MercuryMorrison1 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Ok so here's the skinny. (Its a long read I know but I want to be sure and get the details clear) Back in August of 2013 I met a girl online. Her and I both play WoW and that's how we got hooked up. She's a little bit older than myself. She is 35 to my 26. Our relationship started off nothing short of amazing, but it needs to be noted here that I suffer from depression. I let her know of this early on in our relationship. She was more attentive than any girlfriend I had ever had in the past both LDR and in person. Anytime I logged on the game she would almost instantly message me about wanting to do things with me and only me, Her and I use a chat system called Ventrilo when we are playing the game. Alot of time's we would wind up alone in private channels just the two of us talking about our day, cracking jokes, etc...etc while we did things together on the game. She even over time went as far as to buy me a smart phone and mail it to me so we could Face Time together and all of that jazz. Everything seemed great. We both have a love of Poetry and share many other common interests that we talked about. I'm not going to lie...Initially I was against the whole buying me a smart phone thing because it felt like a really extravagant gift. But she pushed it and told me not to worry she can get a deal on it and just to let her do this so she could see me more. But her and I have made plans to meet in person for the first time in June and see how it goes from there. That's almost always been then plan. Ok so most of this was taking place between Aug 2013 to February 2014. Late Feb to Early March 2014 is where these issue's came up. Around late Feb/Early March. She started her monthly cycle, and I noticed that she seemed a little distant this time. She stopped calling me as much and overall seemed to have slightly less interest in spending quality time with me. When I brought this to her attention she said that it was just because of her pains and she did not feel much like playing the game right now. Ok so a couple of weeks go by and she gets off her cycle and I don't notice much if any changes in the way things are going, so naturally I brought it up again. I goaded her into telling me what was on her mind. She explained to me that sometimes she feels like a worthless girlfriend because I will get into a mood swing and it seems like no matter what she say's or does here lately I always seemed miserable. I told her that I was very sorry and that she needed to communicate these things to me so that way I can work on fixing them as opposed to just carrying on with it all. She agreed. Now the other part of this story. There's another guy who plays the game with us whom is also in his mid 20's. He seemed like a nice enough guy but I've always been cautious and slightly un trusting of him. He is a natural flirt, someone who is very good at wooing girls. And I was always bothered because of the way he would talk to my girlfriend in ventrilo, Occasionally He called her by pet names...Babe,Doll,...etc...etc. Things of that nature, and I finally decided to tell her that I felt uncomfortable with his actions and mannerisms towards her. She explained to me that I have nothing to worry about, that he is no more than a friend and that if anything she viewed him as more of the little brother type. She also told me that he's that way with most all of the girls he meets...After I started paying more attention to him, I realized she was right...He calls all females he meets babe and doll and stuff like that, this initially eased my mind some and I felt more relaxed about everything. Then the **** hit the fan. One day very recently he and I were alone in ventrilo talking about random things. And we started talking about the relationship I have with my girl. He went on to tell me that he was hurt when he found out her and I were in a relationship because, according to him the two of them had a fling before I ever came into the picture. According to him they were doing the whole face time and texting back and fourth and all of that before he finally told her that util they meet in person he didn't want much to do with her, and in his own words after this he said... (And not long after that is when you came into the picture) But he said it almost bitterly. By this point he and I were on the phone together, He had told me other things during our conversation that really hurt my feelings. For example he told me that at one point she told him that she was only staying with me because she was afraid I might do something stupid to myself if she left, which at that moment in time I was completely flabbergasted. Because she had ALWAYS expressed how happy she was to be a part of my life. I didn't know what to say. He told me that I should wait to confront her about these things (Until I had a clear head). So I told him bye I have to go. And as soon as I hung up with him I started to call her, at first she didn't answer her phone but she texted me about a minute later and asked what was going on because This other guy and myself were both trying to get a hold of her...Apparently he had texted her and told her that he urgently needed to talk to her about me. So anyway I called her again and she answered and I explained to her everything that was told to me. Her initial reaction was anger, she felt deceived and did not like that these intimate conversations were going on about her without her knowledge. I cut to the chase in everything...I asked her if she wanted to be with me, if she loved me...etc...etc, all of which she tearfully replied yes to. She told me she was