Mo_Do Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Went out with a girl last weekend from OLD. We had really spent a lot of time on the build up (too much), several novel-length e-mails, then multiple daily texts, then daily evening phone calls, then we met. Chemistry was negligible on both sides but it was a great 6+ hour date which involved shopping, games and dinner. I went for the chemistry-test kiss and got cheeked when I dropped her off. I figured it was likely a dead deal and went home. Later that night she texted that she didn't feel relationship chemistry and I honestly (thinking with big head) agreed, because I didnt either. I gave her some personal "friend" advice, urged her to keep dating, have fun, be safe and "of course I'll be your friend" but left it there and didn't (and wasn't going to) contact her again. After 2 days I deleted her # from my phone and went about courting other females (3 dates with other women lined up). Today I get a text, that I missed by over an hour that she was around the corner from my place and that she wanted to see if I would like to grab a coffee. Now, ladies, what gives? Does she honestly think I am on board with this "friend" thing or is it something else? In 100% honesty I don't really want to meet her either way, and didn't. Not a big deal, but I thought it might at least make a decent thread on here for tonight...lol 1
hpjunke Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I think this is a good call the friend thing in my eyes never works and i should listen to my advice on this matter . The only girls im "friends" with are they ones i never stuck my penis in ..
soccerrprp Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 (edited) Are you lying about being her friend? Edited March 28, 2014 by soccerrprp
Author Mo_Do Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 Are you lying about being her friend? Yes. I said it to be nice, she had said back then "I know, I know, you probably don't need anymore friends" So I was Mr Nice guy and said I was "always looking for friends" - which was a white lie, I was just trying to part ways on a good note. Delete that text and go about your day as usual. Don't waste a second thinking about this any further. Like an idiot I responded that I had turned the ringer off on my phone, and by then she was already gone. She said "bad luck". I sent one of these And that's been it.
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Yeah. Forget her. It's kind of insulting in a way that she say you're not good enough to date me and then asks you to hang out for coffee after. DON'T BE THAT BETA GUY! 3
Author Mo_Do Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 Yeah. Forget her. It's kind of insulting in a way that she say you're not good enough to date me and then asks you to hang out for coffee after. DON'T BE THAT BETA GUY! Very true (the way you put it) and thanks! 1
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Yes. I said it to be nice, she had said back then "I know, I know, you probably don't need anymore friends" So I was Mr Nice guy and said I was "always looking for friends" - which was a white lie, I was just trying to part ways on a good note. Like an idiot I responded that I had turned the ringer off on my phone, and by then she was already gone. She said "bad luck". I sent one of these And that's been it. Bah humbug. I wouldn't responded with something about "I thought we agreed that we weren't dating compatible. Though if you want to hook up NSA hit me up. Ttyl" Basically just casting her aside and humoring myself. 1
Sweetnothing Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Maybe she took "I'll be your friend" as "I'll be your friend". Weird how women are so literal. There's nothing wrong with saying "no thanks, I'm good" when someone says "we should just be friends". I don't see what the problem is here. You don't need to have uncontrollable sexual chemistry to hang out with someone. Maybe she doesn't have a lot of friends and could use someone nice to hang out with. I'm not trying to sound like I'm scolding you, I get it, you're looking for dates, not friends, but if you got along well enough to hang out for 6+ hours you could see how it goes? 3
Phantom888 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Maybe she really wants to be friends because you obviously have lots in common. I dated a woman once, even slept with her, and the chemistry was STRONG, but we opted to just be friends because she was too busy, and I did not want a FWB thing. But over the years we have been great friends.
