I've cracked the "player" mystery!!!

March 24, 2014

this is an onslaught, never have I seen someone ganged up on more lol

March 24, 2014

See, you don't really sound like a nice guy to me.

Do you respect your wife and her needs too? If not, the sh*t will hit the fan eventually. It's not controlling to state your needs and hope your partner will want to try and meet them... within reason of course.

the statement 'locked in a relationship' is the tell for me here. I don't know any sincere relationship minded men who feel 'locked' in a relationship. Just the opposite. They enjoy the emotional closeness of one... They don't walk around all paranoid that some woman is going to lock them down and control them. That's a sign of dysfunction, for sure.

I've learned to walk away from men who describe relationships like this. No matter how much they try to hide it in the beginning. I'm not here to prove to them that relationships are a good thing or that women aren't out to 'control' them.

Hmmm, I get your message, but I interpreted what he said differently.

He did not say anything about his wife other than compliments, and you jumped to the conclusion he is not a nice guy? IMHO he paid her a great compliment. And by locked down, I think he did the right thing. He was not sure where school/career would take him, so why lead a woman along? He wanted to wait to get more settled before comitting to a LTR; sounds commendable to me.

I think he is telling us he enjoys the emotional closeness he now has with his wife.

And, checksagent, thanks for the post as you have me re-thinking why I stayed with my ex gf for sooooo long, and why I gave her a 2nd chance. I have thought about this a lot, it's probably becasue she was so amazingly hot, beautiful, charming, and yeah, she probably did control me now that I think about it. She "inserted" herself into my life quickly and did other things I can now see where her way, I hope subconsciously, of keeping her hooks into me.

I now remember my dads wife commenting on how my ex gf came over and decorated my house for Christmas, even though I am not one to decorate. She thought that was odd, and even said controlling then (She is a Psychologist). She knew about all of my issues/concerns with the ex. I brushed it off at the time to the ex just being kind and sweet.

March 24, 2014

Reproduction theory:

Women call each other sluts (shaming easy sex) because it's the most powerful tool they have in securing a male. Therefore other women using sex is a threat.

Men call women sluts because they don't want to risk their woman being impregnated by another man, and thus wasting resources to raise a child that is not his own.

Of course, men like other sluts because it gives them a chance to produce another child that some other chum will raise.

It's in a woman's interest to sleep with multiple men as it increases the resources she can receive to help raise the child, since they wouldn't be sure who is the real father. Marry the rich guy, and get impregnated by the physically superior security guard.

March 24, 2014

Players get dumped quite a bit, even if they’re getting dates to begin with.

Like Red Robin said, and very well, I might add, it would be nice if men shunned male players.

I know a very nice man, good solid family man, and he was talking about his player ex-brother-in-law, how awful the guy is to women, really quite abusive. And then my friend said, “But he’s a great guy. Smart, athletic, successful… blah blah.” How can he even think that? My friend has daughters, and he’s teaching his daughters that someone can be a good guy while treating women badly. Like treating women badly is an exception to character? Maybe the “all men are dogs” theory? And will my friend’s daughters be wrong to tolerate poor treatment? Not entirely. Dad, who is not a player, has been conditioning them for it all their lives.

I certainly don’t consider my EX-girlfriends who cheated or used or manipulated men to be “great gals.” Robin’s right, LOTS of men kind of honor players as Alphas or something.

OP, men also have responsibility for how society works. Your theory places the onus on women to create change. This reinforces the idea that men aren’t responsible or capable.

I sort of agree but it's not like women shun women who use and mistreat men. I seriously doubt most would cut off a friend because she cheated on a man.

March 24, 2014

I don't consider myself to be locked in my marriage. In fact in many ways it has freed me but a bad relationship that is hard to get out of is like prison. I know men married to women who are openly abusive and contemptuous of them in public and the men can't leave because he will have his wallet drained and he will never see his kids. Being trapped in something like that is a real fear many men have. I do consider my first marriage to be something similar to doing time in a North Korean prison.

