Meeting two girls that I consider out of my league

[ascendotum]

Totally, totally, totally disagree...

 

A "league" is a mindset that someone has and forces them (his or her) into self-imposed limitations, keeping them from approaching others because of this concept they are not good enough of another.

 

Too many miss out on life's opportunities because of these societal-imposed "leagues."

 

I totally agree with what you say. However that is only one side of the attraction equation. What goes in the head of members of the opposite sex that you desire is another thing altogether. Just because you think there are no leagues does not mean millions of others don't. You might think 'I'm a 10 and I'm a contender for every M/F who's single...doesn't matter if they are gorgeous or outgoing & popular or ivy league or successful. Well that 'lots of options' person is going to have their own ideas of how people rank and where you fit into the types of people they have dated (or had sex with in the case of women) in the past or their expectations for dating up (which lots of people aspire for). I guess it depends on where you are on the totem pole of looks. For those near the top, they may think there are no leagues when it comes to their choices in a bf/gf, but I bet leagues kick in from the opposite perspective when for example, a plain looking, overweight, avg suburban life, blue collar person tries to chat them up.

 

Its guys who talk more about 'leagues' than women because they hit on women way more then the opposite so encounter a lot more rejection, and after a while get to know what types of single women are more or less positive when they approach.

[Marks]

both you and oldhshirt are right. He is right that there definitely ARE leagues. They DO overlap like concentric circles and some of them can be bridged. In the extreme if there is too much variation there is NO way that would happen. As someone mentioned leagues aren't just based on looks but a number of factors although initially looks play a big part of the "perception" of what league someone is in and what attribute they possess. Like for our OP he believes these girls perhaps have a lot more than they do and is nervous about meeting them based pretty much on looks. I agree with Carrie in that you shouldn't let life opportunities pass you by because of what leagues you believe these two to be in. After all, there is at least some overlap otherwise the girls wouldn't be contacting you & agreeing to go out. Give yourself some credit. I would say you and your dates are on common ground now, in neutral if you will, until personalities & goals etc start to be revealed. Who knows you may even surpass them in these areas?

 

Put it like this, I think when going on a date or a job interview, you have to assume this: the person on the other end has positive thoughts. They want you to be the "right" person. They don't want you to fail. Therefore if you come to the table with a good attitude, a healthy dose of confidence and your best foot forward it's a chance to see what could be. Most importantly, work on your confidence, it will put event the ugliest, lamest guys at an unfair advantage over someone who doesn't have any. You obviously have something attractive to offer otherwise you would not have gotten this far with them. Good luck!

 

ps don't take 1st girls flakiness or need to keep working as the be all, end all. Don't read too much into it. As a generalization, people in OLD are flakey, weighing options and not that invested. In real life, people have to work late all the time. There could be a ton of reasons why she didn't make it out BUT don't let it take you down a notch by assuming you're inadequate is THE reason.

 

Awesome post. Totally agree with this and it's getting me to re-evaluate my prospects. Thanks for the advice!

 

I totally agree with what you say. However that is only one side of the attraction equation. What goes in the head of members of the opposite sex that you desire is another thing altogether. Just because you think there are no leagues does not mean millions of others don't. You might think 'I'm a 10 and I'm a contender for every M/F who's single...doesn't matter if they are gorgeous or outgoing & popular or ivy league or successful. Well that 'lots of options' person is going to have their own ideas of how people rank and where you fit into the types of people they have dated (or had sex with in the case of women) in the past or their expectations for dating up (which lots of people aspire for). I guess it depends on where you are on the totem pole of looks. For those near the top, they may think there are no leagues when it comes to their choices in a bf/gf, but I bet leagues kick in from the opposite perspective when for example, a plain looking, overweight, avg suburban life, blue collar person tries to chat them up.

 

Its guys who talk more about 'leagues' than women because they hit on women way more then the opposite so encounter a lot more rejection, and after a while get to know what types of single women are more or less positive when they approach.

