Eclypse Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 My girlfriend went on a girls night out recently. Afterward she told me that she had met some guy in the queue for the bathroom and got some cocaine off him. It was some random guy she'd never met before. She said he didn't try make any moves on her or anything. I guess I believe her, but it's just a bit concerning that she took drugs from some random guy and has no idea what the hell is in them or what kind of condition it was prepared in. What if he spiked it to rape her? He didn't but it's still a worry in nightclub for me. I told her I wasn't comfortable with it, she said she only takes drugs occasionally. I don't want to seem like I'm controlling and forbid her. Should I be concerned about this? She's 23 and absolutely stunning and has guys hitting on her everytime she goes out. I'm worried next time it might not end well.
WrinkledForehead Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 Yes, I'd be extremely concerned if my partner was doing drugs. That's a complete deal breaker for me. 8
HappyLove Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Hilarious what men put up with because a woman is "stunning" and gets hit on a lot. God forbid she gets busted one night and you catch charges because you were out with her. Maybe then you'll learn. Who WANTS to date a druggie? Crazy! 11
soccerrprp Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 My girlfriend went on a girls night out recently. Afterward she told me that she had met some guy in the queue for the bathroom and got some cocaine off him. It was some random guy she'd never met before. She said he didn't try make any moves on her or anything. I guess I believe her, but it's just a bit concerning that she took drugs from some random guy and has no idea what the hell is in them or what kind of condition it was prepared in. What if he spiked it to rape her? He didn't but it's still a worry in nightclub for me. I told her I wasn't comfortable with it, she said she only takes drugs occasionally. I don't want to seem like I'm controlling and forbid her. Should I be concerned about this? She's 23 and absolutely stunning and has guys hitting on her everytime she goes out. I'm worried next time it might not end well. I've been harping on some of the ladies here on LS for, essentially, being clueless about the RED flags that abound and here, a young man, who is more concerned that her gf may be using bad drugs INSTEAD of the fact that she uses them at all is equally UGH. You're okay that she uses drugs??!?! OMG. 4
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Let's hope her nose doesn't disintegrate... Then she won't even be a stunning druggy... She'll simply be a druggy! Yuck! Op - find someone who doesn't have a dangerous addiction. Silly girl. 3
Keenly Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Something about this seems more fishy... I don't know a whole lot about any drugs other than pot, but I know the booger sugar is really expensive. REALLY expensive. People don't just hand that stuff out.... Do you follow me? 3
lino Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Doesn't look good. The girl who brought me to this site left me for a drug dealer. Knowing what I know now, I wouldn't consider a girl like this girlfriend/partner material. Piece of a*s at best. Any drug use is instant dump for me now. Whether it's current, past or present. Even just weed. 1
bubbaganoosh Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 I told her I wasn't comfortable with it, she said she only takes drugs occasionally. I don't want to seem like I'm controlling and forbid her. Should I be concerned about this? She's 23 and absolutely stunning and has guys hitting on her everytime she goes out. I'm worried next time it might not end well. I got to tell you that this is maybe the 10th or 11th time I've heard the same statement when it comes down to a guy in a relationship with a girl whose teetering on the edge and he doesn't know what to do. "She's 23 and absolutely stunning." Never mind that she making a drug connections by a public bathroom and she only uses occasionally. Friend. Some good advice. Beauty's only skin deep but ugliness goes straight through. See what she looks like when she goes from a occasional user to a full blown junkie. If she uses just a bit today then bet your ass tomorrow a bit more and then.....you know the rest so if you want to hang your hat on girl who sooner or later is going to find herself in deep trouble then go ahead. If it was me, I would tell her that it's been fun but your not what I'm looking for in a woman and move on. 2
Author Eclypse Posted April 3, 2014 Author Posted April 3, 2014 I should have said that I don't like the fact that she uses drugs in the first place! I do believe that she only does it once every few months, since we live together so almost always together. I'm not happy about it but I don't think there's much I can do about it.
