal, kind, loving person with a great job, good family, and I've been told I'm a good 9 out of 10 physically. There is no rhyme or reason to why I couldn't get her to love me back, she just didn't. It sucks, and I don't know what to rely on to get over the heartbreak because just admitting to myself everyday, "Well Dontbreakeven, she just didn't love you enough", DOES NOT help me move on at all. It makes me feel empty and cry and cry and cry for someone who I love so much who doesn't feel the same about me. It's embarrassing, it's devastating, and I don't know how to just fu*king accept it. Edited April 3, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Linked to backstory
iDrumKing Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Hey hey hey... No need for the self blame. Never EVER take responsibly for something you simply had no control over. Feelings change all of the time. You sound like an amazing and caring person. Someone will notice that and you will find someone who gives you a deeper love. 4
ahthepain Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Going through the same thing as you now. It's a week since we broke up and I spoke to her on the phone today and it could have been like nothing had happened almost. We spoke about things and laughed, but it was wrong. She doesn't love me anymore. She says she has no feelings for me what so ever and I have no reason to believe that's not true. So it is my duty to myself to move on and focus on me and try to forget about her, which at the moment seems impossible. But I shall try my best and I KNOW that I will be over her in a few months if I just get on with life. I have faith.
Trovador Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Appreciate the time she did love you, wish her well and open yourself to the opportunity of being happier and stronger one of these days... believe me, this will happen in the future, if you want it like hell now...
Author DontBreakEven Posted April 3, 2014 Author Posted April 3, 2014 I usually have better incite into why this is ultimately a better thing for me. I mean crap, I wrote down a list of what I wanted in my ideal partner, and my therapist asked me if she met most the things on the list. The answer is actually, no. But because I was in love, and because she was so high on that pedestal, her rejection of me is too much for me to face at times. And I'm lonely. I miss having her with me. I do know that there is most certainly definitely someone better for me out there, but what I don't know is when and if I will ever meet this person. I don't know that - so I held on to what I had, and appreciated it with all my might. I put so much into it that now that she is gone it has left such a void. I just have my moments I guess. Since I know that she won't come back, and can't love me the way I want to be loved, I just really wish I could find someone to make me realize that there is someone better for me out there. I know I should be happy with myself, and I am, but I want a partner in life. And I feel until I am able to fill that void, it will just be lingering with the memory of my ex. Friggin hurts too much to bear at times.
BradJacobs Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Never EVER take responsibly for something you simply had no control over. This x1000. If your actions directly resulted in her falling out of love that is one thing (e.g. cheating, abusing, etc.). You can't control what she felt and you can't control how and when she changed her mind. These things happen.
Author DontBreakEven Posted April 3, 2014 Author Posted April 3, 2014 This x1000. If your actions directly resulted in her falling out of love that is one thing (e.g. cheating, abusing, etc.). You can't control what she felt and you can't control how and when she changed her mind. These things happen. I know that I can't control it. And I hate that. I wish she would have just loved me. I know that we don't always get what we want. I'm just really down because I thought this was it for me. After all the heartbreaks in my life I thought I finally found my partner and we could settle down, get a house and have some kids. It's my dream. And now I have to start all over chasing that dream. I'm tired.
iDrumKing Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 I know that I can't control it. And I hate that. I wish she would have just loved me. I know that we don't always get what we want. I'm just really down because I thought this was it for me. After all the heartbreaks in my life I thought I finally found my partner and we could settle down, get a house and have some kids. It's my dream. And now I have to start all over chasing that dream. I'm tired. Cheer up bro, we got your back. It hurts and I know. Keep that dream alive by knowing that you will find someone who wants you. That I can guarantee you.