 

People can dislike the concept of leagues, but that doesn't disprove their existence. They probably mean different things to different people, but I don't think it's uncommon for both men and women to confine their romantic associations to certain types of people. For example, if you take your average sorority sister and consider that she probably only hangs out with other sorority sisters and their associated fraternity brothers, then I would venture a guess that she probably wouldn't consider going out with your typical nerdy computer science major. Not just because of possible level-of-beauty disparities, but due to a completely different set of life interests. And even though I'm using college life as an example, similar albeit varying social stratification continues on later into life. Ultimately people like grouping themselves based on particular characteristics, and these groupings are what "leagues" are in the end.

 

Anyway, my particular assertion of what my "league" is based mostly upon the type of attention I would get from different types of women over the years...and these two girls don't really fit the bill of the types of girls I'd get attention from.

[CarrieT]

While I agree with your statement...

 

Are you willing to go on a date with 400lb Jeb that lives in a trailer park and drives a 1981 Ford truck that's 8 different colors?

 

I actually married one. So there.

 

Actually, he was 310 pounds with hair all over his back and drove a lime-green VW Rabbit and chain-smoked. But he lived in a trailer park, yes.

 

This was the same guy who cheated on me with men.

[TB Rhine]

Leagues are based on social status, which is largely based on physical attractiveness (age, race, gender, occupation, and wealth also play a role). It's rare for people to stray outside their "league" - I've heard these stories of 'not so great-looking guys dating beautiful women,' and I've personally never seen it in real life.

[WP4046]

I would tell her the reschedule date would be at my apt. There is no rescheduling if I go to a coffee place to meet someone and they don't show

[Trane]

Leagues are created by people who superficially judge others or their potential dates as superior or inferior than they are. A lot of the judging and placement is largely based on how the person views his/herself overall. It might be a matter of confidence.

 

I think people are always more inclined to grade others, whether it's higher or lower than themselves. A lot of this is based on socioeconomic status, quality of life and that persons reputation or social feedback by others.

 

Leagues do more harm than good really. How can someone say that another is above or below themself without really getting to know that person? I'm always amazed at the whole other world that a person offers from the inside as opposed to what that person's physique says about them by social customs.

[WP4046]

Leagues are created by people who superficially judge others or their potential dates as superior or inferior than they are. A lot of the judging and placement is largely based on how the person views his/herself overall. It might be a matter of confidence.

 

I think people are always more inclined to grade others, whether it's higher or lower than themselves. A lot of this is based on socioeconomic status, quality of life and that persons reputation or social feedback by others.

 

Leagues do more harm than good really. How can someone say that another is above or below themself without really getting to know that person? I'm always amazed at the whole other world that a person offers from the inside as opposed to what that person's physique says about them by social customs.

 

Easy

 

Usually two unattractive or two attractive people blend in with each other. The other day I met a women offline that was extremely big and so many people looked at us because I was smaller and attractive. If I was a big like her and unattractive then no one would have cared

 

But it's so many people was looking like....."what is he doing with her?"

[Zeroes]

OP - I know this is easier said than done, but ask yourself why it's any different speaking to hot women than any other women? Why not just speak to hot women as you'd speak to your average looking work colleague or a female friend?

 

If they agree to date you (and turn up...) then obviously they like something about you and want to get to know you, and not be put on a pedestal like a shiny object, well some might, and unless you want to be stuck with a high maintenance drama queen, then avoid these types of women like the plague, because they'll screw you out every penny you have.

 

I've learnt over time not to do it with men I find hot. If I like a guy and think he's good looking I talk to him just like I'd talk to one of my guy friends, rather than fluster and giggle like a little girl who laughs at all his terrible jokes.

[WP4046]

OP - I know this is easier said than done, but ask yourself why it's any different speaking to hot women than any other women? Why not just speak to hot women as you'd speak to your average looking work colleague or a female friend?