March 24, 2014

I guess the big mystery for me is why so many 'men' want to emulate liars and those who hurt people just for fun or to see what they can get away with.

That's the biggest problem I see. These 'players' swim in the same social circles as some decent guys, and the decent guys still befriend them... which gives these shyteheads cover.

Not all players are bold faced future faker liars. The more 'hot' the guy is the less need to lie as women are easily attracted to him. Plenty of women are DTF for a hot & charming & fun loving guy. There is no talk of a wonderful future together. As others pointed out...'pussy begats pussy' (less so for women >35), so their is not need to lie as many women are in it for the yolo experience. Many women if they think this guy desires them will feel special and are happy to sleep with him that day (or in < 1/2 hr I've seen a bunch of times where woman has had a couple of drinks).

Its when women get to their 30s and have had their share of fun and are now looking for a serious substantial relationship that many players willbe inclined to lie (or preferably be vague). Still plenty get action as ONS/FWBs from women without any future faking, who have fun with them while continuing their search for their ideal guy to settle down with.

As far as I have witnessed the less good looking/charismatic the wanna be player is, the more he will be inclined to have to lie to get into women's pants as he does not have the ability to create that 'omg amaazzzing chemistry' that makes women jump into bed first and ask questions later.

March 24, 2014

Hmmm, I get your message, but I interpreted what he said differently.

He did not say anything about his wife other than compliments, and you jumped to the conclusion he is not a nice guy? IMHO he paid her a great compliment. And by locked down, I think he did the right thing. He was not sure where school/career would take him, so why lead a woman along? He wanted to wait to get more settled before comitting to a LTR; sounds commendable to me.

I think he is telling us he enjoys the emotional closeness he now has with his wife.

And, checksagent, thanks for the post as you have me re-thinking why I stayed with my ex gf for sooooo long, and why I gave her a 2nd chance. I have thought about this a lot, it's probably becasue she was so amazingly hot, beautiful, charming, and yeah, she probably did control me now that I think about it. She "inserted" herself into my life quickly and did other things I can now see where her way, I hope subconsciously, of keeping her hooks into me.

I now remember my dads wife commenting on how my ex gf came over and decorated my house for Christmas, even though I am not one to decorate. She thought that was odd, and even said controlling then (She is a Psychologist). She knew about all of my issues/concerns with the ex. I brushed it off at the time to the ex just being kind and sweet.

It's the double standards plus how he talks about his wife and relationships that makes me scratch my head.

I get it that his mom wasn't an effective communicator. Maybe yours either??

When I meet men who are THAT afraid of being controlled, I often discover that their relationships with their mom and other women are tinged with a lot of passive aggressive behavior and strings attached... so every nice gesture becomes suspect. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. I suppose I can't blame them, but it is pretty sad too.

... and no, I don't think your ex-GF controlled you at all. Your libido and focus on the superficial is what controlled you. And you know it.

I do kind things for people. Noone has ever called me controlling.

March 25, 2014

My observation is that other men put 'players' on a pedestal... not the women.

Women go after men they are attracted to. No big surprise.

My observation is that these same men are usually good liars, have little or no remorse about whom they hurt, and don't really have a lot of substance underneath the surface flash.

If they weren't taught this in childhood, most women quickly learn how to dig a little deeper and those same men lose their appeal. It's the main reason lots of those player types target young women of a certain age or inexperienced in dating. Because those women are naïve.

It's not really because those women prefer to be lied to or taken advantage of.

It's also the reason why I refuse to date men who have slept around a lot. That's right. You heard it. I avoid sl*tty men.

Noone is going to convince me they did so being upfront about their goals and intentions.

Lol you obviously don't know your own gender then. It's relatively easy to get laid as a man and not lie about it. That's one of the problems: very few quality women left out there.

The better looking the guy, the easier it will be to get laid while being honest.

