Els Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 I think it's part of his personality, after a month I am just starting to size him. He contacts me each day, he tells me he misses me, he's expressive of what he likes about me, he's interested in my day how's my kid, he fixes things in my home without me asking, I am not lacking attention.....but yes I've been the planner so far. This lack of planning on his part doesn't really fit with the rest of his personality though. At his job he's in authority, then he also takes contracts for himself on the side and to do this you have to put your foot forward and be organized. I heard him on the phone handling emergencies and he's definitely a leader in other aspects of his life. IMO, yes, there are people who naturally enjoy planning dates, and people who don't. However, in the initial stages, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect someone who's truly interested in you to step out of his comfort zone a bit to plan one date a month. Are you truly okay with lack thereof?
Author Gaeta Posted April 1, 2014 Author Posted April 1, 2014 Are you truly okay with lack thereof? It's not so bad this far. He does mention things like : we should go there, or we should do this and that, but I know now I will have to come forward and organize it. So yes I think I can be ok with it.
clia Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 I really don't think it's a good sign that at a month in to the relationship he is already choosing to do laundry instead of spending Saturday night with you. That seems really odd to me.
soccerrprp Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 It's not so bad this far. He does mention things like : we should go there, or we should do this and that, but I know now I will have to come forward and organize it. So yes I think I can be ok with it. Really? You're okay with the fact that he puts way more emphasis on his job in terms of planning, taking control than in the relationship? My gf is a very busy doctor, but likes to plan things b/c she values our relationship very highly. She's constantly barking orders, taking the lead when she works and could easily say to me, please, plan AND I would and do. But she also does her share of planning. Personally, it's b/c my gf is enthusiastic about planning despite her hectic work that I am more attracted to her. I know that she will not neglect HOME/RELATIONSHIP/ME over her job.
Author Gaeta Posted April 1, 2014 Author Posted April 1, 2014 Really? You're okay with the fact that he puts way more emphasis on his job in terms of planning, taking control than in the relationship? My gf is a very busy doctor, but likes to plan things b/c she values our relationship very highly. She's constantly barking orders, taking the lead when she works and could easily say to me, please, plan AND I would and do. But she also does her share of planning. Personally, it's b/c my gf is enthusiastic about planning despite her hectic work that I am more attracted to her. I know that she will not neglect HOME/RELATIONSHIP/ME over her job. hhhmmm I work as an executive, I bark orders all day long too, when I get home I don't want to control, I am more than happy to hand it over to the person I am dating. Maybe he's that way too. The little bit I know about him so far, what I know of his marriage, how he's been with me up to now, suggest he is more comfortable when his lady leads and I believe it's all related to losing his mother at a young age and needing this strong female presence in his life. A lot of what we go for as adults is related to our childhood, like even though I am a professional, have a higher education I am always attracted toward men that do physical work (like he does) because that's what my father did and my dad was the strongest, the smartest and he would protect me from everything. I have dated lawyers, accountants, business men, engineers and I have never found that sense of security with them. I know it's related to my childhood and how I viewed my father. But, I could be wrong and he's just not that into me. If so the next month should be revealing of it.
smackie9 Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 wow why don't you just tell him how you feel? He's not a mind reader you know. Relationships fail because of lack of communication.
2sunny Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 Is he doing laundry again this sat night? Or did you allow him to fully understand this hurt your feelings and should change?
Hello_is_it_me Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 Is he doing laundry again this sat night? Or did you allow him to fully understand this hurt your feelings and should change? We can't know for sure yet. There's still more than 24 hours left til Sat night. Many clothes can be soiled during this time. 1
Author Gaeta Posted April 4, 2014 Author Posted April 4, 2014 (edited) Is he doing laundry again this sat night? Or did you allow him to fully understand this hurt your feelings and should change? hhmm this did not hurt my feelings, I was disappointed that is all. I thought it was unusual but he had an explanation so.... I don't know about this Saturday, it's his turn to be on call at work this weekend so it usually means I am the one going his way. Now that I think of it, I think out of 4 weekends we only spent 1 Saturday night together. It pretty much has always been Friday night over night, then he comes back Sunday. Interesting. Edited April 4, 2014 by Gaeta
Hello_is_it_me Posted April 4, 2014 Posted April 4, 2014 A lot of what we go for as adults is related to our childhood, like even though I am a professional, have a higher education I am always attracted toward men that do physical work (like he does) because that's what my father did and my dad was the strongest, the smartest and he would protect me from everything. I have dated lawyers, accountants, business men, engineers and I have never found that sense of security with them. I know it's related to my childhood and how I viewed my father. Just imagine how heavy a laundry basket full of socks could be. Only the most manly, lumberjack-type could hoist such a load!
Phantom888 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 He doesn't have any laundry on a saturday night. He's not smart enough to come up with a better excuse. Saturday nights are prime date nights, so he is going on a date with another woman. If you read between the lines, you'll see your answers. Check up on him on saturday to confirm what he's doing. Chances are, he won't pick up his phone, and he won't be home. 1
Author Gaeta Posted April 5, 2014 Author Posted April 5, 2014 He doesn't have any laundry on a saturday night. He's not smart enough to come up with a better excuse. Saturday nights are prime date nights, so he is going on a date with another woman. If you read between the lines, you'll see your answers. Check up on him on saturday to confirm what he's doing. Chances are, he won't pick up his phone, and he won't be home. Exactly the contrary, that Saturday night he kept me on text all night till I decided to go to bed at 23h. When I went to his place on Tuesday there were huge bags of laundry in his bedroom he had not put away yet.
2sunny Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 hhmm this did not hurt my feelings, I was disappointed that is all. I thought it was unusual but he had an explanation so.... I don't know about this Saturday, it's his turn to be on call at work this weekend so it usually means I am the one going his way. Now that I think of it, I think out of 4 weekends we only spent 1 Saturday night together. It pretty much has always been Friday night over night, then he comes back Sunday. Interesting. So disappointed isn't part of hurting your feelings? 1
smackie9 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 My advice....if he says he's busy, go find something else to do.
Author Gaeta Posted April 5, 2014 Author Posted April 5, 2014 Well some unexpected development. He is on call this weekend so the arrangement in that case is I am the one driving his way. At noon today I had not heard from him, which is unusual, he's always good at keeping in touch with good morning and the like. I contacted him and asked why we did not have plans yet. He answered he was scared. Just that nothing else. I asked scared of what and he replied of himself, and nothing that had to do with me (there we go). He asked if I was free later around 3h-4h. He would come over and explain it to me in person. Sounds like I am only a couple of hours away from being single again.
smackie9 Posted April 5, 2014 Posted April 5, 2014 it's not you it's me speech......well I'm guessing he doesn't want something so committed at this time in his life. Ah well it happens....
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