Doing it Since '78 Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Hey Hey all- Me and my son's mom had a pretty rocky relationship, I actually dated her while I was waiting for my divorce to be finalized about 4 years ago (I know dumb move) Anyway, I got caught cheating with a co-worker early in the relationship, and she held in the pain for a while but about 3 months ago we actually broke up, which we both thought was going to be for good- I moved on, dated/slept around a little bit then stopped myself as this is what got me in the situation with her I was in at the begining of our situation- We decided to work on the relationship after all, more so because my son was having some serious seperation anxiety issues, and his behavior was getting pretty bad swapping homes every other day- (also forgot to mention she was meeting a lot of serious douche type guys and on my end I kept meeting women who wanted to move in after 1 date/sex) I told her that I did in fact sleep with the co-worker 2 years prior, also another girl. She told me she slept with one guy while we were broken up, and I was glad she told me- However last night I peeked in her phone, and it kind of looked as if she slept with multiple dudes during our break up, and she lied to me about it- I even gave her a chance for a one time "come clean day" were no judgement or anger would follow her telling the whole truth, she promised me it was all the truth- Should I let this go since we were broken up, or is it worth opening up the old wound, and saying something about this? Any advice?
d0nnivain Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 If you are going to have any type of relationship -- even just co-parents -- you need to get past the lie. Tell her you know & that while you recognize it wasn't cheating since you were apart, you would like to know why she lied. You have to be calm. You should focus on what's best for your son. If she tells you something that makes logical sense, listen to her & see if you are OK with it. I predict she's going to say she didn't tell you because she was afraid you'd get mad. People do that; they hide the bad stuff. Talk to her about your child's safety & the messages you are both sending him when you are with multiple other people. Come up with a co-parenting plan to shield him from adult dating behaviors. 1
Author Doing it Since '78 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 Thanks bro- good advice, we have been in a really good place, so I just don't understand what reason she would have for still keeping secrets? I told her about what/who I was doing while we were seperated (well I guess not everything and everybody LOL) So I think I get it-
d0nnivain Posted March 25, 2014 Posted March 25, 2014 Thanks bro- good advice, we have been in a really good place, so I just don't understand what reason she would have for still keeping secrets? I told her about what/who I was doing while we were seperated (well I guess not everything and everybody LOL) So I think I get it- You are welcome but I'm a woman, not your "bro" Her reason for keeping secrets is that she thinks keeping the truth from you about how many men she was with will either reduce the drama in your life or allow you to continue to respect her. 1
Author Doing it Since '78 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 You are welcome but I'm a woman, not your "bro" Her reason for keeping secrets is that she thinks keeping the truth from you about how many men she was with will either reduce the drama in your life or allow you to continue to respect her. Sorry about that- Ahhhhhh that actually makes a lot of sense, I think she just kind of jumped out there with both feet running and kind of remembered how it was before me
Author Doing it Since '78 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 I actually asked her about what I read- and these were her responses: The one guy she went to his house and stayed over there for 2-3 hours watching a movie, and nothing happened The other guy she invited to her hotel room one night (she was there for work), he took her out to eat dinner, but nothing happened The other guy took her out to dinner, but guess what- nothing happened I just still think she is lying, so I guess instead of badgering her over it, I will just take her word for it I guess and move on, even though I know she is still lying- I even told her if something did happen, just tell me know so there are no surprises in the future, she stuck with her story, so I will just let it go- Thanks for the responses-
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