 

If they agree to date you (and turn up...) then obviously they like something about you and want to get to know you, and not be put on a pedestal like a shiny object, well some might, and unless you want to be stuck with a high maintenance drama queen, then avoid these types of women like the plague, because they'll screw you out every penny you have.

 

I've learnt over time not to do it with men I find hot. If I like a guy and think he's good looking I talk to him just like I'd talk to one of my guy friends, rather than fluster and giggle like a little girl who laughs at all his terrible jokes.

 

 

attraction makes you do things out of your control

[Do_The_Herp]

Meh. You were silly to have driven there without any confirmation that she'd be there.. But if I was you, I'd be a petty little bastard and mirror her behavior the next week.

[Sith Apprentice]

Leagues are real. The "there are no leagues" myth was created by the PUA movement to convince rubes to pester women out of their league. If there were no leagues then obese basement dwelling gamers would be able to pull Victoria Secret models. It ain't happening.

 

If you're a 5 based on the qualities that women find attractive (face, body, height, hair line, fame, game, social status) and she's a 9 then she's out of your league. Which means you're not going to pull anyone on that level with any type of regularity. If you're a 5 and you're trying pull 8-9's you're gonna struggle like a mofo.

 

"Game" is what gives you the most bang for your buck. Game allows average joes to adopt the behaviors and mannerisms of bona fine alphas. The quick and easy results are it's greatest allure, but it will only take you so far. Eventually you'll reach a plateau where no matter how hard you try it will be too much work to attract the women you want. When that happens you've reached the zenith of your league.

 

As you ascend to higher leagues you will begin to notice a peculiar pattern in women's behavior towards you. Women below your league will start flirting and coming onto you in very obvious manner. This is the "WTF" moment experienced by up and comers when they start getting hit on by fatties. If you want that hottie you have to ascend to her league.

[Do_The_Herp]

Sith is probably busting balls, but I suppose he's right to some extent - It's a bit obvious that a younger George Costanza or Danny Devito isn't who you'd stereotypically expect walking hand-in-hand with Amanda Seyfried or Zooey Deschanel..

 

But most people are not that extreme in terms of appearance, quite frankly. Lots of gray area, I'd be worried more about the things that I CAN change, because that matters just as much and probably more so than your (most likely) average looks.

 

Also, there's no such thing as "game" - It's just an overcomplication of something that should come natural. In a nutshell, it's general confidence and the ability to handle one's self. Go up to a girl, crack a joke, if she seems warm and inviting, ask her if she'd like to grab lunch. Simple as that, she HAS to answer you. Don't back down, don't get nervous, don't bat an eyelash if she says no. Smile, thank her, and walk away with not so much as a fleeting glance, as if she's no longer a thought in your mind. Because she shouldn't be.

[topaMAXX]

Leagues are real. The "there are no leagues" myth was created by the PUA movement to convince rubes to pester women out of their league. If there were no leagues then obese basement dwelling gamers would be able to pull Victoria Secret models. It ain't happening.

 

If you're a 5 based on the qualities that women find attractive (face, body, height, hair line, fame, game, social status) and she's a 9 then she's out of your league. Which means you're not going to pull anyone on that level with any type of regularity. If you're a 5 and you're trying pull 8-9's you're gonna struggle like a mofo.

 

"Game" is what gives you the most bang for your buck. Game allows average joes to adopt the behaviors and mannerisms of bona fine alphas. The quick and easy results are it's greatest allure, but it will only take you so far. Eventually you'll reach a plateau where no matter how hard you try it will be too much work to attract the women you want. When that happens you've reached the zenith of your league.

 

As you ascend to higher leagues you will begin to notice a peculiar pattern in women's behavior towards you. Women below your league will start flirting and coming onto you in very obvious manner. This is the "WTF" moment experienced by up and comers when they start getting hit on by fatties. If you want that hottie you have to ascend to her league.

 

Totally true. The only problem is that looks and height will set a limit on you no matter how good your game becomes.

