Newtothis2014 Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 Me and my ex broke up in November 2013. We'd been together for over 4 and a half years. Our breakup was quite dramatic. We'd had a few up's and down's over the years due to the fact I believe we actually loved each other TOO much. It was a bit obsessive at first. We broke up after a bad few months of financial and trust issues. I left. Found out that someone else was in the picture just a week after I'd gone. When I'd left, I got the angry messages, saw his angry Facebook status' about me etc. I was just numb to it all - due to 2 family deaths in the weeks prior, back and forth from France to the UK. We spoke quite often, always through Whatsapp messenger. It wasn't lovey dovey but I'd notice if I was being blase he'd get upset or stroppy with me. I was the same. I found out the other person at the end of December 2013. I did the typical routine I've read a few people on here followed: I begged for him back from the new person - I don't know if it's a Rebound, GIGS - I try not to analyse because each case is so induvidual. He couldn't make up his mind as he didn't want to hurt either of us. After 6 days of not eating and sleeping and no clear answer, I asked him to leave it. Of course, I backtracked but you probably already know that I got a "No" then. "We'll be back together in the future". "I'll always miss/love you" etc. Did the emotional goodbye talk. I was absolutely broken and had never experienced anxiety like it. He messaged me on Whatsapp a few times and each time it sent me ill again. The last time he referenced him and his new partner going out in a part of London he knows I go out. Where am I going to be in case it's "awkward" and we run into one another. This really hurt me. I rang his Mother who I was always close with and asked her to tell him to not contact me directly anymore, I'm removing/blocking him from social and could all contact RE: phone contract and insurance go through him. Weeks of awful, awful silence. Coping. Every love song I'd cry. Weight loss was great though (ha) but the dreams were the worst. Mornings. Occupying evenings and weekends. I just started to heal (a tiny bit) through No Contact when on Feb 28th he text me "So, are we never going to speak again? My Mum didn't make it very clear". SOMEHOW I had the strength to not reply. After that, digs at me on social media. I've tried to stop looking. I've noticed things done to provoke my attention - or maybe not? Brain plays tricks in these situations doesn't it? It's now April 2nd. My anxiety is bad and I feel the sadness again. I do genuinely miss him. I don't know if they're still together. I don't know what I'm looking for from this post. I don't understand why he was/is so upset with me when he has someone else. I don't even know if he is upset with me. I just feel so incredibly lonely and anxious.
Poppyolive Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 I can completely relate....I was with my boy 32/29 ages for 5 years living together, ups and downs..mainly his foolish ways when drinking...changed the dynamics and it was tough. We planned to get married, have kids, he was determined and committed but obviously not enough... He called it quits in Aug last year. I calmy accepted, tried to talk about us and not throwing us away . I eventually told him I accept his decision (don't wana be with somebody who doesn't want to be with you) and asked him to move out. I endured months of crabby angry texts, demands. All super lane excuses to have a go....I kept my cool, responded politely until I discovered I had crazy anxiety every time I heard my phone text or Facebook messages etc.. I told him no more.. I blocked him. He'd still find ways, I even met with him offering everything and anything for him to stop, he said he would and started up again.. Things like 24hours to shut down your Skype! If I didn't reply I would get ???? Texts over and over.. So back to you, I feel you, understand the anxiety and sadness you must be feeling along with anger... I'm sorry you're hurting. It was wise of you to block all and not respond to the texts. Take care of you and treat yourself real good. My only advise is ride it out, ride through all of the emotions and it gets easier. Keep him away/blocked as it will only make everything harder... I spent many days trying to comprehend what the heck he was doing, so I could understand it, file it away....I do believe he was hurting, angry, shocked, uncertain. And the anger eminating from him was basically him unable to control his ride of emotions. Possibly regrets, memories.. All of what we feel.... Hope this helps.
CaliBabe Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 It will pass. Try your best to ride it out. Stick to your guns. Come here and post when you are feeling weak. 1
Author Newtothis2014 Posted April 2, 2014 Author Posted April 2, 2014 I can completely relate....I was with my boy 32/29 ages for 5 years living together, ups and downs..mainly his foolish ways when drinking...changed the dynamics and it was tough. We planned to get married, have kids, he was determined and committed but obviously not enough... He called it quits in Aug last year. I calmy accepted, tried to talk about us and not throwing us away . I eventually told him I accept his decision (don't wana be with somebody who doesn't want to be with you) and asked him to move out. I endured months of crabby angry texts, demands. All super lane excuses to have a go....I kept my cool, responded politely until I discovered I had crazy anxiety every time I heard my phone text or Facebook messages etc.. I told him no more.. I blocked him. He'd still find ways, I even met with him offering everything and anything for him to stop, he said he would and started up again.. Things like 24hours to shut down your Skype! If I didn't reply I would get ???? Texts over and over.. So back to you, I feel you, understand the anxiety and sadness you must be feeling along with anger... I'm sorry you're hurting. It was wise of you to block all and not respond to the texts. Take care of you and treat yourself real good. My only advise is ride it out, ride through all of the emotions and it gets easier. Keep him away/blocked as it will only make everything harder... I spent many days trying to comprehend what the heck he was doing, so I could understand it, file it away....I do believe he was hurting, angry, shocked, uncertain. And the anger eminating from him was basically him unable to control his ride of emotions. Possibly regrets, memories.. All of what we feel.... Hope this helps. Thanks for the response. It really hurts today. I've been OK for a while but I miss him. I hate how it comes in waves.
elseaacych Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 I am so sorry for your loss: it is so tough when someone else enters the picture and when things are tough and just don't make sense. Here is some good advice someone gave me: "Sit quietly and take 10 deep breaths and tell myself that everything is going to be fine. That does help bring my focus back to the present moment. It's not easy to get over someone. Just stay in the present moment...try not to worry about what happened yesterday or what might happen in the future." Everything is going to be okay. Sending good thoughts your way. 2
Recommended Posts