I'm thinking about shutting down my OKC profile.

[warrenorabbits]

I'm not overweight.* I don't smoke. I'm not looking for casual sex. I've got a great profile with cute pictures. I put myself forward as intelligent, but not cocky, and sensitive. I send thoughtful messages that ask "essay questions," proving that I've read her profile. There are no shirtless pictures or grammatical mistakes on my page.

 

Despite all of the above, goddamn NO ONE ever responds to me.

 

I get it -- if the (quickly ascertained) spark's not there, it's not there. No use leading someone on. But give me a f-cking break, already! Am I really so unappealing that you won't so much as acknowledge my existence? Are there that many other choices in the area that are better? Are you expecting Brad Pitt to make a profile??

 

As you can see, this endeavour has become exhausting and slightly discouraging. I know I can meet women IRL, and am not too shy or awkward to do so. But I'd just hoped that I could expand my net by trying online. Especially since OKC has a lot of educated, hipster-ish women (i.e., my type).

 

Of course, shutting down means that (literally this time) no one will respond to me. But I'm just tired of people ignoring me.

 

*nothing wrong with being overweight but I know it's a sticking point for some.

[NJtoDC]

Do the women you message look at your profile? Do you check to make sure they've been online recently? Just some thoughts.

 

Can you have a trusted female friend critique your profile and see if something stands out?

[smackie9]

This is why OLD is a shot in the dark. How can you really feel a true attraction to someone you have never met in person. Physical interaction is way better than reading some bs profile (most lie anyways). women are emotional and that's how they feel someone out before they think "hey I really like this guy." We observe body language, eye contact, some look at your hands, your shoes or shoulders, tone of voice, pick up cues during a conversation quiet easily, etc all this and more within seconds. Women can't get that from a bunch of cute pictures. This is why it can be soooo difficult.

 

 

I was thinking, why not ask these hipster type girls what they find attractive in a guy. it might give you some idea about what to do about this situation.

Edited March 25, 2014 by smackie9

[smackie9]

Can you have a trusted female friend critique your profile and see if something stands out?

 

This is a tough one because they will get apprehensive about it. Tho on another site there was a few that dared the public to make suggestions, but with some resistance, and a lot of coaxing from us they did make changes from some of the suggestions, and they ended up having better success. It's real tough to be told your pictures are not good and your profile is boring, but if you want change you have to take a risk and listen.

[warrenorabbits]

I don't want it badly enough to put up with the inevitable a-holes that will make rude "suggestions" under the guise of "honesty." But I may ask one of my girl friends to have a look.

 

You are right that OLD involves an entirely different dynamic than IRL. Online, all I see are the few pictures they've provided and a very limited and flawed summary of who they are. In person I decide whether I like someone from my first conversation with them and we take it from there. A person I'd normally not be physically attracted to can instantly become extremely attractive, and vice versa. It's not something I could convey in an essay, but there's a profound difference.

[Gaeta]

Try a couple of different websites.

 

Where I am OKcupid is worthless so is Match.com

 

The big thing here is POF and Badoo

 

There are several other sites and some cities like mine have their own local dating website.

[Esoteric Elf]

I'm not overweight.* I don't smoke. I'm not looking for casual sex. I've got a great profile with cute pictures. I put myself forward as intelligent, but not cocky, and sensitive. I send thoughtful messages that ask "essay questions," proving that I've read her profile. There are no shirtless pictures or grammatical mistakes on my page.

 

Despite all of the above, goddamn NO ONE ever responds to me.

 

I get it -- if the (quickly ascertained) spark's not there, it's not there. No use leading someone on. But give me a f-cking break, already! Am I really so unappealing that you won't so much as acknowledge my existence? Are there that many other choices in the area that are better? Are you expecting Brad Pitt to make a profile??

 

As you can see, this endeavour has become exhausting and slightly discouraging. I know I can meet women IRL, and am not too shy or awkward to do so. But I'd just hoped that I could expand my net by trying online. Especially since OKC has a lot of educated, hipster-ish women (i.e., my type).

 

Of course, shutting down means that (literally this time) no one will respond to me. But I'm just tired of people ignoring me.

 

*nothing wrong with being overweight but I know it's a sticking point for some.

Depressing, right? Make a profile of an average girl and your inbox will be filled to the max (300 messages) in a few months tops.

 

I keep my profile sitting there in case anyone wants to drop by for a smile or laugh, but I do not message anymore...haven't for a long time. As you say, just too damn depressing.

[WP4046]

I'm not overweight.* I don't smoke. I'm not looking for casual sex. I've got a great profile with cute pictures. I put myself forward as intelligent, but not cocky, and sensitive. I send thoughtful messages that ask "essay questions," proving that I've read her profile. There are no shirtless pictures or grammatical mistakes on my page.

 

Despite all of the above, goddamn NO ONE ever responds to me.

 

I get it -- if the (quickly ascertained) spark's not there, it's not there. No use leading someone on. But give me a f-cking break, already! Am I really so unappealing that you won't so much as acknowledge my existence? Are there that many other choices in the area that are better? Are you expecting Brad Pitt to make a profile??

 

As you can see, this endeavour has become exhausting and slightly discouraging. I know I can meet women IRL, and am not too shy or awkward to do so. But I'd just hoped that I could expand my net by trying online. Especially since OKC has a lot of educated, hipster-ish women (i.e., my type).

 

Of course, shutting down means that (literally this time) no one will respond to me. But I'm just tired of people ignoring me.

 

*nothing wrong with being overweight but I know it's a sticking point for some.

 

 

Thoughtful......boring

sensitive......boring

Intelligent.....boring

[smackie9]

Thoughtful......boring

sensitive......boring

Intelligent.....boring

 

 

" put up with the inevitable a-holes that will make rude "suggestions" under the guise of "honesty." lol!

