Depression is hitting

[DontBreakEven]

I think I am definitely out of the shock/denial stage here, 2.5 months post-breakup.

 

3 months ago today I was on a beach proposing.

 

Tonight I'm crying at home by myself after a terrible day at work, depressed and angry at the same time that I no longer have a loving partner to come home to, to help me share the load of .. life.

 

Although I don't want to, and never wanted to, I am coming to terms with the fact that she just doesn't want to be with me (I mean, obviously).

 

I guess it was such a shock both times we broke up. When our relationship began, and when it began again the 2nd time, she must have been a wonderful actress because she sure had me fooled thinking she wanted to spend her life with me (especially the second go-round - I know many of you will be screaming "red flag" at the mention of a previous break up before this - she was just that good at convincing me she was confused).

 

I mean when a chick names your kids with you, and pins engagement rings on pinterest, and tells her best friend you better hurry up and propose because she "won't wait forever", and said best friend helps you pick out a ring, it's awfully shocking when she leaves you 14 days after she accepted the proposal, with nothing but "there is so much to say, but I can't articulate my thoughts, I will always love you .. I'm just not 100".

 

Okay.

 

I guess all there is left is to just accept it. Accept that I have no answers, and even if I did, it wouldn't matter. If she can't love me back it just doesn't matter as to why. I am attractive, have a great career, don't do drugs, hardly drink, and treated her like gold. It wasn't enough. And I have no choice but to be okay with that. But man, being okay with that sure comes with a price - one that no amount of Prozac or Xanax will alleviate. No remedy for just plain old broken heart. <- I cannot believe there is no teary icon on this forum. Imagine the frowny face, bawling at the keyboard.

Edited March 25, 2014 by DontBreakEven

[SCJACK]

I think I am definitely out of the shock/denial stage here, 2.5 months post-breakup.

 

3 months ago today I was on a beach proposing.

 

Tonight I'm crying at home by myself after a terrible day at work, depressed and angry at the same time that I no longer have a loving partner to come home to, to help me share the load of .. life.

 

Although I don't want to, and never wanted to, I am coming to terms with the fact that she just doesn't want to be with me (I mean, obviously).

 

I guess it was such a shock both times we broke up. When our relationship began, and when it began again the 2nd time, she must have been a wonderful actress because she sure had me fooled thinking she wanted to spend her life with me (especially the second go-round - I know many of you will be screaming "red flag" at the mention of a previous break up before this - she was just that good at convincing me she was confused).

 

I mean when a chick names your kids with you, and pins engagement rings on pinterest, and tells her best friend you better hurry up and propose because she "won't wait forever", and said best friend helps you pick out a ring, it's awfully shocking when she leaves you 14 days after she accepted the proposal, with nothing but "there is so much to say, but I can't articulate my thoughts, I will always love you .. I'm just not 100".

 

Okay.

 

I guess all there is left is to just accept it. Accept that I have no answers, and even if I did, it wouldn't matter. If she can't love me back it just doesn't matter as to why. I am attractive, have a great career, don't do drugs, hardly drink, and treated her like gold. It wasn't enough. And I have no choice but to be okay with that. But man, being okay with that sure comes with a price - one that no amount of Prozac or Xanax will alleviate. No remedy for just plain old broken heart. <- I cannot believe there is no teary icon on this forum. Imagine the frowny face, bawling at the keyboard.

 

You seem like a pretty great guy. Unfortunately you are right about having to just accept things without getting closure... it sucks. There are days when you feel like **** and think alot.. I went through that last night while trying to sleep and it hasn't happened for awhile. There is no remedy for a broken heart... just time, which is a long process.. be strong and just know that you deserve alot more. Maybe it wasn't meant to be because there's someone much better in store for you. I know how you feel about the depression as well because I'm going through it now.. I even have the medicine prescribed to me but it's not good for me as it screws up my mental thoughts and is only temporary relief to reality...

[melell]

A time will come when you will look back and wonder why you ever cared about what happened.

 

I promise you.

 

I was with my ex 7+ years, it is a bit less than a year later and it doesn't even feel like the past was real- more like a dream I had years ago or something.

 

Hang in there, time goes fast, the emotions will be gone before you know it.

