Brett123 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Ok, so there is a girl i kind of like (im not in love yet or anything like that because i've not known her for long), we text like everyday, sometimes long other times short messages, etc. I also have to add that i'm helping her at studying and i still will if this doesn't go right. So i decided to ask her out for lunch and she said yes. So i was thinking of telling her that i kind of like her, but its not something big yet, and that i wanted to know if she thought i had any chance, because i wanted to know if i keep trying to get to know her and maybe fall in love or if i just try to forget about it, as cutting it now would not hurt me as much and it wouldn't make it uncomfortable for her if i keep helping her with studies as opposed as if she kept me waiting, i feel in love and then she rejected me. Is this too straightforward? Do you think it can ruin the chances? She is kind of a direct person but she is a girl after all and girls are complicated xD Any comments would help
Tayken Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 OP...has it occurred to you that she is just being nice because you are helping her with school work? You've kind of put her in a tough spot / awkward situation.....I mean it couldn't have been easy for her to say YES. If you weren't tutoring her now, it could have been different
Author Brett123 Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 OP...has it occurred to you that she is just being nice because you are helping her with school work? You've kind of put her in a tough spot / awkward situation.....I mean it couldn't have been easy for her to say YES. If you weren't tutoring her now, it could have been different I did skip many details to keep it as simple and impersonal as possible, but she does start many of the text convos herself (unrelated to studies, like sending pictures of funny things, etc), she chose me as a tutor based on pictures, and a description given by one of my classmates (they basically asked her what kind of guy she likes and they suggested from what she said). If she was just being nice but didn't care about anything else she would just reply nicely to my messages, not start conversations, etc. Plus after asking her out she would have probably stopped talking to me as much, but she texts with the same frequency and its not only me who start the convos.
OhThatGirl Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Go to lunch with her. Have a nice time. Don't "say" anything about liking her. If you have a nice time, follow up by telling her and ask her out again. After a couple invites to do things outside of studying or tutoring she's going to catch on that you're interested. If she continues accepting or starts asking you out, you're good. You can start talking about liking her a little. "I'm going to miss our time together when you don't need my help anymore" or something. See if she reciprocates and says she will be disappointed too. Then mention you two could still get together if she would like. Maybe during lunch if she starts to laugh about something mention she has a pretty smile. A subtle sign that just crosses the boundary of friendship, ya know? Take it slow. This is a sensitive situation, she's not going to want to see you as a tutor if she has to turn you down when you say you like her. Take it very slow and gauge her interest carefully. Please don't: 1) ask her if you have "a chance" as this puts her on a pedestal and makes it seem you're not that worthy of her interest. 2) Ever ever bring up "love" or "loving her" EVEN if it's just in a potential future hypothetical type scenario. 3) Make it creepy or weird if she turns you down. If after your lunch you ask her out again and she turns you down, laugh it off and say "well you can't blame a guy for trying" then get back to tutoring business. Sounds like there is at least some friendship beyond the tutor/student relationship so this lunch invite seems reasonable. Now you're going to have to determine if it's purely friendship or if there's a little bit more... 1
GemmaUK Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 OK, either..just ask her out properly and say it's for a date or carry on as you are Don't mess around in the middle and ask her if she likes you. You will only get flakey answers as she wants the tutoring. The reply to the date question will be enough for you to tell. Also, you're not obliged to continue tutoring if she says no.
Author Brett123 Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 (edited) I want to leave a thing clear i skipped that could be important. This tutoring system is not official. Its something second year people from my university offer to first year students to start up. If it goes well the tutor can help the other student for the whole career, or just give a few tips. Its up to the tutor. Some second year students were chosen as tutors and since they don't want to help, they didn't even meet their students. I already gave her enough material/tips to pass this year easily, so its not like she NEEDS any of my tutoring at least for another year. Plus, most people don't even make use of having a tutor. When i was in first year, my tutor didn't want to help me, but i did manage to get enough material/help from older students that became friends, tutors of my friends, etc. So its not like she is going to have a big handicap if she just rejects me. She will know people willing to give her the same thing i'm giving her. The tutoring is not class giving, its more like giving summaries, tests, etc. So its not like she studies with me. If she wants an explanation i can give it to her but we don't meet at all to study, just to chat. I could even say i don't have a tutor and i don't need it at all by now. And didn't even need it last year to pass with high scores. I also want to add, my mother language is not english, so the words may not be as "cutting" as english words are, i would obviously use more subtle words when telling this to her. Edited March 23, 2014 by Brett123
Poppyolive Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Brett....just relax, have fun, enjoy each other...I think your business relationship & friendship is blossoming...ride with it and see where it takes you...you'll know... she'll know when the timing is fight to go in for a smooch...say nothing...just keep showing her you're interested and fun and enjoy this time.
Author Brett123 Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 By the way, i wanted to thank you all for the fast answers, wasn't expecting them so fast or so many. Thanks in advance for any future replies aswell
Survivor12 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Steer clear of any talk of feelings. If you want to be direct, keep it simple: "I would like to take you on a date. Will you have dinner with me?" There's no need to explain what a date means or what it has the potential of leading to in the future. I'm sure she knows. Good luck. 1
OhThatGirl Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 Hell. If this isn't really a formal tutor type thing and she picked you mostly by your looks and a brief summary of what you're like, I'd say you're set. If I'm looking for a legit tutor, I want the smart one that can give me good insight into the coursework, not the attractive guy that enjoys activities at the beach and loves dogs. See what I'm saying? Still, avoid talking about feelings. Since you've already asked and she accepted the offer for lunch, drop the word "date" into the next time you ask her out. That way it won't be weird if she doesn't consider this lunch thing a date and yet you still tell her what your intentions are for next time! You're on the right track.
Author Brett123 Posted March 24, 2014 Author Posted March 24, 2014 If I'm looking for a legit tutor, I want the smart one that can give me good insight into the coursework, not the attractive guy that enjoys activities at the beach and loves dogs. See what I'm saying? They did tell her i had good grades in almost every subject and that i was always happy to help, so i don't really know what she chose me for. Just that its not the only thing they told her as they asked what kind of guy she likes, showed pictures, etc. Thanks for the reply!
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