DALIFAN Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Maybe some of you guys/girls will be able to help me. I've been officially together with my boyfriend about 4 months, dating for 6 months. He's been in two relationships before me. His first ex (Anna) was his big love and broke his heart and it took him forever to get over her. He still remained really good friends with her. Hi second ex (Mary) was not happy about them being friends and was constantly jealous about Anna. This jealousy basically ruined a lot and they were fighting about little trivial stuff. Mary never wanted to meet Anna. I'm someone who respects people wanting to stay friends with their ex. I am too. So I respect the friendship he still has with Anna . (He is not in contact with Mary anymore though). I am still friends with my last ex too and there is a connection between me and my ex that will never be gone. Anyway to my question: Though I respect his friendship with Anna, I was still afraid about meeting her, a little threatened from hearing the stories and I had this picture of a intimidating dragon. My boyfriend knew that. We saw her with a female friend by accident at a restaurant my boyfriend and I were having drinks at. We were sitting at a different table and I asked him what he would do if I wasn't here and he replied he'd join them. So I told them let's just do that. Turns out the dragon was only a lizard. We had really fun conversation for 2 hours and we got along well. Actually talking to her put me at ease. Anyway... I found out from his best friend's girlfriend that Anna apparently sent him a text the next morning saying that she had a wonderful time with us, that she thought I was a really really amazing woman and that she is really happy for him. Makes me just wonder why he wouldn't tell me that his ex really like me... Any ideas?
d0nnivain Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 He may not want to shove it in your face that he still talks to her or that they were talking about you. Why is her approval important to either of you?
acrosstheuniverse Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Maybe it just wasn't a huge deal for him? I dunno, if me and a current boyfriend hung out with one of my exes, and then the ex texted me saying how much they liked my new boyfriend, I don't know that I'd necessarily bring it up. Only because if I were in the new partner's position I might feel a little like... maybe he thought I needed the validation from his ex? Honestly, he probably thought nothing of it. Sounds like Anna is no threat to your relationship and is over him as much as he is her, to be happy for him in a new relationship.
acrosstheuniverse Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 d0nnivain hit the nail on the head, and said what I wanted to say much more concisely. Maybe he didn't think you or he needed that validation. And maybe he didn't want to rub it in your face that he and her were discussing you.
GoreSP Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 He may not want to shove it in your face that he still talks to her or that they were talking about you. Why is her approval important to either of you? I agree with this. Especially since he had trouble with Mary about having a friendship with his ex, he could be worried OP's respect of the situation could be her just trying to look good? Anyhow - as far as the approval being important, if I was to date a man who is still close with an ex, I would want her to like me - for two reasons 1) it kind of proves she is over him and just his friend - wanting what's best for him 2) If she didn't like me it would probably cause a lot of problems with her constantly talking badly about me to my boyfriend and were that the case, I'd be worried there is still something going on there. 1
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