Go ahead and date that woman with a child

[isisisweeping]

man had preferences

 

I don't recommend any guy date

 

 

SEE, this is where we get preferences verse kind of being a jerk.

 

 

I have seen : I personally prefer to date guys who are 6' or taller

 

 

I have not seen : I don't recommend any girl date a guy who is shorter than 6'.

 

 

You can personally decide anything you want... but don't go around acting as if someone who chooses differently is wrong, less, or discouraging them for their choice.

[carhill]

Please don't be afraid to date a woman who has a child.

 

Except for my exW I think every woman I ever dated had children. In my generation, any young lady over 18 seemed to have children, though I'm sure there were some who didn't. First LTR was with a never-married mother of two. Lots of good memories of those years.

 

In fact, more recently, had a lovely young mother of three not turned out to be married, I would've dated her, presuming she was amenable. Kids can be a handful but can be a lot of fun too. Different strokes, I guess.

 

I guess your challenge is finding a man with that kind of perspective, much as my challenge was to find a woman not currently committed to someone else. Daunting it can seem. Keep at it. It'll work out.

[ja123]

We are both in our 40's. He's never been married and enjoys his freedom.

 

 

 

I'm not sure this is about your son or you. It sounds like he's emotionally unavailable to any woman, even if she were childless and never married.

 

 

Check out the site baggagereclaim to read more on emotionally unavailable types.

[WP4046]

SEE, this is where we get preferences verse kind of being a jerk.

 

 

I have seen : I personally prefer to date guys who are 6' or taller

 

 

I have not seen : I don't recommend any girl date a guy who is shorter than 6'.

 

 

You can personally decide anything you want... but don't go around acting as if someone who chooses differently is wrong, less, or discouraging them for their choice.

 

 

I;m not sure i know what you mean. I was saying that if a guy decides to date a single mom she should have 1 child who is 8 or older.

 

Not 3 kids who are all under 4 years old

[RonaldS]

If a person is either single or divorced and has a child, it often speaks to his or her judgement. Perhaps you had a child with someone with whom you didn't want a relationship. Or, you were either too uncaring or unskilled to make a relationship work, despite how important it is to keep a child in a two-parent home.

 

 

Hahahaha! Huh?

 

Quick question: are you married and do you have kids?

[bluegreen]

You seem very nice warm hearted lady but perhaps to many people have been burned by this phenomenon and you know the saying get burned once you will blow at butter milk to.

 

As a single girl I can't exactly say I understand how you feel what I do understand that out of 10 single dads 9 will have witch of the ex who will do anything and everything to ruin new relationship.

 

Even if she does nto want him anymore and will use their child-ren with no shame as means of getting new woman or girl run off.

 

So I suppose people are afraid of exes more then single dads moms and it would be just easier dating someone who is in same position as you.

 

It does not in any way make it fair or right its just easier and less hearth wrenching

[irc333]

I made it through high school getting erections during math class without paying for sex

 

 

MAN, I'd go broke everytime I had to pay for an erection.

[Mascara]

Although some of their replies are a bit crass and judgemental, I do think its perfectly reasonable for a young guy to want to avoid single mums. If you've made the conscious decision to not have kids yet, you should be able to spend your 20s being carefree. I don't think that's a bad thing to want your life to be, and I don't like how it's almost taboo to say so (I don't mean on here, I mean generally).

 

And I'd say that a guy who has reached his 40s without kids is sending a pretty clear message that its something that he's probably decided he's happy with.

 

A guy saying he has no kids and would prefer to meet women without too is at least showing he understands how much of a commitment it is. Much worse are the ones who don't even think about it, and end up discovering its not for them after they've been involved in the kids lives.

[Raena]

I'm not sure this is about your son or you. It sounds like he's emotionally unavailable to any woman, even if she were childless and never married.

 

 

Check out the site baggagereclaim to read more on emotionally unavailable types.

 

Ooh. Wow... yeah I read an article on there about emotionally unavailable men and I think you might have gotten it correct about him. Interesting. Thanks for the insight.

[Omei]

You seem very nice warm hearted lady but perhaps to many people have been burned by this phenomenon and you know the saying get burned once you will blow at butter milk to.

