Met a cute guy but didn't do anything about it

[thecrucible]

Well I'm still talking to him, just casual getting-to-know-you stuff. He's obviously keeping the conversation going by asking me questions and we seem to share a few interests. He writes me a few paragraphs in reply each time.

 

I feel a bit guilty now though because I obviously don't know whether he's single. That's not because I'm desperate haha, just because it feels wrong to be talking to a guy over facebook if he is attached. I don't even have a lot of male friends, and tend not to make friends with men so it would feel bad if he does indeed have a girlfriend. I've not been flirty so far though, just friendly and I'm going to tone it down just in case.

 

Now I hate to stalk people but he doesn't have his relationship status public on facebook but he's in quite a few pictures with a girl from last Autumn so I'm assuming he could have a girlfriend, although it doesn't say. I hate prying. The only reason I care is 'cause I don't want to be crossing any kind of line.

 

I fell out with this girl I know recently because she accused me of hitting on her fiance. I was honestly only making small talk, and making friendly conversation. But she got the wrong end of stick. I'm really cautious not to talk to any attached men now.

[Kingkaneda]

Thanks. Yeah my intuition tells me I'm pretty much in the 'friend' category as chat isn't flirty at all. Think I'll keep talking to him but I won't try to flirt with him. He doesn't ask me personal questions - it's just talking about what we do for work and that sort of thing so not greatly interesting. I don't want to attempt to up the ante before he does (which he probably won't lol)

 

Meanwhile, I'll keep talking to those guys on okcupid.

 

Give yourself a break, ask him if he has a gf. If he doesnt have a girlfriend the follow up question should be "want to go out for dinner/movie/drinks?"

There is nothing wrong with showing interest this way. If you keep a low profile, chances are some other girl with more guts will snatch him before you do.

 

Even if he has a gf, then at least you know. And you gave a nice guy a compliment by showing your interest, nothing wrong with that.

[Targetlock]

well done, you took a shot and you never know, at the very least you might gain a friend maybe more

[thecrucible]

Give yourself a break, ask him if he has a gf. If he doesnt have a girlfriend the follow up question should be "want to go out for dinner/movie/drinks?"

There is nothing wrong with showing interest this way. If you keep a low profile, chances are some other girl with more guts will snatch him before you do.

 

Okay I want to know. How long should I wait? We've only been back and forth three times so far. I'm about to send him another reply.

 

Oh crap I'm scared. What is the best way to ask?

[StanMusial]

Okay I want to know. How long should I wait? We've only been back and forth three times so far. I'm about to send him another reply.

 

Oh crap I'm scared. What is the best way to ask?

 

Tell him you promise to stop stalking him if his gf gets upset.

[thecrucible]

Tell him you promise to stop stalking him if his gf gets upset.

 

Are you sure that will work? haha

 

I'm totally not good at being bold.

 

Plus it's really hard to suss out where the conversation is going since it's pretty casual, and he's just asking me what classes I studied and that kind of casual stuff.

 

This is his last message:

 

"Where is it you're volunteering? Yeah you must come across some fascinating stuff, I love old books you find in second hand book shops. Its good when you are interested in an area you actually can volunteer in, experience is always what you need. Conservation is definitely like that too. Did you go and look at the old books and documents at the basement of the [deleted] library? I think they had some pretty impressive stuff. Did you do any history courses at uni?

 

[deleted for privacy] Where abouts in Sweden was your trip? That sounds very pleasant, I would like to see more of Sweden and Scandinavia at some point.

 

I do definitely like the fact my job is outside so much, I struggle with being stuck in an office too much of the time. I can record wildlife as I go about my official duties, so its pretty enjoyable really. My favourite woods have to be at [deleted for privacy]. [deleted] is an interesting looking hill with wooded slopes and quite extensive trails, so good for a decent length of walk, its quite far from here on the north west side of [deleted]. [deleted] at the edge of [deleted] is good too and the spring woodland flowers will be emerging really soon."

[StanMusial]

Are you sure that will work? haha

 

I'm totally not good at being bold.

 

Plus it's really hard to suss out where the conversation is going since it's pretty casual, and he's just asking me what classes I studied and that kind of casual stuff.