WP4046 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I would try to get some STRESS RELIEF out of it and send a text like "are you interested in a tv/dinner sitaution at my place"
Lansing Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 You seem to be overreacting by letting it effect you that much. What is the harm in actually hanging out with her again in the future? Is it because you didn't give her the "let's just be friends" line first that you are bitter? Maybe she has some hot friends that she can introduce you to. You did hang out with her for 6+ hours so there must have been some kind of connection? Anyway, do what you want but the fact that you decided to even post this thread makes me think that it has effected you more than you lead on to. 1
WP4046 Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Bad bad. She could introduce you to another friend, who introduces you to a girl who's interested. One of my platonic friends has all unattractive friends and I never could understand that lol
kaylan Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Delete that text and go about your day as usual. Don't waste a second thinking about this any further. This. (10 char)
Author Mo_Do Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 You seem to be overreacting by letting it effect you that much. What is the harm in actually hanging out with her again in the future? Is it because you didn't give her the "let's just be friends" line first that you are bitter? Maybe she has some hot friends that she can introduce you to. You did hang out with her for 6+ hours so there must have been some kind of connection? Anyway, do what you want but the fact that you decided to even post this thread makes me think that it has effected you more than you lead on to. Truly it has not, I'd say so if I was upset by her choice to be friends. I didn't feel chemistry and neither did she, but we did have a connection, so I am also not going to "I am good, no thanks" or "FWB?" her. I respect the girl, I also have 3 others lined up and simply dont have time. Why did I post it? I've been hanging out here a lot lately and figured why not - no need to dissect.
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Bad bad. She could introduce you to another friend, who introduces you to a girl who's interested. Most likely this girl wants a beta guy to lead around and give her a self confidence boost.
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 And as for continuing as friends because you both "get along so well with each other"... wtf? If that was the case she wouldn't have dropped you like a bag of rocks after just one date. 1
RonaldS Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 It amazes me how stupid guys can be about this crap. Quit being so petulant and petty. Are you too good to be her friend? Doubt it. I mean, you wanted to date her. So, maybe you feel like drawing a line in the sand and serving notice to this girl that it's all or nothing, thus making some obscure point about your value that only you will be aware of. (not speaking specifically to the OP, but guys in general) Not only are you not making any kind of cogent point....but you're also shooting yourself in the foot. It's so short-sighted, and all just to save face. Terrible, terrible strategy. Here's why: Pretty much every girl I know has other friends who are girls. And those girls have even more friends that are girls. And some of those have sister's, or cousins, or aunts, or whatever. That's a ton of girls networked to the girl you just blew off. Instead of comporting yourself respectfully and compassionately, and presenting yourself as a....ahem....decent dude, you had to try to big-time her so that you could get some power back, and now you come off as d*ckhead sh*tbag guy and effectively kill that ENORMOUS potential pool of other girls that you could date, smash, whatever. For what? Guys, a girl friend can be your dating best friend. 1
Author Mo_Do Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 And as for continuing as friends because you both "get along so well with each other"... wtf? If that was the case she wouldn't have dropped you like a bag of rocks after just one date. If I was a betting man, I'd bet she was going to want to be more than friends had I went to meet her. Around the corner for coffee? Did she blow me off after 1 date? Yes. Is she confused now? Oh hell yes. Do I want any part of it? No. 1
kaylan Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Ronaldo, Ok sure, a chick friend is fine. But why would I want to stay friends with someone I wanted to bang, who already rejected me and didnt talk to me for a week? Oh sure, lets be friends after you give me a lame coffee handout. No thanks. I have chick friends who I dont have that weird start with.
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 It amazes me how stupid guys can be about this crap. Quit being so petulant and petty. Are you too good to be her friend? Doubt it. I mean, you wanted to date her. So, maybe you feel like drawing a line in the sand and serving notice to this girl that it's all or nothing, thus making some obscure point about your value that only you will be aware of. (not speaking specifically to the OP, but guys in general) Not only are you not making any kind of cogent point....but you're also shooting yourself in the foot. It's so short-sighted, and all just to save face. Terrible, terrible strategy. Here's why: Pretty much every girl I know has other friends who are girls. And those girls have even more friends that are girls. And some of those have sister's, or cousins, or aunts, or whatever. That's a ton of girls networked to the girl you just blew off. Instead of comporting yourself respectfully and compassionately, and presenting yourself as a....ahem....decent dude, you had to try to big-time her so that you could get some power back, and now you come off as d*ckhead sh*tbag guy and effectively kill that ENORMOUS potential pool of other girls that you could date, smash, whatever. For what? Guys, a girl friend can be your dating best friend. I've heard this perspective of befriending girls and I admit it could reap benefits. Though at the same time I ask myself, why am I using my time to platonically hang out with this girl when I could be using it on some other girl that might actually like me enough to want to date me?