 

As a single girl I can't exactly say I understand how you feel what I do understand that out of 10 single dads 9 will have witch of the ex who will do anything and everything to ruin new relationship.

 

Even if she does nto want him anymore and will use their child-ren with no shame as means of getting new woman or girl run off.

 

So I suppose people are afraid of exes more then single dads moms and it would be just easier dating someone who is in same position as you.

 

It does not in any way make it fair or right its just easier and less hearth wrenching

 

This is very true and why im kinda scared to date single dads, is it worth the drama? If I was to date a single dad I would want all the inside scoop and to know they have a respectful relationship together as parents even tho split

that's usually not the case around my age (27)

 

Besides my youth I think men are ok dating me as a single mom more often than others because the father has been 100% gone since the first month or so of birth so the ex worry's are gone for them. (he ran)

Edited April 3, 2014 by Omei

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

To the Op:

 

You're focused on the wrong thing. Who cares if there are men out there that don't want to date single moms? That is their preference and right to find the kind of happiness they feel they deserve. Do you really want to date a man that doesn't want to deal with you having a kid and try to persuade him that your relationship can be good? And I agree with others, you are shooting yourself in the foot by then saying you don't want to date a man with kids because blended families are that much harder. Umm, that is THEIR explanation for not wanting to date single moms. It's that much harder.

 

I will tell you this. Being a single mother with ONE child in the dating world is not that difficult. Try being a single mother with FOUR children. Yep, that's right, I have 4. And when I got back on the dating scene, it was more for fun and to just get my feet wet again. I didn't see myself getting into anything serious because I knew my children were a HUGE roadblock and I couldn't fault any man for not wanting a serious relationship with me. I kept my children completely separate from my dating life, and when I started dating, it was during the summer when my kids were with grandparents. My mother told me to wait until I was closer to 50 when all the kids were grown and moved out.

 

My point is, if all other aspects in your life are in a good place, there IS a man out there who will see that and appreciate you for it. Most likely, this will be a man who is already a father because they can better appreciate what it takes to raise a child.

 

I actually met one of those men, and he doesn't view me as another single mom with a load of baggage. I even tried to talk him out of a relationship with me. Told him he deserved a younger model with less baggage. His response was that I am an amazing woman and children are blessings and not baggage.

 

He is a father also, but when he looks at me he sees a single mother who has an MBA, a successful career, a nice home, a nice car, financially independent and a great mother. To him, these are all a plus and he admires me for what I have accomplished in life despite having 4 kids. On top of that, he loves kids, and thinks mine are great (ages 10-14). We've been together 5 months now, but I've kept interaction with our children at a minimum, but he doesn't care either way. They don't bother him a bit and I've never experienced the kind of love this man rains down on me. He is already looking to the future and daydreams about us living together and being able to coach my boys in sports. And you wouldn't believe how smokin' HOT he is. Lol. 6'4, huge green eyes, dark hair, nicely trimmed beard, 6 pack abs and a smile that will melt your heart. He also works in a children's hospital and interacts with kids all day handling abuse cases. I tell him all the time that he MUST be an alien.

 

Don't be discouraged by those that don't want to date women with children. Focus on YOU and your life and what you want in a partner. If it can happen for me, it damn sure can happen for you too.

[kaylan]

^Did you miss the widow in this thread? Not ever single mom situation is like you describe. Plenty arent actually. I may not be keen on dating single moms, but I wont make the huge assumption you are making.

[Mascara]

So what you're saying is that if you have a committed relationship, go on to have a couple of kids and then it just doesn't work out - you'll be a jerk in that scenario?

 

Good to know. Personally I don't think men are jerks for a relationship not working, but seems you hate your own gender.

[Mascara]

As I say, good to know that some men think its because the man is a jerk if a relationship breaks down.

[clia]

Right now I'm just hating the fact that there is this guy that I like quite a bit and I know he likes me too but he's hesitant to get involved with me because of my child. I get it. I know why he feels the way he does about it. We are both in our 40's. He's never been married and enjoys his freedom. Getting involved with me could potentially be very painful for him or me in the long run. It just sucks and I wish I could convince him that it isn't as frightening as it seems. The truth is, I'm pretty frightened about it all too so I don't push the issue and I won't with him. I respect his feelings about it and I get where he's coming from. It just makes me realize that this is a much bigger issue than I originally thought it was and I see it everywhere. The general consensus seems to be.... stay away from single mothers.

