Emilyz Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 This might be a long read for some but I hope that I hope to write enough for you guys to completely understand my position. Thank you all in advance. My ex BF and I met our first year of college. We met through a mutual friend. We started talking and things seemed to flow very well. I was so happy and all of my friend and family could see it. We became official in about 2 months. We were so appreciative of each other. I was picturing marriage. We lost our virginity to each other it was that serious. I’ve never been so sure about a person before. Our first year together was nothing but amazing. We supported each other and had each other’s backs. Our second year was interesting. We began to get comfortable, not in a bad way… yet. We both began to display habits that were annoying to one another. It was nothing that we couldn’t fix but annoying nonetheless. Things started to die down between us. The spark wasn’t there as it was before. He wasn’t intimate as he was before, and I guess I had the problem of not telling him any of the worries I had. The second half of the year I slowly but gradually was slipping away. I felt more excitement talking to other guys at my work. I don’t mean in a “cheating” fashion, but it indeed was more fulfilling. I stepped back and felt that him and I possibly outgrew each other. Near the end of the year I got off of work, and sent him a text telling him that I thought it was best that we go our separate ways. He was confused for I did not open up to him about my concerns and I did this over the phone. I could not see him hurt… I couldn’t deal with that. Believe me that I am aware that it was and still to this day a ****ty thing to do. I broke his heart. He begged, pleaded, and even waited out in the parking lot of my work to talk to me when I got off. I know it was selfish but I had to put myself first. I wasn’t happy with out relationship anymore. I still cared for him that is my honest truth. I mean I loved the guy for 2 years. I had to move on. But I wished him well. I haven’t heard from him since. Until.. Fast-forward 3 months. I’ve been out with a couple of guys one guy I might date soon, been getting in shape, and feeling good about a new direction. Until… I was on a date last night with the guy I’m interested in. We were at dinner and had a great time. We got up and were about to leave, but it was pouring outside so we waiting in the waiting room of the restaurant until it stopped. While waiting, my ex BF walked out with another girl by his side from their dinner. I guess they sat on the other side of the restaurant, so I didn’t see him. We saw each other. He came over to me and said hey and introduced his GF to me. I introduced my date. The way he looked at me and spoke to me was strange. It was like an interaction with a friend but you know you’re not really friends. Those “hey lets hang out sometime” moments that never happen. It’s like we never dated. I happily responded though. He said they had to be on their way and it was good seeing me. Said they had a movie to catch. It was still pouring. He took off his jacket, put it over his Gf, and they laughed while they ran into the rain to their car. I don’t know why but I completely shut down after that. I’m so confused. I’m happy with where I’m at now, I have a decent guy, but I had a wave of emotion that I cannot sort out. I can’t even think straight. What’s going on with me?
sooshi Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 Sometimes, it is simply saddening to see someone you loved so deeply with someone else, even though it was your decision to end the relationship. Maybe it wasn't really seeing him with someone else, but the way he spoke to you, and how it made it seem like you two had never been together. I would be hurt too if my ex-fiance introduced me in a way that made it seem like we were never together/were never close, but your ex has likely moved on, and probably didn't find it appropriate to say that you were his ex. You may have experienced a trigger that led you to miss what you two had. Perhaps you miss his friendship, or even just his presence in your life. 1
iDrumKing Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 I would be hurt too if my ex-fiance introduced me in a way that made it seem like we were never together/were never close, but your ex has likely moved on, and probably didn't find it appropriate to say that you were his ex. I agree. I he probably thought it was not appropriate to say "and this is my ex." So he rather treated you like an a very very distant acquaintance.
Author Emilyz Posted March 24, 2014 Author Posted March 24, 2014 Or, you're still in love with him. I don't. I really don't. Maybe I don't. I don't. I'm not sure. Seriously though when I left. Him I KNEW it was for the better. I was no longer happy. I understand that he has every right to hate me for the way I went about the breakup, but there's nothing I could do. After I saw him something inside me struck so hard that I couldn't enjoy the test of my night.
