Maroon77 Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 (edited) This is my first time ever on a site like this. Here's my story that i need some opinions on. A little over two years ago I met this girl and we started hanging out as I noticed she was in to me. I had just got out of a relationship a couple months before so i wasn't looking to start anything real and was just doing me basically messing around. Time passed and we both got dogs that were from the same litter. We started hanging out more and eventually 6 months down the line we were both involved and started dating officially. She knew I had a past of being a little of a man Whore and that I had messed around with some females and she knows some of them. I know she felt insecure because she once said " every time we both walk in to a gathering i feel like you messed around with at least one girl here" and i failed at making sure she doesn't feel insecure. We stayed together up until october of 2013 and thats when we started having trouble. She felt that it was hard to trust me due to my past. I didn't help with that as she caught me texting a couple girls over the course of the relationship. She's very forgiving and dealt with a lot of my crap. When we started having trouble around october we fought a couple times and we broke up in november. We were in contact and i tried to say sorry just to get things back on track without really understanding or learning anything in the process. we finally made up around december and the day after she looked at my texts and saw me texting another girl. that was hard on her and she stopped talking to me. I again tried to persuade her and we started hanging again and spent christmas and new years together, not necessarily as a couple but we spent them together. comes january i asked her if she was ready to get bad in a relationship ( again i don't think i had learned anything at that point) she replied saying "idk let me see your phone", which made me really angry thinking she doesn't trust me. Something I should've know and worked on long ago. We got in an argument and we stopped talking to each other for a while. We started talking again in february and i basically messed that up by asking her dumb questions. She's very sensitive and loving and caring. She's also very stubborn and hard headed. I contacted her again around early march and i knew she was going on a trip for a wedding. She had told me "I let you go" and she needed more time to get over me. I offered to watch her dog and i did. we since then been talking lightly and just sharing things here and there. over the last period of time I had realized so much: I loved her very passionately. She was a real woman that i didn't embrace and just tried to make her into a little girl. I always want to be a better man when I'm with her. and much more. I contacted her a week ago and told her all of this and i also said i would never give up on her and i won't quit until i get her back. I truly know what it takes to make her happy now and would do absolutely anything to prove that to her. She said " i don't feel the same" and that there are many girls out there. I told her I want and will get you. She then kept focusing on the fact that i said I want an opportunity to prove myself and what changed, she said "you're asking for a second chance" and i said no I'm not. I want to show you what i can do now and what I've learned from this. Then she left and we saw each other the next day at a friends house for a bday party and she was being normal with me nothing unusual. Not that talkative but nothing different. She got a new tattoo and she sent me and one of our mutual friends a group text to show us. Here's where i need help. I love this girl. I realized and learned so much over this breakup. I will fight for her and I'm willing to accept all the consequences and go down rough roads. My question is do I play hard to get? or do I keep contact with her but lightly? I just need opinions. Also, anyone ever deal with a similar situation? Thank you so much. Edited April 1, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Axee Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Are you sure you love her ? And you wont revert back to the old behaviour of yours which triggers her insecurity? Think hard.. If yes, then you need to try hard, not go NC , you have to be honest ,apologize, and pursue her till she gives in , 1
Author Maroon77 Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 Thanks for the reply. I am sure. She makes me want to be better. I trust her and feel comfortable with her. When it comes to the future, I've always included her and imagined more with her.
flight E Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 I didn't read your mail but the advise you are being given. Pls under no circumstances shld you pursue her hard. Or you will lose her. That advise is against female psychology and you will definitely lose her. If you did wrong to her apologize once. After that be yourself only a better version. Treat her in a way that she realizes that you are a reasonable man not only to her but to people in general. Reward her by doing sometin nice when she behaves in a way you like. But don't become a loving puppy if not you will lose her completely dont start pursuing her like crazy
flight E Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 I have now read you post and the advise remains the same under no circumstance shld you pursue her like crazy you will lose her. Show her you still love and care about her but also wait for her to show she is still interested before making any further moves if not you will lose her
Author Maroon77 Posted April 1, 2014 Author Posted April 1, 2014 I am attempting to this at the moment. I'm keeping light contact and we have lots of mutual friends and there are a couple of events coming up that i will see her at. What behavior do i adapt and what are some things i should refrain from doing or things i need to do?
