Plac Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Hi, I have been together with my gf for the last 3 years. I met he when she was in a really bad financial and health-wise condition in which she had debts to pay and was psychologically really down, resulting in her cutting herself at times. Because of these difficulties and her lack of money I suggested that she moves in with me(I was 21 at that time, living with my father) for a time to help her get up again. We agreed it was going to be a temporary thing, but in the end she was extremely insistive on staying, even though I didn't really want it early in the relationship + she was problematic. She used to be super jelous, create scenes and problems for me whenever I wanted to do things that I like to do - going out with friends etc. She always wanted to be there, no matter if it made sense or not, which for me was exhausting and at times even frustrating. Last year I was about to go for my exchange studies far away, to a different continent. The months before that it was all nice. She has generally improved a lot, became really sweet, helpful, loving person and has got rid of her problems with the cutting and depressions. One thing that bothers me though is that she does little in her life. She started studying late and is not even taking it as seriously as I think she should, also he has a hobby of her own which is really cool, which she does enjoy, but she doesn't try to become better at it, or to even see it as a plan for her future. Sometimes I get the sad impression that her only plan for the future is me, though I would like her to have more things on her own - career plan, independent friend group etc. Now the situation is that because of these things I am not sure if I want to be with her, if she is the right for me. I have high ambitions for my life and I often feel I need to be aroudn someone who thinks in a similiar way, has the successful mindset isntead of a passive. It is difficult to talk with her about these things, because I always get the impression that she doesn't understand me - of course, she has her own feelings that are really strong for me, whereas I am always in doubt, which in turn makes her feel really down, blaming herself for things from the past etc. We have recently decided to take a break for 3 weeks(note that we are xxxx kilometers apart). I felt this would be the best way to sort out things, see how we feel...A week has now passed and I am still just as much in doubt as I used to be. How can I get this sorted out? Sometimes I feel that I didn't chose her, and that it came to be to this point because she didn't want to move out, and that I originally didn't want to get engaged in anything serious at the moment. "Meritfully" speaking, the thing that bothers me about her is how passive she sometimes is in her life. I sometimes compare for example what I achieved last year, how I grew and what she has done during that time. Is it weird?
blueshoe Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Someone once told me that if you want to go far, surround yourself with people who inspire, motivate and support you. I believe in this entirely. If you have goals and dreams, go chase them! this girlfriend of yours seems to be holding you back (maybe not intentionally, but none the less). There are so many women out there who are driven, strong and supportive and just plain awesome… why waster your time constantly trying to fix one? And you should never attempt to "change" someone anyways. If thats who she is, thats who she is and you're not going to change her! So my advice to you my friend, is break up for good and go find a woman who inspires you. Or you going to spend the rest of your life wondering if you should break up with this current girlfriend. Don't be afraid of upsetting her, she will recover even if she is convinced she won't. good luck!
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