 

Game certainly could increase the amount and quality of girls that one can get, but there certainly are limits. I do realize that you mentioned that already, but I felt that there was a need for emphasis.

 

Awesome post.

 

Sith is probably busting balls, but I suppose he's right to some extent - It's a bit obvious that a younger George Costanza or Danny Devito isn't who you'd stereotypically expect walking hand-in-hand with Amanda Seyfried or Zooey Deschanel..

 

But most people are not that extreme in terms of appearance, quite frankly. Lots of gray area, I'd be worried more about the things that I CAN change, because that matters just as much and probably more so than your (most likely) average looks.

 

Also, there's no such thing as "game" - It's just an overcomplication of something that should come natural. In a nutshell, it's general confidence and the ability to handle one's self. Go up to a girl, crack a joke, if she seems warm and inviting, ask her if she'd like to grab lunch. Simple as that, she HAS to answer you. Don't back down, don't get nervous, don't bat an eyelash if she says no. Smile, thank her, and walk away with not so much as a fleeting glance, as if she's no longer a thought in your mind. Because she shouldn't be.

 

If you don't have game, you will be approaching WAY more women to get that one date.

 

I'm a guy that went from reasonably poor game to good game. I approach WAY less to get the same results that I did before. I used to make 20 approaches a night to get one girl. Now, I sometimes go months without approaching, make one approach and get the girl.

 

But, again, I also know my league and what I can get. Occasionally, I try to defy my league and it usually fails (though, it succeeds enough that I still give it a shot from time to time).

[Do_The_Herp]

Totally true. The only problem is that looks and height will set a limit on you no matter how good your game becomes.

 

Game certainly could increase the amount and quality of girls that one can get, but there certainly are limits. I do realize that you mentioned that already, but I felt that there was a need for emphasis.

 

Awesome post.

 

 

 

If you don't have game, you will be approaching WAY more women to get that one date.

 

I'm a guy that went from reasonably poor game to good game. I approach WAY less to get the same results that I did before. I used to make 20 approaches a night to get one girl. Now, I sometimes go months without approaching, make one approach and get the girl.

 

But, again, I also know my league and what I can get. Occasionally, I try to defy my league and it usually fails (though, it succeeds enough that I still give it a shot from time to time).

 

Well, for you, what was the "game" changer? I'm curious. You're just saying that your dating life improved when you implemented "game"..

 

What did you do differently that couldn't be chalked up to being more confident and smooth and relaxed and sure about yourself in the way you acted?

 

Did you employ some sort of mind game manipulative tactics to sort of trick her into giving you her number? I don't understand, maybe it's because I've never felt the need to look this stuff up. Maybe my looks have made it easier for me, I don't know.

 

I just don't see it in terms of league.. I see it in the simple terms of having basic (even if superficial) things in common. Hmm, we're both in shape/not overweight, she is attractive to me and wouldn't be taller than me in 4" heels. (lols) I've already caught her checking me out once or twice, I'm going to go over to talk to her and be direct. If she's not interested, no worries. No amount of game playing will change that. If it could, then it wasn't because the girl wasn't physically attracted to me anyway..

 

And if someone's attraction can change based on how they act, I don't see why anything could be "impossible".. Sure, like I said, George Costanza might not have the easiest time of winning over a tall skinny minny model-esque looking woman, but I'm sure that weirder matches have been made.

[David87]

Op go and have fun, forget about the leagues.

 

But focus at one at a time, don't chit chat with both , then invite them for coffee.

 

Se how it goes with one of them, if it doesn't work try it with the second one and correct what you did wrong with the first.

 

Never juggle two women at the same time because it doesn't end well most of the times.

[Marks]

What a coincidence that you guys brought this thread back up, since I have some updates regarding the girls I mentioned in my original post...

 

So just last night I went out with the other girl I mentioned in my post (the one that messaged me first). A few days prior I texted her after getting her number, asking if she wanted to hang out and when she was free. She mentioned that she worked until 8p, so I asked her if she wanted to get drinks afterwards at around 10p. She agreed and so last night we met up for the first time.