very angry at the other guy and would not be speaking to him...Apparently he was spamming her phone with calls and text's while I was on the phone with her, none of which she showed any interest in answering. After our conversations settled down some she told me she needed some time alone and she would call me back when she felt ready. So not 1 but roughly 2 days pass with her and I having almost zero contact. Then on the evening of the second day she send's me a text with the information to a new ventrilo channel and asks me to join her there...So I do. She explains to me that she still wants to be with me and wants to make our relationship work, and she asked that I not give the information to that vent channel out to ANYONE else because that was our channel and ours only, basically it's a refuge for us to get away from everyone else. This all took place about a week ago. She's been in contact with me since then, though its still not quiet like it used to be, she explained to me that the further we put this whole situation behind us the sooner things will go back to being the way they were. According to her she still has had no contact with the other guy, She only knows what he's telling other people who are mutual friends because they come and tell her...Which only seems to be pissing her off even more at him because he's not exactly keeping this whole thing private as its really no one else's business. So as of right now, her and I seem to be sitting ok. She's apparently dropped contact with this other guy, she's taken steps to ensure her's and my privacy (opening a private ventrilo channel for example). She is now texting me and calls me and explained that she still wants to come meet me in person in June. So that's all somewhat comforting. But I admit...I am a HORRIBLE over thinker, and I have been hurt in the past so naturally my mind is still running rampart about all of this. I do agree with her though...The further behind us it gets put the better off things will get. For the record, I have never had a reason to not trust her, she's never done anything in our relationship that I felt was shady or underhanded. I had talked to multiple people about this (Here in person) people including my mother, and a couple of very close friends...They all said the same thing, which is that as long as she has never given me a reason to not trust her...Then just believe her and assume the other guy is trying to drive a wedge between us because of his jealousy. So for now that's all I can do. My question for those who took the time to really read and understand this story is...What are your thoughts?
Els Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Sorry if I missed this, but: Have you met her in real life?
Author MercuryMorrison1 Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 Sorry if I missed this, but: Have you met her in real life? Sorry about this long read. But this issue actually resolved itself tonight. I've come to find out that this guy who is starting problems has done this kind of thing with other people. All is well now.
justwhoiam Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 What are your thoughts? I think there might be some truth about what this other guy is saying, for two reasons. 1) He would address her using pet names, like baby, doll, whatever, whether you were there (reading) or not. She never took a stand, like: "Please stop using pet names with me. I do have a name". Or she never made it clear to him she didn't feel like flirting with him. And that reinforces what he told you. Maybe she was just ignoring his style, but as I don't flirt with people, I would have made it clear right away. Also, when you asked him to stop, she didn't appreciate. If my boyfriend had done that, I would have thanked him for the gesture (though the feminists won't agree with me). Rather she came to you telling you to basically ignore him: she likes guys flirting with her and she doesn't appreciate you stepping in. She wants to keep interaction between her and other guys her own business, where you have no place. That's acceptable, she's an adult female and has a right to do what she pleases. In a steady relationship that's fine because you trust her and she trusts you. But you never met this girl and have any right to doubt her. Always. And I suggest you do doubt her until she proves 100% trustable, after you meet her in person. 2) When you reported what you got to know, she got mad. Her reaction is understandable, like when you hear something about you that is not true. But it looks like she didn't have arguments to counterbalance what he said, and she didn't really say he lied about everything. She said she needed time to think about things, aka: she had to think of her next moves with you or if she even wanted to be with you. My final thought. I'll say this through an example. You see a movie trailer. You read the reviews and it looks like the best movie ever. You decide to go to a movie theater to see that for yourself. It's just wise that you don't start saying it's the greatest movie ever before seeing it. Right? The same should happen with this girl too. Don't call her your girlfriend before you meet her. For now she's just an online buddy. I guess she's not tight on money, as she sent you a smartphone. But don't let that fool you or blur your sight. Good luck
Els Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Sorry about this long read. But this issue actually resolved itself tonight. I've come to find out that this guy who is starting problems has done this kind of thing with other people. All is well now. I don't mind the read. I wish you'd answered my question though.