flight E Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 That attitude is screaming failed mission abort. Do you think you can possibly do anything if you have to think of how you are walking talking looking laughing or smiling. If what you need is limited contact or to avoid her for a while then do so but you need to get your acts together if you want to stand a chance of winning her back. Don't become a wimp. The right mindset is I truly care about you but am very fine if you decide you don't want us anymore. Go out and have fun. It's not like you giving your inugural speech for the white house. Remember you are a ladies man, you messed up but you have apologized and you are ready to make up for it. if she is no longer interested, it's her loss
letsplaygofish2 Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 Show consistency. Show kindness. Show compassion. Show respect. Those are the things that a girl looks for. Be there as a nice friend, always check up on her, but don't stalk. If she asks for help, give it to her. If she needs space, give her that as well. You've made your feelings very clear and now you need to just let it go/wait... but at some point, she may decide that this isn't going to work. But that's her choice, not yours! All in all, you need to earn her trust again. This will take time. I wish my ex would do this and I can't tell you how hard it is to wait! I have been kind to him, he contacts me every now and then and he knows my feelings. I'm praying for you and for me
flight E Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 No disrespect meant but never listen to a woman about how to treat women. You might as well listen to your mum on this. Bottom line, be a strong man. Not a mean man. A strong one. D
flight E Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 No disrespect meant but never listen to a woman about how to treat women. You might as well listen to your mum on this. Bottom line, be a strong man. Not a mean man. A strong one. Don't ever bend over for her. Don't be generally there for her. It will only show that you are an idle puppy. Be kind not nice. You want to be her lover not her best friend
letsplaygofish2 Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 You should listen to an emotionally secure, level headed woman who has only been in serious relationships and is only able to articulate clearly using words and not anger. You don't know me or the OP from Adam, so I would respectfully ask you to stop imposing your own fears and projections onto others. That is respect.
letsplaygofish2 Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 And for your information, a healthy relationship is one where you can be and are your partners best friend. Why be in a relationship if you can't have a secure emotional attachment and share your deepest darkest secrets and dreams? You make no sense. Rather immature if you ask me.
flight E Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 Totally not interested in getting into any squabble with you and the insults meant are actually unwarranted because my advice is nothing personal. Is based on experience that any man that is truly in touch with reality will tell you. Ask any good nice guy whether he got the girl he will tell you he didn't. Ask any woman what they want they will tell you a good nice guy. The truth of the matter is the girl is already saying the doesn't feel the same and you are seemingly advising that he should be nice, sweet and be there for her. He would fail. My advice is consistent. If you can't be yourself without bothering about how you will approach her, talk to her etc women have a sixth sense of these things and she will know she has you. You are not a challenge. She will be through with you. So you can't be all sweet and nice and good. I am saying ok you apologised. She knows you care. Then be yourself, if you can't be yourself then don't see her as you will fail. Healthy or sick relationship. Women are not looking for the fall in love guy. They want to fall in love first no matter who may oppose this its true and they are not going to fall in love with a guy who is reeking of love. I am okay with my breakup. My ex whatever, has tried sincerely to get back and I refused. So am not hurt, bitter or anything like that. I simply followed the advice am now giving. I meant no insults to you am just trying to state the reality. To state what works not what most often doesn't. We are virtually saying the same thing. Only as a woman your tone seems to imply that he should become a softy and if you do some introspection you will agree that it won't work with you or his ex
flight E Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 Ok, I have read a lot online about getting your ex and most are bs but there is this one guy;corey Wayne who I think is truly in touch with reality. Read him up and tell me what you think
Author Maroon77 Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 we are now starting to see each other at group events since we have some mutual friends. We talk and stuff but nothing much. I went to dinner with her and a friend of mine last weekend and we were just friendly but i can tell she's not acting the same around me. A mutual friend and I went out with some coworkers and she saw some pictures of us and she texted that mutual friend telling him " some people think i can't see what they're up to." I am very confused and this is mind wrecking. She seems to be bothered/comments about me going out and yet she acts totally different when i talk to her or see her. I know she's trying to move on or even forget me totally but I'm not sure what she's thinking. How do i go about talking to her or conversating with her? again i decided not to give up on her and fight for her but i want to increase my chances, not hinder them.
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