[disclosure]

Just a head's up everyone, OP is a female.

 

Anyways, I'm sorry you had a rough day/night. It's unfortunate that when you are having a rough day in general, it seems that's when old feelings come back later that night and hit you the hardest. Reading your story you seem like a great person that someone will eventually be lucky to have, and although there is nothing (save time) to truly help ease the pain, I wish you all the best in moving forward.

 

Breathe. And stop treating women "like gold". They don't want it and they don't deserve it.

 

:/

[KaliLove]

Breathe. And stop treating women "like gold". They don't want it and they don't deserve it.

 

Get out of the bitter barn and play in the hay misogynist pig.

 

OP, I'm sorry you're having a rough time. It really does sound like it came out of nowhere. The best thing to do right now is to just cry it out.

[Jiivy]

My fiancée up and left me just weeks ago - we had a future together, and all of that is gone in the absolute blink of an eye. I too feel like I'm waking up and finding the past 7 years of my life was simply a dream.

 

Seek out your friends, your family - whoever will lend you an ear and talk to them. Personally, I started writing a blog to let out my emotions every day since we stopped talking. Try your best to be the strong person you can be and heal...whatever happened to your partner was a tragedy.

 

It's like a death - no....worse.

 

The road. | A record of coping for lost relationships

[sooshi]

DontBreakEven, I feel for you. My fiancé broke up with me at the end of December. We had our wedding date planned, our wedding venue booked, and our invitations sent out. I had put a deposit on my dress. We had planned out a lot of things. It was really, really hard for me when it ended. He was over it within a few days, though.

 

It has been a rollercoaster ride for me since. He has decided to not speak to me anymore, and I don't know why. I don't have closure, and maybe never will. Be prepared that you might not, either. It sucks, I know. But melell and Jiivy were right that it does end up feeling like it was a dream, that it wasn't real. I have been surprised to feel that way, too. It feels like we were never together, or even friends all those years. It's saddening. Things change so quickly sometimes, and we're not prepared for it at all. It really is a death.

 

I'm sorry for the pain you're going through. Please keep us updated. We're here for you.

[DontBreakEven]

Thanks everyone.

 

It's funny, a little over 5 years ago I had a broken engagement with a man. We were 4 months out from the wedding, and he called it off out of the blue. That was hands down the most difficult time in my life. My first heartbreak, and depression hit hard.

 

This time is just as devastating and shocking, though the one thing that I do have in my back pocket is the knowledge that yes, someday it will get better. This I know. I don't care anymore that my engagement 5 years ago ended (yes, the feeling of rejection still stings, but I know it was for the best now).

 

What sucks is knowing that the next few years after my engagement ended were HARD. Yes, the initial heartbreak wore off, but the subsequent "getting back in the game", and all the things that brought with it were so rough.

 

And then I met my recent ex. I thought, AH! - Finally my relief from all the disappointments, mini-heartbreaks, and frustrations. Someone on my level. And it was great when it was great. And then for whatever reason, she would sabotage it every time.

 

So I am sad. Sad that I have no control over it, and sad with the outcome, and sad that I'm back in this position that I really don't want to be in anymore. I'm 31 .. I know, still young, but I would like to settle down at this point, not start over. I'm not even sure where people my age hang out anymore. I have changed so much in the past few years. I don't know. It's just rough, and I am certainly feeling it right now.

 

I know there are no magic words to fix it all. I at least know now the post-breakup behaviors to stay away from. I am a firm believer in 100% NC for my own emotional safety (I've touched that hot stove one too many times in my day).

 

I guess I just need support. And it this point, as I'm sure we are all very used to, my friends are getting tired of hearing about it. Understandable. My brain is getting tired of hearing about it. Wish it would stop sometimes, but I guess that's the roller coaster of life.

[DontBreakEven]

DontBreakEven, I feel for you. My fiancé broke up with me at the end of December. We had our wedding date planned, our wedding venue booked, and our invitations sent out. I had put a deposit on my dress. We had planned out a lot of things. It was really, really hard for me when it ended. He was over it within a few days, though.