 

The date was...interesting. It was funny because for some reason I felt the most calm I think I've ever felt meeting up with a girl for the first time, which is highly unusual for me. Also, I was by far the most dressed up for this meet than I have been for the last few girls I've met with. Partially it was because the bar we went to was more on the chic side, but otherwise I think I was trying to dress to impress. Anyway, we met up at the bar, got a table, and got to talking.

 

First off, she looked exactly like her pictures, which was fortunate because I had met up with a girl earlier in the week (a whole different story) who looked nothing like her pics... so there was that. She's definitely a cute girl, although I will say that she looked a bit more "homey" (if that's the right word) in person, than I had originally thought. Which is good, because I like girls like that. But after about and hour and a half of chatting, I honestly can't tell how the date went.

 

I basically have a feeling that I bored her...I mean, our conversation flowed relatively easily, but it wasn't like we were having a deep conversation or anything. A red flag for me was that half way through she started yawning--even though she claimed that it was because she was tired from work, I got the feeling that it was because of me. On top of that, I felt like I made some dumb remarks and that I didn't add as much to the conversation as I could have. Ultimately I don't feel like I made a great impression nor that I charmed her in any way.

 

After being at the bar for an hour and a half, we called it a night and headed out. Outside the bar we hugged and both of us said that it was great to finally meet each other. She then said that we should hang out again soon and suggested I send her a text to work something out. At this point I'm not sure if she was serious or if she was just being nice...so I dunno.

 

Later on after I got home, the thought occurred to me to send her a text saying that I hoped she got home safely. Basically along the lines of "hey, it was great meeting you, hope you made it home safely! Not sure what prompted me to send her that...but she never replied. So I'm regretting it now.

 

Anyway, I basically couldn't really get a read on her and whether she was actually interested in me, or if she was just being nice. Not sure what she was expecting me to be like--if I came off as a little nerdy in person, then I'm not sure how she didn't see that coming since I basically suggested in my profile that I have a bit of a nerdy side to me. Especially since she messaged me first and complimented my profile, saying that I looked like a really good guy.

 

Now, returning to the first girl (the one who flaked on me earlier)... even though she said she wanted to re-schedule for last week, I didn't bother getting in touch with her to actually reschedule and she didn't get back to me, so I basically figured that she was a done deal. Well, lo and behold she texted me out of the blue late last week saying that she was really sorry, that she was sick all week, and asking if I'd like to meet up this coming week. Basically she said that she's hoping that her work schedule won't cause her to be stay beyond 5p.

 

At first I wasn't sure if I wanted to reschedule, but I figured why not, I'll give her another chance. So we set up a dinner date this coming Thursday after work. I guess we'll see how it goes...whether she backs out again or not. I was just really surprised to hear from her again.

[Marks]

Never juggle two women at the same time because it doesn't end well most of the times.

 

Why not? Based on a lot of the advice on LS, it seems like it's the most prudent thing to do. Especially since I don't really know either of the girls that well, why should I put all my eggs in one basket? Besides, both of the girls were interested in meeting right now, so it's not like I can just put one on standby while I figure things out with the other...if I did that and didn't meet with her soon, she'd probably think I'm not interested. Not to mention that one of the girls messaged me first, so I didn't really get to choose the timing as to when I starting talking with her.

[Trane]

Easy

 

Usually two unattractive or two attractive people blend in with each other. The other day I met a women offline that was extremely big and so many people looked at us because I was smaller and attractive. If I was a big like her and unattractive then no one would have cared

 

But it's so many people was looking like....."what is he doing with her?"

 

People blend in with each other without any sort of unified rules of attraction. One persons "beautiful" my not be so attractive to the next person and so on.

 

Does her being "big" make her the unattractive one? How do you know for sure that the outsiders weren't looking down on you being the unattractive one? By whose standards is she the lesser attractive one? Some folks might see her as "big, bold, beautiful," while looking at you as the lesser. Just a thought.