Snakechammah Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Just wanted to say all the very best and good luck in your relationship. Just trust your instincts and you'll be alright. June is around the corner, do update us on your meeting! Enjoy every moment!
ASG Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 I don't mind the read. I wish you'd answered my question though. They're planning on meeting in June. No, they never met.
Author MercuryMorrison1 Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 (edited) I think there might be some truth about what this other guy is saying, for two reasons. 1) He would address her using pet names, like baby, doll, whatever, whether you were there (reading) or not. She never took a stand, like: "Please stop using pet names with me. I do have a name". Or she never made it clear to him she didn't feel like flirting with him. And that reinforces what he told you. Maybe she was just ignoring his style, but as I don't flirt with people, I would have made it clear right away. Also, when you asked him to stop, she didn't appreciate. If my boyfriend had done that, I would have thanked him for the gesture (though the feminists won't agree with me). Rather she came to you telling you to basically ignore him: she likes guys flirting with her and she doesn't appreciate you stepping in. She wants to keep interaction between her and other guys her own business, where you have no place. That's acceptable, she's an adult female and has a right to do what she pleases. In a steady relationship that's fine because you trust her and she trusts you. But you never met this girl and have any right to doubt her. Always. And I suggest you do doubt her until she proves 100% trustable, after you meet her in person. 2) When you reported what you got to know, she got mad. Her reaction is understandable, like when you hear something about you that is not true. But it looks like she didn't have arguments to counterbalance what he said, and she didn't really say he lied about everything. She said she needed time to think about things, aka: she had to think of her next moves with you or if she even wanted to be with you. My final thought. I'll say this through an example. You see a movie trailer. You read the reviews and it looks like the best movie ever. You decide to go to a movie theater to see that for yourself. It's just wise that you don't start saying it's the greatest movie ever before seeing it. Right? The same should happen with this girl too. Don't call her your girlfriend before you meet her. For now she's just an online buddy. I guess she's not tight on money, as she sent you a smartphone. But don't let that fool you or blur your sight. Good luck Well what I had learned last night is fairly interesting. This other guy, had been telling everyone that I was trying to keep her from everyone, and that I was very controlling and even was going as far as to limit who she talked to and why she talked to them which is absolutely untrue. The people that told me this last night are not people I consider good friends per say, but more so people I just participate in activities in the game with...Like co-workers honestly, so they have no reason to be bias towards me or him individually, but they unanimously agreed that from what they know of me I am not the kind of guy who would do that sort of thing, thus they are coming to their own conclusion that the other guy is blowing hot air and trying to stir the pot for whatever reason be it jealousy or whatever. As far as I am concerned weather or not her and this other guy had any kind of fling before I ever came into the picture is pretty much irrelevant. Who she was with and what she did with them before she knew me is not my issue, the only thing that matters to me is that she is faithful to me now that she is with me. Also it needs to be noted that I never asked him personally to stop. I only expressed minor irritation to her about his flirtatious personality. But in the end I saw it as I had no reason not to trust her so I just let it slide and went on about my business. Also let it be known that I'm trying really hard to not look at this whole situation with rose tinted glasses. I know that its easy to get involved with someone and not be able to see when something's going on when in reality it might be. But I am fairly secure in what I do believe in this, and I am that way because I tend to read into people's actions more than anything else. She does spend the largest portion of her time with me, be it on the phone or on the game, she's pretty much has always been very close to me and made outside efforts to be close to me. A lot of little things come to mind such as making us our own private vent channel is a good example. Now if she were spending alot of time with this other guy or