What do I do?

[Murtz]

My ex girlfriend and I were in a relationship for 3 years. Long story short, I got addicted to video games and didn't give her the attention she needed/deserved, then she broke up with me. She was so in love with me and was extremely good at expressing it.

 

It has been almost 5 months since we have been apart. The first month of the break up and tried to show her how much I cared about her, and she really took a lot of things to heart and said things such as "I wouldn't be surprised if we ended up together again some day." We even went on a date again and she said she was in tears the rest of the night because she was so sorry for breaking up with me, but before she told me that, I got mad at her for something trivial. Eventually we decided no contact was best.

 

I cannot explain to you all how much she really was in love with me, but she was. She told me after the breakup that there was a point when she wanted to get married. She was hurt by my actions and did not think I would change. I had to hit rock bottom to realize my video addiction was a problem. Just recently I contacted her to go on dates and we have gone on a few.

 

Just last night we talked on the phone and she said that I use to be the perfect boyfriend at the beginning of our relationship. We discussed that I had a problem with video games and that was something I needed to work on. I have no idea how I can prove to her that I am no longer addicted and that she means so much more to me than video games. I have no idea how to show her how I have changed. On our dates she seems reluctant and guarding herself as I think she is afraid to fall for me and realize that I did not change. What should I do?

[Moose19]

Throw your video games away.

[Murtz]

Throw your video games away.

 

I do not know if you are joking or not, but in all seriousness I have spent over 2500 dollars on video games in the past year and a half. I am in the process of selling all my stuff.

[Lost And Found]

First you must accept that your old relationship with her is dead. This is good, because the person in that relationship was the old you.

How often are your dates with her at the moment? You should keep them to once a week for now, people make the mistake of jumping right back into a relationship with their ex. (Trust me I know). What you must be doing at the moment is trying your very best to be the best possible person you can be. When it comes to speaking to your ex, don't do this over the phone/texts. You want to save this for your dates, otherwise you won't have much to talk about! Make sure you're working on ways to improve yourself, you have taken a huge step (well done mate) and packed in the video games.

When she calls, try to keep the conversation as short as possible, you need to be using this time on the phone with her to set the next date. Say something like, "I'd love to chat for longer but I've got to run, I'd love to see you - when are you next free?" Then set the next date. You'll keep things fun and less predictable this way (providing you've shown her a good time during your date, and have lots of stuff to talk about, like about a new hobby you've taken up for example). Let her contact you again and set the next date. Don't worry about her thinking that you're keeping conversations on the phone minimal because you're busy playing video games - if you follow my advice and start taking up new hobbies, hanging with friends more, achieving the goals you want to in life, she will see this! - The new improved you. Obviously meet up with her if she suggests it, and don't ignore her texts either, just keep them short and sweet. But don't be texting all day every day, or again you'll have nothing to talk about when you meet up with her! It's amazing how attraction can be killed through boring day to day text messages.

Hit me up if there's anything you're unsure about. Best of luck mate.

[Murtz]

First you must accept that your old relationship with her is dead. This is good, because the person in that relationship was the old you.

How often are your dates with her at the moment? You should keep them to once a week for now, people make the mistake of jumping right back into a relationship with their ex. (Trust me I know). What you must be doing at the moment is trying your very best to be the best possible person you can be. When it comes to speaking to your ex, don't do this over the phone/texts. You want to save this for your dates, otherwise you won't have much to talk about! Make sure you're working on ways to improve yourself, you have taken a huge step (well done mate) and packed in the video games.

When she calls, try to keep the conversation as short as possible, you need to be using this time on the phone with her to set the next date. Say something like, "I'd love to chat for longer but I've got to run, I'd love to see you - when are you next free?" Then set the next date. You'll keep things fun and less predictable this way (providing you've shown her a good time during your date, and have lots of stuff to talk about, like about a new hobby you've taken up for example). Let her contact you again and set the next date. Don't worry about her thinking that you're keeping conversations on the phone minimal because you're busy playing video games - if you follow my advice and start taking up new hobbies, hanging with friends more, achieving the goals you want to in life, she will see this! - The new improved you. Obviously meet up with her if she suggests it, and don't ignore her texts either, just keep them short and sweet. But don't be texting all day every day, or again you'll have nothing to talk about when you meet up with her! It's amazing how attraction can be killed through boring day to day text messages.

Hit me up if there's anything you're unsure about. Best of luck mate.

 

So a part of the relationship I left out is that we are currently in a long distance situation which will end in 1 more month. She broke with me 4 months into the long distance, however we have gone 8 months of long distance before and then 8 months of pretty much living together. School has caused complications of seeing each other. We might be seeing each other this Saturday though. I have probably gone a bit overboard on texting and calling. Me and her actually recently talked about that and I decided to tone it down.

 

The thing is that one of the big reasons she broke up with me is that I never called or texted her first because I so busy with my games. So I felt like now I need to call or text her a lot to show her that I am willing to do so. However, you have reaffirmed me otherwise.

[Moose19]

Maybe not literally "throw away", but yeah get rid of them. Show her you are serious.

[Lost And Found]

I would say that she thinks you're only doing it (sending her a lot of texts) because of the break up, and didn't come across as sincere. Keep the texts to a minimal, only text her when she texts you first - otherwise one to say goodnight, hope you've had a nice day etc before you go to sleep (if she hasn't contacted you all day).

Set a definite date for saturday, don't settle for a maybe - but don't force her either! If she says maybe for a second time, say something like "ok well let me know when your schedule frees up, would love to see you!" And leave it at that.

Otherwise if she agrees to see you on saturday, leave it at that and resume the light texting.

Now this part is crucial - do not waste a single day before you see her doing nothing! You must use this time to better yourself, join a gym if you haven't already. You want to show her that you're improving yourself, because actions really do speak louder than words. And you'll be able to talk about the cool stuff you've done on your date. You must have a purpose, work towards your ambitions and aims in life, this is what the masculine core is all about - and she will find that VERY attractive. Somewhere along the line she would have asked her self 'do I want to spend the rest of my life with someone who doesn't care about me, who only plays video games?' And this is where her attraction for you most likely dropped.

But now, by showing her you are much more than that, *in time* she will remember the guy she first fell for.

Remember to take things slow - DO NOT talk about your relationship when you next see her, its dead remember? You don't want to be bringing back those negative memories and feelings.

You don't go bringing up relationship talk up on a first date with someone do you? So treat it like a date, be the awesome guy she fell for, and have fun! Oh and remember at the end of the date, kiss her on the lips - not the cheek or this will come across as a lack of confidence or a friendship.