 

It has been a rollercoaster ride for me since. He has decided to not speak to me anymore, and I don't know why. I don't have closure, and maybe never will. Be prepared that you might not, either. It sucks, I know. But melell and Jiivy were right that it does end up feeling like it was a dream, that it wasn't real. I have been surprised to feel that way, too. It feels like we were never together, or even friends all those years. It's saddening. Things change so quickly sometimes, and we're not prepared for it at all. It really is a death.

 

I'm sorry for the pain you're going through. Please keep us updated. We're here for you.

 

Sooshi, I am so sorry for your loss. I have been there, done that, lost my wedding deposits and paid my bridesmaids back for their dresses, so I KNOW your pain. It's the hardest, and one I find that not many people seem to understand how deep it can run. My ex-fiance moved on quite rapidly as well. If it's any consolation, it's been over 5 years since then and he's still single and admittedly miserable. Go figure. People are so stupid sometimes. Take so much for granted it's unreal.

 

You too, Jiivy. And anyone else going through something so devastating. There are no words. It's just terrible.

[sooshi]

I'm so sorry for your loss as well. You've gone through two broken engagements; that must be so hard. The period following the broken engagement has also been the most difficult part of my life. I'm trying to pick myself up and start again without him in my life.

 

I can imagine how hard it would be to start again. I understand the way your brain is tired of hearing you talk/think about this/your ex. I'm sure my brain is the same way.

 

I really feel for you. I hope you find someone who will truly love you and commit to you. You deserve it.

[DontBreakEven]

I'm so sorry for your loss as well. You've gone through two broken engagements; that must be so hard. The period following the broken engagement has also been the most difficult part of my life. I'm trying to pick myself up and start again without him in my life.

 

I can imagine how hard it would be to start again. I understand the way your brain is tired of hearing you talk/think about this/your ex. I'm sure my brain is the same way.

 

I really feel for you. I hope you find someone who will truly love you and commit to you. You deserve it.

 

Sooshi - Thank you. Though it is very hard to take our own advice, I hope you can find comfort in knowing that for me, I am now grateful that I did not end up marrying my ex-fiance 5 years ago. Much better things did happen to come into my life at some point (and this is coming from someone who spent literally 4 months in bed in my parent's house after the breakup .. seriously .. maybe got up to eat and pee, and shower occassionally. Didn't work, didn't anything. THAT'S how messed up I was - really thought it would never end. And to be honest, the next couple years weren't easy, but it made me such a better person in the long run, it's weird.

 

Around that time I consumed A LOT of literature, as well as hit up A LOT of online forums (my favorite was theregoesthebride.com - unfortunately it is no longer up and running but it was tailored specifically to be a forum and blog area for broken engagements.)

 

I do want to let you know about a book however. Not sure if you like to read, but if you do, please get "The Wisdom of a Broken Heart" by Susan Piver. Nothing, yet nothing else has been able to soothe me, save this book. I just have to give the recommendation to anyone in my same situation, because it is such a comforting book to exactly what we are going through. I know you can't feel it now, but you will be okay - even better. And I know I can't feel it now, but I am going to tell myself as well that someday I will be okay - even better.

[DontBreakEven]

Welp,

 

The night before I wrote in my journal asking the universe to give me some sort of answer. I guess this was it. I was at a friend's bachelorette party and there was my ex at the downstairs bar from the hotel we had a room at. Never in a million years would I think I would run into her there.

 

We chatted about nothing essentially. She showed me her new tattoo, that was supposed to symbolize "courage". That irritated me for a second and I said something alluding to the fact that I personally don't think she made a courageous move. Okay that was a mistake and we got into it for a second and she goes "the tattoo has nothing to do with you" and I said "I would never think you would get a tattoo that had anything to do with me, I know." Then her step-sister came up to give me a high five telling me she finally did it and broke up with her boyfriend!!! I congratulated her, while under my breath saying "I'm all for working sh*t out but yay for your break up!" I had had a couple glasses of wine and frankly, I'm in the anger stage so this whole meeting wasn't going to be pleasantry (hence, why we haven't spoken). It was tense for a second but somehow we got around it, and talked about our dog and how she was, somehow finding out that neither of us are seeing anyone, and that she stalks my pinterest. Finally after about 15 minutes I could tell this was becoming excruciating for us both, so I excused myself, gave her an awkward hug, and went to find my friends.

