Great moments in dating hypocrisy

[Hello_is_it_me]

So new relationship with girl who greatly values her friendships with exes. So we have a sit down where I say I find that hanging out with exes one on one makes me uncomfortable. Girl says she's gonna be who she is and won't let anyone change her. I told her when I'm in relationships I've never hung out with exes but I ask if she would be uncomfortable if I did. She says she wouldn't be.

 

So I do hang out with an ex. And told the gf before I did. And of course... Current gf goes nuts, lol. One of the best lines she gives is: "Well, me hanging out with exes is ok because it's something I've always done. But you said you usually don't hang out with them so that's why you shouldn't be doing it now. It's not your normal behavior."

[GemmaUK]

Well..she does have a point!

 

Looking back at other posts and from this one it looks to me as though she has been upfront about quite a few things and for many people these things would be pretty significant red flags.

You have also mentioned that you can be prone to jealousy.

Why ignore your instincts on these things?

 

It sounds to me as though you would be better off out of this relationship.

[acrosstheuniverse]

She does kinda have a point. You're clearly doing it just to make a point or get back at her, since it ISN'T your usual behaviour. She's probably more annoyed at the immaturity of it than the fact you're seeing the exes. I'm sure if from the start you'd been 'oh you're friends with your exes? That's cool, so am I' then she'd have had no problems.

[Hello_is_it_me]

She does kinda have a point. You're clearly doing it just to make a point or get back at her, since it ISN'T your usual behaviour. She's probably more annoyed at the immaturity of it than the fact you're seeing the exes. I'm sure if from the start you'd been 'oh you're friends with your exes? That's cool, so am I' then she'd have had no problems.

 

Well I mean I did ask and she did say it would be okay for me to do it so... All I ask is that there is a common ground of respect in a relationship. She is the one who chose to set the bar at a lower level of respect.

[Keenly]

A relationship with two separate sets of rules is a terrible one.

[GoreSP]

Sounds like my ex who wanted to be accepted just the way he was yet trying his damn best to change me...

[GemmaUK]

She is the one who chose to set the bar at a lower level of respect.

 

But you are the one who is enabling that by sticking with her in a relationship.

 

Ex's as friends is fine by me

But I would not stay with someone who had ex's as 'very close friends who they saw regularly in a one to one scenarios'.

[joystickd]

You both aint on one accord, but she got the message. You would do better without her

[Hello_is_it_me]

But you are the one who is enabling that by sticking with her in a relationship.

 

Ex's as friends is fine by me

But I would not stay with someone who had ex's as 'very close friends who they saw regularly in a one to one scenarios'.

 

Well, I'm all for compromise. She wasn't able to really meet me at any common ground. So I was the one that moved. And really, I don't get mad or combative over things in relationships. If it's not for me I'll just leave. So I just viewed it as, as long as she doesn't want to take the relationship seriously, then neither will I.

 

I don't mind someone being cordial with exes. But close friends? Not my thing.

[TXGuy]

Her double standard would bother me, probably enough for me to lose interest. Depending on what else you have going on in your world, you could make a clean break or simply put in as much effort as the relationship deserved.

[ElPayaso]

What you did was good. As a man, you should ALWAYS be willing to always walk away from any woman who does not satisfy your requirements or disrespects you.

 

When she told you about how she's always been the person to keep in contact with her exes. Tell her "Good for you. I want to start keeping in contact with my exes too and other women as well." Every woman's greatest fear is another woman. You have to learn to play this to your advantage. Women absolutely cannot stand to see their man with another woman. It stabs at their heart.

 

She will eventually start to notice that you contact her less and less and that you are spending time with other women.

 

NEVER BE AFRAID TO WALK AWAY. No matter how much she threatens to dump you or how cold she gets. Women are master manipulators and you have to always maintain your frame or you get sucked into their emotional vortex.

 

Keep doing what you're doing. Spend your attention on more deserving women instead of this over-entitled, disrespectful, spoiled brat.

[jay1983]

I can't tell for sure, I'm not 100% positive, but this sounds like a no gooder. What would they be talking about? I can't see them meeting up to gossip. Talking about work or what happened over the weekend, they have girl friends for that. Usually when this happens she still has feelings for him. She doesn't want you talking to your ex, because she thinks you have the same intentions as she does. Keep hanging out with your exes, and look for something else while seeing her. Play it like you see it, if she's up to no good, play her like a slut.

 

Just my 2 cents.

[pickflicker]

Well I mean I did ask and she did say it would be okay for me to do it so... All I ask is that there is a common ground of respect in a relationship. She is the one who chose to set the bar at a lower level of respect.

 

Then if that's the case, why not end the relationship and find someone who will treat your with the respect you want, instead of engaging in jerk "one-up" behaviour?

 

Frankly, I would have dumped you right there for handling potential conflict by doing the dating equivalent of chucking your toy at another kid in the sandpit.

[lino]

The double standards will be justified by any means possible.

 

What's good for the goose is rarely good for the gander in this area of life.

 

Hey, be a man

[Hello_is_it_me]

Then if that's the case, why not end the relationship and find someone who will treat your with the respect you want, instead of engaging in jerk "one-up" behaviour?

 

Frankly, I would have dumped you right there for handling potential conflict by doing the dating equivalent of chucking your toy at another kid in the sandpit.

 

Wait. You would have dumped ME? She was the one to set the rules that hanging with exes is ok. So I played by the rule that SHE decided.