 

This is his last message:

 

"Where is it you're volunteering? Yeah you must come across some fascinating stuff, I love old books you find in second hand book shops. Its good when you are interested in an area you actually can volunteer in, experience is always what you need. Conservation is definitely like that too. Did you go and look at the old books and documents at the basement of the [deleted] library? I think they had some pretty impressive stuff. Did you do any history courses at uni?

 

[deleted for privacy] Where abouts in Sweden was your trip? That sounds very pleasant, I would like to see more of Sweden and Scandinavia at some point.

 

I do definitely like the fact my job is outside so much, I struggle with being stuck in an office too much of the time. I can record wildlife as I go about my official duties, so its pretty enjoyable really. My favourite woods have to be at [deleted for privacy]. [deleted] is an interesting looking hill with wooded slopes and quite extensive trails, so good for a decent length of walk, its quite far from here on the north west side of [deleted]. [deleted] at the edge of [deleted] is good too and the spring woodland flowers will be emerging really soon."

 

I am going to read that before I go to bed tonight so I will fall asleep at hypersonic speeds.

[thecrucible]

I am going to read that before I go bed tonight so I will fall asleep at hypersonic speeds.

 

lol see what I mean? haha

 

So I guess he's not that interested? Even if he is, it's hard to take that conversation to anything vaguely flirtatious. Ah this stuff is hard.

[thecrucible]

He's still talking to me. I thought he'd lost interest because it'd been a few days before his last reply. He writes long messages and asks me questions but I can't tell where it's going; whether he's actually interested in me or is just being polite. He does seem interested in getting to know me though. Hmm hard to tell...

 

 

How would I up our level of interaction without seeming too intense? I shouldn't be impatient or anything but this guy is intriguing me a lot...

 

 

I hate just messaging someone 'cause you can't tell anything about tone or interest level from just a few messages. It's not the same as real life.

 

 

Any advice?

[Jay779]

Me being a guy, he doesn't seem interested, sorry. But if you show interest (i.e flirting), that could change easily. If you wait to flirt with him even more, you are just digging yourself deeper into the friendzone. My opinion.

[thecrucible]

Me being a guy, he doesn't seem interested, sorry. But if you show interest (i.e flirting), that could change easily. If you wait to flirt with him even more, you are just digging yourself deeper into the friendzone. My opinion.

 

 

 

Thanks. Yeah that's what I thought.

 

 

I just wanted to know so I could focus on other people. But I didn't want to make it awkward in order to realise that. I like having new friends as well and I'm still glad I reached out.

 

 

Thing is what do I do to get more flirty without looking like a total weirdo? This is outside my comfort zone.

 

 

I don't want to try too hard either i.e. I don't want to have to grasp at straws to make someone interested in me.

Edited April 11, 2014 by thecrucible

[GemmaUK]

I loved that last message.

 

He's chatty and asking questions and opening up about himself.

 

Getting to know someone doesn't have to be 'you're hot/cute/whatever'.

 

I would love to get mails like the one he sent.

Send him to me!

[thecrucible]

Really really need your advice...

 

 

He just asked me if I want to go out for a drink

 

 

Now I'm thinking "Oh crap. I didn't expect this to actually get real"

 

 

I had assumed he was just chatting to me out of boredom so I was just keeping it casual with talking to him haha

 

 

So what do I do now? How do I avoid getting totally dumbstruck when I meet him and messing it up? I'm really nervous now.

[GemmaUK]

Really really need your advice...

 

 

He just asked me if I want to go out for a drink

 

 

Now I'm thinking "Oh crap. I didn't expect this to actually get real"

 

 

I had assumed he was just chatting to me out of boredom so I was just keeping it casual with talking to him haha

 

 

So what do I do now? How do I avoid getting totally dumbstruck when I meet him and messing it up? I'm really nervous now.

 

Just go!

 

Nerves are OK.

If I get nervous I just say that I am.

Nerves won't wreck a date if you explain them with humour and a bit of self depreciation.

 

And anyway, you have lots you two can talk about. You will soon forget your nerves..

[thecrucible]

Just go!

 

Nerves are OK.

If I get nervous I just say that I am.

Nerves won't wreck a date if you explain them with humour and a bit of self depreciation.

