Gaeta Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 New boyfriend of 1 month just told me at 17h he's starting his laundry and no mention of getting together later, nope. Is it even worth that I say something? We had a great first 3 weeks ......and 4th Saturday he is choosing doing his laundry over spending it with me. Not very flattering. I am actually insulted over this. Would you be? I answered I won't stand between a man and his laundry and wished him to enjoy. He thought that was funny. No communication after this. 1
TXGuy Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Did you have plans set? If so, standing you up at the last minute for laundry (or any reason) is very rude. If you did not have plans set, I'm not sure why you are upset. 5
soccerrprp Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Gaeta, Not certain how I'd respond to such as it sounded facetious. Were you in a joking mode? Or did you sound serious and he would have picked up on the fact that you were upset? He clearly didn't schedule or hint on when you two could meet again. Did you ask him when you could see him again or leave it at your sarcastic comment? I'm sorry, but you're insulted, so he told you clearly that he didn't want to see you and didn't plan another time?
Author Gaeta Posted March 29, 2014 Author Posted March 29, 2014 During the week I told him I missed him, he said he missed me too. I asked when I would see him, he said this week for sure and on the weekend. Him and I speak every day but he never mentioned being free so nothing happened during the week. He got in touch with me today at 2 pm, chit chat about insignificant topics, says nothing about doing something, then at 5pm he's starting laundry, no mention about doing something later.
Author Gaeta Posted March 29, 2014 Author Posted March 29, 2014 The first 3 weeks I held his hand and leaded. This week I am not doing it. I have a hard time identifying if he needs leading or if he's lacking interest. 1
smackie9 Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Offer to have sex on the washer during the spin cycle??? 10
Zimber Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 The first 3 weeks I held his hand and leaded. This week I am not doing it. I have a hard time identifying if he needs leading or if he's lacking interest. Can you handle either one? I've read a description of yourself in some other post Gaeta ... You sound quite impressive. Are you going to be OK with someone you have to lead? Should someone like yourself worry about someone who lacks interest? It's not the latter by the way. No man chooses laundry on a Saturday evening over going out with an attractive woman (think that's how you described yourself ). I'm suggesting he's lying to you or anything like that as that lie would be the most ridiculous excuse ever. Let him drift off. However, when he's snapped back and attentive again, do pay attention to signs of substance abuse just to be safe. That is the half truth excuse of a drunk or a head. Z
pickflicker Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 The first 3 weeks I held his hand and leaded. This week I am not doing it. I have a hard time identifying if he needs leading or if he's lacking interest. Shouldn't have done that. If a man won't lead, move on. You've established a dynamic and are now attempting to change it. That doesn't work with men who don't like to lead.
RonaldS Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Offer to have sex on the washer during the spin cycle??? This is the correct move. 2
Tayken Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 New boyfriend of 1 month just told me at 17h he's starting his laundry and no mention of getting together later, nope. Is it even worth that I say something? We had a great first 3 weeks ......and 4th Saturday he is choosing doing his laundry over spending it with me. Not very flattering. I am actually insulted over this. Would you be? I answered I won't stand between a man and his laundry and wished him to enjoy. He thought that was funny. No communication after this. Surely your point is a wind up? My takeaway from your post is that everything should be about you i.e. revolve around you? Have you for a second thought may be Sunday is not feasible for him hence the reason he chose to do it on Saturday? Would it be any different if you had to go out with your friends and he wanted to spend time with you...i.e. would you trade time with your friends for him? Personally, if you gave me crap over the laundry thing, I'll dump you so fast considering it has only been 4 weeks...Red Flag sister 1
smackie9 Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 I will disagree with the above post. No where is there any indication that she is being needy or clingy. It would be one thing to say "sorry hun I feel like staying in tonight to play games with my buddies" vs "I just threw in some laundry" no explanation.