 

I feel like the only good thing about it was that I looked great that night. Other than that it was sh*tty, and I'm upset now. It was almost like talking to a stranger, and I'm sure she felt the same way because I wasn't being myself either - I was playing aloof save the random digs under my breath. It was terrible. It really just sucks, and reinforces how things will never be the same again. Brings up a lot of grief again for something that was, and is no more. And anger inside me that I had no control over it's demise. She killed it, and she is steadfast in that decision. She's not changing her mind, she's not "seeing the light". Nothing will make her see what a good partner I was, because she honestly has intimacy issues, and she probably just wants to be on her own at this point. And I don't even respect her anymore - I think she is a flake and and I hate how much she disappointed me. So much anger in me ... and I am not comfortable being angry. I don't know how to get it out in the correct way. Such another emotionally exhausting weekend. I just need this to end.

Edited March 31, 2014 by DontBreakEven

[DannyCA]

Hey man screw her. She made the mistake. If anything she did you a favor by being such a b**** and excusing herself from your life. Now you are free to do whatever the hell you want and find a girl who actually appreciates who you are and what you do.

 

I have an older brother who I kind of use as a guideline to my own life. Obviously not everything that happens to his life will apply 100% to mine, but it works as a pretty good estimate.

 

 

But with that being said he was going to marry his last ex. They were together for 5 plus years (they got together their last year of college.) But she ended up being flakey and broke up with him. He was devastated and was a mess for quite some time. But now a year and a half later he is with someone new and I've personally never seen him happier. He looks happier than he ever did with his last ex who he was going to marry.

 

I guess my point being is things really do work out. You're going to find someone 100 times better than your ex and I'm going to also. S*** may suck at first, but you'll get through it, I'll get through it.

 

I hope everything works out for you!

Edited April 2, 2014 by DannyCA

[hudson701]

Welp,

 

The night before I wrote in my journal asking the universe to give me some sort of answer. I guess this was it. I was at a friend's bachelorette party and there was my ex at the downstairs bar from the hotel we had a room at. Never in a million years would I think I would run into her there.

 

We chatted about nothing essentially. She showed me her new tattoo, that was supposed to symbolize "courage". That irritated me for a second and I said something alluding to the fact that I personally don't think she made a courageous move. Okay that was a mistake and we got into it for a second and she goes "the tattoo has nothing to do with you" and I said "I would never think you would get a tattoo that had anything to do with me, I know." Then her step-sister came up to give me a high five telling me she finally did it and broke up with her boyfriend!!! I congratulated her, while under my breath saying "I'm all for working sh*t out but yay for your break up!" I had had a couple glasses of wine and frankly, I'm in the anger stage so this whole meeting wasn't going to be pleasantry (hence, why we haven't spoken). It was tense for a second but somehow we got around it, and talked about our dog and how she was, somehow finding out that neither of us are seeing anyone, and that she stalks my pinterest. Finally after about 15 minutes I could tell this was becoming excruciating for us both, so I excused myself, gave her an awkward hug, and went to find my friends.

 

I feel like the only good thing about it was that I looked great that night. Other than that it was sh*tty, and I'm upset now. It was almost like talking to a stranger, and I'm sure she felt the same way because I wasn't being myself either - I was playing aloof save the random digs under my breath. It was terrible. It really just sucks, and reinforces how things will never be the same again. Brings up a lot of grief again for something that was, and is no more. And anger inside me that I had no control over it's demise. She killed it, and she is steadfast in that decision. She's not changing her mind, she's not "seeing the light". Nothing will make her see what a good partner I was, because she honestly has intimacy issues, and she probably just wants to be on her own at this point. And I don't even respect her anymore - I think she is a flake and and I hate how much she disappointed me. So much anger in me ... and I am not comfortable being angry. I don't know how to get it out in the correct way. Such another emotionally exhausting weekend. I just need this to end.

 

 

I feel for you, that post really struck a chord with me. I'm going through the same thing- it's torture isn't it? I just want it to end so I can move on.

[sooshi]

DBE, your recount of seeing her again made me tear up. I feel for you and can relate. It's torturous, indeed.