Ender_Wiggin Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 Ok guys, this thing is kinda driving me crazy so help me figuring this girl out, ok? So, the history goes like this. I met this girl half a year ago. When I met her she had a boyfriend (which I’ll call Guy-A). We started talking, we got along very well, talked for hours and we had a lot in common. One night she told me she was having problems with Guy-A. By the things she told me I knew that they were going to break up. I mean, it was very clear from my perspective. Anyway, one day I asked her out. We had a great time but she was very very nervous whenever I hugged her. Because of that I didn’t try to kiss her or anything. We talked later that night. She told me she was sorry about being so nervous. I kinda sensed she wanted to kiss me and she told me I was right. And then she told me… I just broke up with my boyfriend. I wasn’t surprised; I knew that was going to happen. Guy-A was like “WHAT!?! WHY?!?”. She told him that she wanted to focus on her career and that he was the only one for her. So the guy decided to give her some time (I just found out about this). They still went out every weekend and they also were still making out, but they were no longer a couple. In the meantime she started to tell me that she liked me and was attracted to me. After sometime we went out again. After that last time she told me that date made her realize that I was very special and the way she felt about me changed. She started being very sweet and stuff. I really liked her. She was single and so was I. I saw a chance. Starting last month our talks began to be much shorter and shallow. She told me it was because she was busy with school stuff. I’ve been there so I believed her. One morning I decided to ask her if things were really alight. All of the sudden she told me that she was interested in someone else. I was like “WHAT THE ****?!?”. I was shaking; I was starting to like her. She told me this and other hurtful things by facebook private messages. I asked her to meet somewhere so she could explain to me why. She rejected the idea. She said it would have been too "uncomfortable" for her. Three months after breaking up with Guy-A, and 2 weeks after breaking up (it wasn’t really a break up) she was now Guy-B’s girlfriend. In less than four months she’ll be leaving the country and she won’t be back for a year (scholarship), and Guy-B, will also leave the country when she gets back. … I’ve never seen this kind of behavior. What is wrong with her? :/ During all of our talks she told me some things that I should have paid attention: -She has never been without a boyfriend (since she was 14, she's 20 now) -She said she wants someone to "guide" her through life. Someone to tell her if what she's doing is right or wrong. -She told me I was the only person that has understood her. I believe she got together with Guy-B so she's not alone. She knows he's gonna leave him in a few months. I mean, one of the reasons she broke up with Guy-A is because she went to college in the morning, and he went in the afternoon/night. She knows she is going to brake up with him after 1 month of not seeing him. Before Guy-A she had another boyfriend. They lasted more than 3 years. After 2 months she was already Guy-A's girlfriend and they were together for a year. 3 months after breaking up with him she is now Guy-B's girlfriend. I believe she didn't take enough time to heal the wounds after her break-ups. She was a little spoiled, and has never been alone. Now that she is leaving the country she will experience loneliness and hard work. She may try to get together with some random dude just to be with someone, but I know her. Guys will ask her to have sex very soon and she just won't do it, and then they'll dump her. She'll experience rejection Any advice, opinions? PS: Excuse my english.
TheNoBSBuddhist Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 She is troubled, fickle and has completely lost her focus on how destructive emotions can be. Do not dwell on this. She carries her own demons with her, and will continue to do so, until she finally sees others are not the problem. She IS the problem. You should find the strength to stop asking questions you either need no answer to, or already know the answer to. Do not dwell on this. You have more important things to think about, like your own studies, and serenity. Let her be. Guard your emotions, and move on.
guest572 Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 She is dishonest, lying and indecisive. Whether or not you are a rebound is not important for you nor is her baggage from the past and future, but I would probably say you know the answer if you have seen that she has bounced from one man to the next for 6 years.
Author Ender_Wiggin Posted April 1, 2014 Author Posted April 1, 2014 I guess so. I do know that I was a rebound. But still... I want to be sure. And I'm still worried about her. Although I haven't spoken with her in a month because I asked her not to contact me.
TheNoBSBuddhist Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 I guess so. I do know that I was a rebound. But still... I want to be sure. About what? About the fact she suckered you in like other guys? Be sure. And I'm still worried about her. Although I haven't spoken with her in a month because I asked her not to contact me.She is not your problem, any more. That obligation ended when your relationship ended.
Author Ender_Wiggin Posted April 1, 2014 Author Posted April 1, 2014 I know, but how do I move on? I mean, I still got some hope that I know I shouldn't have
TheNoBSBuddhist Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 You move on through acceptance. Tell you what: Think of one thing - just one, single, solitary thing - that is proven to have no ending, and I'll give you clearance to keep hanging on. How's that?
Author Ender_Wiggin Posted April 2, 2014 Author Posted April 2, 2014 You move on through acceptance. Tell you what: Think of one thing - just one, single, solitary thing - that is proven to have no ending, and I'll give you clearance to keep hanging on. How's that? How about an example...
TheNoBSBuddhist Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 No - that's what I'm asking YOU to provide. Any example, of anything you can think of, that is permanent. My point is - there isn't anything. So this is where you have to resort to acceptance. Everything you know, every person you have around you, everything you have, own or have a connection with, will some day, disappear from your life. Everything. EVERY-THING. Come to terms with that, and it is so much easier to love someone/thing so much, that when it goes, all you seek is its continued happiness. Don't mourn her moving on. Rejoice that you at least had the golden opportunity to affect one another positively. Every situation is a learning curve. How you apply what you learnt - is what makes your life full of joy, or full of suffering. 1
UT_longhorn Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 Hey dude....this just happened to me. I was the rebound...and being the rebound really sucks. Mainly cause you realize everything was fake. And I felt suckered. Thing you have to realize is that she did you a favor....she set you up for the next girl. Plus she didnt waste that much of your time. Be greatful. 1
Author Ender_Wiggin Posted April 3, 2014 Author Posted April 3, 2014 Hey dude....this just happened to me. I was the rebound...and being the rebound really sucks. Mainly cause you realize everything was fake. And I felt suckered. Thing you have to realize is that she did you a favor....she set you up for the next girl. Plus she didnt waste that much of your time. Be greatful. What do you mean by "she set you up for the next girl"? She may not have wasted time but she wasted energy
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Hey dude....this just happened to me. I was the rebound...and being the rebound really sucks. Mainly cause you realize everything was fake. And I felt suckered. Thing you have to realize is that she did you a favor....she set you up for the next girl. Plus she didnt waste that much of your time. Be greatful. This is actually true... as much as it hurts to be a rebound it does somehow put distance there so in a way it does set u up for the next one.. I feel in a better place to meet someone now than I did before i met him as was hung up on my ex! x
StringsAttached Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 No - that's what I'm asking YOU to provide. Any example, of anything you can think of, that is permanent. My point is - there isn't anything. So this is where you have to resort to acceptance. Everything you know, every person you have around you, everything you have, own or have a connection with, will some day, disappear from your life. Everything. EVERY-THING. Come to terms with that, and it is so much easier to love someone/thing so much, that when it goes, all you seek is its continued happiness. Don't mourn her moving on. Rejoice that you at least had the golden opportunity to affect one another positively. Every situation is a learning curve. How you apply what you learnt - is what makes your life full of joy, or full of suffering. That was beautifully said tbh. We are insignificant yet we hang on to the belief that our story was special somehow. Like fleeting hope...pretty sad actually. You're right though, one day everything/everyone will be gone and you'll have to live with yourself. Why not prepare ahead and use these situations to your advantage?
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