confidencestands Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 (edited) I believe her, but it's just a bit concerning that she took drugs from some random guy...... she said she only takes drugs occasionally. Should I be concerned about this? She's 23 and absolutely stunning and has guys hitting on her everytime she goes out. I'm worried next time it might not end well. I'm concerned she is using cocaine. Who takes cocaine occasionally? That is a highly addictive drug. I doubt your GF is a recreational user of cocaine, especially if she is getting it from some random dude. YES. YOU SHOULD BE CONCERNED for YOURSELF. There is nothing you can do for an active user/addict expect encourage them to get help and bid your farewells. What does her being stunning and having guys hit on her all the time have to do with her drug use and your concern for her? Yep, she is 23. An adult who is clearly responsible for her own actions, decisions, choices and consequences (whatever they may be). You are not there to save her nor can you save her from whatever outcome may happen even if it doesn't end well. Best thing, in my opinion, is to give her an ultimatum that is clear on what you are willing to accept and not accept. If she values herself and you more, she will seek help. If not, let her go. It's for your own good to set that limit on what you are willing to tolerate or not in a healthy relationship. Drug use only compounds that dynamic. Best of luck. Edited April 3, 2014 by confidencestands 1
TouchedByViolet Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Wow, I would be VERY concerned with her getting drugs off a stranger... extremely risky. The contents are unknown and often a combination of drugs regardless of what the dealer says. If the drug is mixed with something dangerous it could potentially kill her... As far as addiction... that is hard to say. People are different and some use drugs recreationally without becoming addicted. She is 23 and probably wants to party, drink, do drugs, have sex, etc.... As far as the relationship, you have to accept her as is or move on. You will not change her, that's for sure. 1
HappyLove Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 "I got to tell you that this is maybe the 10th or 11th time I've heard the same statement when it comes down to a guy in a relationship with a girl whose teetering on the edge and he doesn't know what to do. "She's 23 and absolutely stunning." Never mind that she making a drug connections by a public bathroom and she only uses occasionally. " I'm starting to notice this trend too of men who are dating drug addicts but it's ok cause she's HOT. Really? That's how little your future is worth?!
Ruby Slippers Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 She's being totally open and honest with you about the fact that she is comfortable being a recreational drug user. Now you just have to decide if you can accept that, or not. 1
WrinkledForehead Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Something about this seems more fishy... I don't know a whole lot about any drugs other than pot, but I know the booger sugar is really expensive. REALLY expensive. People don't just hand that stuff out.... Do you follow me? You'd be surprised.
Grumpybutfun Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 I should have said that I don't like the fact that she uses drugs in the first place! I do believe that she only does it once every few months, since we live together so almost always together. I'm not happy about it but I don't think there's much I can do about it. Why do you feel so powerless in your own relationship...you live with this woman, therefore I am going to assume you love her and want what is best for her? Boundaries...this is where they come into play. There is a huge difference in trying to control someone and trying to protect them and your relationship. This needs to be addressed before your relationship goes any further. Compromises can be reached in what you both feel comfortable with. Make sure she understands that this isn't about control or jealousy but concern over her safety and the safety of your relationship (how many guys wished they had placed boundaries like this after their gf got raped due to Rohypnol or had sex because of an unwanted but persuasive and secretive drug habit?) 23 is about the age where you should start thinking about pursuing healthy people in relationships with you...the rebels and experimenters aren't the best long term partners. Place compromised boundaries, that is what a relationship is comprised of, Grumps 3
OhThatGirl Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Umm. So when I was 19 or so I played around with all kinds of drugs. I was dating an older [sociopath] guy and I loved the excitement, danger, and fun of his life. I can't even claim to have only "tried" drugs... I used somewhat often, a few to several times a month for a few months. Then I grew the f*** up. I am so thankful that despite my reeeeally bad choices I never got arrested, overdosed, developed an addition, or got pregnant by that lunatic. It never affected my education or ability to meet goals. I did well in school, moved quickly on up the ladder and have a great, fulfilling, stable life now completely lacking any drug use. ... But I'm a minority. Most of the people I spent time with during that period went on to be miserable habitual users of drugs. They were older than me at the time and it became a lifestyle rather than a phase. At 23 years old she's not a kid and has made the decision to carry on doing this in adulthood. If it's truly only every few months and she cares about the relationship, she will have NO issue getting rid of it entirely when you tell her you're uncomfortable with it and lose respect for her when she makes the decision to use it. The fact she got it from some guy in line for the bathroom is laughable. It's not common that guys will do this but if she's hot they were thinking about what it might get them in return. How the hell that conversation came up is beyond me though. Anyway. It boils down to... Drug use doesn't always equal addition but DOES equal bad choices and often terrible consequences. Regardless, you are uncomfortable with it and you HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE. Tell her to knock it off and be a grown-up. Quit getting hard drugs from men in line for the bathroom. Just makes her sound like trash. 3
jay1983 Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 What's bothering you, that she's using or that she bought it off some guy she didn't know? Is it that you think she's lying about where she got it?
