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Fiancee left me for another man 1 month post BU. Demonised me and celebrated it...

Jiivy

By Jiivy
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Jiivy Established Member

Jiivy

Posted
Posted

[uPDATE] I've posted a couple times on LS about my breakup before. I'll give you a brief summary of the events and explain what's happened today:

 

I was with her for 7 years, we met in our teens - we're now 23 & 24 respectively. 2 years ago whilst finishing school, we got enganged and 18 months ago we moved in together.

 

It has been (until we moved in together) an LDR, with about 2-3 hours between us (Strasbourg & London). The past 6 months have ben tough, she had to move back to France & finish her PhD. I wasn't able to get my career to follow me over there or find a new job in France fast enough.

 

During our relationship we struggled, I had a job since I was 16 and paid for every single item of travel, I also had the added struggle of my family (indian) who disowned me when I faced up to them about moving out and getting married to her.

 

We were happy, but through the relationship looking back...I was always the one making the sacrifices and she was never picking up her side of the fight. I loved her DEEPLY and for most of the time, that was ok.

 

Fast forward to today - 1 month ago she told me she didn't think she loved me anymore. Her mother was diagnosed with a blood clot in her brain at the time and she was having huge trouble finding her feet post-degree.

 

She left me 3 weeks ago, told me she's interested in another man and today made their relationship official. She also proceeded to demonize me, telling all on facebook how great it was to be rid of such a prejudice man who never gave her anything.

 

That, my friends - I feel is closure. I've been trying my best to hold some NC since she broke it off (which I was successful with) and my life has been CONSUMED by thoughts of her. I've been writing journal entries every day and reaching out to my friends...

 

But her behaviour to me has cemented it. She's ****ing crazy. Now, I feel almost relieved in a way.

 

Am I right to feel this way? I've tried to objectively look at the relationship at every angle. There were signs, there were a couple things I could have done better but to me, my actions spoke loud and clear. I was in LOVE with her truly and this is how she repaid me.

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
Posted

Keep up with NC and take it day by day. She's in the honeymoon phase of her new relationship. When that phase wears off and things start to become routine, she's going to think back to all of those nasty things she said about you and try to reach out to you to see if you hate her.

 

 

Funny how she would want to contact such an evil and prejudice person.

 

 

If that happens, then ignore her.

  • Like 2
elseaacych Established Member

elseaacych

Posted
Posted

You are right to feel however you feel. It sounds like she took advantage of you, and was unkind and inconsiderate. Yeah, you loved her. You may still. But unfortunately, she demonstrated to you that she's not worthy of those feelings. And it sucks because you know that whatever wrong you did is nothing in comparison to what she's done. And yet you still have those feelings and attachment.

 

It's going to be rough for the next few weeks-months, maybe years because you will have these conflicting emotions. Don't let them get the better of you, just acknowledge them for what they are, and know that true love should never make you feel this way.

 

Go no contact and persevere.

  • Like 3
somecamel Established Member

somecamel

Posted
Posted
[uPDATE] I've posted a couple times on LS about my breakup before. I'll give you a brief summary of the events and explain what's happened today:

 

I was with her for 7 years, we met in our teens - we're now 23 & 24 respectively. 2 years ago whilst finishing school, we got enganged and 18 months ago we moved in together.

 

It has been (until we moved in together) an LDR, with about 2-3 hours between us (Strasbourg & London). The past 6 months have been tough, she had to move back to France & finish her PhD. I wasn't able to get my career to follow me over there or find a new job in France fast enough.

 

During our relationship we struggled, I had a job since I was 16 and paid for every single item of travel, I also had the added struggle of my family (indian) who disowned me when I faced up to them about moving out and getting married to her.

 

We were happy, but through the relationship looking back...I was always the one making the sacrifices and she was never picking up her side of the fight. I loved her DEEPLY and for most of the time, that was ok.

 

Fast forward to today - 1 month ago she told me she didn't think she loved me anymore. Her mother was diagnosed with a blood clot in her brain at the time and she was having huge trouble finding her feet post-degree.

 

She left me 3 weeks ago, told me she's interested in another man and today made their relationship official. She also proceeded to demonize me, telling all on facebook how great it was to be rid of such a prejudice man who never gave her anything.

 

That, my friends - I feel is closure. I've been trying my best to hold some NC since she broke it off (which I was successful with) and my life has been CONSUMED by thoughts of her. I've been writing journal entries every day and reaching out to my friends...

 

But her behaviour to me has cemented it. She's ****ing crazy. Now, I feel almost relieved in a way.

 

Am I right to feel this way? I've tried to objectively look at the relationship at every angle. There were signs, there were a couple things I could have done better but to me, my actions spoke loud and clear. I was in LOVE with her truly and this is how she repaid me.

 

 

You are starting to rationalise it I think, she was already seeing that other man when she told she didn't love you anymore, the fact they made it official, I'll agree with Chi, let it fizzle and stay strong.

 

Why do you still have her on Facebook anyway? I've blocked my ex because I know that I don't need to see what she is doing with her life anymore, it's a bit of self preservation so to speak and I highly recommend it, please do that, you're not in proper NC until you can actually cut that bond and start to live your life.

 

You're only a month in so don't expect it to all feel better straight away, i was with my ex for 7 years as well, and yes it hurt a lot but I suppose now in hindsight I saw it coming.

