paperwings Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 (edited) Original story here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/465076-gf-8-years-runs-away-stranger-attempts-maintain-contact It's been about 9 weeks since she ran away. I've gone through the typical ups-and-dows, highs-and-lows, and extremes in both directions. The best and brightest days followed by crashes harder than I could've imagined. But I've also come to realize, through threads here and discussions with others, that my situation is not unique. I've simply enjoyed such a small sample size of very long-term relationships, that any major disruption was bound to shake my beliefs on life, love and reality to the core. It's been an experience all around -- but I believe a necessary one for my own growth. I've followed the advice: I'm not talking to her, I'm taking care of myself, my performance in the gym has never been better, I've booked several trips and I've embraced opportunities that I would've never, ever considered prior. One example: two weeks ago I gave a 75 minute presentation at the University of Texas to over 60 students and faculty about a project that I built last fall. They offered to fly me down and take care of everything just to hear the story. The catch, of course, was that my girlfriend played a major role in this project, and so I considered canceling many times. It bordered on emotional torture to prepare for, but I worked through it, and in the end, the experience was absolutely transcendent for me. I am a quiet soul -- I have zero public speaking experience. The very thought of willingly accepting such an offer blows my pre-breakup mind. But it was executed beautifully, and I feel changed for having faced the fear. I wonder how I would feel today if I did back out. Full of regret and self doubt, intensified not just by the breakup, but by my failure to accept a chance at personal growth. To the dumpees -- you'll read the same advice everywhere: now is the time to improve yourself and rebuild. I'm telling you from first hand experience, this is your moment. That said, my life is not back to normal and won't be for a long time to come. It has changed forever and it's up to me to make that change for the better. I've even gone on a date, but I feel that it's still a bit early to attempt to reconnect with someone else at that level. Perhaps I was merely seeking the attention that has gone away. Yesterday, she sent me another email (right on schedule, mind you). I'm told it's beyond typical. I have no plan to reply at the moment: So I'm sure at this point it's too little too late- I've been too nervous to call actually, because it's been a few weeks. I actually tried to call twice this morning, but couldn't get service...I took it as a sign that I should just wait until the call went through effortlessly. I don't really know what I want from the phone call either, but I do miss you and I think about you all the time, wonder how things are and what you're up to. In all fully open honesty, It hits me often, the severity of my actions, and I want you to know how truly, undeniably sorry I am for what I did and how I did it. I wish I hadn't hurt you like I did. It keeps me up at night. I won't make excuses for my actions, but I do want you to know that from the bottom of my soul I am sorry I hurt you, and I want nothing more than for you to be happy and healthy in every way. At this point I'm not sure if you want to correspond through email? It feels safer to me than a phone call, or at least makes me less nervous. Maybe I'm afraid you hate me? As I deserve. I'm going to ask anyway, even if you don't actually want to correspond with me. how was your trip? Where did you go? Was your trip giving that talk, and if so, how did it go? What are you working on lately? How are the cats? How are you? Of course this still tugs at me. But she's made her choice (a very strange one she's clearly questioning) -- and I'm not going to be a backup plan. Just wanted to give everyone an update. If you're hurting, it will get better. Thank you to everyone who has helped. Take care. Edited March 29, 2014 by paperwings 3
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 I've simply enjoyed such a small sample size of very long-term relationships, that any major disruption was bound to shake my beliefs on life, love and reality to the core. It's called being human. Breakups straight up suck. Throw everything you know into a tail-spin. There are two types of people (well, sane people). Those that are hurt by a breakup they didn't want and those that lie and say they aren't. 2
StGeorge22 Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 I remember reading your original story, looks like you have come a long way! Well done on having the maturity to handle it the way you have.
Chi townD Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Write off that email. If you ever read anything I've posted, MOST girls can't stand the fact that there might be a person on this planet that hates them or doesn't think they're not a nice person. If you really look at what the main subject of that email was about was to find out if you hate her. Ignore it. You're doing great and CONGRATS ON THE SPEECH!!! I hope it went well for you! But, my question is, how did she know you "went on a trip"? 1
somecamel Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Write off that email. If you ever read anything I've posted, MOST girls can't stand the fact that there might be a person on this planet that hates them or doesn't think they're not a nice person. If you really look at what the main subject of that email was about was to find out if you hate her. Ignore it. You're doing great and CONGRATS ON THE SPEECH!!! I hope it went well for you! But, my question is, how did she know you "went on a trip"? Ignore and delete that email. Then empty your trash
NiceGuy73 Posted March 30, 2014 Posted March 30, 2014 Yes ignore it mate 100% block all email it will just do your head in
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