Author Gingerlee Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 I agree totally. I guess I've been single for over a year now and thought I was ready to be with someone again. I don't know what I do wrong on these dates, but I'm working on myself for a little while. I know I'm not un-attractive, I'm very curvy with long red hair and big green eyes and I know I could do with losing a few lbs so I will start with that. I guess I need a break and just to enjoy being with myself for a little while.
Zahara Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 I agree totally. I guess I've been single for over a year now and thought I was ready to be with someone again. I don't know what I do wrong on these dates, but I'm working on myself for a little while. I know I'm not un-attractive, I'm very curvy with long red hair and big green eyes and I know I could do with losing a few lbs so I will start with that. I guess I need a break and just to enjoy being with myself for a little while. I don't believe it has anything to do with the way you look or how you carry yourself. That description is making me visualize Jessica Rabbit! I bet you're gorgeous and have a fun personality to boot! But when you're not in a good place, you can give out a vibe and most times you will end up attracting wrong people and wrong situations. Yes, take a break and just enjoy cultivating a relationship with yourself.
Author Gingerlee Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 It is so funny you say that, I went as Jessica Rabbit for halloween last year! It was a right laugh. I guess I've just been hurt too much. My first serious boyfriend left me during a miscarriage and soon got a 17 year old girl pregnant two weeks after we broke up. Their baby is due within the next month. Maybe that's messing with my sub-conscious? I don't know a lot about the human brain but I got over it pretty scarily quickly, maybe the lack of self esteem is kicking in? Either way I'm doing my best not to mope. Out of all guys i've dated this is the saddest one to let go, as we spent hours talking before we met and I've never met someone who just clicked with my sense of humor. I've got work tonight so I suppose that will take my mind off of things.
regine_phalange Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 I knew that something was off when you mentioned that he said he sold his iphone and didnt buy a new one and his internet is dodgy. Probably his mailing pigeon caught lice as well. I know that when someone likes you tries to open channels of communication, not limit them. Don't worry, at least he was honest and won't waste your time further. You didn't really know him, he was just a good looking charming fella, but that doesn't mean anything. You'll do great and chin up! 1
Zahara Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 I don't know a lot about the human brain but I got over it pretty scarily quickly, maybe the lack of self esteem is kicking in?. Maybe you never really processed your healing after all that happened. Sometimes it's easier to just put it away and shut it all out. Compartmentalizing is great but at some point those unresolved feelings come back to bite you, and when it manifests, it may hit you two fold. You went through a very difficult life situation, losing your bf for one but worst of all, having to endure a miscarriage. After reading that supervisor thread and this current one OP, you're right to take a break and maybe start focusing on what's really going on inside you. It wouldn't hurt to maybe talk to someone to help you dig a little deeper.
RonaldS Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Dear men on this site THIS IS WHAT WOMEN LIKE Now stop making threads about it and take notes And then go figure out a way to be charming, good looking, witty and confident.
Author Gingerlee Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 I agree, and I am glad he did message me eventually. Despite how cruel it was to leave me hanging for a week. I guess I was just confused because he seemed so keen, and he paid for everything despite my initial rejection and then told me he'd love to see me again. Why would anyone go to such lengths for someone they didn't like or weren't attracted too? I guess these questions will go on un-answered. I've had a relatively quiet day and I don't feel like crying until I vomit anymore haha. Also looked at getting an exercise bike and learning to drive again. Little things I suppose. 1
hasaquestion Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 And then go figure out a way to be charming, good looking, witty and confident. Confident, charming, and witty are all perfectly realistic goals.
Hello_is_it_me Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 OP, let this be a learning experience. Don't put your eggs in one basket. Not that this situation is even that dire. It's not like he banged you and cast you off. Maybe he just isn't that into you.
Sweetnothing Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 I'm surprised he even messaged you to be honest. Most dudes will just disappear, but then again you go to the same school so he probably wanted to avoid any potential awkward encounters. Well. Lesson learned. Don't feel sad about it and definitely don't worry about losing weight. I know stuff like this has you questioning your every action, but trust me, it's got nothing to do with you. Some guys are fickle. I'm sure you've experienced it yourself being interested in someone then all the sudden not. The problem with guys like this is he's probably got a ton of desperate girls messaging him and massaging his ego. He probably had a handful of one night stands and all those girls are still trying to chase him. He clearly just has a big dumb ego and likes the feeling of flirting and being wanted rather than getting into a relationship. Just be glad you didn't turn into "that girl." The desperate needy lonely girl who just *knows* there was a connection and won't give up until the dude ignores her for months. You're the woman that respected herself. It's sad when you think there's potential for something, but a lot of people, not just men fear commitment. Being in a relationship is hard. It's not all cuddling and kissing and laughing. There's compromise and jealousy and fighting. Some people would rather just have the beginning part. It's immature as hell, but if someone doesn't want something, you can't want it for them. Don't see it as he didn't want YOU. He didn't want to have to continuously keep up a performance. He's lazy. He knows that girls love to be swept off their feet and taken out on dates. Unfortunately he isn't willing to keep it up. It's all his problem.
