ScaredAlien2 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 After reading multiple story's and considering mine as well, I've come to this conclusion: If they say they need to be alone and "find themselves", or don't have a good answer for the breakup... Such as, not right now but I can see us in the future. They are seeing someone else. Plain and simple. They are trying to not hurt you, not accept the responsibility/guilt for themselves, and keep you as an option for when their 'fling' doesn't work out. It sucks because although hurtful, the truth would be wayyyyy easier. At least for me it would've been. Most of the stories here I've read including mine, that started this way, ended with the heartbroken dumpee finding out about the other person. Others in my case. Thoughts? 2
ladybug028 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 After reading multiple story's and considering mine as well, I've come to this conclusion: If they say they need to be alone and "find themselves", or don't have a good answer for the breakup... Such as, not right now but I can see us in the future. They are seeing someone else. Plain and simple. They are trying to not hurt you, not accept the responsibility/guilt for themselves, and keep you as an option for when their 'fling' doesn't work out. It sucks because although hurtful, the truth would be wayyyyy easier. At least for me it would've been. Most of the stories here I've read including mine, that started this way, ended with the heartbroken dumpee finding out about the other person. Others in my case. Thoughts? I agree, the truth is easier to accept from the beginning! My ex swears there is no one else but I can't help but think different!
4everalones Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I personally don't like these generalizations. I had an ex boyfriend breakup with me because he "needed to sort his life out", and he was indeed working on himself and his career and was single for the next 3 years. I broke up with my first long term boyfriend because I was too stressed with Engineering school and couldn't focus on a relationship. I loved him, no one else was in the picture, but I just really needed to be alone (and was alone for about 2 years). The point is, people are different, and they breakup for different reasons. It doesn't matter. What matters is: they made a choice to live their lives without you in it, and you need to focus on this fact and healing and moving on instead of analyzing the reasons behind their behavior. People do what's best for them and we can't really know their motives. So do what's best for you and move on! 7
Author ScaredAlien2 Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 My ex gave me the, "I'm not happy with myself and I need space to find myself, but I definitely see a future with you and I don't want you out of my life. I just need a break" while she was screwing two guys I'm glad I found this rare internet gem of a website to help me through this! Thank you fine people of LS 1
Author ScaredAlien2 Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 I personally don't like these generalizations. I had an ex boyfriend breakup with me because he "needed to sort his life out", and he was indeed working on himself and his career and was single for the next 3 years. I broke up with my first long term boyfriend because I was too stressed with Engineering school and couldn't focus on a relationship. I loved him, no one else was in the picture, but I just really needed to be alone (and was alone for about 2 years). The point is, people are different, and they breakup for different reasons. It doesn't matter. What matters is: they made a choice to live their lives without you in it, and you need to focus on this fact and healing and moving on instead of analyzing the reasons behind their behavior. People do what's best for them and we can't really know their motives. So do what's best for you and move on! Definitely a generalization! It fit my story and I think it fits many others. But your right not everyone or every relationship is like that, they are all different. It could be truthful. The main fact is it comes down to the persons true character on how they end it. 1
4everalones Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 My ex gave me the, "I'm not happy with myself and I need space to find myself, but I definitely see a future with you and I don't want you out of my life. I just need a break" while she was screwing two guys I'm glad I found this rare internet gem of a website to help me through this! Thank you fine people of LS I am sorry for your pain. But at least you know she was the wrong person for you. Stay in No Contact and try to heal. It won't help to analyze why she did what she did. It doesn't really matter! Focus on yourself. You'll be happy again, eventually.
mutualove Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I never got the "because" when I asked why and I didn't beg.Told her if you think someone else can make you happier and give you more comfort definitely do what you please. That was my last message to her and complete silence ever since.I know there was someone else in the background towards the end,asked her myself.Well don't know how long he had been orbiting so to speak.Maybe earlier than towards the end.Who knows?? So I detached myself and basically told her to do whatever the hell she wants. 2
Author ScaredAlien2 Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 I never got the "because" when I asked why and I didn't beg.Told her if you think someone else can make you happier and give you more comfort definitely do what you please. That was my last message to her and complete silence ever since.I know there was someone else in the background towards the end,asked her myself.Well don't know how long he had been orbiting so to speak.Maybe earlier than towards the end.Who knows?? So I detached myself and basically told her to do whatever the hell she wants. You sir.. Have the right mentality. Kudos 1
katinlc Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Mine was getting divorced and used this crap on me and I believed him because I know that is common for recently divorced. Just saw on facebook today that he is in a relationship with someone else and there was a picture of them less than a week after we broke up. I confronted him via text and all he would say is I've known her for a while and it was unexpected...wouldn't admit to cheating but wouldn't say he wasn't talking to her while still with me. The good news is this help clear any residual feelings I had for him and wanting to get back with him...now I'm just pissed! The funny thing is he texted me this morning and he texted me last Friday all mad that I was already back on dating websites when he broke up with me and was obviously already involved with this girl...that I don't get.