whatever then yes I would be very concerned about all of this, and I still am concerned, don't get me wrong, but I feel like its more so to do with the fact that I've been hurt in the past and now I'm extra edgy about this kind of crap. Unfortunately he still has to participate in certain in game activities with her and I because they are preplanned event's that her and I are obligated to attend but have no control over who is invited and who isn't. Last night was the first time the three of us had all been together in the same vent channel and same group in the game in about a week. I paid very CLOSE attention to her interaction with him, she kept it minimal only spoke to him when it was required, and she spoke to him in a very different manner. In the past she had spoken to him as if he were a close friend...Last night however she spoke with a hint of distaste and anger towards him. She was not needlessly disrespectful, but the way she spoke to him indicated that she had lost most if not all of the respect she had prior built up with him. I do hope things work out well and my attempt to see the best in someone here does not come back and bite me in the ass. Her and I have both agreed that there will always be some kind of drama in life...But this stuff right now seems incredibly unnecessary and feels very high school and is best avoided if at all possible. Edited March 26, 2014 by MercuryMorrison1
justwhoiam Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 1) You are both adult people and are not obligated to do anything for a GAME. 2) In your novel (opening post), you explained how she lessened the communication with you, now you want us to believe that she devotes most of her time to you. No. Let's say she's not consistent with her time and communication. And that you have no real clue of what she's up to during that time that can go on for weeks. 3) That guy might like trolling a bit, but you gave him the right pretext. After all, he was not lying in that you made the "no contact" happen. She indeed stopped talking to him because of you. You draw your conclusions.
Author MercuryMorrison1 Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 1) You are both adult people and are not obligated to do anything for a GAME. 2) In your novel (opening post), you explained how she lessened the communication with you, now you want us to believe that she devotes most of her time to you. No. Let's say she's not consistent with her time and communication. And that you have no real clue of what she's up to during that time that can go on for weeks. 3) That guy might like trolling a bit, but you gave him the right pretext. After all, he was not lying in that you made the "no contact" happen. She indeed stopped talking to him because of you. You draw your conclusions. I have drawn my conclusions. Weather or not they are right or wrong only time will tell. Thank for for responding and have a wonderful day.
Els Posted March 27, 2014 Posted March 27, 2014 Ah, okay, apologies. I've played WoW; quite a lot. I've raided top tier. And I know what you're talking about. But really, don't you think this is all too much drama for someone you've never met? It's quite the conundrum. If you'd both met IRL and solidified the bond, you could agree to change up the situation; leave the guild together and find another. Given that you haven't met IRL, it's understandable that she doesn't want to do anything drastic, because she doesn't know how the meeting with you is going to turn out. I don't mean to minimize your feelings; your feelings for each other are very real, but you cannot possibly know how things will turn out once you meet. It's incredibly unhealthy for you to be twisting yourself into pretzels with worry over ingame drama coupled with a hopeful LDR.
Author MercuryMorrison1 Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 Ah, okay, apologies. I've played WoW; quite a lot. I've raided top tier. And I know what you're talking about. But really, don't you think this is all too much drama for someone you've never met? It's quite the conundrum. If you'd both met IRL and solidified the bond, you could agree to change up the situation; leave the guild together and find another. Given that you haven't met IRL, it's understandable that she doesn't want to do anything drastic, because she doesn't know how the meeting with you is going to turn out. I don't mean to minimize your feelings; your feelings for each other are very real, but you cannot possibly know how things will turn out once you meet. It's incredibly unhealthy for you to be twisting yourself into pretzels with worry over ingame drama coupled with a hopeful LDR. I know and I appreciate your words. Its really just a wait it out and play it by ear situation at this point.
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