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 How do you know this? You don't. I'm trying to see what the girl gets out of this. From her perspective. You think she uses OLD to increase her platonic friend count? I mean come on.. one date and you're already laying the hammer down? Didn't even give OP a second chance? But yet he's good enough to start being a hangout buddy? I don't get it.
RonaldS Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Ronaldo, Ok sure, a chick friend is fine. But why would I want to stay friends with someone I wanted to bang, who already rejected me and didnt talk to me for a week? Oh sure, lets be friends after you give me a lame coffee handout. No thanks. I have chick friends who I dont have that weird start with. Nobody says you have to be besties. Who GAF if you wanted to bang her and she rejected you? How do you know her 2nd best friend isn't a hot c*ck-fiend with daddy issues? Is everybody in the world but me so GD cool that they can't take an hour out of their lives and have coffee with a (presumably) cute chick? Is pride that important? I've learned this much in life....you don't know what's going to happen or how things will end up. Nothing is certain. Ipso facto, the best MO is to be cool and act right. If a cute girl is nice enough and thinks enough of you to ask you to join her for coffee, then be cool, act right and go get coffee with her. Besides, how do you know that getting that cup of coffee won't end 8 hours and several drinks later with you two-timing her and her hot friend? Life is crazy....you don't know how it's going to turn out. To quote Mr. Pink: 'Come on, man....think!'
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 It's networking. I get it but the time you're spending on "networking" with this "friend" you could be using to take out a new prospective girl. You also have to see if this new "friend" is the type that will share your attention. I want to share a networking "fail" story from a few months ago. And of course this is one extreme. Networking MAY work. I was pursuing this girl. Turns out she was saving herself for marriage so we both decided it wouldn't work out. Well she still kept wanting me to talk with her on the phone for hours at like midnight (basically bf-type-stuff) and I would sometimes talk to her every now and then. Well I knew she had some cute friends so I ask her if she and these 2 friends that I knew she hung around a lot would want to play tennis with me. She straight up told me she would get jealous if I hung out with her friends so she didn't want to have us in a group setting. I'm like "but... we agreed to not date... You're... Insane." lol
kaylan Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 Ronaldo, Again, why the hell does he need this chick? He doesnt. He should move on and enjoy finding gals on his own. He doesnt need this woman to help his dating life. Jeez, get real. And pride is important in dating. Man's collective lack of pride is why a lot of women get away with loads of bad behavior. If someone rejects me, I keep it moving. I dont run back to them to accept a handout just because theyre cute. Get outta here with that mess. There are too many cute girls out there for me to waste time on one that rejected and ignored me. 2
RonaldS Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I've heard this perspective of befriending girls and I admit it could reap benefits. Though at the same time I ask myself, why am I using my time to platonically hang out with this girl when I could be using it on some other girl that might actually like me enough to want to date me? It's an investment strategy, dude. You are doing cost-benefit analysis but not factoring in the benefit side of the investment. You're comparing cost-potential benefit to strictly cost, and looking at a potentially rewarding, fulfilling, educational, fun time with a cute girl as some sort of opportunity cost. This is a ROI deal all the way. When you weigh it out, disregarding the girl who wants to hang out with you for a few so that you can use that time to chase another potential girl is a very low ROI. However, if you're just cool and you get a good rating in this girl's evaluation, she will market you for you. All you have to do is be cool and fun and compassionate for a couple of hours, and not act like a jaded baby, and she will spread the word about you. You've made a small investment, and it could just keep paying off over and over and over. It's really that easy.
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