elseaacych Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 (edited) Here's the thing. You ARE good enough. You have wonderful, amazing qualities that caused someone to FALL IN LOVE with you. Love is an amazing, powerful thing. It exists in all of us, and it is up to us to nurture that love: be it for others, or for ourselves. You can't control how other people fall in love or stay in love, but know that to some extent that it is there in everyone. And when you can't direct your love towards someone, it hurts because you know you have so much to give. You said it yourself. You are loyal, kind, loving person with a great job, good family, and a good 9 out of 10 physically. Good. You have a head start over many of the poor schmucks in the world. BE that person. Feel that person deep in your soul. That is who you are. It takes two people filled with love to have a relationship. So start working on the one person you can control. What you have now is a great opportunity, you can take all that love you had for your ex, and be enough for yourself. Right now, that is what you have. You can love yourself for as long as you need to, because when you love yourself, you become stronger. Because when you love yourself, and are self confident, it will draw others to you. Some may even fall in love with you because you exhibit wonderful and amazing qualities that make you who you are, and those qualities make you enough. At that point, you may feel comfortable loving again, and you open yourself up to them. To love is to be vulnerable. To learn to love again, yourself and others after being hurt is to be resilient and strong. You have to want to be that, though, and work at it. Sending you a big hug... You are enough. Edited April 3, 2014 by elseaacych 3
BradJacobs Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 I know that I can't control it. And I hate that. I wish she would have just loved me. I know that we don't always get what we want. I'm just really down because I thought this was it for me. After all the heartbreaks in my life I thought I finally found my partner and we could settle down, get a house and have some kids. It's my dream. And now I have to start all over chasing that dream. I'm tired. Mate, I've been doing what you describe for 12 years. It never gets any easier. Heartbreak sucks. It goes away but it still sucks.
Author DontBreakEven Posted April 3, 2014 Author Posted April 3, 2014 Here's the thing. You ARE good enough. You have wonderful, amazing qualities that caused someone to FALL IN LOVE with you. Love is an amazing, powerful thing. It exists in all of us, and it is up to us to nurture that love: be it for others, or for ourselves. You can't control how other people fall in love or stay in love, but know that to some extent that it is there in everyone. And when you can't direct your love towards someone, it hurts because you know you have so much to give. You said it yourself. You are loyal, kind, loving person with a great job, good family, and a good 9 out of 10 physically. Good. You have a head start over many of the poor schmucks in the world. BE that person. Feel that person deep in your soul. That is who you are. It takes two people filled with love to have a relationship. So start working on the one person you can control. What you have now is a great opportunity, you can take all that love you had for your ex, and be enough for yourself. Right now, that is what you have. You can love yourself for as long as you need to, because when you love yourself, you become stronger. Because when you love yourself, and are self confident, it will draw others to you. Some may even fall in love with you because you exhibit wonderful and amazing qualities that make you who you are, and those qualities make you enough. At that point, you may feel comfortable loving again, and you open yourself up to them. To love is to be vulnerable. To learn to love again, yourself and others after being hurt is to be resilient and strong. You have to want to be that, though, and work at it. Sending you a big hug... You are enough. Thank you, so much. I will print this out and use it. I appreciate it more than you know. 1
bluegreen Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Here's the thing. You ARE good enough. You have wonderful, amazing qualities that caused someone to FALL IN LOVE with you. Love is an amazing, powerful thing. It exists in all of us, and it is up to us to nurture that love: be it for others, or for ourselves. You can't control how other people fall in love or stay in love, but know that to some extent that it is there in everyone. And when you can't direct your love towards someone, it hurts because you know you have so much to give. You said it yourself. You are loyal, kind, loving person with a great job, good family, and a good 9 out of 10 physically. Good. You have a head start over many of the poor schmucks in the world. BE that person. Feel that person deep in your soul. That is who you are. It takes two people filled with love to have a relationship. So start working on the one person you can control. What you have now is a great opportunity, you can take all that love you had for your ex, and be enough for yourself. Right now, that is what you have. You can love yourself for as long as you need to, because when you love yourself, you become stronger. Because when you love yourself, and are self confident, it will draw others to you. Some may even fall in love with you because you exhibit wonderful and amazing qualities that make you who you are, and those qualities make you enough. At that point, you may feel comfortable loving again, and you open yourself up to them. To love is to be vulnerable. To learn to love again, yourself and others after being hurt is to be resilient and strong. You have to want to be that, though, and work at it. Sending you a big hug... You are enough. Some of the most beautiful richest successful people have been dumped and rejected including few kings and queens in real life to. All of that and more did not make one squat of difference for them love may not hold discrimination against race religion social status and 100 other things but it also has no guarantees its a risk we all take or get into kicking and screaming ( did that once or twice ) but its all we can do. Besides if it was true love it would have lasted there is not a thing wrong with you cause you lost love you simply have not find the real one yet imperfect hard to find nothing like fairy tales but still love that will last. So cheer up instead of tearing up someone somewhere is waiting for you to realize this or does not do so himself but together you will imagine that eh. Come now doll HUGS we care remember ?
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