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 I was just watching the movie "Contracted" and a certain line seems to ring true. "Is there somebody else? There's always somebody else..." 2
tinalooks808 Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Sounds pretty accurate. It's just an easy way out.
Author ScaredAlien2 Posted March 29, 2014 Author Posted March 29, 2014 Mine was getting divorced and used this crap on me and I believed him because I know that is common for recently divorced. Just saw on facebook today that he is in a relationship with someone else and there was a picture of them less than a week after we broke up. I confronted him via text and all he would say is I've known her for a while and it was unexpected...wouldn't admit to cheating but wouldn't say he wasn't talking to her while still with me. The good news is this help clear any residual feelings I had for him and wanting to get back with him...now I'm just pissed! The funny thing is he texted me this morning and he texted me last Friday all mad that I was already back on dating websites when he broke up with me and was obviously already involved with this girl...that I don't get. Wow I'm sorry to hear that. It's crazy how people act to protect themselves ,i think more so when they know they are wrong imo You seem like your in a good place about it though, which is good. Do you two have kids? If not, Nc will help. I myself am in the pissed off phase too. I find running helps get the frustration out.
InnocentMan Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Probably true in some, if not most cases, but I've left plenty of woman and not had someone else lined up. The people that do can't be alone, and tend to enjoy the cinema of it all. Healthy people generally don't skip from one person to another without a reasonable break. It should be a warning if your new partner has jumped into your bed directly from anothers. The same **** will probably happen to you one day. It's a pattern of behaviour that rarely breaks. 2
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Probably true in some, if not most cases, but I've left plenty of woman and not had someone else lined up. The people that do can't be alone, and tend to enjoy the cinema of it all. At the risk of getting blasted... IME, this seems to be more of a female trait more so than that of a male...
InnocentMan Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 At the risk of getting blasted... IME, this seems to be more of a female trait more so than that of a male... In your experience, then obviously you've seen it more from females. I'm not convinced it's gender related. I've seen both genders pull it. The only thing I've seen in common is insecurity, and an inability to be alone. I wouldn't even flame people that do this. They don't see it as a bad thing, or as a slight on their previous partner. It's just the way they are.
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 (edited) In your experience, then obviously you've seen it more from females. I'm not convinced it's gender related. I've seen both genders pull it. The only thing I've seen in common is insecurity, and an inability to be alone. I wouldn't even flame people that do this. They don't see it as a bad thing, or as a slight on their previous partner. It's just the way they are. Agreed... IME and from reading post after post her on LS it seems to be more of a female trait, but of course it can go either way... Just seems the lady's like to have something else lined up before they drop the first guy. More than guys in a reverse situation. Again, just my observation. Nothing more... Edited March 29, 2014 by mtnbiker3000
Ordinaryday Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 After reading multiple story's and considering mine as well, I've come to this conclusion: If they say they need to be alone and "find themselves", or don't have a good answer for the breakup... Such as, not right now but I can see us in the future. They are seeing someone else. Plain and simple. They are trying to not hurt you, not accept the responsibility/guilt for themselves, and keep you as an option for when their 'fling' doesn't work out. It sucks because although hurtful, the truth would be wayyyyy easier. At least for me it would've been. Most of the stories here I've read including mine, that started this way, ended with the heartbroken dumpee finding out about the other person. Others in my case. Thoughts? Maybe.... but one thing I have found to be true in most cases (sure there are exceptions, but on the whole it is true) is that when they dump you with the "Im just not ready for a relationship right now" line... what they in fact mean is: "I am ready for a relationship right now... but not with you" 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 "I am ready for a relationship right now... but not with you" I think that is the general consensus from all of us on this thread. Major blow to the ego... 1
bluegreen Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Well would ya look at that my dude biker is here. How you been sweetie its been while since I been here but I do remember old goodies
katinlc Posted March 29, 2014 Posted March 29, 2014 Wow I'm sorry to hear that. It's crazy how people act to protect themselves ,i think more so when they know they are wrong imo You seem like your in a good place about it though, which is good. Do you two have kids? If not, Nc will help. I myself am in the pissed off phase too. I find running helps get the frustration out. Thank goodness we have no ties! We had only dated a few months, but it was so good and then just went cold. It timed perfect with him moving and his work getting a lot more stressful so I believed it was circumstances. It's only been a couple of weeks since we brokeup and I realized yesterday when I found all this out that I still had more lingering feelings of us getting back together than I thought. This latest news and the fact that she is only 23 (he's 38 and I'm 33) just really gave me a true picture of who he was and how much better I am without him. Definitely in no contact at this point because I never want to talk to him again.
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