"Lets just be friends" - then calls a week later to meet for a coffee

[Hello_is_it_me]

Nobody says you have to be besties. Who GAF if you wanted to bang her and she rejected you? How do you know her 2nd best friend isn't a hot c*ck-fiend with daddy issues?

 

Is everybody in the world but me so GD cool that they can't take an hour out of their lives and have coffee with a (presumably) cute chick? Is pride that important? I've learned this much in life....you don't know what's going to happen or how things will end up. Nothing is certain. Ipso facto, the best MO is to be cool and act right.

 

If a cute girl is nice enough and thinks enough of you to ask you to join her for coffee, then be cool, act right and go get coffee with her. Besides, how do you know that getting that cup of coffee won't end 8 hours and several drinks later with you two-timing her and her hot friend? Life is crazy....you don't know how it's going to turn out.

 

To quote Mr. Pink: 'Come on, man....think!'

 

Yeah if some crazy things happen I can probably take a gay 80 year old man out to coffee and end up banging some chick later that night. But again, the networking thing may work. I'm just wondering how taking one hour out of the day is going to lead to success. She'll have a group of gf's randomly show up during the meet? It's just seems more efficient to me to zone in on a new target than try to fish this girl for potential leads.

[Hello_is_it_me]

It's an investment strategy, dude.

 

You are doing cost-benefit analysis but not factoring in the benefit side of the investment. You're comparing cost-potential benefit to strictly cost, and looking at a potentially rewarding, fulfilling, educational, fun time with a cute girl as some sort of opportunity cost.

 

This is a ROI deal all the way. When you weigh it out, disregarding the girl who wants to hang out with you for a few so that you can use that time to chase another potential girl is a very low ROI. However, if you're just cool and you get a good rating in this girl's evaluation, she will market you for you. All you have to do is be cool and fun and compassionate for a couple of hours, and not act like a jaded baby, and she will spread the word about you. You've made a small investment, and it could just keep paying off over and over and over.

 

It's really that easy.

 

Yes, this could be true. But I still think it paying dividends is kind of a coin flip. If she is that type of benevolent girl you are describing. What is also important for people like OP is that if you start hanging out with her, do not start liking her, getting attached, and thinking you can win her with time. This could end up wasting a looot of time in the long run. And try to feel her out quickly for signs of being a jealous, possessive platonic friend (like the type I mentioned I dealt with in my previous post).

[RonaldS]

Ronaldo,

 

Again, why the hell does he need this chick? He doesnt. He should move on and enjoy finding gals on his own. He doesnt need this woman to help his dating life. Jeez, get real. And pride is important in dating. Man's collective lack of pride is why a lot of women get away with loads of bad behavior.

 

If someone rejects me, I keep it moving. I dont run back to them to accept a handout just because theyre cute. Get outta here with that mess. There are too many cute girls out there for me to waste time on one that rejected and ignored me.

 

Who says he needs her? He doesn't. This isn't about need, this is about being a smart business person.

 

I've owned a business for over a decade. I've never even advertised. I've also never approached a woman or asked a woman out in my life. How do you think that happens?

 

I get your point about pride, but the old biblical verse is 'pride cometh before the fall' (paraphrased). There's a time and place for pride, but there are many more times and places for swallowing your pride. Believe it or not, you can actually come out if it looking like a....wait for it....grounded, adjusted, mature adult.

[RonaldS]

Yeah if some crazy things happen I can probably take a gay 80 year old man out to coffee and end up banging some chick later that night. But again, the networking thing may work. I'm just wondering how taking one hour out of the day is going to lead to success. She'll have a group of gf's randomly show up during the meet? It's just seems more efficient to me to zone in on a new target than try to fish this girl for potential leads.

 

It DOES work. DOES. It's beautiful.

[kaylan]

Who says he needs her? He doesn't. This isn't about need, this is about being a smart business person.

 

I've owned a business for over a decade. I've never even advertised. I've also never approached a woman or asked a woman out in my life. How do you think that happens?

 

I get your point about pride, but the old biblical verse is 'pride cometh before the fall' (paraphrased). There's a time and place for pride, but there are many more times and places for swallowing your pride. Believe it or not, you can actually come out if it looking like a....wait for it....grounded, adjusted, mature adult.

OP, dont take crumbs.

 

Thats all I have left to say.

[topaMAXX]

Ronaldo,

 

Again, why the hell does he need this chick? He doesnt. He should move on and enjoy finding gals on his own. He doesnt need this woman to help his dating life. Jeez, get real. And pride is important in dating. Man's collective lack of pride is why a lot of women get away with loads of bad behavior.

 

If someone rejects me, I keep it moving. I dont run back to them to accept a handout just because theyre cute. Get outta here with that mess. There are too many cute girls out there for me to waste time on one that rejected and ignored me.

