bobby326 Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 So I've posted about this girl before and some things have happened and would like to get your advice on whether or not I'm doing the right thing or not. I met a girl through online dating, we we're hanging out about 2-3 times a week for over a month, we seemed to hit it off, slept with each other a few times, would cuddle, talk almost everyday, kiss etc. Things seemed to be going well but she was always hot and cold, I would almost always have to initiate everything with her. She Also told me about how she recently stopped talking to her ex about 2 months ago, who lives out of state, she recently moved here, we are in our late 20s btw. Basically what's going on is she said she doesn't want a relationship now or in the immediate future, but when i start to pull away from her I.e. Text/talk less she comes after me. The other day she asked, "do you still want to hang out" I basically said I do but I'm confused because everything we do is like we're a couple or we are going to be a couple and I know she doesn't want anything. She then asked if we were ok where we stand, I told her that I'm not sure if I want to spend as much time together if she's not even open to the idea of anything further down the road, she then said that she is not closed off to the idea eventually and she wants to continue to hang out with me. I suggested we spend less time together because if she wants something casual we should treat it as such. I guess my issue is I do like her and I feel if I pull away from her she will just disappear but if I continue to get close to her I'll just get hurt. It's a very odd situation, I've told her how I feel, how this NSA type relationship is not something I want but she insists she wants to spend time with me. I made myself unavailable this week and she said, "so we're not going to see each other for over a week" that shouldn't matter if you don't have feelings for someone or it's casual! Anyway, late night rant over with, let me know what you guys think.
Author bobby326 Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 Yes, we've slept together twice, it took almost a month for her to let me though after several attempts. I've also slept at her place a bunch times with no sex
Standard-Fare Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 It sounds to me like you're handling this exactly the right way. You've clearly stated the way you feel -- that you're not comfortable with the "NSA" thing if there seems to be no progress toward something deeper. And you've made a conscious effort to pull back. You've also pointed out her contradictory behavior -- that she acts like you guys are a couple sometimes, but then insists she doesn't want that. There's nothing more for you to do than to stay strong with these stances. You're right -- if you continue to get close to her without standing up for yourself on these points, you will definitely get hurt. So you have to face that risk of losing her if she can't handle a more clear-cut relationship with you. It sounds like she already realizes she's got something to lose here, so you might have a chance at snapping her out of this confusing, flakey behavior.
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