 

And anyway, you have lots you two can talk about. You will soon forget your nerves..

 

Thanks hon. I replied and said I'm not free till Wednesday - got a few parties, an essay to write and travelling...didn't tell him about my date tomorrow though haha

 

I'm not putting my eggs into one basket. Going to pay attention to the guy I'm seeing tomorrow as well.

 

He's not got back to me yet. I'll just leave it.

 

I hope I didn't turn him off by saying I'm not free until Wednesday....I'm just genuinely busy.

Edited April 18, 2014 by thecrucible

[SJC2008]

Thanks hon. I replied and said I'm not free till Wednesday - got a few parties, an essay to write and travelling...didn't tell him about my date tomorrow though haha

 

I'm not putting my eggs into one basket. Going to pay attention to the guy I'm seeing tomorrow as well.

 

He's not got back to me yet. I'll just leave it.

 

I hope I didn't turn him off by saying I'm not free until Wednesday....I'm just genuinely busy.

 

You're young so I'll let your lack of a counter offer slide. One if the ***first*** things men are told when asking if a woman is interested is 'Did she counter offer?'. If a woman doesn't CO she's not interested or doesn't know proper dating etequitte, it's usually the former.

[thecrucible]

You're young so I'll let your lack of a counter offer slide. One if the ***first*** things men are told when asking if a woman is interested is 'Did she counter offer?'. If a woman doesn't CO she's not interested or doesn't know proper dating etequitte, it's usually the former.

 

But I asked him if he wants to meet up on Wednesday. I am genuinely not free until Wednesday.

[thecrucible]

You're young so I'll let your lack of a counter offer slide. One if the ***first*** things men are told when asking if a woman is interested is 'Did she counter offer?'. If a woman doesn't CO she's not interested or doesn't know proper dating etequitte, it's usually the former.

 

I'm so paranoid. He didn't make an offer as such. I just told him when I happen to be free...which is not until Wednesday since I'll be out of the country from Sunday until Wednesday when I get home...and on Saturday (tomorrow) have my friend's leaving party and tonight have to finish an essay.

 

He also said "if you are free some evening" so he didn't ask me a particular place/time...

[SJC2008]

But I asked him if he wants to meet up on Wednesday. I am genuinely not free until Wednesday.

 

Ok good good, I misunderstood. As long as you didn't just day 'I'm not free until wednesday'.

[thecrucible]

So we met up this is what happened..

 

We met up for drinks. I didn't want to assume this was a date or anything but I dressed up regardless. He wasn't dressed up but he seemed happy to be there etc. We talked for a couple of hours and then he had to go. He bought me a few drinks. He was pretty good conversationalist, I generally interesting person and I think did more the talking...I'm quite shy and awkward with new people anyway so tend to take time to get out of my shell. He asked me questions about myself but not too many - he came across as passionate and interesting. He told me that he's just broken up with his girlfriend due to the distance. There was the odd awkward silence but I guess that can happen when you've just met someone and they didn't last long.

 

But I didn't get the feeling he was all that interested in me. We didn't hug or anything at the end of the date and I'm not the type to make first moves on a guy anyway. He didn't walk me home. And at the end he said "It was nice to meet you. I'm sure we'll meet up again sometime". I just responded saying I'd like it if we did and went on my way. He asked for my number a few days ago so he has it and knows that I exist. I don't feel like chasing him up.

 

What do you guys think?

 

I was feeling under the weather because I currently have an infection in my tooth and in pain, having headaches and difficulty hearing etc so I didn't drink any alcohol and I was feeling really hazy. I hope I didn't come across oddly although I told him I wasn't quite myself/under the weather.

[thecrucible]

What should I do now? Should I just leave it and assume he isn't interested?

[Blaze997]

I think you should let it go. That's the kind of thing I say when I'm not interested. I hate being so indirect, but I think I learned that trick from women.

[thecrucible]

I think you should let it go. That's the kind of thing I say when I'm not interested. I hate being so indirect, but I think I learned that trick from women.

 

 

 

Thanks. Yeah there's no harm done. I sort of got the 'not interested' vibe. I can understand the lack of directness 'cause no one wants to be rude/hurt anyone's feelings too much.