itsdinaah Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago. We agreed to be friends and I texted him first twice. His last ex cheated on him and he didn't date for 3 1/2 years after. He says he still loves me and wants me but he doesn't trust women anymore. He has started drinking and claims he will be single forever. The few times we texted it was awkward and only a few words exchanged. He texts back fast but he never initiates the conversation? Why doesn't he text me first if he still wants me in his life? Does he need more time or should I just move on with my life?
pickflicker Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago. We agreed to be friends and I texted him first twice. His last ex cheated on him and he didn't date for 3 1/2 years after. He says he still loves me and wants me but he doesn't trust women anymore. He has started drinking and claims he will be single forever. The few times we texted it was awkward and only a few words exchanged. He texts back fast but he never initiates the conversation? Why doesn't he text me first if he still wants me in his life? Does he need more time or should I just move on with my life? You broke up with him, why are you trying to contact him? 2
Zahara Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 I broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago. We agreed to be friends and I texted him first twice. His last ex cheated on him and he didn't date for 3 1/2 years after. He says he still loves me and wants me but he doesn't trust women anymore. He has started drinking and claims he will be single forever. The few times we texted it was awkward and only a few words exchanged. He texts back fast but he never initiates the conversation? Why doesn't he text me first if he still wants me in his life? Does he need more time or should I just move on with my life? He wants you in his life in a different capacity but can't have you that way because you've chosen to end it. Why would you think it may be easy for him to be friends with you? I think it is rather selfish of you to have these expectations when it seems that this break-up is doing a number on him. Why did you end it with him? 1
KaliLove Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 If you don't want to be in a relationship with him, it's mean for you to try to keep him in your life. You need to let him go. 2
Author itsdinaah Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 I broke up with him because I knew my family wouldn't accept him. I still want to be with him but I know that I can't. I want him in my life but I guess I should let him go so we can both move on. I'm just worried about him because of the decisions he makes when he's upset.
pickflicker Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 I broke up with him because I knew my family wouldn't accept him. I still want to be with him but I know that I can't. I want him in my life but I guess I should let him go so we can both move on. I'm just worried about him because of the decisions he makes when he's upset. You've got to let him go. You contacting after the fact, is just tormenting him. 1
Zahara Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 I broke up with him because I knew my family wouldn't accept him. I still want to be with him but I know that I can't. I want him in my life but I guess I should let him go so we can both move on. I'm just worried about him because of the decisions he makes when he's upset. When you chose to end it with him, you chose to step out of his life. You also made a decision that you already knew would affect him in a very negative way. It's the nature of the beast. You have to live with your decisions and he has to live his life the way he chooses to without you making it any worse than it already is by engaging him. Let him go and let him heal. 1
KaliLove Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Not your place to worry about him or his decisions anymore. If you're choosing to listen to your family then that's your choice..you need to stick with it. You're just torturing him now. It's cruel to try to keep him around. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 I broke up with him because I knew my family wouldn't accept him. I still want to be with him but I know that I can't. I want him in my life but I guess I should let him go so we can both move on. I'm just worried about him because of the decisions he makes when he's upset. Yes, you should leave him alone unless you want to reconcile with him and date him again. It's awfully selfish of you to dump him and then try to interject yourself in his life when you aren't going to date him. You are torturing him by doing this, so unless you are taking him back as a romantic partner, stop. 1
SCJACK Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Ex's are called ex for a reason, an ex cannot be a friend. You can't expect him to still be there for you after you ripped his heart out. You can't expect him to just flip a switch and "pretend" to be friends when he has greater feelings for you. Any contact with him is hurting him and you should stop contacting him. Leaving the relationship means leaving the friendship as well. 1
Author itsdinaah Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 Thanks for all of your replies. It's been nearly a week since we last spoke. I deleted him out of my phone so I won't be tempted to text him anymore. I think he's healing a little from our breakup (he started putting pictures of himself on his whatsapp instead of sad quotes). I still love him but I love him enough to let him go. Thanks again. 1
NoLeafClover Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 I don't think anyone who has to sacrificed "the one" they love for family should be dating until they start to realize how life of a human being really unfolds in the end. I have seen this over and over again. If you love the person and your family doesn't like them...and you make a decision based on what YOUR FAMILY likes then you will be single for the rest of your life or marry someone your age that has a mentality of a 50-60 year old (might as well) I guess what I am trying to say is, this is a problem you will have for the rest of your life if you keep checking for your parents approval. It's good to have family support but it's not good to let go of the one because they don't approve. You will be the one who is going to live with "the one" for the rest of your life not your parents. Your parents will not be around when you get older..you don't want to wait till then and start to realize perhaps you let go of too many good men only because your parents didn't like them for the way they dressed, taste in music, facial hair, religious beliefs or what not.. If you're a grown woman then you need to start looking for what makes you happy, now what makes them happy...start now.. we are in 2014 just my .02 cents 2
SCJACK Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 I don't think anyone who has to sacrificed "the one" they love for family should be dating until they start to realize how life of a human being really unfolds in the end. I have seen this over and over again. If you love the person and your family doesn't like them...and you make a decision based on what YOUR FAMILY likes then you will be single for the rest of your life or marry someone your age that has a mentality of a 50-60 year old (might as well) I guess what I am trying to say is, this is a problem you will have for the rest of your life if you keep checking for your parents approval. It's good to have family support but it's not good to let go of the one because they don't approve. You will be the one who is going to live with "the one" for the rest of your life not your parents. Your parents will not be around when you get older..you don't want to wait till then and start to realize perhaps you let go of too many good men only because your parents didn't like them for the way they dressed, taste in music, facial hair, religious beliefs or what not.. If you're a grown woman then you need to start looking for what makes you happy, now what makes them happy...start now.. we are in 2014 just my .02 cents I agree with this... but sometimes I do understand the pressures one can get from their family because they didn't like the person you dated. There are alot of other struggles and things and sometimes you just have to let go of that person because there are alot of tough situations and it really takes a strong person to fight for the one they love regardless of what family says.