 

To a person in their 40s who has never been married and has no kids, it is frightening to get involved with a person with a child, though. It might be less frightening to a younger person.

 

It's a completely different experience dating a person with a child. It creates added roadblocks to getting to know each other. You can't do anything spontaneous; your dating schedule depends on if they can get a babysitter; staying the night together can be difficult depending on visitation schedules; if they have their kids all weekend and you are not at the point of meeting the kids yet then you don't get to see the person all weekend; their kids may hate you because they feel you are encroaching on "mom" or "dad's" territory; they might have an unpleasant ex who will be in the picture for the rest of their life due to the kids; kids throw tantrums; kids are needy; kids are a lot of work; the kids will always come first; kids are expensive; etc....

 

If he's made it to his 40s without kids, odds are that he doesn't want to deal with kids. I'm close to 40, don't have kids and rarely dated men with kids. Dealing with kids is not appealing to me in the slightest. It's hard enough trying to meet the right person without adding that baggage to it. (And yes, as a person without kids, I consider kids to be a form of baggage.) So I always tried to avoid that.

 

At the end of the day, everyone should date who they want to date. I'm sure there are men without kids out there who don't have a problem dating a woman with kids, too.

[WP4046]

To a person in their 40s who has never been married and has no kids, it is frightening to get involved with a person with a child, though. It might be less frightening to a younger person.

 

It's a completely different experience dating a person with a child. It creates added roadblocks to getting to know each other. You can't do anything spontaneous; your dating schedule depends on if they can get a babysitter; staying the night together can be difficult depending on visitation schedules; if they have their kids all weekend and you are not at the point of meeting the kids yet then you don't get to see the person all weekend; their kids may hate you because they feel you are encroaching on "mom" or "dad's" territory; they might have an unpleasant ex who will be in the picture for the rest of their life due to the kids; kids throw tantrums; kids are needy; kids are a lot of work; the kids will always come first; kids are expensive; etc....

 

If he's made it to his 40s without kids, odds are that he doesn't want to deal with kids. I'm close to 40, don't have kids and rarely dated men with kids. Dealing with kids is not appealing to me in the slightest. It's hard enough trying to meet the right person without adding that baggage to it. (And yes, as a person without kids, I consider kids to be a form of baggage.) So I always tried to avoid that.

 

At the end of the day, everyone should date who they want to date. I'm sure there are men without kids out there who don't have a problem dating a woman with kids, too.

 

I agree, no interest in being around kids

[Sunfire73]

I also found the OP a little bit contradictory, saying it's ok to date single moms, but then prefer too that she dates single guys because of the very reason why some guys don't prefer single moms.

 

I am also a single mother of two teen girls. Anyone can date who they want. It's just preference, I don't take it against anyone who wouldn't date single moms, they have their reasons. If they find kids as baggage, well they really are. Everyone has some kind of baggages, can be financial, emotional, kids, etc. At the end of the day, you would want someone who can accept you and love you for who you are baggages or not. I don't want to convince anyone otherwise, since I want a love that is given freely. Found someone who does it for me. He has kids too, and yes, sometimes it gets complicated, but as parents we know the dynamics of having kids. They are gonna grow up and have their own lives anyway, but they will always be family.

[Raena]

For the record... again... I never said I wouldn't date men with children. I was questioning why tell me I should ONLY date men who have children.

 

Not sure why people keep harping on it. It isn't what I said.

[ascendotum]

For the record... again... I never said I wouldn't date men with children. I was questioning why tell me I should ONLY date men who have children.

 

Not sure why people keep harping on it. It isn't what I said.

 

No you didn't say that, but I did get the impression from your post that you would much prefer to date a man with no children as it would make a relationship a lot easier. From a pragmatic perspective that makes sense too. I'd say most of the single fathers I know want a single (usually younger + with pre baby body) woman with no kids. "Dude I already got a kid/s, I don't want anymore in my life", but the price to snag that child free woman, more often than not means having a child with her at some point in the near future (look at Bruce Willis still helping to change nappies at near 60). The single no kids guys compete with these men for the pre/no baby women, and vice versa for the single mothers, but the bias is not to the same extent for the mothers. It does create an imbalance in the dating market.