March 25, 2014

Babolat - Thanks for saving me the trouble of typing it all out. You obviously understand what I was saying! Thank you!!! I said "locked" as in I DO CARE ABOUT other people, so I wouldn't want to get accepted to law school in California and have a girlfriend in Florida and then have a messy/sad breakup, or ask her to follow me and her resent me. It's called thinking ahead. Smart people do it. (More fodder for the Ozone big head I have insults lol)

And I give my wife as much as she gives me...love, trust and understanding. I'm not too proud to admit that a lesser woman I might have trust issues with in this world. BUT that's why I married HER. She is a great human being. I hate these heroes who are like "I trust me lover blindly! Ya need trust!" And meanwhile, their significant other has cheated all their life. Lol.

People love to fool themselves.

March 25, 2014

BlueIris - You want men to shun male players? GOOD men do...but most men in their 20's just want to get laid and have sex...That is their # 1 priority. EASILY...be a mile...So they will NEVER shun a person who can get at a whim something they are DYING to get. And I love how women on here try to act like women want the sex the same way and as much as men do. Lol. First of all, biology...evolution...science...all disagree with you. I think most men would disagree with you. And EVERY...EVERY...EVERY woman I have ever met that CLAIMS that, says it at first, and then TRIES to get the man to commit. I know women who like sex exist, I'm not doubting that...I just think it's a far smaller number then men who are like that in their 20's.

March 25, 2014

Andy K - Thank you for the kind words brother. I truly appreciate it. You and I can read, lol. We have both been on these sites for a LONG time. We have both spoken to people in life. We don't live under a rock. We both KNOW this analysis doesn't exist elsewhere, and all the "know it all haters" are just doin what they do - HATIN! Lol.

I am by no means perfect and I CERTAINLY don't know it all. But I think my analysis is sound...and I've never seen it anywhere else before.

I've only ever seen "Why do slutty men get labeled "players" and are worshipped, but slutty girls are just whores and looked down upon?"

Well, I gave you your answer. Like Pogostick said, women hate other slutty women, and men don't like slutty women (other than to sleep with for kicks)...NOW...slutty men are LOVED by women (even when they know they shouldn't) and MEN love having sex and want to be the guy who can get it whenever he wants (in their teens, 20's and early 30's sometimes)...So think about it, it all makes sense. It's not really a mystery. Lol.

March 25, 2014

I guess the big mystery for me is why so many 'men' want to emulate liars and those who hurt people just for fun or to see what they can get away with.

That's the biggest problem I see. These 'players' swim in the same social circles as some decent guys, and the decent guys still befriend them... which gives these shyteheads cover.

The world is upside down when decent men are considered 'weak' and unmanly... and liars/cheats/womanizers are considered 'manly' and something to emulate.

Mostly, I wish decent men would stop covering for this douchebags, propping them up, or rationalizing their behavior so that women who actually DO want to avoid them would have an easier time of it.

Lord knows, I've had more than one talk with a woman whose self-esteem is in the toilet who doesn't think she can do better than one of these dirtbags... or is too afraid to be alone. Both here on LS and IRL.

Wait, so now it's the fault of decent men that players treat women like sh*t and the women keep coming back for more servings?

I think I've read everything now.

I guess cancer and terrorism are also our fault too? How bout bushfires and floods? Our fault?

If bone headed women stop opening their legs so easy for these kind of men, the change will literally happen overnight.

March 25, 2014

We both KNOW this analysis doesn't exist elsewhere

Ugh, no - this 'thesis' has been around since forever. It is a simple, childish concept that does not require any brilliant breakthroughs.

If you search a 'little bit' through Loveshack:

From "The so-called promiscuity "double standard" ", a 15 page thread from 2010:

Johnny_M wrote in the opening post:

"I always find it amusing when women ask why it is cool for a guy to sleep with tons of women, while a girl who sleeps around is considered a slut. If you think about it, that is really, really dumb question. Why? Because the answer is so damn obvious.

Men and women have totally different views on the value of "experience" in potential mates. Most men would consider a girl who has been with too many partners as loose. And most women would classify a guy who hasn't been with enough partners as a loser.