[Hello_is_it_me]

I will also like to add that she's hung with one of her exes MANY multiple times during the short time I've been dating her. And at no point did I lose my **** over any of it. Though I hang out with my ex ONE time and she loses her mind lmao!

[pickflicker]

Wait. You would have dumped ME? She was the one to set the rules that hanging with exes is ok. So I played by the rule that SHE decided.

 

But you have no desire to hang out with your ex. If she's genuine friends with her ex, like it or not, it happens. There are people who do it, they're happy to, there's nothing funny, and she was upfront. Now, it's not something that I do, I tend to move on from exes and into new relationships. I'm not interested in being friends with exes. But I wouldn't bust a guy's chops if he was. You're just hanging with your ex because you're pissy that she's hanging with hers.

 

Instead, what you could have done, is maturely accepted that she is friends with her ex, or, I don't know - let her go and find someone more compatible with your beliefs? However ou're just playing bulls*** games. The only reason you see her reaction as 'hypocritical', is because she saw straight through what you're doing. So yeah, I'd dump you. Got no time for that.

Edited March 26, 2014 by pickflicker

[Hello_is_it_me]

But you have no desire to hang out with your ex. If she's genuine friends with her ex, like it or not, it happens. There are people who do it, they're happy to, there's nothing funny, and she was upfront. Now, it's not something that I do, I tend to move on from exes and into new relationships. I'm not interested in being friends with exes. But I wouldn't bust a guy's chops if he was. You're just hanging with your ex because you're pissy that she's hanging with hers.

 

Instead, what you could have done, is maturely accepted that she is friends with her ex, or, I don't know - let her go and find someone more compatible with your beliefs? Instead, you're just playing bulls*** games So yeah, I'd dump you. Got no time for that.

 

What makes you assume I didn't enjoy hanging out with my ex? If I wasn't dating this girl I would've hung out with my ex just as well. It wasn't even my invite. The ex invited me. Though in a normal case scenario, I afford respect to my current partner. If there is no mutual respect in regards to exes (as my current partner has decided) then I don't feel the need to capacitate myself.

 

I think your angst is misguided towards me. Why shouldn't I be able to abide by the rules SHE set?? While this girl has seen her ex multiple times and even was planning future "dates" with him because they "were planned before" i entered the picture I only met up with my ex one time.

 

I will say though... I believe her eyes have been opened a bit and I've noticed a marked decrease in her contact with her ex

[pickflicker]

What makes you assume I didn't enjoy hanging out with my ex? If I wasn't dating this girl I would've hung out with my ex just as well. It wasn't even my invite. The ex invited me.

 

I think your angst is misguided towards me. Why shouldn't I be able to abide by the rules SHE set?? While this girl has seen her ex multiple times and even was planning future "dates" with him because they "were planned before" i entered the picture I only met up with my ex one time.

 

I will say though... I believe her eyes have been opened a bit and I've noticed a marked decrease in her contact with her ex

 

Don't you think a relationship is bulls*** when you have to play these games in order to score points? It's really sad.

[Hello_is_it_me]

But you have no desire to hang out with your ex. If she's genuine friends with her ex, like it or not, it happens. There are people who do it, they're happy to, there's nothing funny, and she was upfront. Now, it's not something that I do, I tend to move on from exes and into new relationships. I'm not interested in being friends with exes. But I wouldn't bust a guy's chops if he was. You're just hanging with your ex because you're pissy that she's hanging with hers.

 

Instead, what you could have done, is maturely accepted that she is friends with her ex, or, I don't know - let her go and find someone more compatible with your beliefs? However ou're just playing bulls*** games. The only reason you see her reaction as 'hypocritical', is because she saw straight through what you're doing. So yeah, I'd dump you. Got no time for that.

 

I'll also say that if you want to establish a rule in the relationship - then I follow that rule - then you dump me for following the rule that you set... then THANK YOU for setting me free from your insanity!

[Hello_is_it_me]

Don't you think a relationship is bulls*** when you have to play these games in order to score points? It's really sad.

 

I think some people are emotionally immature and since it's very early in the relationship I'll give them a chance to see if they can learn/improve. And I actually have noticed improvement so far.

 

I will also add that due to the red flags I have very little invested so I kind of don't care if it all goes to hell as well lol

[kaylan]

Girls who hang out with ex's or past bangs are not relationship material in my book. I've never seen something good come out of dating a person who would respect their failed partnership more than their new partnership.

 

In my eyes a woman who really cares about me (and us), will remove potential drama from her life.

Edited March 26, 2014 by kaylan

[Els]

I don't mind someone being cordial with exes. But close friends? Not my thing.

 

This is the root of the issue, isn't it? It makes it quite clear that you went out with your ex just to 'test' her, so to speak.

 

Even if she was okay with you hanging out with exes, how does that change the fact that you're not comfortable with her behaviour? Maybe the two of you just aren't compatible?

[Els]

I think some people are emotionally immature

 

Wow, no **** sherlock. A prime example of the abovementioned immaturity:

 

I will also add that due to the red flags I have very little invested so I kind of don't care if it all goes to hell as well lol

Seriously, I don't think your gf is in the right, but you get the kind of fish you set up bait for. Your immaturity is attracting immature girls.

 

You're also clearly incompatible, so I'd sincerely suggest you leave and try to work on yourself a bit.

[StanMusial]

....will remove potential drama from her life.

 

From OUR life.

 

I think a small minority of girls don't realize how these situations effect a relationship, the rest either don't care or have some other agenda. Maybe they just don't have any other friends.