will she ever come back...

[phil7]

I will try to be as detailed as possible that way everybody understands.

Me and my ex girlfriend broke up march 15, which is about a week and half ago.

We had been dating since last summer. At the time i lived in Phoenix, Arizona. She lived in Tucson, Arizona. We talked everyday through text all of june, then in July i went over to Tucson (which is about about 100 miles south of Phoenix). I went for 3 days and stayed at hotel since she lived with her mom. We hung out all 3 days and had a great time. At the time we were still friends, i went back to Phoenix sunday night after spending friday, saturday, and sunday with her. 10 minutes after i took off to phoenix she texted me thanking me for coming there and spending the weekend with her, she said she really liked me, but wasn't sure if a relationship between us would workout as she was soon moving to California. We kept talking the whole week and i told i could come back the next weekend. I went back the next weekend at 7am in the morning, spent all day with her then drove back to phoenix that same night, but before leaving i asked her to be my girlfriend. She didn't really hear me as i whispered it to her so when she asked what i was saying it felt a little awkward and i just pretended like i didn't say anything. When i was dropping her off she kept going about how she wish i could stay and didn't want me to leave, we kissed, she got out of the car and i took of too Phoenix. The next day we were texting and somehow in the conversation we were talking about much fun we had the day before. She then asked what i was trying to tell her, i then told her i had asked to be my girlfriend but seeing as she didn't really hear me i thought she was pretending not to and it felt a little awkward. She replied with a " Yes of course i wanna be your girlfriend". The next weekend she decided to drive down to phoenix, because we figured it was a bigger city and there were more things to do here anyway. We kept driving to tucson and her to phoenix every weekend just to spend time with each other. A month later around the end of august she came to phoenix on a wednesday and spent wednesday and thursday with. She came during the week as she couldn't come during the weekend as she had to drive to California to start college. The first two weeks there she gave about 3 guys her number. I went two visit her two weeks later from when she left. I told her i didn't like her giving her number out to random guys as i didn't do that. That it didn't make me comfortable and she should stop doing that. She then promised me to stop and well i went to visit every two weeks up until halloween which is when she came over to spend it with me, then came back for thanksgiving also. She then left to cali for about 10 days to finish the semester and came back to phoenix. We spent two weeks together, the whole day, sleeping and waking up next to one another. Then she left to spend Christmas with her mother, then came back the next day after christmas as we were leaving to vegas. We left to vegas on a Friday, we were beginning to have a good time, but the next day she started feeling sick. We spent a week in vegas, but she couldn't really do much bc she was sick so we spent most of the day in the room. The day we were leaving i began to feel sick, when we got to phoenix i got sick, and again we spent the whole week inside since we were still recovering. We then drove to Tucson to go visit her mom and spent around 3 weeks together there until she had to leave for school at the end of January. She came back two weeks later to spend Valentines with me and left 5 days later. This is we're it all began. A week later after being back in Cali. I remember the exact date is was on February 24, 2014. She text me i'm giving someone a ride, i asked who? she said a kid. So i thought okay whatever. I then called her as we always talked when she was on her way to school, she picked then picked up, and told me i can't talk on the phone. I said why? She said because i'm giving a guy a ride, i then told her well you give your girl roommates rides all the time and we still always talk on the phone without a problem. Plus it's a stranger why should that even matter anyway, she than I can't talk i right now again. I then began to freak out and scream saying wtf this is **** then her voice began to get nervous and she didn't argue as if she didn't want the guy to hear. Then said alright well i got to go bye. I called her back and she texted me back as she was driving, i can't talk right now...i then said but you can text me back wtf? Then i called her again two times and she didn't pick up so i left her alone. 30 minutes later she calls saying hey sorry i couldn't talk i had a stranger in the car. I was all like thats **** we always talk even if theres someone in the car whats different today then told her **** off leave me the **** alone **** ****. We didn't text or call each other the rest of the day, the next day at around 11pm she texted me. Saying she was broken and how she didn't go out all day bc she was depressed from what had happened. I asked her who the kid was, she said that while she was in the cafeteria a kid asked her at what time the next bus was. She told him she didn't know that she drove to school, and he then asked for a ride and she agreed to give him a ride. I told her that didn't make me comfortable that she couldn't talk on the phone and giving strangers rides at night wasn't a good idea. She then said you should let me make my own decisions and went on how i was trying to control her. I again told her, that while she's in Cali i don't go out to parties, or clubs, give out my number to random girls, or pick up random girls on my car to give them rides. She then said there's nothing bad with giving a guy a ride and i would do it again. We then went on as friends for the next two days and then she said she wanted to be with me but she didn't want me controlling her every move. We then agreed that i wouldn't tell her what to do or what was right or wrong to do. But that her giving random strangers her numbers was not chill, and she said well i just gave him a ride to school. We then moved on from that and about 2 weeks later we were planning our spring break. Which was going to be from March 20 to March 21 first. We were gonna go to San diego As we were both planning to move there together over the summer and go to school together( she currently lives in Santa Barbarra). Well on March 02, she said if i could come sooner than march 20 and we could spend