Zimber Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 I'm suggesting he's lying to you or anything like that as that lie would be the most ridiculous excuse ever. Sorry, type-o, my intention was to write ... "I'm not suggesting he's lying to you or anything"
starrynightz45 Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 I'd be upset. He didn't make set plans, but he told you "We'll do something this week and weekend." Nothing during the week, and nothing on the weekend. Not ok. I don't think you're overreacting. You should probably say something. I just don't believe that if he really wanted to be with you, he'd spend Saturday night doing laundry instead. 4
HappyLove Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 I think the frustration here is not the laundry its that you've had to initiate everything it sounds like. I guess give it some time to see if he becomes the one to initiate a night out.
smackie9 Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 New boyfriend of 1 month just told me at 17h he's starting his laundry and no mention of getting together later, nope. Is it even worth that I say something? We had a great first 3 weeks ......and 4th Saturday he is choosing doing his laundry over spending it with me. Not very flattering. I am actually insulted over this. Would you be? I answered I won't stand between a man and his laundry and wished him to enjoy. He thought that was funny. No communication after this. But what about you? Why are you not communicating with him about it? Like "So what are you doing later? want to go out and ____?" Why don't you ask him out? why is it up to him? Speak up girl! 1
Author Gaeta Posted March 29, 2014 Author Posted March 29, 2014 Zimber and pickfliker: Yes I can handle being the leader in a relationship but how do I identify if the man fits better in a relationship with a leading lady? I cannot really accuse him of lacking interest: 1. He initiates contact each day. 2. He is affectionate and expressive of his attraction toward me 3. Has no problem telling me he misses me and enjoys his time with me 4. He makes short term project like he'll take me somewhere, or he's looking forward I teach him how to play something. Where I feel he fits better with a leading girlfriend: 1. He only dates women at least 10 years older. I am 12 years older than him. His ex wife is my age. This is not a new thing for him. He's always been attracted toward older women which are usually more confident, secure, stable, etc. I suspect it's because he lost his mother at the age of 12 (that's a whole different topic) 2. He made a comment not long ago that it was too bad I was not living closer because he'd be happy I organize his life every day of the week. 3. The first 3 weeks I organized everything, we saw each other a lot, he drove 100s of km to a point I felt guilty. 4. 4th Week I felt I had shown my interest, lets see his but this is when I fall on my face.
HappyLove Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Ok,so you've lead for 3 weeks and don't mind leading so why won't you lead tonight? 2
Author Gaeta Posted March 29, 2014 Author Posted March 29, 2014 Ok,so you've lead for 3 weeks and don't mind leading so why won't you lead tonight? Because even though I am a confident smart independent sexy 48 year old woman, there is still a little princess in me wanting to be pursued once in a while 2
pickflicker Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Zimber and pickfliker: Yes I can handle being the leader in a relationship but how do I identify if the man fits better in a relationship with a leading lady? I cannot really accuse him of lacking interest: 1. He initiates contact each day. 2. He is affectionate and expressive of his attraction toward me 3. Has no problem telling me he misses me and enjoys his time with me 4. He makes short term project like he'll take me somewhere, or he's looking forward I teach him how to play something. Where I feel he fits better with a leading girlfriend: 1. He only dates women at least 10 years older. I am 12 years older than him. His ex wife is my age. This is not a new thing for him. He's always been attracted toward older women which are usually more confident, secure, stable, etc. I suspect it's because he lost his mother at the age of 12 (that's a whole different topic) 2. He made a comment not long ago that it was too bad I was not living closer because he'd be happy I organize his life every day of the week. 3. The first 3 weeks I organized everything, we saw each other a lot, he drove 100s of km to a point I felt guilty. 4. 4th Week I felt I had shown my interest, lets see his but this is when I fall on my face. Ha! He wants a mum, not a girlfriend. Bye bye. I wouldn't stick around. I'm a partner in a relationship, not a parent. If this dynamic works for you, you're going to now have to stick with it. He won't lead. So lead, or get out. But he won't take initiative. 6
HappyLove Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Because even though I am a confident smart independent sexy 48 year old woman, there is still a little princess in me wanting to be pursued once in a while I understand, but he's getting mixed signals. 1
Tayken Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Because even though I am a confident smart independent sexy 48 year old woman, there is still a little princess in me wanting to be pursued once in a while Cos if you are not "pursued" you feel inferior i.e. less confident, smart and independent??????? I hear all this BS all the time, and you know what? Not everyone is willing to play that game, myself included
Omei Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 If you didnt have set plans, why cant a man just do his laundry? I dont get it, it prob needed to be done so his clothes would be clean. If he shows lots of interest? What's wrong again? Maybe I missed something I dont get it.
pickflicker Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 I understand, but he's getting mixed signals. Yep. If you want to be pursued, it's got to happen from the start. 1
Trnamakesnse Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 He was smelly and didn't have clean clothes to be around you in. Why hold it against him if he want's to be clean around you?
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