movingonguy101 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Hi Guys, any advice or opinions would really help me and sorry for the wrong grammars and wrong spellings as English is not my first language. My ex-girlfriend for a few months dumped me last week and I am in NC since the day she broke up with me. At first it was really hard and I thought I was going crazy cause I have some answers that would like to ask her and I would really like to change her mind but I just forced myself not to contact her cause if she would like to explain or tell me more she can call or message me anytime she wants. And I know for a fact that what she will say is not the words I would like to hear from her. We've been in a long distance relationship for a few months and she came her 2 months ago to visit me and we already booked her ticket to come back here supposedly next month. After a few days of really thinking I came out with my own decision that I should just let her go and try to move on as quickly as I can. It's been really tough as I cannot stop thinking about her and cannot sleep for a few days. I was in a business trip when she told me her decision. She's having second thoughts on us as we are in a long distance relationship and she is still studying and she's in her final year. She told me before that when she misses me she cannot focus on her studies. I told her that if she needs time to study and would not be in contact with me for a few hours that she's studying I am fine with that as I would really like her to focus and concentrate on her studies cause all our plans will all start when she finishes her degree and I don't want her family to think of me as a bad influence. My family and friends have been really supportive. I came back from my business trip last week and went out last night with my two best buddies and I cried my eyes out. And they've really opened my eyes, that even though they know I my love for her is true and that they really like her to be with, it is time for me to move on and try to be the person I was before the relationship started and maybe try to be a little bit better. I really do accept now that it is all over between me and my ex, what really hurts me is my plans for the future, I am ready to give up everything for her and all my plans for the future includes my ex, I've been really supportive and really caring and just like that she threw away all our plans. She's suppose to graduate in just a few months and we already agreed that she will come here and work so that we can be together. My family is also here and they really like her and they were really surprised and shocked with what happened between us. As I told you above it's been really hard, the first 5 days I drink in my room alone and would drink any alcohol I could find but last Sunday I told myself to stop drinking alone cause it's not really doing me any good. I started thinking straight and came up with the conclusion yesterday that I should just accept that it's really over and try to get on with my life. Today was not as hard as the previous days, as I really tried to take my mind off of her and I wasn't looking at my phone so much now as before and I deactivated all my social media accounts. I also feel much better today cause I am reassured that my friends and family will always be here for me. I also talked to my mom and I cried but I felt much better when she told me that this things happens and time will heal me and I should look forward into my future rather than thinking about the past and that I should just learn from this experience as what I did from my previous breakups. I'm also trying different things now, I just came back from a run at the park for a few minutes and would really like to continue doing this for my own good. I am going to play basketball tomorrow with new people I met in an online community and would start going out in bar crawls in the next few weeks. I'm really trying my best to move on fast as I don't want to be stuck in the past. I know it would be really hard to move on but my past 3 serious relationship breakups really helps me with this one. I've been hurt so many times before that I can now analyse what I'm feeling and I also now know how to react to those feelings. And even though its not easy as I thought it would be, I really think I am doing much better than the previous breakups I had. When she told me she's breaking up with me I just told her that I respect her decision and I really enjoyed the time we shared together. Even though I was hurt I have no ill feelings and I really wish her all the best. And that I'm going to take my own space now. Don't get me wrong I really love her so much but as they say if you really love someone you must set them free. And I respect and love her that much that I am stepping aside for her to be happy. Now it's been a week and even though it's like a roller coaster ride when it comes to how I feel, I am now in a much better position because I have a clear vision with what I really like to happen. I will not try to get her back, I will move on and try to be the person who I once was and maybe a little bit much better person for myself, for my family, for my work and for my future girl.
elseaacych Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 It sounds like you are doing a great job. You may not feel like it some days, because life just hurts for a while after a rejection from someone you truly truly love. But you should not give in because it hurts, or because you think of her... or for whatever reason. You've got a lot going for you, so just keep going and don't look back. Best wishes. Elsea 2
Strength in Healing Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 First off, you speak English better than most people who speak it as a primary language LOL! Anyways, you sound very mature and like you know exactly what you are doing. It is refreshing to see someone in control of logic and emotions for their own good. Keep it up brother you are doing great. 2
Arieswoman Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Movingonguy, Keep up the good work, you are doing fine - it will get easier, I promise you. 1
Author movingonguy101 Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 I was kinda OK last night, I slept early and didn't even had any dreams about my ex. But when I woke up this morning I felt really terrible as if my world has just ended, I forced myself to get out of bed and come to work. I thought I can make it go away by working hard but when I got to work I cannot do a single thing, my mind was like fast forwarding everything about my ex, every time I try to take my mind off of her it keeps coming back and everywhere I look I see her face, I almost had an emotional breakdown. It's been a week now since my ex broke up with me. Is there anything I can do to make it easier?
bluegreen Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Hang on as cheesy as cliché that sounds hang on HUGS its only been week am sorry to say but it will take a lot of mornings like this until pain starts easing up. Good news is there is nothing that time does not heal. Erase delete button is your new best friend blocking to right off no delay. Gym friends being out on fresh air eating healthy all help. Talking to us helps to 1
Author movingonguy101 Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 Guys thank you for the encouragement and support. This morning was really hard. Slept last night feeling like I'm finally getting where I want to be but when I woke up I felt really terrible. My mind was really playing games on me this morning, everywhere I look I see her face and the way she smiles and every time I try to get her out of my mind it keeps coming back in just a few seconds. I forced my self to go to work thinking that it would help me but it's the same thing, I almost asked for a half day off but a few colleagues of mine talked to me and made me feel a lot better. Waking up and getting out of bed are the worst for me so far.