a few weeks together as well before spring break. I then agreed to come the next week but later she texted me asking me if i would leave that very same day. I was like yeah that would be amazing. An hour later she text me saying here your plane leaves in 3 hours, she bought me a plane ticket there that left March, 02 and came back March 31st. Well i went since i am currently doing online school, it worked out great for the first week. She only had school on mondays and wednesdays and i did all my work while she was at school. The rest of the days we spent them at the beach or exploring. Then sunday morning as we were getting back from the store. She saw a guy that was friends with her and her roommates (he was a surfer) he had told them that he was giving surfing lessons, that he had a couple surf boards and wet suits. He then asked her if she wanted to go surfing and she said yeah, well she got his number no big deal. Asked me if i wanted to go? I said sure and she asked him if we could go the next ( she hadnt told him i was going) well we didn't wake up that tuesday. So on Thursday morning we were bored and i told her hey you should text that guy and ask him if he's down to go surfing ( since he has all the gear). She then did and he said sure. I told her to text him that i was coming too. Then 20 minutes later he showed up with just one wet suite for him and her and one surf board...she then looked at me but we just got in the car and went to the beach. She kept making comments like you can just watch, you said you're afraid of sharks anyway. Or you can go out without a wet suite (but it wasn't even spring break and the water is super cold). I was already mad and she could see it, i then told them you know what i'm gonna walk back to the room. I don't wanna be sitting there while you guys are surfing...she knew i was already very upset. She said just stay here and watch and i said no. Well i left and watch from a distance as she surfed and he was supposedly trying to tell her how to surf for an hour. She only caught one wave. An hour later she left him there to go back to the room with me and told him to just text her when he was done that she would go back and pick him up. I then walked back to the house and didn't want her to see i hadn't left. She then got there first, and as i was getting there she was leaving again, and said hey where were you i was looking for you. I was like **** off **** and threw my swit suit at her. She then went and picked him up and went i got the room there was a note saying don't leave I'm looking for you right now. She then got back and i had already packed all my stuff, she wouldn't let me leave, and i kept saying no i don't wanna be with you anymore what you did to me was **** up. **** **** you don't care about me..your selfish. I then left and walked outside and was trying to call a taxi to get me to the airport, she then walked outside and said she would give me a ride. I said yes but later we ran out of gas and there were no gas stations near by so we had to turn back. We then turned back and she apologized and at night while i was at asleep she again woke me up to apologize and said she was sorry that what she had done wasn't good. That she would've felt and reacted the same way as i did. Well we moved on from that but saturday night we were walking to a party, and on our way we, she was like hey look theres that guy i gave a ride to at that sub place. I was like oh ha. She was like he texted me the other day if i could him a ride. And i was like what? I THOUGHT HE WAS A STRANGER...HOW THE **** DID HE GET YOUR NUMBER? She was all like well that day that i gave him a ride i gave him my number so i could give him a ride back. I was like wtf...you never told me that. She was like we were texting about how you freaked out and about you. And i was like let me...and she was like look and I was like theres only one text in which he's asking if you can give him a ride? she was like yeah i erased the other texts so you wouldn't get mad. Then i was like wtf this is **** and took her phone. She then started walking back and when i was on my way back she was there talking to him, i then stopped and told him. You would be mad if your girlfriend was doing the same thing. He was like if my girlfriend flirted or gave an attractive guy her number i wouldn't care i don't have trust issues. I was like **** then left..then she followed me and we went back to her place. She then kept saying babe sorry, and kept getting on top of me and i kept saying get off me get off. She kept trying to kiss me for a while. And i kept calling her names. She then got off. She knew i had her iPhone so she went and erased everything from iCloud. I then gave it back to her. I was like I'm leaving and without her seeing got her car keys and slept on in her car. The next day i went back and she was like you can sleep on my bed and i was like i just need to get my suite case and leave. She then said lets go to the leave room come and i went and she was offering me food to eat and i said no. I then asked for her phone to call a cab and my mom, she then left to the rest room. I saw she was texting her friends about how she about cared me and loved, they were saying to not blame her self that i was abusing her and taking advantage bc i knew she cared about me. Well i called my sister to call my mom so she could transfer money to my other account as one of my accounts was frozen at the time. She then said hold on I'm going to take a shower, came back got on the computer and bought me a plane ticket. She then drove me to the airport, while at the airport i was looking for my it number so texted her from my email as my phone was dead. She then gave it to me and said leave me alone your psycho and abusive this is all your fault. I then got mad and was like I'm gonna tell your roommates all the **** you talk about them then maybe everyone will see how much of a fake person you are. But i was just mad i didn't really mean any of that. While on the plane i was thinking a lot and thought that maybe it was all my fault for over reacting and that maybe if i had been more understanding and talked like a normal person. That maybe we could've fixed things and nothing would've went to that extend. Well i tried texting her and calling her when i got home but noticed she had changed her number already. I tried messing her on Facebook and said leave me alone. Then i told her that i was sorry for freaking out and over reacting and so on. That i would pay her the money that she payed and fly back out there the next day.