[Trane]

Sorry, but this is the way I feel about this subject.

 

Really, who am I to say that I'm superior or inferior to someone just from first glances or face value? It's a segregated way of thinking that I sometimes find disturbing, especially in the dating world. What happened to the age old adage of "opposites attract?"

 

Yes, certain people date others by caliber ethics regardless if it's about the other persons physical looks, wealth & material possessions. Maybe social status too. I still believe that passing this kind of judgement on someone and putting them into whatever classified league without depth or serious investigation is prejudicial.

 

I think guys shoot themselves in the foot with chicks when they hold these preconceived notions of being "out of her league," or "she's too good for me." It's like you haven't even stepped into the batters box and you're already striking out? Doesn't make sense. You rarely hear a woman say that "she's not in his league," because the dating world is largely a product of the guy doing the approaching and asking. Women do the majority of the choosing.

[StumpyNB]

I honestly believe income has more to do with what league you are in than looks. A person making 100k a year is never going to have a healthy relationship with a person making 30k a year. One will always feel taken advantage of over time, or grow to resent things over time.

 

I've seen some truly unimpressive guys pull in really hot chicks, based totally on their outgoing personality.

 

As a side note, she stood you up, telling you 5 minutes AFTER you meet, that she needs to cancel, and you didn't call her out on that??? The biggest part of confidence is knowing your own self-worth. I'm not saying you need to be an a-hole about it, but 'sure we can do a raincheck' is certainly not the way I would have gone.

[Mo_Do]

What a coincidence that you guys brought this thread back up, since I have some updates regarding the girls I mentioned in my original post...

 

So just last night I went out with the other girl I mentioned in my post (the one that messaged me first). A few days prior I texted her after getting her number, asking if she wanted to hang out and when she was free. She mentioned that she worked until 8p, so I asked her if she wanted to get drinks afterwards at around 10p. She agreed and so last night we met up for the first time.

 

The date was...interesting. It was funny because for some reason I felt the most calm I think I've ever felt meeting up with a girl for the first time, which is highly unusual for me. Also, I was by far the most dressed up for this meet than I have been for the last few girls I've met with. Partially it was because the bar we went to was more on the chic side, but otherwise I think I was trying to dress to impress. Anyway, we met up at the bar, got a table, and got to talking.

 

First off, she looked exactly like her pictures, which was fortunate because I had met up with a girl earlier in the week (a whole different story) who looked nothing like her pics... so there was that. She's definitely a cute girl, although I will say that she looked a bit more "homey" (if that's the right word) in person, than I had originally thought. Which is good, because I like girls like that. But after about and hour and a half of chatting, I honestly can't tell how the date went.

 

I basically have a feeling that I bored her...I mean, our conversation flowed relatively easily, but it wasn't like we were having a deep conversation or anything. A red flag for me was that half way through she started yawning--even though she claimed that it was because she was tired from work, I got the feeling that it was because of me. On top of that, I felt like I made some dumb remarks and that I didn't add as much to the conversation as I could have. Ultimately I don't feel like I made a great impression nor that I charmed her in any way.

 

After being at the bar for an hour and a half, we called it a night and headed out. Outside the bar we hugged and both of us said that it was great to finally meet each other. She then said that we should hang out again soon and suggested I send her a text to work something out. At this point I'm not sure if she was serious or if she was just being nice...so I dunno.

 

Later on after I got home, the thought occurred to me to send her a text saying that I hoped she got home safely. Basically along the lines of "hey, it was great meeting you, hope you made it home safely! Not sure what prompted me to send her that...but she never replied. So I'm regretting it now.

 

Anyway, I basically couldn't really get a read on her and whether she was actually interested in me, or if she was just being nice. Not sure what she was expecting me to be like--if I came off as a little nerdy in person, then I'm not sure how she didn't see that coming since I basically suggested in my profile that I have a bit of a nerdy side to me. Especially since she messaged me first and complimented my profile, saying that I looked like a really good guy.