RonaldS Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Occasional coke use sounds like an oxymoron. Some people can only afford to use it occasionally. It's not exactly the cheapest thrill out there. Now, it's been many years since college, and I don't mess around with crap like that anymore (hell, I barely drink anymore), but when I was a fun-loving college kid, I would break the occasional rail....occasional because that sh*t is $$$$$$. 1
OhThatGirl Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Some people can only afford to use it occasionally. It's not exactly the cheapest thrill out there. Now, it's been many years since college, and I don't mess around with crap like that anymore (hell, I barely drink anymore), but when I was a fun-loving college kid, I would break the occasional rail....occasional because that sh*t is $$$$$$. This. Problem is, if you're a good looking girl you're able to do it pretty often without paying anything. It's not always to the benefit of the girl who can make a habit of it before she realizes how much it's going to cost her... I've seen it happen unfortunately.
topaMAXX Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 I said this before and I'll say it again. Any guy that's struggling with girls just needs to become a drug dealer and he will get TONS of girls. My girlfriend went on a girls night out recently. Afterward she told me that she had met some guy in the queue for the bathroom and got some cocaine off him. It was some random guy she'd never met before. She said he didn't try make any moves on her or anything. I guess I believe her, but it's just a bit concerning that she took drugs from some random guy and has no idea what the hell is in them or what kind of condition it was prepared in. What if he spiked it to rape her? He didn't but it's still a worry in nightclub for me. I told her I wasn't comfortable with it, she said she only takes drugs occasionally. I don't want to seem like I'm controlling and forbid her. Should I be concerned about this? She's 23 and absolutely stunning and has guys hitting on her everytime she goes out. I'm worried next time it might not end well. Wouldn't be so sure, chief. And, yes, I do have a bit of experience in that world.
jay1983 Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 This. Problem is, if you're a good looking girl you're able to do it pretty often without paying anything. It's not always to the benefit of the girl who can make a habit of it before she realizes how much it's going to cost her... I've seen it happen unfortunately. Yes your exactly correct, this is actually really bad. I'm gonna say some really negative things that I wish didn't believe. But she could be lying about how often she does it and where she got it. Think about if one of her friends gave or sold it her, she wouldn't tell him "____ gave it to me" she'll tell him she got it from some random person. Now these could be wild assumptions, but let's say she just started getting into it. She'll most likely go where the coke is, meaning doing it with other guys that do it so she doesn't have to pay. Trust me I guy will pick up an 8ball and call her "hey you want to hang out" If she's really attractive and gets hit on a lot.
Els Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Eclypse. When you first posted about this girl - I recall she had some criminal charges too, petty theft IIRC? - most of us told you that it would probably not end well for you if you went into a serious relationship with her. Now I respect that we don't know everything and you should make the best decision for yourself, and I'm glad that you had an opportunity for mutual fun with her. But I think you should really give some serious thought to what you want for your future. The concern shouldn't only be for her safety, but also yours. IIRC some drugs are still illegal in Aussie. Is cocaine legal? What if she stays over and leaves them in your place and you're found with them? Your career and future is on the line here. 4
ExpatInItaly Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 That is a dealbreaker for me. It indicates a serious lack of good judgment and ability to predict consequences. Not to mention cocaine..from a random guy in a club..for free? Doubt it. 2
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