 

Not just this, but most girls are absolutely terrible at hooking you up.

 

I've done a way better job myself. Guy friends are much better too (that's how I meet a lot of girls....through my guy friends).

 

And who will be the best at hooking you up, by far? Gay guys. I've dated some really hot girls because I have the foresight to make friends with gay guys.

[Hello_is_it_me]

Not just this, but most girls are absolutely terrible at hooking you up.

 

I've done a way better job myself. Guy friends are much better too (that's how I meet a lot of girls....through my guy friends).

 

And who will be the best at hooking you up, by far? Gay guys. I've dated some really hot girls because I have the foresight to make friends with gay guys.

 

Yeah I can only think of a couple times where I was "referred" by my sister or a friend. All the other times it's been me seeing something I liked and going for it. But I can see how networking can work. Though in this case, I would leave this girl in the dust.

[RonaldS]

Yeah I can only think of a couple times where I was "referred" by my sister or a friend. All the other times it's been me seeing something I liked and going for it. But I can see how networking can work. Though in this case, I would leave this girl in the dust.

 

You guys are missing the point. It isn't about being 'set-up' by a girl who didn't want to date you. It isn't about handouts. That's not what networking is.

 

Networking is brand recognition. Exposure to other women in a group that a person otherwise had no 'in' with. Face time. Advertising. You aren't sitting there waiting to get set-up by your new friend. But maybe your new friends invites you to a party and a bunch of her girlies are there. Guess what? You're not there as just some unknown dude...you're now a known commodity with a referral. You're now 'in'.

 

I'll give you two examples:

 

1) in college, I met a girl in class. I kinda wanted to hook up with, but couldn't seem to make it work. But we became friends, and hung out here and there. That culminated in me hooking up with (to varying degrees) 4 of her friends and her sister. No investment beyond hanging out having fun with a cute girl. The best part? I ended up hooking up with the original girl after a couple of years.

 

2) There was a girl I met in school that I wanted but she was a total goodie-two-shoes. I tried a couple of times, but it was a waste if time. But she thought we would be good buddies. Well, that was fine. She also had 4 girl roommates, and I ended up hanging out with 2 of them, and then one of their other friends. Easy. All I had to do was get a drink with this girl a couple of times and be cool.

 

Maybe it's just me and my entrepreneurial spirit, but this is tactic pays dividends. Why beat the streets for new customers when you can get referral after referral? Kaylan tells the OP not to take crumbs from this girl. How is it taking crumbs? He's wouldn't be meeting up with her for her. He would be meeting up with her for him and his future endeavors. Its not taking crumbs because it has nothing to do with that girl.

 

The take-home message here is simple. Expand your base. Don't limit it. Take advantage of opportunities. Don't squander them.

 

That's how I would handle it. But what do I know?

Edited March 28, 2014 by RonaldS

[Mo_Do]

Everyone in this thread has valid points

[truth_seeker]

Went out with a girl last weekend from OLD. We had really spent a lot of time on the build up (too much), several novel-length e-mails, then multiple daily texts, then daily evening phone calls, then we met.

 

Chemistry was negligible on both sides but it was a great 6+ hour date which involved shopping, games and dinner.

 

I went for the chemistry-test kiss and got cheeked when I dropped her off. I figured it was likely a dead deal and went home.

 

Later that night she texted that she didn't feel relationship chemistry and I honestly (thinking with big head) agreed, because I didnt either.

 

I gave her some personal "friend" advice, urged her to keep dating, have fun, be safe and "of course I'll be your friend" but left it there and didn't (and wasn't going to) contact her again.

 

After 2 days I deleted her # from my phone and went about courting other females (3 dates with other women lined up).

 

Today I get a text, that I missed by over an hour that she was around the corner from my place and that she wanted to see if I would like to grab a coffee.

 

Now, ladies, what gives? Does she honestly think I am on board with this "friend" thing or is it something else?

 

In 100% honesty I don't really want to meet her either way, and didn't.

 

Not a big deal, but I thought it might at least make a decent thread on here for tonight...lol

 

I don't think she wants to be friends. I think when you backed off, it got her more interested in you... that, and I think her other options didn't pan out.

[HappyLove]

She regrets not giving you a chance especially after you went NC. Who blows someone off that they had SO MUCH in common with after one date? Pretty stupid on her part. ESPECIALLY with OLDing she should of at least given it another date to see as first dates are very awkward. Whatever she THOUGHT she had lined up that guy probably flaked on her and now she's back. You signed up OLDing to date not make besties with flakes and HELL NO no woman is gonna hook you up with their girlfriends, that's a waste of time! You did the right thing. She's a fool.

[carhill]

OP, here's my take:

 

You're young and dating casually with apparent dates with three other women lined up.

 

If this young lady interacts with you again, play it out, without any expectations of where it goes. Continue dating other ladies.

