Have you poured your heart out to your ex?

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

You mean I don't get any KoolAde? *Pouting*

 

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view3/4137111/kool-aid-man-backs-out-o.gif

 

Does this answer everything?

[Strength in Healing]

I reached out to my first girlfriend a few weeks after the breakup. She said she was with another guy, in his house right now.

 

I reached out to my second serious girlfriend after the breakup, a while later, and she just stated what went wrong and we wouldn't get back together. Lesson #2.

 

I reached out to my ex recently of 4 years, found out she started dating a new guy 2 weeks later, and moved in with him. I mean, that should hurt, and to some degree it did, but it's so psychotic that it also makes me move on fast.

 

 

 

STOP SECOND GUESSING. CONTACT HIM. See whether the mass majority, some of us very educated and experienced, are right -- or if the one or two here are right.

 

DO IT RIGHT NOW. Get back to us today.

[4everalones]

 

I reached out to my second serious girlfriend after the breakup, a while later, and she just stated what went wrong and we wouldn't get back together. Lesson #2.

[/b]

 

That's the point. The door was never closed with my ex, and it was time to close it so I can move on. Otherwise, I will hold on to hope forever. Of course I know it will hurt to hear it from him, but it's a necessary evil. I want him to look me in the eyes (or via Skype in this case) and tell me that he doesn't love me, that we will never ever be together, and that it's over for good. My therapist strongly believe that facing the facts will cut all the fantasies and will help me close that door for good. Unlike what a lot of people said here, she's a very good therapist and has a lot of experience with "obsessive love".

 

I am honestly just confused and don't know what to do. This post confused me even more, and just made me hurt and angry with all the insults I got here

 

I will post about my experience if/when I contact him, and let you guys know what happened.

Edited April 1, 2014 by 4everalones

[Strength in Healing]

Why wait? Nothing is going to change. Clearly you WANT that hope. Sounds masochistic in my opinion.

[4everalones]

Why wait? Nothing is going to change. Clearly you WANT that hope. Sounds masochistic in my opinion.

 

Because it's 3 am now where he lives, and I'm not a crazy person or a masochistic to call at this hours.

 

And you would not make a "masochistic" personality analysis over the little information you have here about me if you were truly pursing a Doctorat in psychology. I only took two psychology classes back in college and I know better than to make such assumptions.

 

Thanks for the feedback anyway. I think I have enough data to make my decision now.

[KaliLove]

That's the point. The door was never closed with my ex, and it was time to close it so I can move on. Otherwise, I will hold on to hope forever. Of course I know it will hurt to hear it from him, but it's a necessary evil. I want him to look me in the eyes (or via Skype in this case) and tell me that he doesn't love me, that we will never ever be together, and that it's over for good. My therapist strongly believe that facing the facts will cut all the fantasies and will help me close that door for good. Unlike what a lot of people said here, she's a very good therapist and has a lot of experience with "obsessive love".

 

I am honestly just confused and don't know what to do. This post confused me even more, and just made me hurt and angry with all the insults I got here

 

I will post about my experience if/when I contact him, and let you guys know what happened.

 

If you need to do it, do it. Some people need to learn by doing instead of listening. Good luck.

[4everalones]

If you need to do it, do it. Some people need to learn by doing instead of listening. Good luck.

 

 

Thanks Kalilove. I am not sure what to do yet. I saw that you met your ex, and you weren't a mess after all (even when everyone told you not to meet with him). Good for you. I really respect that you stuck with what you felt was right. If you haven't , you'd be wondering what would/could have been! That's what I'm trying to avoid.

 

I am in an emotionally stable place right now, and contacting my ex won't make me a mess. But the stories and replies I hear here scare the crap out of me. I honestly regret (a bit) posting about it here. It just made things worse

Edited April 1, 2014 by 4everalones

[mtnbiker3000]

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view3/4137111/kool-aid-man-backs-out-o.gif

 

Does this answer everything?

 

Pretty sure she was referring to the tragedy at Jonestown. Actually quite a disturbing and sad story

[redbaron005]

I'm no expert, however I would think that pouring your heart out to your ex to provide yourself with closure is, by definition, a selfish act. That being said, if I were in this position I would...

 

First, get a new therapist.

Second, say out loud what you would to your ex, in its entirety, to a mirror.

Third, wait a day and see how you feel. Then wait two weeks and see. Since you haven't expressed your feelings yet, there is no harm in waiting a bit longer.

Fourth, come back here for more advice. Check in with the new therapist. Determine the best course of action taking into consideration the emotions of both you and your ex.

[KaliLove]

Thanks Kalilove. I am not sure what to do yet. I saw that you met your ex, and you weren't a mess after all (even when everyone told you not to meet with him). Good for you. I really respect that you stuck with what you felt was right. If you haven't , you'd be wondering what would/could have been! That's what I'm trying to avoid.

 

I am in an emotionally stable place right now, and contacting my ex won't make me a mess. But the stories and replies I hear here scare the crap out of me. I honestly regret (a bit) posting about it here. It just made things worse

 

 

 

Oh my goodness NO..you are DEFINITELY not in the same place I am and I still think what you want to do is a terrible idea..if you're in a place where you want to pour your heart out to your ex then you are going to be a complete wreck when he turns you down. You can't talk someone into being with you. You can guilt them into it, but it will only last for a little while and you'll feel awful while you're in it.

 

 

But like I said..some people need to learn by putting their hands in the fire. Maybe you need to get your heart broken again to let the message sink in. It's gonna suck but you've got to do what you've got to do.

[smuggy95]

it's like sticking your hand in a pot of boiling water. everyone tells you it will hurt, and you know it will hurt, but you want to make sure it's boiling...

 

 

it's an option, OP. it definitely it. there are many routes to closure. some better than others. it is better to come to peace that the fact he didn't and isn't fighting for you should be closure enough.

 

 

My ex wrote me a very pretty letter. i was so excited to see her name in my inbox. But then...I read those cliché words. About how it was her not me. How it wasn't easy for her to say and not easy for me to hear but that we will never work out.

 

 

Her ...resoluteness in the end, how determined she was to close it, hurt. it hurt that she had to spell it out for me. I had to admit to myself I still had hope but that she really didn't want this. I comfort myself in that I showed her I truly loved her, but really it's pyrrhic victory. if was I thinking for myself, I would have just moved on.

 

 

Imagine for a second, there is someone who you don't like who has a crush on you. if they came and told you they liked you, and you said thanks but no thanks. and they came again later and asked again. Youd be ilke...I already told you. And you might say it kindly, you might say it coldly to be firm. But either way you know you don't want anything with this person.

 

 

That's how it's going to be.