So there you go. Women are attracted to promiscuous men, while men are attracted to non-promiscuous women (which, like most aspects of human psychology, probably has roots in evolutionary adaptation). For women to try convince men that "sluts" are just as wholesome as the less experienced girls would be the equivalent of men trying to convince women that shy, nerdy, socially awkward nice guys are just as desirable as suave "bad boys".

"

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/226399-so-called-promiscuity-double-standard

In 2013, in the thread "Players vs. sluts", MissBee wrote the following:

"Being a "player" is not insulting to men, in fact, many men aspire to be such and see it as a badge of honor and society does not at all frown upon a player in the same way it slut shames women.

Slut is supposed to shame a woman and make her feel bad about herself in hopes to change and control her behavior to that of a "good woman", player isn't employed in the same way at all."

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/404859-players-vs-sluts

In a very recent thread, "why are so many men players?" (another massive thread), samsungxoxo wrote:

"The insecure, overly naive girls or those into ''taming a player'' give them the time of the day. The problem would probably be solved if player-like behaviors would stop being rewarded."

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/456616-curious-why-so-many-men-players-what-causes-whats-benefit-14.html

And then in "Is the slut-shaming as bad as the male virginity shaming" the same poster comments on men reinforcing slut shaming:

"As for the slut-shaming, it's pathetic how these high-count men reinforce that. Using women for sex and insulting them afterward is insulting that very same person who provided you service (even if it was short-lived)."

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/458798-slut-shaming-bad-male-virgin-shaming-2.html

Coincidentally the two threads were active more the less around the same time and the two analogies were prompted by the same poster. So this whole theory is old and also plenty of times repeated in these massive threads.

You don't even discuss other factors that affect this double standard (cultural reasons, religious reasons, the relative difficulty for men to get NSA sex, biological arguments) nor the massive amount of exceptions (there are men and women who look down on players and similarly there are those who have no problem with female promiscuity). It's also a rather limited idea that only applies to a certain vocal segment of society that IMO is way too much in the spotlight.

Now if you would have presented this whole thing with a slightly less pretentious tone like you deserve a ****ing Noble price for observing this correlation I might have not replied or maybe wrote a confirmation. There is some truth to what you say but it's not new and neither is it something to get so excited about as you expect us to get.

March 25, 2014

Lol you obviously don't know your own gender then. It's relatively easy to get laid as a man and not lie about it. That's one of the problems: very few quality women left out there.

The better looking the guy, the easier it will be to get laid while being honest.

If the guy is sleeping with them, his level of 'quality' is no higher than theirs.

If he has to lie to do it... or fudge on his intentions in the slightest. He's certainly the lowest quality. Scum of the earth. Not something to emulate.

...and that's the problem right there. Guys like you put guys like them on a pedestal whether they lie or not. I don't.

March 25, 2014

BlueIris - You want men to shun male players? GOOD men do...but most men in their 20's just want to get laid and have sex...That is their # 1 priority. EASILY...be a mile...So they will NEVER shun a person who can get at a whim something they are DYING to get. And I love how women on here try to act like women want the sex the same way and as much as men do. Lol. First of all, biology...evolution...science...all disagree with you. I think most men would disagree with you. And EVERY...EVERY...EVERY woman I have ever met that CLAIMS that, says it at first, and then TRIES to get the man to commit. I know women who like sex exist, I'm not doubting that...I just think it's a far smaller number then men who are like that in their 20's.

I believe the invention of birth control showed the world that when the consequences to WOMEN for having sex were reduced, then, yes, they enjoy sex just as much.

When/if the social consequences for women having sex just as frequently and without undue censure like men do are reduced... you will see more women 'acting like men'... It is already the case in more liberal countries that have a more egalitarian viewpoint regarding gender roles.

Even though I'm not a fan of casual sex... I do resent the fact that men are given free license to explore their sexuality in their youth and women are not. That is often how people establish their values, likes, and dislikes.

Women are not here to hold ourselves in check so you guys have someone to 'come home to' once you decide to stop playing the field.

it's the biggest reason why I avoid men who have played the field now.

