bluegreen Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Hopefully I won't be misunderstood here Hopefully but I wanna ask you guys something. Not often but from time to time we get O M G how could you do this say this to me reactions from members. Then I get flash back of a certain movie and one famous quote : YOU WANNA TRUTH YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH. In my heart I know and am 100 % percent sure that none of us who are "over" their ex's want to hurt humiliate or degrade people who are not. We don't !!!! But come on give us a break people what do you expect us to say? You came here for help clarification someone to give you hand when you are on ground curled up in ball of misery. Do you really believe that help will be all hugs cooing chocolates and back patting ? This is very general post not meant to be fingers pointed at anyone. But when I came here spilled my beans and been trough the "loves hack booth camp". It never even occurred to me to get upset offended or similar when everybody who wanted to help told me truth to my face and boy did some of it hurt. But I did what I told listened what I was advised and followed the rules. And here I am over it done finished healed what else needs to be said here ? 3
sooshi Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 We appreciate your straightforwardness, bluegreen. Sometimes people are going to see the same story differently. Sometimes we see it in the same way in some ways, but offer alternative perspectives. I don't think there's any true 'right' or 'wrong,' just perspective. We're here to help each other out; a community of people who are suffering from heartache, or who have been through it and want to help others through a hard time. 3
iDrumKing Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 I can see where you are coming from. Although I've only been here for a short amount of time, a lot of the threads and posts that I've gone through display the sense of denial. They come with a problem but have a defense to every piece of advice given to them. Of course some sympathy is always needed. Hell I needed it, but I needed to be slapped into reality of things to really move on. A cup of warm milk and a pat on the back wasn't going to do that for me. With that said, we all grieve differently and down the line, things will eventually click. 4
SCJACK Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 I wish I was slapped harder before making a fool out of myself a few more times.. 3
Author bluegreen Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 We appreciate your straightforwardness, bluegreen. Sometimes people are going to see the same story differently. Sometimes we see it in the same way in some ways, but offer alternative perspectives. I don't think there's any true 'right' or 'wrong,' just perspective. We're here to help each other out; a community of people who are suffering from heartache, or who have been through it and want to help others through a hard time. Of course and your polite way of saying it straightforwardness masked something else entirely. ( its fine doll he he ) I know that I can sound like hard core b.... clear practical right to the point take no bull or beat around bush but still tough b... But thats not whole me I can be as big cream puff as you ever seen trouble is being soft for more then few days won't help "them" Of course it takes bit time for anyone to get to know some of us as well. And yeah sometimes we make mistakes but as I mentioned above not one word of "some of us here" is meant in any negative aspect. Ever ... 1
Trovador Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Four years ago there were some hardcore guys around (captainsavingho anyone?) and that tough love helped us newbies more than all the "follow your heart" or "fight for your ex" in the world... People have also called me bitter, NC zealot, etc. but they ignore that I followed my instincts at first and failed and suffered epically... if only that experience might be of some use to a fellow brokie! What people here say is "I made so and so mistakes so you could avoid them... It's giving freely what we freely received... if someone gets angry because of that, apologies are offered... and so be it... 3
Author bluegreen Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 What people here say is "I made so and so mistakes so you could avoid them". It was exactly what I wanted to say but did not find right words for it. Thank You
Trovador Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Yep, but English is not my native tongue and writing on a tablet is kind of hard so I didn't convey the exact meaning of the phrase: What some fellows here on LS are saying is that there's no need to make the same mistakes we made back in the day. Besides, after reading hundreds of threads, one knows most certainly what is going to happen, few surprises there, that is why maybe we are so adamant about NC and deleting/blocking social contacts with the ex... We are just sharing our experience and hoping it might be helpful somehow... 3
eclecticsw Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 I prefer to hear the cold hard truth than any sugar coating no matter how much it hurts. Like Gloria Steinem said "The truth will set you free but first it will piss you off". With my recent dating debacle I remember asking this guy "I want the brutal truth from you" which he never did tell me, but whatever. I have to move on and be done with it. I have learned to not romanticize a man's actions (i.e. He got too attached and scared, etc....). That may be the case SOMETIMES, but usually it's that the other person didn't care. Plain and simple. It hurts, it sucks, but I would rather be hit with the facts.
4everalones Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 It's great to be straightforward and tell the truth as it is. I think every member here appreciates some tough love. However, some members here are just rude and don't honestly know how to communicate their advice effectively. I even saw some people getting angry and dropping f-bombs (not you bluegreen). The way we communicate our opinion counts. People who come here are usually vulnerable, have trouble with their self-esteems, and are usually very very defensive (it's just a normal reaction to the breakup). Being faced with "I told you so", "You were dumb", "what's wrong with you?", "why would you do that?", "f u/him/her", "If you don't take my advice, don't come back crying here", etc. is not going to help anyone. I would like to kindly remind everyone here that you made the same mistakes even though you were told NOT to do so. I know you want to save some members the heartache, but why would they be any different than you? That's how humans learn best. You can tell someone they'll be hurt a thousand times, but they won't believe it until they try for themselves and get hurt. So let's share advice, and share the truth as it is. But let's keep the insults out PS: This is a general statement and not directed to any member in particular. 2
guest572 Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Advice and opinions are useful, as for the truth.. People can only make judgements from the information given and often make assumptions or use their own experience. Most people are quite fragile after a breakup so the truth is too much to bear. So go easy on them for a while.