Survivor12 Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 Relax. It's not about your feelings for him, it's envy. (Not jealousy--envy). You want a relationship like the one you imagine them to have based on their actions in a few moments of time. It's like watching a movie and imagining yourself in the romantic lead, but in this case, since you do have a history with him, you were even more emotionally invested in your fantasy. You broke up with him because the relationship wasn't satisfying. Just because you briefly witnessed what seemed to be the kind of relationship you wish you'd had, doesn't mean that it is as ideal as you think. Relationships are unique. The same person may behave and respond differently in different relationships because the "variable" (the other person) is different; hence, the interaction--the relationship--isn't the same. It didnt work out between you and him, not because of who you are individually but who you were together. Don't worry...eventually, you will meet the right guy and the relationship will fall into place. Looking back is just a waste of time.
WYSWYG Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 OP, It's very hard to face indifference in this way but It's only been 3 months since the BU and you spent 2 years together - there's still a bit of attachment left and it will take a little time to fade. Perhaps, he misses you as well but just doesn't show it. Sometimes, what we see is not always what it seems. This is Oracles 1st rule on an extensive thread pinned above this page. In my case, seeing my ex w/ another guy just 2 months after the BU gave me a since of closure. But without warning, certain things can trigger memories of the past. I still miss her occasionally. We had moments like no other and the closeness seemed unequaled. As the the days go by, I hope you'll feel lighter. Things we'll get better in time.
Author Emilyz Posted March 24, 2014 Author Posted March 24, 2014 Relax. It's not about your feelings for him, it's envy. (Not jealousy--envy). You want a relationship like the one you imagine them to have based on their actions in a few moments of time. It's like watching a movie and imagining yourself in the romantic lead, but in this case, since you do have a history with him, you were even more emotionally invested in your Yes! That's exactly how it felt. It looked like a movie moment! Do you think there would be a possibility of reconciliation? I'm not necessarily saying I want to get back together, but maybe my feelings have change? I dunno I might be fooling myself. Whatever I felt over the weekend has not gone anyway.
iDrumKing Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 I think this is a case of wanting something you can't have. Maybe you're feeling some form of jealousy. Maybe you and your date haven't reached that level of romance you ex BF displayed with his GF.
Sandy99 Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 It seems like you were unhappy with yourself (and maybe a little bored with your life) and you thought it was your boyfriend's fault and so you dumped him, but you still have your unhappy self and he seems fine with out you. I think this is the classic mistake a lot of dumpers make. They are unhappy with themselves, they see it as their significant others fault, they cut them out of their life, and they still feel bad. So once again, keep working on yourself and learn to communicate while still in the relationship, because you really just cause yourself a lot of pain in the end. And you also cause a lot of hurt to another person.
CaliBabe Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 I don't think reconciliation is possible if he has a new girlfriend. I would not contact him unless he is single out of respect.
Survivor12 Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 Yes! That's exactly how it felt. It looked like a movie moment! Do you think there would be a possibility of reconciliation? I'm not necessarily saying I want to get back together, but maybe my feelings have change? I dunno I might be fooling myself. Whatever I felt over the weekend has not gone anyway. Forget about going back...that ship has sailed and although seeing them together triggered your desire for a relationship, HE isn't the man who can give you that. You've already tried, remember? The feeling hasn't gone away because you want a relationship and you don't have one right now--and HE does. What you're feeling is LONGING & ENVY--not love. If you did get back with him, you would end up disappointed (& bored) once again because what you're longing for is not HIM. If it were, you wouldn't have broken up. I strongly suggest that you refrain from contacting him. For one thing, he's got a girlfriend. Also, according to you, he was heartbroken about the breakup, but now he's finding joy again. You admit that you were selfish in how you handled it because you couldn't stand seeing him so hurt. If so, why would you want to interfere with his happiness now? 1
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