 

I'd say most of the single mothers I know don't have a problem dating guys if they stay in shape and are not helicopter moms...ie they have a life of their own to a degree. Many do find it hard getting the guy to stick around for a LTR though. The yummy mommies (with 1 child) do alright.

Edited April 3, 2014 by ascendotum

[Raena]

No you didn't say that, but I did get the impression from your post that you would much prefer to date a man with no children as it would make a relationship a lot easier. From a pragmatic perspective that makes sense too.

 

At this point, I haven't even gone on a single date... can't seem to find anyone available that is interested in me. I don't know how I'd feel about dating someone with children. More than likely I wouldn't care too much if I was really interested in him. It works both ways.

[WP4046]

At this point, I haven't even gone on a single date... can't seem to find anyone available that is interested in me. I don't know how I'd feel about dating someone with children. More than likely I wouldn't care too much if I was really interested in him. It works both ways.

 

 

The way you feel about your kids is how I feel about not having a car lol

 

 

I get messages from hot women but when they find out I don't drive then they lose interest. I think mainly because they are used to men coming to them

[Raena]

The way you feel about your kids is how I feel about not having a car lol

 

 

I get messages from hot women but when they find out I don't drive then they lose interest. I think mainly because they are used to men coming to them

 

That all depends on WHY you don't drive...

[gaius]

Which is why many single mothers end up going through lots guys. They can just get used a 'stepping stone' gf or as a fwb. Some get frustrated with it and drop out of dating for quite a while, some I feel kid themselves that them having kids makes no difference, and some go with the flow and have fun with lots of guys.

My mother never seemed to have trouble dating when I was growing up. I remember a steady stream of potential suitors coming over the house for dinner even though they knew I'd be there. And they weren't staying overnight. Certainly had her options. Most of them would call again and she'd turn them down. And my mother isn't even much of a looker.

 

I honestly don't see much difference nowadays. If a woman knows what shes doing when it comes to guys it's not much of an issue. I don't mean to be mean but pretty much every guy I've seen in this thread saying they wouldn't date a woman with kids has at least hinted at being in the lower spectrum experience wise. How as a guy do you even know what you'd do until it actually happens? When that single mother comes along that you're really attracted to and actually have a chance with?

[Negative Nancy]

I dated a woman with a child when I was younger, and I would never do it again.

Relationships are hard already with just a man and a woman yet alone a child, his dad etc.

 

Plus when the relationship ends, you have no legal access to that child even if you grew close to him/her.

 

And the biggest reason imo, is the child's father. Dating a woman who communicates with her exes is bad enough, yet alone someone who she will always share a bond with.

 

Completely understandable. That permanent shared bond with the ex (the parent of the child) is the exact same reason why I wouldn't want to be with a single father either. Plus, that man obviously had bad judgment if he isn't with the mother of his child anymore (just as many women get pregnant by d-bags and then expect someone else or society to pay the [figurative] bill).

 

Wtf is wrong with society anyway, so many single parents! It's disgusting, those poor kids growing up being juggled between 2 different households, the drama of saying goodbye every weekend, the drama of suddenly having mother and father split up...parents should put in EVERY DAMN EFFORT to stay together for the kids (that includes screening upfront who you want to have kids with and use better contraception).

 

I am 32 and have never been pregnant once because I know how to use birth control. I can't understand how there are so many single parents in this society, it is truly sick and the unfortunate sufferers are always the children. It is traumatizing to have your parents split up and deal with some new stepfather and stepbrother (I am the child of divorced parents. I can honestly say that the only normal, nice, truly functional and healthy people I know in my life are......people whose parents did not divorce or split up).

 

So yes, no single parents for me either. I would want the experience of having a first child with someone who doesn't have children yet. (If I ever get to that point.)

[kaylan]

^Divorce happens. Its unrealistic and incorrect to assume that its always bad judgment that leads 2 people to not work out romantically. Sometimes people just grow apart for whatever reason (and there can be a lot of reasons). Life happens, and sometimes its better to have two loving parents in two different households, rather than keeping two adults who dont belong together under the same roof. Sometimes thats the worse of the situations.