 

I now see the problem.

[WP4046]

Try a couple of different websites.

 

Where I am OKcupid is worthless so is Match.com

 

The big thing here is POF and Badoo

 

There are several other sites and some cities like mine have their own local dating website.

 

just tried Badoo turned me off

[smackie9]

Thoughtful......boring

sensitive......boring

Intelligent.....boring

I don't want it badly enough to put up with the inevitable a-holes that will make rude "suggestions" under the guise of "honesty." .

 

I'm starting to see a pattern here and it's called negative attitude. being negative is like a poisonous vapor. You may not know it but people around you do.

[WP4046]

Try a couple of different websites.

 

Where I am OKcupid is worthless so is Match.com

 

The big thing here is POF and Badoo

 

There are several other sites and some cities like mine have their own local dating website.

 

 

Badoo is not a dating site, it's a freaky site

[Gaeta]

Badoo is not a dating site, it's a freaky site

Like I said, depends where you are from. Here in Montreal Badoo is quite good and clean.

 

I tried Match and I only got scams messages. I heard it's big in the US but where I am from it's worthless.

 

So, depending on where OP is he should try other sites.

[ascendotum]

" put up with the inevitable a-holes that will make rude "suggestions" under the guise of "honesty." lol!

 

I now see the problem.

 

I thought that was his assessment of how many women on OLD will view him. Not quite AH honesty imo... eh but I could be wrong.

[WP4046]

OP maybe you need to change your photos.

 

If the photos you have are not generating messages then why stick with it???

[Gaeta]

About you ask a female friend what she thinks of your profile? Someone that can be honest with you. How old are you?

[Do_The_Herp]

I thought that was his assessment of how many women on OLD will view him. Not quite AH honesty imo... eh but I could be wrong.

 

But unless we've SEEN the actual profile with our own eyes.. How are any of those exclusively positive qualities boring? It depends on how you SHOW that those qualities are part of what makes you YOU. You can be boring, or you can reveal a sense of humor and show you're quick witted and clever.. Type your words out in a thoughtful manner. Don't say things that an ******* would.

 

I don't think you can really translate certain things through a screen, like sensitivity.. lol You could just be mindful of how you treat others, even online, and not type out some rude belief/opinion that would make you look like a nasty punk *******.

[J21]

I'm not overweight.* I don't smoke. I'm not looking for casual sex. I've got a great profile with cute pictures. I put myself forward as intelligent, but not cocky, and sensitive. I send thoughtful messages that ask "essay questions," proving that I've read her profile. There are no shirtless pictures or grammatical mistakes on my page.

So are you implying you're owed or entitled a response because of all this? Or do you think you're the only one on OKC with those attributes? No offense, but that's how your post comes off.

 

I get you're frustrated, but dude relax; you're taking it too personally. No response could mean a million things, it's not even worth wondering why.

 

If you decide to close it, you won't meet anyone new for sure. It costs you nothing to keep it open, so why not just leave it and see what happens? If you wanna close it, sure go for it. It's no hair off anyone's back but yours.

 

I've been on the receiving end of no response messages too, so I've learned to just roll with it.

Edited March 26, 2014 by J21

[fortyninethousand322]

I've been on Okcupid for about 4 years. In that time I've managed to get 3 dates from two different women (both of whom were not interested in seeing me again). I probably get a response to my messages about once every 3-4 months.

 

I don't feel entitled to women throwing themselves at me, but it's hard not to take it personally when you go months at a time without responses. It's just the market in action I guess. Revealed preference is more accurate than people's statements about what kind of partner they're looking for...

[BikerAccnt]

I seriously wonder if it's age related. I'm 53 and got decent responses from the ladies I send well worded intro's too. Didn't always lead to dates or responses, but I got a response 4 or 5 times out of 10. Both on OKC and Match.

 

Perhaps the folk in my age range aren't quite as picky, and really are looking for something more than just physical.

 

PS profile is currently hidden as I'm dating someone I met on match, and we are getting on quite well

[greenman77]

Online dating is very tough! I created an OkCupid profile about a month ago just to see what would happen. I went into it not expecting much but still I thought that at least something would come out of it. But it's been really rough. My self confidence has gone down a lot since I opened it.

 

In the month that I have been on the site I have messaged over 50 girls and so far I've gotten responses from about 10 of them. But only 2 of them responded more than a 'Hey' and never say anything else.

 

And with the 2 that I did manage to exchange more than 50 messages with, one day they simply didn't answer back. I messaged them both again a few days later but I got nothing so I took the hint.

 

But that's what I don't get. Why would you exchange over 100 messages in the span of 3 days with a person and suddenly just ignore them? They had to be interested to some degree to get to over 100 messages. That's what baffles me...

[Mo_Do]

O/T but I've never tried OKC but have had great success on Match.

 

Is OKC just another garbage dump like POF? If so I won't bother.

[greenman77]

O/T but I've never tried OKC but have had great success on Match.

 

Is OKC just another garbage dump like POF? If so I won't bother.

 

Is Match usable without paying? Or is it too limited?

[Mo_Do]

Is Match usable without paying? Or is it too limited?

 

I pay and only talk to girls that pay - it cuts down on the popularity contest that ensues on the free sites.

 

Come to think of it, all the chicks I ever met off (free) POF were broke.

 

Meanwhile I had a date with a surgeon last weekend from Match - do the math

[warrenorabbits]

" put up with the inevitable a-holes that will make rude "suggestions" under the guise of "honesty." lol!

 

I now see the problem.

 

I think that the attitude is an effect rather than a cause. I wrote my profile a while ago and am cheerful in my messages.

 

By "inevitable a-holes" I just mean anonymous forum-goers who don't necessarily share my interest.