Author bluegreen Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 Yep, but English is not my native tongue and writing on a tablet is kind of hard so I didn't convey the exact meaning of the phrase: What some fellows here on LS are saying is that there's no need to make the same mistakes we made back in the day. Besides, after reading hundreds of threads, one knows most certainly what is going to happen, few surprises there, that is why maybe we are so adamant about NC and deleting/blocking social contacts with the ex... We are just sharing our experience and hoping it might be helpful somehow... You are doing really well if you did not say something I would not have known. Yes sometimes it feels just like that it takes reading few first sentences and boom we already know or suspect the end. Not being emotionally tied up to a situation plus experience is an answer to that although some cases go even beyond our help knowledge and will to help.
tlegend Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 Food for thought. Even the people in denial will come back and read over things they posted in the past, or past stories. Even if you were on an emotional roller coaster and unable to see different perspectives beforehand.....sometimes, after healing a bit, it makes more sense when they revisit the site and see their prior postings. It's actually quite amusing watching your own maturity through each post as you gain experience through the plethora of experiences. 1
redbaron005 Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 Do you really believe that help will be all hugs cooing chocolates and back patting ? Some hugs and chocolates would be nice! Honestly though, coming from someone who is not over their ex, hard truths are appreciated as are those who take the time and effort to provide them - including yourself.
Author bluegreen Posted April 1, 2014 Author Posted April 1, 2014 Some hugs and chocolates would be nice! Honestly though, coming from someone who is not over their ex, hard truths are appreciated as are those who take the time and effort to provide them - including yourself. Those are only offered first-second day only no returns no exchanges or coupons available 2
Author bluegreen Posted April 21, 2014 Author Posted April 21, 2014 I wish I was slapped harder before making a fool out of myself a few more times.. We can still sort of help you there
Author bluegreen Posted May 29, 2014 Author Posted May 29, 2014 Four years ago there were some hardcore guys around (captainsavingho anyone?) and that tough love helped us newbies more than all the "follow your heart" or "fight for your ex" in the world... People have also called me bitter, NC zealot, etc. but they ignore that I followed my instincts at first and failed and suffered epically... if only that experience might be of some use to a fellow brokie! What people here say is "I made so and so mistakes so you could avoid them... It's giving freely what we freely received... if someone gets angry because of that, apologies are offered... and so be it... Well I sure hope so guys like you stay permanently here
jbelle6 Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 (edited) It's hard, I hate when I see people rationalizing breaking no contact and we all know it's going to make their hearts hurt more. I have never seen anyone break no contact and get an ex back for good. No contact doesn't have that much better results but at least you get to keep your self respect, you also move on so much easier. I see some people break no contact over and over and they are going into months and years pining over the ex. I am just over 3 weeks and only think of mine a tiny bit, I don't want him back, that's for sure. I went no contact immediately like everyone here says, it's the only way to go. Yes, I can come across as abrupt and harsh in some posts but I came on here and posted a breadcrumb, was smacked down about it and I am so thankful the tough love kept me from responding to him. I also kind of suck at text and don't come across the same way as I do in real life. Edited May 29, 2014 by jbelle6 1
Strength in Healing Posted May 29, 2014 Posted May 29, 2014 Yeah, I broke NC. I had so many people trying to stop me. Even myself. But I didn't care. I felt like talking to her, even though I knew it was all bad. And it was all bad. The end. 1
Author bluegreen Posted June 16, 2014 Author Posted June 16, 2014 It's hard, I hate when I see people rationalizing breaking no contact and we all know it's going to make their hearts hurt more. I have never seen anyone break no contact and get an ex back for good. No contact doesn't have that much better results but at least you get to keep your self respect, you also move on so much easier. I see some people break no contact over and over and they are going into months and years pining over the ex. I am just over 3 weeks and only think of mine a tiny bit, I don't want him back, that's for sure. I went no contact immediately like everyone here says, it's the only way to go. Yes, I can come across as abrupt and harsh in some posts but I came on here and posted a breadcrumb, was smacked down about it and I am so thankful the tough love kept me from responding to him. I also kind of suck at text and don't come across the same way as I do in real life. Am happy to hear this
Ordinaryday Posted June 17, 2014 Posted June 17, 2014 it depends on the context. if the person is THINKING about dumping you but is hesitant and says to you "there are some harsh things I want to tell you, that I want you to work on so we can try and salvage our relationship - do you want to hear them?" then OF COURSE I WANT THE TRUTH! Anything, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING, to try and salvage the relationship, no matter how painful. if they already dumped me and their decision is final then I dont see any point in knowing the 'truth' about why the chose to dump you because it wont change the outcome.... so why would I remotely care what the 'truth' was?
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