we plan to get married, but i am a little skeptical about his thought of kids..?

[jacg89]

we are happily in love with eachother. we have been together for less than a year, but have known each other for over 2 years. he actually lives upstairs from my grandma whos known him for about 12 years (she loves him) and i met him when i moved in with my grandma. since we have been together, he comes downstairs. i havent slept alone in months.

he is not ready to get married, but he needs to go back to his country for his family for a few months. its been 14 years since hes been there. it was pretty crazy enough when he said that he had to marry someone, before we got together, so i kind of knew what i was getting myself into, but he always promised me that nothing would happen. He just didnt want to marry me at the time because he wanted to marry me when he felt ready to, so we can have a real wedding, etc. So a few months ago, I told him I could never see us working out if he married someone else, and he would have to live with that person, and it would just kill me inside. He said he is not ready for the wedding party and all that, but he loves me and would stay with me 'for the rest of his life'. he said that one day we would have that real wedding party, and the rings, and all that jazz, when he was ready. but right now, it would be more of like a "rush" thing. Also, when he is in his country for a few months, i am also going to go there for a few weeks to visit him.

I know that what i wrote above is not my real question here, but more of our history/plans/personality..

he told me the other day when he was not eating his meat on Friday (he is catholic) that "WHEN I HAVE KIDS.... I am going to teach them this stuff and blahblahblah" and he actually mentioned it twice. We have never talked about having kids together, but I do want to start a family in the future. I just dont know how to bring it up to him! I dont understand why he didnt say "IF WE" have kids or "WHEN WE" have kids, instead he says, "WHEN I HAVE KIDS.." UHHH.. am i overreacting? I know guys are much more simple minded and dont really think, but i am a little insecure and I want to know if he wants to have kids with me! haha

btw, right now i am not on birth control, but he mentioned me going on it.. i know we are both young and not ready to have kids tomorrow, but definetly in the future i want to... so... what are your thoughts about what he said?

[Gottabestrong]

Don't worry about the phrasing of his desire to have kids. Worry about him going to marry someone else! Is that still happening?

[Gaeta]

I don't understand this arranged marriage if he's Catholic. Catholic don't have arranged marriages. Also wanting to go back to his country for a few months just does not add up. How many months exactly? Where is that country? he's going to quit his job?

 

Before getting involved any further with this guy you better do your homework and look into who he really is.

[clia]

I don't blame you for feeling insecure about marrying this guy. Based upon your prior threads, he has been nothing but lukewarm to you the entire time you've been dating. In your previous thread about marrying him, you mentioned that he doesn't have his "papers" to get back into the U.S. if he goes to visit his family, so he was planning to marry a woman to get his papers.

 

I see you have now decided to be that woman, and to marry in him a "rush" so he can get his papers? Is it fair to say that he is in the country illegally? If you haven't already, you need to talk to an immigration attorney so you understand the ramifications of marrying an illegal immigrant. He may not be able to get his "papers" even if he does marry you. And then you will really find yourself in a mess.

 

He said he is not ready for the wedding party and all that, but he loves me and would stay with me 'for the rest of his life'. he said that one day we would have that real wedding party, and the rings, and all that jazz, when he was ready. but right now, it would be more of like a "rush" thing.

 

Can't you see how he is using you?

[soccerrprp]

I don't understand this arranged marriage if he's Catholic. Catholic don't have arranged marriages. Also wanting to go back to his country for a few months just does not add up. How many months exactly? Where is that country? he's going to quit his job?

 

Before getting involved any further with this guy you better do your homework and look into who he really is.

 

Arranged marriages are as strongly cultural as anything else. There are very traditional families that still believe in arranged marriages regardless of religion. But, I do agree that the OP needs to find out more about this guy. Something doesn't seem right...

[Gaeta]

Arranged marriages are as strongly cultural as anything else. There are very traditional families that still believe in arranged marriages regardless of religion. But, I do agree that the OP needs to find out more about this guy. Something doesn't seem right...

I've realized after reading her other threads that she was not referring to an arranged marriage but she is referring to him marrying someone else to get his citizenship.

 

OP: I don't know about the US but here in Canada if you are caught marrying someone to give them their citizenship it's a crime and it's jail for both of you. Also when you marry someone from another country you are financially responsible for them for 5 years. Any debts, unpaid income taxes, medical bills are at your charge. This is serious business. I have a friend who felt in love with a foreigner, married him within a month, cost her 15K to get him to stay in this country and after he got his papers he left her.

[soccerrprp]

OP: I don't know about the US but here in Canada if you are caught marrying someone to give them their citizenship it's a crime and it's jail for both of you. Also when you marry someone from another country you are financially responsible for them for 5 years. Any debts, unpaid income taxes, medical bills are at your charge. This is serious business. I have a friend who felt in love with a foreigner, married him within a month, cost her 15K to get him to stay in this country and after he got his papers he left her.

 

Gaeta,

 

I believe it is also a crime to marry someone merely for citizenship here in the USA. I don't know about other details, but there's a high threshold of evidence that the relationship is solid, documented, etc. If the guys is in the country illegally, well, that makes it extremely difficult, of course.

[GemmaUK]

Jacq, do not marry this man.

 

If you do marry him then forget thoughts of children.

He will avoid sex once you are married most likely in case you get pregnant and will be gone once he is able to 'prove' he married you for 'love' six months/a year down the line.

 

All he is after is citizenship.

You are conveniently downstairs, convenient and agreeing to this.

 

He isn't in love with you, he just needs a green card.

He is only talking children because you are interested in having kids.

He is playing you big time.

 

People pay people $$$$ to marry them for a green card.

He is playing on your emotions.

He is not genuine.

He is basically scamming you.

[d0nnivain]

You are over reacting.

 

 

Yes it's a good sign when the man you are dating uses plural pronouns (we) but it's not a death knell if he says I. He has probably dreamed about how he will raise his kids for a while & hasn't quite processed that when you marry they will be your kids too.

 

 

I would tuck this little vocabulary slip away in your heart / brain but don't do anything about it just yet. See where everything leads. Until you have a ring on your finger & a wedding date set (after working out what are sure to be the religious issues) this is all just TALK. Don't put too much stock in it yet.

[stillafool]

Why do they start a thread and then never come back?

[GemmaUK]

Why do they start a thread and then never come back?

 

She has posted a lot of threads about this guy.

Denial maybe?