I hate double standards... Plus, I don't trust men who have shown no history of restraint themselves. It's a useful practice, you know. Ability to show restraint even when tempted. One I think benefits anyone who wants to eventually build a life with someone.

March 25, 2014

man_in_the_box - None of what you posted is what I wrote. It is more recitation of facts and observations. No analysis and more importantly no identifying the problem. The problem being, and nowhere in your post, that women GLORIFY male players, chase them, want them, etc. AND women KNOCK and CRITICIZE fellow women who are loose/player types vs. MEN who don't like sl*tty women for anything more than a throw in the hay, and ADMIRE players because they are GETTING laid by women in SPITE of being labeled dirty!!!

ALSO, none of them come to the FLAT simple conclusion about 4 or 5 of us on here all came to subsequent my analysis, which is, if women STOPPED worshiping players, PERHAPS players would stop being so revered!!! And when that happened, men wouldn't want to be players anymore! It's all about a means to an end.

March 25, 2014

Little bits of what I wrote are peppered throughout all the posts you posted, but not all broken down and explained in ONE SINGLE POST. I don't read every single post ever made on here though. And I am certainly not taking notes of each post to one day eventually put it all together to call someone else out on their post. Wish I had that kind of time though.

March 25, 2014

I get it that his mom wasn't an effective communicator. Maybe yours either?? .

I have thought a lot about my relationship with my mom growing up, and my last therapist challenged me to do so, too.

One of the best things my last therapist talked to me about is, it's great to understand why we are the way we are, look at our past, dig into our childhood, our relationships with our parents, define it, figure it out. But, at some point you have to say "Okay, it happened, I am who I am, now what?". His comments really hit me. Yeah, I can spend hours thinking about "why" and reading books that tell me"Why", but at some point I have to "do something" and "move forward" with new found tools and skills. One of the posters here talked about that.

No, I don't "know it". There was so much more to her than superficial, which is one of the many reason I tried and stayed. Yes, she was an amazingly beautiful woman, and yes I am sure that "blinded" me at times, but there was much more than that. I appreciate your feedback though.

I do kind things for people. Noone has ever called me controlling.

I am simply sharing what my dad's wife said to me. I was talking about my issues/concerns with my ex gf, gf at the time, with her and she got very upset, as she was doing her best, without saying so, to tell me to end the relationship because my ex gf had severe deep rooted issues. I was talking about how she decorated my house. And she said something like "then stay with her and let her control you by doing things like that".

Doing kind things for people is not necessarily controlling, I agree. It can be, though, if you have a motive or expect something in return.

March 25, 2014

Man_in_the_box - You seem like such a positive and good person, so, I went back to read some of your recent posts, as I am confident you're mostly positive and rarely negative.

1) IDK, I totally cannot relate jealousy with something positive. I hated being undeserved on the receiving end and I cannot imagine wanting my SO to experience that. She's perfectly able to remain committed to our relationship without my 'help' and if not... then something is seriously wrong with the relationship.

2) IDK, sounds like bad therapy to me. People should do hookers because they want to experience NSA sex for little effort - not to get over past hurt.

3) Well this thread functions as an excellent example that anybody can be a close-minded jackass regardless of what exactly they believe. Luckily there are plenty of posters that also confirm the opposite - and kudos for that.

4) Wow, somebody stop the presses - what an amazing discovery. This is truely noteworthy and completely new information we are being presented.

5) The **** are you expecting to hear?

6) Guy needs therapy.

7) But she doesn't want to move in with him either - seems to me as if they both don't want to accommodate anything to avoid this odd situation. What has the OP done besides nag that he should communicate better...?

My guess is highly intelligent, liberal contrarian, maybe even to the point of Hipster, but probably not since Love Shack would be so totally uncool by now.

March 25, 2014

Man_in_the_box - Instead of forum hopping and attacking people for no other reason than to give yourself some weird pleasure, why not try acting like a good human being who wants to analyze and discuss issues with other like minded people. Have you ever heard the phrase if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all?

Did you ever consider, perhaps I posted the thread title the way I did just to create more views? (Worked, check)

Did you ever consider you can't understand tone in typing and maybe I was joking the way I worded it?

