FortunateSon Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 No, I haven't broken NC or checked her social media! I am 10 months post break up, over 3 months NC from a volatile 6 year relationship/engagement. I have been strict NC for over 3 months, blocked her on FB the only social media I use. I have been actively dating a lot of nice women, but still feel like something is holding me back, something is missing? As far as I know, my ex got into a relationship 4-5 months after we split and is still with him. The thought of this still bothers me, I can't fathom how she could jump into something so soon afterwards other than the fact she is in her mid-30's and wants marriage/kids(which I planned to give her). Meanwhile I feel emptiness and hollowness inside. Don't get me wrong, I have made a LOT of progress, I feel better about a lot of things...but I am not as far as I thought I'd be? I don't really want her back, I just want the closeness, comfort, and familiarity I had with her with someone else. Part of me wants to talk to her, but I also know that anything she would have to say would kill me inside so I have no desire to break NC and go down that road. I guess I am just venting a bit, I am frustrated and feel lonely even though I have a lot of people around me. The last 2 weeks have been tough for some reason, she has been on my mind a lot even as I stay busy.
StGeorge22 Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Hey Your progress sounds very similar to me. Dated for about the same time, my ex has someone else which hurts, I've met a lot of great girls but like you something is missing. So firstly, you certainly aren't alone. Secondly, well done for not breaking NC. It's hard, but I remind myself that just because she has someone doesn't mean I have to. One thing I know, no two situations are the same. You have to go at your own pace. Keep leaning on your friends. Even though it's months down the line, I'm sure they will still be there for you 3
hea Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 maybe its companionship you miss and not her? If it is, try and focus on this. Its not her you want, its a relationship. And everyone feels that way, its nice to have someone in your life. For some people, they break up in a relationship, and fall into another one so simply. I wish I was like that. A girl I know was with her fella for 9 years. They split and then literally the next night she went out and met someone else. Now normally id say it was a rebound but the new guy is really funny/nice and a pilot in the RAF! The luck just falls on some people. But for others it can take a while. Im six months post break up. And I know I find it really difficult to date guys unless I have a strong connection, and I know these are really really hard to find. Ive told myself that im going to be single for a long time. then im not going to expect anything, and be disappointed that im still going to be single in the next few years. As its expected. 1
Author FortunateSon Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 (edited) Thank you for taking the time to reply, I appreciate it. I think it is the companionship that I miss the most, the comfort that comes along with that. I miss having that person to come home to and do things like travel with. Despite having a fairly dysfunctional relationship, we had a very intense connection that I am fearful I will not find again. I had her on a pedestal and I have slowly taken her down from there. The are also a lot of things I DON'T miss, I try to think of these things when I look back and feel wistful and melancholy. She is an incredibly controlling and selfish person, two qualities which I do not miss at all. I try not to view the BU as a completion to see who can move on first. I have gotten to the point where 10 months on I do not talk about her anymore to friends or family. I feel like they no longer want to hear about it and I feel a bit foolish that I think about things still and that there are still triggers. I can definitely say going NC has been incredibly beneficial in my healing. I honestly feel like I don't know her anymore, I wouldn't even know what to say if we ran I to each other. I am close to indifference now. I met a REALLY cool woman in the last couple weeks and finally feel like giving someone an extended chance to see where it goes. Edited March 26, 2014 by FortunateSon
sooshi Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 FortunateSon, I feel for you. I was also engaged to a man who I loved for years. In less than a couple of months, he pursued my best friend (who he has never met). He wrote her a love song and sent it to me, which was a punch in the heart, especially since he had never written a love for me. It was probably similar to how you felt when your ex contacted you about dating someone else. I'm glad that you've maintained NC. I know it's been hard to do, and I know you miss the closeness and companionship that you had with her. I believe that you'll find that again with someone else, and that because you're taking the time to heal, that your next relationship will be healthier. 1
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