 

She then replied with " Look you've put me through enough **** and I'm not gonna be a part of it anymore. You need to be a man and know when to stop. You need to **** treat me with respect and listen when I tell you to leave me alone. You can't force me to listen to any of your ****, I don't want to hear it. No more walking all over me I will not tolerate harassment and I will take whatever measures necessary if you do not leave me alone. I know you don't understand the seriousness of what you've done to me because ive tolerated it in the past but know that now is the time when you really need to stop. I always used to try to get through to you & make you realize what's wrong with you but it is a waste of time and really dumb of me, you're a lost cause. I will not be **** abused any longer. Get the **** away from me I dont care what youre going through,right now I am only concerned about what's best for me. And you have to leave me alone.You have already crossed the line over and over again and don't think I will sit back and let it happen or tolerate it like I used to.I'm telling you do not message me again trying to express or explain anything. I repeat DO NOT contact me again.

 

I then kept trying but thens he just ended up blocking me.

Keep in mind that she had promise she would stop giving her number out to random guys and asked that i do the same. But she gave her number out to that guy she gave a ride to and didn't tell me about it until i was there in California with her. I haven't given my number out to anyone nor do anything that would bother her. I don't drink, smoke, or party that much. When i met her she used to smoke weed very frequently, she used to drink a lot, not so much partying but she sometimes drank by herself. She told me that she had blacked out at one party and which a guy took advantage of her. So she was light weight. I told her i didn't like her smoking weed, or drinking that much. She stopped slowly stopped doing those things and when she got to cali she kept for about two weeks but not as much. The first weekend she was there she drank but she was on the phone with me. I told her to stop drinking before she blacked out and something happened to her. I was like I'm at a kickback with my best friend and i drank a little. She also asked me to stop and i did. But an hour later she called and sounded way drunker and told me she had drank more. She was then on the phone saying she couldn't wait to meet new guy friends. Then the girl there told her yeah this isn't anything wait till everyone gets back you will meet a lot of hot guys. Okay i wouldn't have care if she said people but why guys in general? Well i told her the next morning and she said she didn't remember. So she promised not to drink again or smoke. That she didn't really wanna do those things...well in november she confessed she had smoke a little but never told me. That she had also drank a little but didn't tell me. Well i let all those things go.

 

 

Well back on track to what recently happened.

Well this past monday it was her birthday so i drove to Tucson.

I surprised her with a Siberain husky puppy and roses.