RonaldS Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 (edited) Confident, charming, and witty are all perfectly realistic goals. So is making $500k/yr. But not everybody has what it takes to do it. You don't just become charming and witty. It's not like losing weight. There's so much more to charm than saying the right things. You have to know how to say them and when to say them. And beyond that, charm has to have a naturalness to it. Nothing worse than contrived 'charm'. It's more smoothness, and by smoothness, I don't mean 'be smooth'. I mean effortless, genuine and almost unconscious. And wit? Oh geez, forget it. You're not going to become witty and funny if you aren't already. Edited March 31, 2014 by RonaldS
Author Gingerlee Posted April 1, 2014 Author Posted April 1, 2014 Thankyou so much sweetnothing, your words are really comforting! I know I am young and got many men to meet yet but it doesn't make it hurt any less. It doesn't confuse me any less either. He responded saying "Sure thing." And I replied with "Thankyou, let me know when you'll drop it in" And he said "I will, probably around wednesday" And I said "Thanks dude :)" and that was it. I didn't want him to think I cared about him in the slightest and am pretty happy with my reaction. Tomorrow is a new day!
Sweetnothing Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 Thankyou so much sweetnothing, your words are really comforting! I know I am young and got many men to meet yet but it doesn't make it hurt any less. It doesn't confuse me any less either. He responded saying "Sure thing." And I replied with "Thankyou, let me know when you'll drop it in" And he said "I will, probably around wednesday" And I said "Thanks dude :)" and that was it. I didn't want him to think I cared about him in the slightest and am pretty happy with my reaction. Tomorrow is a new day! Yeah, it hurts. There's no denying that. I've been stung like that by the same type of guy over and over and over. There will be plenty more guys who will disappoint you. Believe me. Maybe next time the guy will take you on 3 or 4 dates and then disappears and you're like what the hell! That happened with my last prospect. We had 4 great dates and I started getting comfortable with him and started opening up more and texting more frequently and then I got that little feeling. So I stopped texting him completely. Then a week went by, no word from him. Then two weeks then a month and then some. He's just gone. No explanation, no "sorry I'm not interested". Just NOTHING. And even though it's happened before I still went through all the same thoughts of "maybe if I just text him....maybe he thinks I don't like him and maybe he's afraid to contact me so maybe if I just give it one more try..." But I resisted the urge and had to face facts: he just didn't like me. In the beginning he would text me first, but his interest was fading and maybe I tried a bit too hard, but I don't think that's the main reason. Some guys just lose interest quickly and nothing you do or say, no matter what you look like or what you wear can change it. I'll admit, I find myself hopelessly attracted to these types of men, but I've gotten much better at identifying them and cutting ties. The last guy was SUPER sweet and would always compliment me and wanted to snuggle and watch movies. He was hilarious too and sooo outgoing. I didn't pin him as the type to pull a disappearing act because of the way he acted when he was around me. The last time I saw him he was so affectionate. He was really reserved the first time we hung out, he slowly warmed up to me and the last date we had I let him spend the night. We had sex and after he couldn't stop kissing me. He held me the whole night, I woke up still in his arms, but then he got up and left pretty abruptly. He kissed me goodbye but it was short and weak. I texted him 2 days later in the afternoon and he didn't get back to me until the next day when before he would always reply within a couple hours. I knew it was over. Despite the way he acted before, I recognized that awful intuitive feeling that he was growing distant and I waited for him to contact me instead of reaching out. I never heard from him again. What's pathetic is that it's been almost 2 months since we last spoke and I still wonder I'll ever hear from him again! I don't obsessively think about him, but he crosses my mind sometimes, mostly at night. After TWO MONTHS I still have these pathetic feelings for a guy I knew for a month! Sometimes I even consider calling him. It's amazing what your brain can rationalize honestly. I'm never gonna call him though whenever I get that urge I instantly realize it's a bad idea. It's ****ty knowing he doesn't care about me when we had a really good time together, but I've accepted it and I can pride myself on the fact that for the first time I listened to my intuition and let him go. In the past I've chased guys to the point where it was seriously embarrassing and I see girls much older than me doing the same thing and I always try to step in and say stop! Let him go! Don't chase him! Some listen, some don't. You should be pleased with yourself because it is NOT easy to do what you did. You felt the temptation and you restrained yourself so this experience helped you. If you remember what this guy taught you, each date you go on will bring you closer to a healthy relationship. Remember that a man will SHOW you how he feels and you cannot change his feelings. It'll hurt every time, but once you stop making excuses and accept what is, you'll stop taking it so personally and racking your brain for every possible mistake you could have possibly made and you'll stop beating yourself up and eventually some guy will be like "damn, this girl won't take crap from anyone" and he'll value you because you value YOURSELF. 1
ponchsox Posted April 1, 2014 Posted April 1, 2014 For me, when a guy invites me to his place after a 1st date, it's a huge, HUGE bummer. Even if it was a great date. Things just plummet for me and I re-evaluate the whole night. I'd be cautious with this guy. Every woman appreciates a guy who can read that you're interested and then leans in to give you a big, strong kiss. But...I question intentions when a man invites me over too early. Beware. Agreed. If a man is interested in anything but sex, he will wait to ask you to his place.
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