 

Now, returning to the first girl (the one who flaked on me earlier)... even though she said she wanted to re-schedule for last week, I didn't bother getting in touch with her to actually reschedule and she didn't get back to me, so I basically figured that she was a done deal. Well, lo and behold she texted me out of the blue late last week saying that she was really sorry, that she was sick all week, and asking if I'd like to meet up this coming week. Basically she said that she's hoping that her work schedule won't cause her to be stay beyond 5p.

 

At first I wasn't sure if I wanted to reschedule, but I figured why not, I'll give her another chance. So we set up a dinner date this coming Thursday after work. I guess we'll see how it goes...whether she backs out again or not. I was just really surprised to hear from her again.

 

You shouldn't have texted her that night - she's thinking it over, and when you're NC it really helps you out in that department.

 

Keep lining up dates and improving your game, that's all I can really tell you at this point.

[Marks]

You shouldn't have texted her that night - she's thinking it over, and when you're NC it really helps you out in that department.

 

Keep lining up dates and improving your game, that's all I can really tell you at this point.

 

Haha, yeah I realized that the day after. Like I said, I honestly don't know what I was thinking...I guess I wanted to seem considerate (given that for some reason during the date we got on the topic of neighborhood safety and her car being broken into), and I legitimately thought about her getting home safe...but that probably just threw me in the nice guy/beta bin.

 

Sad thing is, I've made this mistake before...and again, apparently I just couldn't resist.

[Do_The_Herp]

Well, you know what the definition of insanity is, right?

 

Anyways, if I were you and your gut was really telling you that she didn't seem particularly engaged..

 

Well, if you were attracted to her and would willingly give it another try, why not just NOT text the girl later that night/next day or whatever, and just leave her number in your phone for down the road when you're bored with no plans and see if she'd be refreshed enough to give you another try, and you her.

 

I mean, maybe not THIS girl unless you're still invested somehow, but the next girl. Make sure you do things right. Until you learn not to invest much more than the other party does emotionally and mentally, there may be some complications.. I mean, it's not a game, just don't get crazy over something so minor.

 

Couldn't hurt, and that way you only GIVE as much effort/thought as you're going to get. She says no? "Ok. Cool. See you." Delete her number, and she's out of sight, out of mind, for good. Best way to do it.

[Shaun-Dro]

So I don't know how I managed this, but I now have two coffee dates setup with two girls that I would normally consider out of my league. I met them online through OKCupid...one of them messaged me first and the other I messaged first. I went back and forth with both for a little over a week before I suggested we meet up for coffee.

 

Anyway, the problem I'm having is the fact that I consider both of them to be out of my league, and I'm not sure how to prep myself mentally for the meetups. I don't want to come off as a blundering fool, since generally speaking, I get pretty nervous around girls who I consider to be really cute/hot, and I start exhibiting a lot of the physical/behavioral signs of nervousness.

 

Now, I don't know for a fact that they're out of my league...after all, they did agree to meet, so at the very least they must think I look good in my pictures, and my profile piqued their interest. But generally speaking, I'm not really aware of what my attractiveness level is, because I've never really gone out with girls like these--except for one time many, many years ago where I met up with a "hot" girl for frozen yogurt, and the whole thing ended horribly. Since then I've usually considered myself as less than attractive, and it has been a huge damper on my confidence with girls.

 

So in my own mind I feel like I don't measure up...and I don't think I'd ever have the courage to ask out these girls in real life. But yet here they are...willing to meet with me. And I don't want to mess things up

 

I didn't realize this thread was made several weeks ago, but anyway, my best advice to you is to tread very lightly on this.

 

Why? Because good-looking women on a dating website don't normally do the honor of reaching out to a man first. In real life, they might throw a hint, but nothing more. Be careful on this. They may not be who they're claiming to be whatsoever.

[Marks]

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Edited April 11, 2014 by Marks
decided not to post