Arieswoman Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 You'll have a lot of days like this at first, but it does get better. At this moment you probably can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, but you will. Use your friends as a support network. Keep busy and keep positive - you will get through this. 1
Author movingonguy101 Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 You'll have a lot of days like this at first, but it does get better. At this moment you probably can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, but you will. Use your friends as a support network. Keep busy and keep positive - you will get through this. Thank you Arieswoman, I know it will be a long and hard journey to recovery. I've been in the same situations before but so far this is the hardest as this is the only relationship where I put everything on the line, I know LDR is hard but I gave it all to make it work and didn't ask anything in return and not a single ounce I left anything for myself. Maybe that was a mistake on my part but I have no regrets.
NiceGuy73 Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Hey I am in the same boat.....2 weeks seperated from my wife Its absolute agony 1
David87 Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Days like this will came and go. Your BU just happened, but after 2 or 3 weeks the pain will start to diminish. Take it one day at a time. 2
DollyRocker Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 I'm 2 and a half weeks in. I also find early mornings worse but each day is a little bit easier. 1
Author movingonguy101 Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 Guys, please help me. I am now thinking of breaking NC a week after my ex broke up with me. What should I do? I'm having a hard time coping with the break up. I thought I can do this easily compare to my previous breakups (see my first post). I know it wont be easy but what happened has taken so much off of me. I almost had an emotional breakdown earlier at work.
Newtothis2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Don't do it. It WILL make you feel worse. I guarantee it. Write down what you want to say here and see what people have to say. I recommend looking up a blog called 'Baggage Reclaim' for times when you are feeling weak. She'll snap you out of it. 1
Arieswoman Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 (edited) movingonguy101, Don't do it, repeat don't do it and again don't do it. It will set you right back to square one. You will have $hi££y days when you feel your head is full of broken biscuits. You will have days when you feel the pain is almost too much to bear. You will have days when you don't want to get out of bed, get washed or even eat anything. All this is normal - but it will pass, believe me It's a lousy situation that you have to go through yourself. Breaking NC is not the answer. Stay strong and keep posting here if you need to. Good Luck. Edited March 26, 2014 by Arieswoman 3
David87 Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Guys, please help me. I am now thinking of breaking NC a week after my ex broke up with me. What should I do? I'm having a hard time coping with the break up. I thought I can do this easily compare to my previous breakups (see my first post). I know it wont be easy but what happened has taken so much off of me. I almost had an emotional breakdown earlier at work. So you're trying to reinvent the wheel? Huh .. good luck.
Author movingonguy101 Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 I haven't done it. I went to a friends house instead and left my phone at the house so. I've read some post here earlier that triggered me the need to have closure. I am trying my best to move on. I know this is what I want and this is what I need. Thank you guys and sorry if I disappointed you. 1
AliasMobius Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 You sound like a great guy, you won't have any problems being the next big catch . Keep doing what you're doing, focus on yourself and win it all for you. 4
Chi townD Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 I was kinda OK last night, I slept early and didn't even had any dreams about my ex. But when I woke up this morning I felt really terrible as if my world has just ended, I forced myself to get out of bed and come to work. I thought I can make it go away by working hard but when I got to work I cannot do a single thing, my mind was like fast forwarding everything about my ex, every time I try to take my mind off of her it keeps coming back and everywhere I look I see her face, I almost had an emotional breakdown. It's been a week now since my ex broke up with me. Is there anything I can do to make it easier? Yep! You're gonna feel like that! It's called the roller coaster of emotions. You're just going to have to ride that rollercoaster for a while. But, the most important thing that you're doing is KEEPING BUSY!!!! Be constantly busy. 1
Author movingonguy101 Posted March 26, 2014 Author Posted March 26, 2014 Yep! You're gonna feel like that! It's called the roller coaster of emotions. You're just going to have to ride that rollercoaster for a while. But, the most important thing that you're doing is KEEPING BUSY!!!! Be constantly busy. Thanks Chitown. Hard and a very long journey to recovery but I have no choice but to move on and push forward no matter how difficult it is. I'm going to bed again and it may or may not be the same situation as yesterday but it's part of what's happening in my life. I just have to accept that a roller coaster of emotions is part of my journey that I cannot avoid right now.
bluegreen Posted March 26, 2014 Posted March 26, 2014 Good boy we are proud of you HUGS As we all said some days will be full of raining s... on you and just when you think it can't get worse it just might. BUT those will be these first 4-5-6 weeks after that it still hurts lot but you are gonna be more and more able to take it as each day goes by. Before to long 3-4 months will pass and u are officially trough booth camp of NC U will be proud as hell of yourself and we more of you. ps: She once see's that you do not call might and very sure will call back. Unless its life-death thing do not answer that phone e mail or twit its called BREAD CRUMBS and such smart decent good guy like u does not deserve that. Oh she still might care don't get me wrong we don't hate her we just care about you and know that even if she does care she does not care enough. Loves shack brothers-sisters don't do anything by half so let her give that "half" caring to some other needy soul u are not that.
Author movingonguy101 Posted March 27, 2014 Author Posted March 27, 2014 Really struggling today also. Almost had another emotional breakdown. A really close colleague of mine tried to cheer me up by setting up a profile in an online dating site for me but I wasn't really ready to go on a date or talk to a stranger. It's really painful and the suffering I feel right now is just unbearable. I really want my old self back. Do you guys have any techniques so that I wont think of her much? I mean I know this is part of the process but I'm really suffering and the pain it seems I cannot take it anymore. I would really like to have at least something to do whenever I think of her. I tried keeping busy but I realized my job is just really boring that every time I try doing something it's just not doing any good.
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