Did you ever consider I just wanted feed back on the theory and not your opinion on my presentation?

Nope, you probably never considered any of that, and frankly I'm sure you don't care.

March 25, 2014

man_in_the_box - None of what you posted is what I wrote. It is more recitation of facts and observations. No analysis and more importantly no identifying the problem. The problem being, and nowhere in your post, that women GLORIFY male players, chase them, want them, etc. AND women KNOCK and CRITICIZE fellow women who are loose/player types vs. MEN who don't like sl*tty women for anything more than a throw in the hay, and ADMIRE players because they are GETTING laid by women in SPITE of being labeled dirty!!!

Yes they do - I'm not going to repost it but they say exactly that albeit in slightly different words or somewhat less dramatic.

ALSO, none of them come to the FLAT simple conclusion about 4 or 5 of us on here all came to subsequent my analysis, which is, if women STOPPED worshiping players, PERHAPS players would stop being so revered!!! And when that happened, men wouldn't want to be players anymore! It's all about a means to an end.

Wrong again: "The insecure, overly naive girls or those into ''taming a player'' give them the time of the day. The problem would probably be solved if player-like behaviors would stop being rewarded."

- samsungxoxo

Wish I had that kind of time though.

It's really easy if you know to use Google and the search function. Skim the first couple of pages and you're done. Do you honestly think I read through the rest of these threads? All the posts come from page 1-2 of the respective threads.

March 25, 2014

1) I do not put players on a pedestal, they disgust me. My male friends who are married and flirt, same thing. One of the main reasons I'm down to 2-3 close male friends now.

2) There are female players, too, and they disgust me. I was biking with 3 woman on Saturday morning, we got lunch afterwards. One of the woman told us she got an 11PM and a 5AM booty call text. She said it was too late, but that she does have a list of "booty" call men. Disgusting, absolutely, disgusting. And I told her this. She said "what's a woman to do when she is not in a relationship". My response "I WAS going to introduce you to one of my single male friends, I don't want him to end up on your list though". She said "If I meet the right man I will stop all the booty calls". Well, stop them, now. You may meet the right man, then.

3) Woman love sex, men love sex

4) A good woman will not desire a player, or be attracted to him. She may be attracted to his charm, his humor, his wit, but a good woman will see thru his player crap.

5) I am not attracted to "slutty" woman; they too, disgust me. Trash talk, slutty talk, a big turn off for me. When in a comitted exclusive relationship, between us, it's fun. The girl in #2 above, made it clear I could be on her list without saying the words. No thank you.

6) I think the message here is slutty player type men and woman will attract the same. Or attract the "unhealthy" ones that I am not interested in, anyway. To me, it's probably a self-esteem/confidence issue. They need this. The "good ones" will not put them on a pedestal or desire/worship them. So let the players do what they do; it increases my chances of matching up with a better partner.

I get accused of being a player all the time, mainly because of my looks and I am a nice, social, funny man; and because I have female friends. The woman who accuse me of this, in my opinion, have been cheated on, they have daddy issues, they are unhealthy to begin with, low self-esteem, confidence issues, etc. I get tired of woman assuming because I have female friends, I am a player, or I have a motive. I've never been one, have no desire to be one, and I am quite happy with my ability to attract woman. My track record on relationshsips is not the best, but I am growing, learning and getting better.

Edited March 25, 2014 by Babolat

March 25, 2014

Wait, so now it's the fault of decent men that players treat women like sh*t and the women keep coming back for more servings?

I think I've read everything now.

I guess cancer and terrorism are also our fault too? How bout bushfires and floods? Our fault?

If bone headed women stop opening their legs so easy for these kind of men, the change will literally happen overnight.

Yes... if so-called decent men give liars (ie players) cover, then yes... those guys are an accessory to the 'crime'...

You are partly at fault if you stand by and do nothing. Yep.

Bone headed women... right... Players fake being nice guys. They don't start treating women like shyte until after the fact.