When i got there no one was there she was out with her mom so i left the roses at her front door and went to eat. Then went back and i was getting there her mom was leaving, i then got there and knocked. And she opened the door slightly then said you can't do that. You can't bring a puppy and tell me you're sorry and try to manipulate me. You think just bc you bring a puppy I'm going to forgive you. She then said okay you can come inside and well she kept saying it'll never workout, you will never trust me, you will never change. I asked her to give me one last chance and see that i could really control my behavior and not over react every time we got mad at each other. I said you don't have to say yes today you can tell me friday at the end of the week what your decision is. She then told me she couldn't keep the puppy as she wouldn't have time to take care of it etc. I was like okay and was like well you can keep it for today and play with since you love puppies. We then started talking about our life and well i then left and ended that on a good note. She said if i could come back tomorrow to pick up and i said yes. I then stayed a hotel so i wouldn't have to drive back. She was then emailing me about the puppy, that she was thinking about names for it and how adorable it was. She even sent me videos and pictures of her carrying it and playing with it. Well we were talking up until 12 which she stopped replying bc we started talking about the relationship and she kept saying i wouldn't change. She said if you really love me then just leave me alone. I was like alright if thats what you want i will pick up the puppy tomorrow and leave you alone after that. The next morning which was yesterday i woke up around 7am. Noticed she i had several emails from her. Around 2-3 am she emailed me saying she had been trying to email me that whole time and noticed her emails hadn't sent. But well she was sending me stuff about the puppy etc. Then later around 6am she was emailing me to go pick up the puppy that it had kept her all night and she couldn't do it anymore. She even unblocked me from Facebook and thats how i woke up to the notifications from her. I then messaged her back but noticed she fell asleep so i told her to just call me restricted( as i know she didn't want me to have her number) or message me whenever she woke up. She then called me restricted, I went there to pick it up around 9. Then we walked to a little park thats just across the street and we played with the puppy for around 10 minutes and she was like I'm gonna go get my other dog so she did and we stayed out there for about 3 hours playing with them. Well she then got up saying she had to go and i was like all right i have to go. She said good bye to me and the puppy and walked in her place and i left. This was yesterday around 11am. We haven't talked since then. Then when i left my friend who is following her on instragram told me she posted pictures of how much she loved the puppy. The last picture was a picture of the roses i took her with a caption "I had a wonderful birthday <3" What do you guys think? Do you guys think she will contact me? Maybe she will ask how the puppy is as an excuse? Or do you think she will not? I plan to leave her alone from here on out and just give her space. If she decides to come back then she really loved me and it was meant to be, if she doesn't then she didn't and she wasn't the one for me. What do you guys think i should do? I mean the only choice i have is leaving her alone and waiting for her to try to contact me. I feel like this time she is really serious about breaking up or is sticking it through. I mean every other little break up we or when we got mad at each other we never went a day without talking to each other. Even if we went the whole day without texting that same night someone would dropped their pride and message one another. But this time after that happened in cali she didn't talked to me for a whole week. Now its been a day since i last saw her yesterday and she hasn't tried or even attempted contacting me. Any suggestions would be appreciated. I really do love her and plan to change for the better. I plan to give her the benefit of the doubt and put my trust in her, no question her, and let her make her own decisions. I also plan to control my self and not freak out whenever we get mad. Let me know guys i'm depressed and don't feel good. Also i forgot to mention yesterday she told me, she hadn't turned in a 200 point essay that was due las wednesday bc she was depressed and couldn't write it. That the next morning she had to fly here and she tried taking the bus as no cab would pick up...but she missed the second bus and had to run to the airport. Which was only about a mile or 2. Let me know guys please take everything into consideration and give me good advise.

Edited March 26, 2014 by phil7
Didn't enter all the info

[erklat]

I have read only the second paragraph, and on glance too.

 

Check my first post, and last few in my thread and see a difference.

People don't read long posts.

 

On topic - first thing crossed my mind - you are needy.

 

Puppy, even cute gesture (especially sled dogs, I have Alaskan Mal) - looks like attempt to manipulate her in her mind.

 

Don't start working on yourself in the future if she returns.

Start immediately and become a better person no matter the outcome.

 

You haven't heard in a day. Healthy couples don't hear for two three days and don't start panicking.

[EmptyinNV]

A pet as a gift is never a good idea, that's who pets end up in the shelter :/

 

Give her some space and room to breathe. Clearly you two have very different boundaries and expectations of behavior are very different from one another.

[maturityassets]

Hey, you have what they call love addiction or codependency sorry to say. You are very dependent on this girl and you need to hear her voice to quell your anxiety. I use to have it as well, I never yelled but to call almost everyday or to question why she did things and saying how it made me uncomfortable that she did something's and that I wouldn't do that is manipulation not trust. Maybe this is your first serious relationship? That was the case for me. But you have to understand that you are losing this girl because of how much you talk to her. I understand she lives a couple of hours away but you can't call her everyday but as well if you were comfortable you wouldn't want to talk everyday either. There are a lot of days with my current girlfriend where I just say I need some alone time for the weekend. And she grants it because if she did it, I would get annoyed and it would start getting in the way of the relationship.

 

Look even if it doesn't work out, it isn't the end of the world. You should work on yourself. Get some therapy it always helps to understand why you have that anxiety that you feel you must check in all the time and get mad. In the beginning you might regret what you did and wish you knew what you knew sooner to still have her in your life, but trust me you will be able to meet new people and as a person who is stronger and more self confident, finding a better suited partner at the end.

 

Also you need self acceptance and honesty. You wrote way too much in your post but I did read it. I knew by the length and how you said it was for us to understand that you were anxious. You are venting right now and dazed because you run through the relationship and think how amazing it was but then you are looking for a moment to blame. But you guys were on this track from the get go, regardless what you guys would have avoided would have taken place in another time and place. I wish you the best of luck man. I write this as someone who also dealt with similar personal issues