 

I promise you there is more to life out there and these are all just experiences that make us into better people.

 

Peace:)

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Jiivy Established Member

Jiivy

Posted
  • Author
Posted
You are starting to rationalise it I think, she was already seeing that other man when she told she didn't love you anymore, the fact they made it official, I'll agree with Chi, let it fizzle and stay strong.

 

Why do you still have her on Facebook anyway? I've blocked my ex because I know that I don't need to see what she is doing with her life anymore, it's a bit of self preservation so to speak and I highly recommend it, please do that, you're not in proper NC until you can actually cut that bond and start to live your life.

 

You're only a month in so don't expect it to all feel better straight away, i was with my ex for 7 years as well, and yes it hurt a lot but I suppose now in hindsight I saw it coming.

 

I promise you there is more to life out there and these are all just experiences that make us into better people.

 

Peace:)

 

 

I don't have her on facebook. I blocked her almost immediately. And went full NC. A mutual friend phoned me to tell me, he thought that it'd help to move on by realising how insane she is...

 

It kind of did? But it's honestly just sent me crushing to a spiral. None of her friends can rationalise the decision, let alone me...and I'm not going to.

 

She made a choice, she jumped and she's jumped in with someone else. I don't think she's even the smallest idea of how hard a betrayal that is.

 

It doesn't matter. I have an amazing job, an amazing future ahead of me - I'm a 24 year old investment banker in a London penthouse... who's on his fast way to the top. I'm fit, healthy and rich.

 

I know I'll be ok. I just wish she could have taken that journey with me.

  • Like 5
bluegreen Established Member

bluegreen

Posted
Posted

Sometimes after reading things like this I do feel little shame at being a woman.

Ignore the skank best you can because how else you can treat someone like that ?

 

 

She will end up being under more sheets then hotel maid she is half way there.

By no means you do not want your G F next girl to be snow pure but would you ever be so desperate to want something like "her" again?

  • Like 2
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Jiivy Established Member

Jiivy

Posted
  • Author
Posted

@bluegreen

In many ways, it's very comforting to hear a sentiment like that. I'm constantly second guessing myself and asking if it's really fair to feel so hard done by. At the end of the day, we don't own people - we don't get to chose who they and don't love.

 

What bothers me is the increadible degree of sacrifice I made and the relatively 'sudden' turn in her behaviour. She has likely been emotionally invested in this guy for some months prior to leaving me...the apartment she lives in I decorated for her when last I was there - she can't wake up and look at her walls, her lights, her windows...her ANYTHING every day without seeing everything I put together and fixed up/painted/repaired for her.

 

I can't understand what drives a person to discard a relationship so easily...and I know that it's really not my job or even a healthy thing to dwell on the reason any way.

  • Like 1
bluegreen Established Member

bluegreen

Posted
Posted (edited)

I believe I can answer that since I been close to people similar to her but cause of blood can't really ever 100 % cut them off.

It makes me wanna scream but anyway what drives people like her:

Lack of character , moral, decency, empathy , compassion, utter self centered ME ME ME

logic high level of narcissism and belief of entitlement from EVERYONE they are users takers and never ever will admit any wrong or feel bad about for more then 5 min.

 

 

Now you might be tempted to say are they sociopaths or what

well hon you would not be even half wrong there if not fully then at least part of them is.

 

How do I know this as I said I have people like them in my closest circle as in meaning been there done that.

 

 

So do yourself favor and consider her tax write off and be done with it.

Edited by bluegreen
clear up
  • Like 1
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Jiivy Established Member

Jiivy

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I believe I can answer that since I been close to people similar to her but cause of blood can't really ever 100 % cut them off.

It makes me wanna scream but anyway what drives people like her:

Lack of character , moral, decency, empathy , compassion, utter self centered ME ME ME

logic high level of narcissism and belief of entitlement from EVERYONE they are users takers and never ever will admit any wrong or feel bad about for more then 5 min.

 

 

Now you might be tempted to say are they sociopaths or what

well hon you would not be even half wrong there if not fully then at least part of them is.

 

How do I know this as I said I have people like them in my closest circle as in meaning been there done that.

 

 

So do yourself favor and consider her tax write off and be done with it.

 

This is overwhelmingly the message I have from anyone I've spoken to. To the "t". She started getting in to a crowd of new friends at the same time who really focused this "me for myself" mantra and I think it's really swayed her mindset. It sent alarm bells ringing at the time, but I thought - hey, I trust this woman and her judgement. They're her friends to make and I've no business telling her who to associate with.

 

And I still don't.

 

I've seen my cousin do this exact same thing. I still keep in touch with his ex who was seriously the best thing he ever had in his life. He was a total idiot to let her go, but as he's blood I still support him.

 

Thank you all for your support here. I'm trying to get as much feedback as possible and would love more thoughts on this. I'm not looking for a pat on the back, I'm looking to genuinely get as many different opinions and views on this as possible.

 

I have no desire to harbour ill will against her. She had 7 years of me and my utmost love. I can't hate that.

bluegreen Established Member

bluegreen

Posted
Posted

By all means then keep watching this thread.

Am just afraid you won't hear anything but same give or take few words different thing.

 

Best of luck to you :)

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