Stop covering for liars and users. Give the women in your life a heads up when some douchebag guy tries to pull the wool over her eyes. That would go a LONG ways toward changing things....

As it is, it's as if guys with your mentality have it out for women... and get sick vicarious pleasure in seeing women hurt and lied to. It's disgusting.

Take some responsibility for your choices of whom to hang out with too, why don't you? I know for damn sure I wouldn't continue dating a guy whose 'friends' were players and liars... or continued to associate with men like that once they were outed.. It would indicate a fundamental difference in values. Plus, I don't want my BF or future husband being influenced by those a-holes.

March 25, 2014

Yes... if so-called decent men give liars (ie players) cover, then yes... those guys are an accessory to the 'crime'...

You are partly at fault if you stand by and do nothing. Yep.

Bone headed women... right... Players fake being nice guys. They don't start treating women like shyte until after the fact.

Stop covering for liars and users. Give the women in your life a heads up when some douchebag guy tries to pull the wool over her eyes. That would go a LONG ways toward changing things....

As it is, it's as if guys with your mentality have it out for women... and get sick vicarious pleasure in seeing women hurt and lied to. It's disgusting.

Take some responsibility for your choices of whom to hang out with too, why don't you? I know for damn sure I wouldn't continue dating a guy whose 'friends' were players and liars... or continued to associate with men like that once they were outed.. It would indicate a fundamental difference in values. Plus, I don't want my BF or future husband being influenced by those a-holes.

How are women any better. Do you see women shunning their friends who mistreat and cheat on men? Ask most betrayed husbands on here and their wives had a cheering section with a you go girl mentality. Why is it only men who need to shun the bad apples of their sex?

March 25, 2014

1) I do not put players on a pedestal, they disgust me. My male friends who are married and flirt, same thing. One of the main reasons I'm down to 2-3 close male friends now.

2) There are female players, too, and they disgust me. I was biking with 3 woman on Saturday morning, we got lunch afterwards. One of the woman told us she got an 11PM and a 5AM booty call text. She said it was too late, but that she does have a list of "booty" call men. Disgusting, absolutely, disgusting. And I told her this. She said "what's a woman to do when she is not in a relationship". My response "I WAS going to introduce you to one of my single male friends, I don't want him to end up on your list though". She said "If I meet the right man I will stop all the booty calls". Well, stop them, now. You may meet the right man, then.

3) Woman love sex, men love sex

4) A good woman will not desire a player, or be attracted to him. She may be attracted to his charm, his humor, his wit, but a good woman will see thru his player crap.

5) I am not attracted to "slutty" woman; they too, disgust me. Trash talk, slutty talk, a big turn off for me. When in a comitted exclusive relationship, between us, it's fun. The girl in #2 above, made it clear I could be on her list without saying the words. No thank you.

6) I think the message here is slutty player type men and woman will attract the same. Or attract the "unhealthy" ones that I am not interested in, anyway. To me, it's probably a self-esteem/confidence issue. They need this. The "good ones" will not put them on a pedestal or desire/worship them. So let the players do what they do; it increases my chances of matching up with a better partner.

I get accused of being a player all the time, mainly because of my looks and I am a nice, social, funny man; and because I have female friends. The woman who accuse me of this, in my opinion, have been cheated on, they have daddy issues, they are unhealthy to begin with, low self-esteem, confidence issues, etc. I get tired of woman assuming because I have female friends, I am a player, or I have a motive. I've never been one, have no desire to be one, and I am quite happy with my ability to attract woman. My track record on relationshsips is not the best, but I am growing, learning and getting better.

On some of these items, I believe you could afford to be more self aware.

Women who accuse you of being a player say so because they see a constant carousel of women rotating through your life. You have demonstrated a lack of ability to distance yourself from unhealthy women (your ex) in favor of sex. You can't be alone. You have a habit of over projecting your ability to sustain a relationship. You don't take your time getting to know a woman before jumping into bed.

I should point out that your ex didn't disgust you... at all.

You are a player in denial. I'm sure there are lots of players who don't see themselves that way. They just see themselves as misunderstood.

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