Author itsdinaah Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 I wanted to write a letter to my ex of everything I wanted to say after we broke up. I was the one who broke up with him because I knew my mom would never accept him. Here's what I wanted to say. Is it a bad idea to send the letter? Dear _____, There have been a lot of things I wanted to say since we broke up. I didn’t know how to say them and I didn’t know the right time to say them. So here’s a letter from me of all of the things I couldn’t say. I know we agreed to be friends but that doesn’t seem to be working out very well. And honestly a friendship doesn’t seem like it will ever be possible between us. I wanted to say that I’m sorry for all the pain and heartache I’ve cause you. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you but I ended up doing it anyway. I know you’ll find someone better than me, you’re too good of a person to be alone forever. You deserve all of the happiness and love in life. You deserve more than what I can give you. Even though our relationship was short-lived I know that I loved you and I still love you. I will always love you, you will always have a piece of my heart. I wish things could have been different. I wish we could have been together forever but life isn’t always kind. I should have never dated you in the first place knowing how my mom is. I know I was being selfish but I wanted happiness in my life even if it wasn’t for long. Thank you for giving me the happiness I know I never deserved. Every kiss we shared, every time we held hands, every date we went on was simply amazing. Thank you for all of the wonderful memories, I will keep them with me forever. Thank you for always appreciating me, for always being there for me, for always listening to me, and most of all thank you for loving me. I never thought that I would ever find love in my life but I know how wonderful it is. I will always love you but I think it’s time for me to stop being selfish and let you go. Take care of yourself. Dina
Zahara Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 The thing is, he is already letting you go by avoiding communication with you. There is no need for you to send that letter. He is taking measures to healthily move on and heal from this. There is no need to derail him with this letter and possibly dig into a wound that he wants to heal. This letter is for you. Not for him. Let's be honest. You're trying to provoke a reaction. The kindest thing a dumper can do is to leave the dumpee alone. Leave him alone. 4
d0nnivain Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Writing it is fine. Sending it . . . not such a great idea. What are you trying to accomplish here? Its a sweet letter but what's the point of sending it? Do you think it will get your EX to come back? Do you think it will let you off the hook for something? FWIW, most nice people say they will be friends. It's a nice thing people say but nobody actually means it. The best you are going to get is polite 1-2 minute conversation if you accidently bump into the person.
redbaron005 Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 This letter is for you. Not for him. Exactly. If you must send it, address the letter to yourself instead and reflect on how you feel when you receive it in a few days. I sent emails to myself for about a month - it helped. When I went back to read them I was surprised at my insecurities and deleted them.
KaliLove Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Zahara said it perfectly. Please listen to what she told you.
Author itsdinaah Posted March 31, 2014 Author Posted March 31, 2014 Exactly. If you must send it, address the letter to yourself instead and reflect on how you feel when you receive it in a few days. I sent emails to myself for about a month - it helped. When I went back to read them I was surprised at my insecurities and deleted them. I'll try this. I think in a way I'm trying to get him back. It's just hard to move on because he was my first love and I found him when I was going through a really tough time in my life.
stillafool Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 For goodness sake, please stop jerking this poor guy around. Now that you see he is healing and moving on you want him back. Learn to live with your actions and stop treating him as if he is a toy. Leave the guy alone.
Chi townD Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 As much as you want to send that letter (and it was nicely written) I wouldn't send it. Just let t go. The thing is, he's trying to heal from this relationship and you sending that letter is going to undo any healing that he's accomplished thus far. He's trying to move on with his life and that letter is going to put you at the forefront of his mind. And that's not fair to either you or him. As much as you want to send it, I wouldn't suggest that you do that.
Zahara Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 I'll try this. I think in a way I'm trying to get him back. It's just hard to move on because he was my first love and I found him when I was going through a really tough time in my life. You ended with him because your parents wouldn't accept him. What about that has changed? Nothing. You can't use him because he makes your life comfortable. When you chose to end it, you chose to live your life without him. You can't have it both ways. 3
Zahara Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Ooh, Zahara you are on FIRE today! Mondays always get me cranky!
KaliLove Posted March 31, 2014 Posted March 31, 2014 Mondays always get me cranky! Me too, but I meant that in a good way! 1
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