 

Her intentions will become clear. By not investing in them, you enjoy the freedom to accept them for whatever they are and see if they match up with yours at that time. You indeed may find her to become a valued friend, or lover, or another one of the multitudes of people you'll meet in life and forget. Each experience is valuable and teaches. Enjoy the journey. Good luck!

[oldshirt]

You guys are missing the point. It isn't about being 'set-up' by a girl who didn't want to date you. It isn't about handouts. That's not what networking is.

 

Networking is brand recognition. Exposure to other women in a group that a person otherwise had no 'in' with. Face time. Advertising. You aren't sitting there waiting to get set-up by your new friend. But maybe your new friends invites you to a party and a bunch of her girlies are there. Guess what? You're not there as just some unknown dude...you're now a known commodity with a referral. You're now 'in'.

 

I'll give you two examples:

 

1) in college, I met a girl in class. I kinda wanted to hook up with, but couldn't seem to make it work. But we became friends, and hung out here and there. That culminated in me hooking up with (to varying degrees) 4 of her friends and her sister. No investment beyond hanging out having fun with a cute girl. The best part? I ended up hooking up with the original girl after a couple of years.

 

2) There was a girl I met in school that I wanted but she was a total goodie-two-shoes. I tried a couple of times, but it was a waste if time. But she thought we would be good buddies. Well, that was fine. She also had 4 girl roommates, and I ended up hanging out with 2 of them, and then one of their other friends. Easy. All I had to do was get a drink with this girl a couple of times and be cool.

 

Maybe it's just me and my entrepreneurial spirit, but this is tactic pays dividends. Why beat the streets for new customers when you can get referral after referral? Kaylan tells the OP not to take crumbs from this girl. How is it taking crumbs? He's wouldn't be meeting up with her for her. He would be meeting up with her for him and his future endeavors. Its not taking crumbs because it has nothing to do with that girl.

 

The take-home message here is simple. Expand your base. Don't limit it. Take advantage of opportunities. Don't squander them.

 

That's how I would handle it. But what do I know?

 

 

 

This ^^^^^^^

 

Anytime you get friendzoned by a gal that is in a league you want to play in, put her to work for you. Get the referrals, get out of the house, expand your circle.

 

And another point that no-one else has made yet - how do you know she simply wanted some coffee and to be entertained for free that day???? She may hav been ovulating at that time and was open to an afternoon hookup.

You may have just blown a FWB opportunity.

 

If some gal calls you out of the blue wanting to meet up, take the chance and lay on the flirtation and banter and charm. Depending on her mood and status at that moment she may take you up on it.

 

If she doesn't then hit on her any way and ask if she has an identical twin sister that's single. She'll giggle and say no but that she has a friend who just broke up with her BF who might be up for it.

[Chocolat]

Again, why the hell does he need this chick? He doesnt. He should move on and enjoy finding gals on his own. He doesnt need this woman to help his dating life. Jeez, get real. And pride is important in dating. Man's collective lack of pride is why a lot of women get away with loads of bad behavior.

 

You're right - he doesn't need this chick. But then he shouldn't have said:

 

 

I gave her some personal "friend" advice, urged her to keep dating, have fun, be safe and "of course I'll be your friend" but left it there and didn't (and wasn't going to) contact her again.

 

He could have just as easily said, "Thanks, but I'm not looking for that right now" or whatever.

 

Now, ladies, what gives? Does she honestly think I am on board with this "friend" thing or is it something else?

 

Well, you said you were on board. Are you suggesting she should have known you were lying?

[soccerrprp]

You're right - he doesn't need this chick. But then he shouldn't have said:

 

He could have just as easily said, "Thanks, but I'm not looking for that right now" or whatever.

 

Well, you said you were on board. Are you suggesting she should have known you were lying?

 

The OP, if suggesting that the girl should have known he was lying, flat out DECEIVED her and shed light to what kind of guy he is. I can't help laugh at the gaul of this guy to:

 

1. FLAT OUT LIE about being friends and do it with more conviction than needed, and

2. Suggest that the girl should have known that he was lying (a liar).

 

I hope I'm wrong on both counts...Oh, well, it's always interesting to meet people on LS who are much to blame for so many people's jaded outlook on dating/relationships/friendships.

[TB Rhine]

it was a great 6+ hour date which involved shopping, games and dinner.

 

All of which you paid for, I'm sure.

 

Also, there is no "great" date that involves shopping (at least from a man's perspective). What you call a "date," I call "walking around behind and carrying her ****."

 

As for the coffee call... either she was in town, wanted coffee, and thought she'd take a stab at getting you to pay for it, OR she wanted some attention. There's a SLIGHT chance she's interested, but wanted to slow things down by playing the friend card; in nine out of ten cases, either side making that offer (or accepting it, for that matter) is being disingenuous.