MissTakes Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I am not good at not talking to him. I know this. I've known this. We went NC once before for 2 months, and it was agonizing. I tried it again for a week back in January, and gave in the moment he got back in touch. Last week, I had a business trip to his city and knew I would be seeing him. I ended up spending time with him and his family (not his W, but brother, SIL, etc) in a very low-key way. Of course, when he got me alone and got the chance, he tried to rekindle the PA. I wouldn't sleep with him (yay for growing a backbone!), though, and I think that was a bit of a wakeup call for him. It certainly was for me. I could almost hear my therapist in my head saying, "You CAN say no - to anyone, for any reason. And you certainly don't owe him anything!" The next day, when I saw him, I pulled him aside. I told him I'd have to continue working with him for the next few days, but after that, I want absolutely zero contact with him - not phone calls, emails, Facebook messages, texts, smoke signals - NONE of it. If he needs to get in touch with me for some reason - unlikely - he will have to do so through a mutual friend, who also was kind enough to block him and change his name in my phone, so that even if I wanted to (read: even when I'm drunk), I can't get in contact with him. And you know what? For the first time in a long time, I feel... free. 6
Waverly Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I haven't read your backstory, but I wanted to say how awesome this is. I'm struggling with the beginning of NC, and I find a lot of hope in the stories that are shared here of other people who have pushed through things and found themselves happier on the other end. Thanks for sharing. Enjoy your new freedom! 1
SugarHibiscus Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 I'm happy for you! Rock on with your bad self. 1
Waverly Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Prepare yourself, the ride has only just begun That may be... but at least she's off to a positive start.
EnderA Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 That may be... but at least she's off to a positive start. Indeed. How many OW can't even comprehend NC and then wonder why they spend years on the roller coaster? 1
ladydesigner Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 What a great post. Best of luck with NC. I have been in NC with my xAP for 5 years now and it was the best thing I could ever do for myself ;-) There is light at the end of the tunnel, when the going gets tough remember why NC helps with the healing! It really does ;-) 1
Author MissTakes Posted March 28, 2014 Author Posted March 28, 2014 Indeed. How many OW can't even comprehend NC and then wonder why they spend years on the roller coaster? I totally get this, and I'm on the lookout for it. My first attempt at NC was a miserable failure, as was the second, and the third. This time, though, I'm working with a therapist, and he didn't fight me too much on it (I have a sneaking suspicion that his W got suspicious and grilled him!). Every day I've gone without speaking to him has me feeling better and better. With the support that I get here and from my therapist, I think I'm going to be able to make it! 2
Nothisgirl Posted March 28, 2014 Posted March 28, 2014 I know how hard this is...incredibly proud of you!!! We are here for you reach out anytime
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