catherine1 Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Hey, So I split with my ex nearly 2 months ago now and I am left in a confused and saddened state about how I believe I broke this budding relationship up. We dated for 7 months, and I have always been crazy about this guy, even before we started dating. He was the first man I've steadily dated. However, he had just came out of a 2 year relationship 4 weeks prior to us going out. Anyway, six weeks in, I feel i may have came across as needy, when i told him i would miss not seeing him all week as i was seeing him later on in the week, i wanted to sound like i cared about seeing him (cos i did) so when i do see him, i sensed this freaked him out a bit, as he said, i feel like i never see you..i think thats a good thing dont you? not over kill. I thought he was looking at me quite pityfull this night like he knew he wasnt ready, he was anxious about going home together too. I go to his place 2 days later, and he is quite distant, not talking as much, and looking the same sad, pity look. Now here is where i believe i acted crazy, as i sensed him distancing, i listened to friends advice, and wanted to show him how much i liked him..so i to approach the topic i said "do you feel daft when you see single on facebook? only i dont feel single anymore" He hugs me, but i still sensed distance through the night, so the next morning say to him "You know how we joke about seeing each other once a week, just so you know i see you more than a once a week thing" to which he replied that he really likes me, wouldnt waste time on me if he didnt, isnt playing around but is riding the waves not jumping into a comittment. he was right. I sensed the text messages had dwindled slightly after this, and i was upset, when i next seen him i thought id try to clear the situation, so said in a light hearted way that i didnt want to pressure him. His body language closed off and he left quite sharpish the next morning. We continued to see each other, but after this, he seemed to go on a tirade on following women on social networking sites an liking other womens facebook photos..all of which he never used to do. I was really upset over this period, as this man was perfect to me, and i was so sad that things had became awkward. He remained to date me, cook for me, movies out, dinners, he was always the most sweetest, affectionate man. He became awkward on dates, using "exit strategies" and being stand offish, he would act subdued. i felt tired of this, sadly it was valentines day and he had put flowers, wine & chocolates on the table for a restaurant booked, amazing. the next night was my birthday and he and friends had came to my place. Sadly, the alcohol made my pent up emotions come out, i heard him mention a girls name, who i seen picture he had liked, and she like his. I asked him, and he said he had a large group of friends, which was cool with me, then he said..and we did say no comittment didnt we? this hurt, so i got upset and we had it out. The next day, i tried to make it work, and we exchanged numerous texts to sort it out, however in the end he said he didnt want a relationship, and coudnt offer the level of comittment i wanted and deserved, he said he wasnt feeling how he should be for me after 7 months. I am now trying to make sure i understand the mistakes i made, so i dont repeat these. I feel our potential love,didnt get a chance to naturally progress, i knew we could have been perfect as things seemed great until i over reacted we've had no contact, and i kick myself everyday for my crazy ways. Sorry for the long post, any thoughts would be greatly appreciated as i know friends and family advice may be slightly biased haha. thank you x Might I add that he seemed open to having a relationship through things such as me meeting his friends a lot, one of them even telling me they had heard lots about me. My ex also told me he was crazy about me, before any awkwardness of course.
Goldenbrwn Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 I don't really think it was your fault at least not from anything you mentioned here. He probably just wanted to keep seeing other women and you not bringing up that you wanted more would just have dragged things out more. I mean from reading that it sounds like it was always casual and he was not sending signals he wanted more than casual with benefits.
cmack90 Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 This is exactly why I don't have facebook. Anyways, you really did nothing wrong, the best thing you can do right now is give the guy space. Pursuing him at this point will just push him away further. He wants a casual relationship. You need a guy who wants an exclusive relationship.
Gaeta Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 The only thing you did wrong is not listening when he said he was just out of a relationship and did not want to commit. It blows my mind how many people ignore this huge red flag. When a man says he's not ready for a relationship you turn around and walk away. Because you will, with a certainty, have your heart broken. Time to move on dear, I am sorry, I know it hurts, but there is nothing you can do to change how he doesn't feel for you. And NO his feelings are not going to change with time.
Author catherine1 Posted March 29, 2014 Author Posted March 29, 2014 Thank you for your comment, the confusing thing is he said he is exclusive, and has no problem with being so, he's not the kind of man to play around. However, did say taking the next step towards commitment was an issue for him :-/
Gaeta Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Thank you for your comment, the confusing thing is he said he is exclusive, and has no problem with being so, he's not the kind of man to play around. However, did say taking the next step towards commitment was an issue for him :-/ Being exclusive and being commited are 2 seperate things. A lot of people are exclusive but not emotionally involved example fwb. Do not interpret his exclusivity to you as a sign of emotional attachment. It's not. 1
soccerrprp Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Thank you for your comment, the confusing thing is he said he is exclusive, and has no problem with being so, he's not the kind of man to play around. However, did say taking the next step towards commitment was an issue for him :-/ Yeah, I agree Gaeta. He is exclusive saying that he isn't going to see anyone else, but that's b/c he's decided to try and see how the relationship goes. But, commitment involves greater emotional connection and dedication and he may not be or ever be there during an exclusive relationship.
Damaged217 Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 The only thing you did wrong is not listening when he said he was just out of a relationship and did not want to commit. It blows my mind how many people ignore this huge red flag. When a man says he's not ready for a relationship you turn around and walk away. Because you will, with a certainty, have your heart broken. Time to move on dear, I am sorry, I know it hurts, but there is nothing you can do to change how he doesn't feel for you. And NO his feelings are not going to change with time. THIS. Exactly right. When you want a relationship and the guy you're seeing says he doesn't or wants to "ride the waves," you RUN. FAST. I got my heart broken because I foolishly thought I would be the one to change the mind of a guy that wasn't looking for anything serious. I learned my lesson. You cannot force things. When someone is really into you and wants to be with you, you'll know. If you have any doubts, then that person probably isn't right for you. Don't beat yourself up. Every person you meet is either a lesson or blessing. Chalk this up to experience.
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