Koopa Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Background: Me 29 single, no kids, and I live by myself Her 25 engaged (for 2 years now) has 2 year old son, lives with fiance I was drunk earlier this week and went to go hang out with my neighbors who were outside drinking also, In the two years I have been in this place this had happened a few times but I would not say I am good friends with them. But this night was different, after her fiance went to bed we kept talking, drinking more beers and just having a good time. Now who made the first move? I really don't remember, all I remember from that part of the evening was the two of us embracing each other then deciding that we should not go any further. So I then returned to my apartment and she did hers. Sitting on my couch trying to figure out what the hell just happened I get a knock on my door and its her. As soon as I opened the door we we're all over each other and it was amazing completely uninhibited sex. Afterwords she reveals that she has always been attracted to me and fantasized many times about me and apparently her fiance has not shown any interest in her for months. I have heard my other neighbors (everyone knows each other in our little alcove of apartments) say he might be gay and apparently she suspects it and so does his own sister. Today when her fiance left I went to go have a chat with her so we could figure out what to do now. we ended coming back to my place and having sex again. Before we could finish she had a change of conscience and we stopped. I thought this was going to be the end of it but had a feeling she would be back, sure enough the next night I get that knock on my door and there she is and no change of heart this time she is all in. So now we are in a friends with benefits situation but I don't know how I feel about this myself. Of course there is my member saying go for it, my conscience saying this is wrong they have a kid and he is a good father, my heart can't figure out if this is more than just physical because I really do like hanging out with her even when we are not having sex, and my brain trying to make sense of everything. Does anybody with similar experience have any advise?
beach Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Today when her fiance left I went to go have a chat with her so we could figure out what to do now. we ended coming back to my place and having sex again. Before we could finish she had a change of conscience and we stopped. I thought this was going to be the end of it but had a feeling she would be back, sure enough the next night I get that knock on my door and there she is and no change of heart this time she is all in. Cool story. May want to figure out if you're in "today" or "the next night"... Either way - it's NOT COOL to screw someone else's gal. Of ALL the women on the planet - you have to choose her? Choose differently - a choice that doesn't harm self or others. 4
Author Koopa Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 Cool story. May want to figure out if you're in "today" or "the next night"... sorry did not notice that typo things started on Tuesday night "today" actually happened on Wednesday I started writing this on Wednesday on a different site and decided not to post but did save it.
beach Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 sorry did not notice that typo things started on Tuesday night "today" actually happened on Wednesday I started writing this on Wednesday on a different site and decided not to post but did save it. What do you say you start being decent by not having sex with her ever again?
Author Koopa Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 What do you say you start being decent by not having sex with her ever again? It's easier said than done, and I do have feelings for her.
Author Koopa Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 I am looking for constructive advise something that can help me make sense of things not criticism, as I said my conscience knows this is not the most moral relationship
beach Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I am looking for constructive advise something that can help me make sense of things not criticism, as I said my conscience knows this is not the most moral relationship It is constructive - and a solution to your problem. What happens if you stay involved? You think that's the solution? Why can't you date a single gal that is available?
mammasita Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 So, let's put this in perspective......you have feelings for an engaged woman who sneaks around behind her fiancées back to secretly have sex with her neighbor. In her defense she knows it's wrong so she tried to stop......but.....wait, she can't help but be an unfaithful slutbag so she came back the next night to get some more of that D and offered to be friends with benefits while she moves forward with her engagement. Did I get all that right? Good luck with that. 4
Seeking11 Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I wonder if the tone to these responses would be different, or rather, more softer, if it was the female posting here saying she is having serious doubts about her coming marriage and was in this situation. OP, if you really want to have any kind of future with this woman, which honestly I do not see happening, she has to break it off with her engaged partner. It doesn't matter what anyone suspects, whether he may be gay or an alien, as long as they are engaged, nothing good will come from this other than some nights of sexual encounters. What this means is you have to tell her for anything to happen between you two (and again, this is if you really want to have a future with her), she must break things off with the other man if she truly has no feelings/see's no future with him, and until said time, the two of you are to have no form of contact. If on the other hand, all you see her is as a nice piece of @$$, just stop, someone will get seriously hurt out of all of this, and it could be you by the other man. 2
Author Koopa Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 I wonder if the tone to these responses would be different, or rather, more softer, if it was the female posting here saying she is having serious doubts about her coming marriage and was in this situation. OP, if you really want to have any kind of future with this woman, which honestly I do not see happening, she has to break it off with her engaged partner. It doesn't matter what anyone suspects, whether he may be gay or an alien, as long as they are engaged, nothing good will come from this other than some nights of sexual encounters. What this means is you have to tell her for anything to happen between you two (and again, this is if you really want to have a future with her), she must break things off with the other man if she truly has no feelings/see's no future with him, and until said time, the two of you are to have no form of contact. If on the other hand, all you see her is as a nice piece of @$$, just stop, someone will get seriously hurt out of all of this, and it could be you by the other man. Thank you, I think you actually get what I am struggling with and it is just too soon to say if I really want a future with her. I have never had a connection with someone like this but I need to be sure so I need some time on that. I'm not worried about her fiance becoming violent and if he did, it would end badly for him not me. (he does not own a gun(and neither do I))
Author Koopa Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 You are delusional. She is not available because she is engage. If she was actually was interested in you and cared for you she'd have broken up with him. She didn't do that. You are even more delusional if you believe it won't end badly for you. I don't own a gun either but if I was engaged and found out my neighbor had sex with my fiance I'd be mad as hell at you. Mad as hell at her too. The only reason I brought up firearms was to keep anyone from saying he might shoot me. Have you ever been in my situation? Looking at your other post seems like your as awkward around women as a teenage boy, good luck with your date and try not to be such a creep she slaps you like the last one.
Hope Shimmers Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I wonder if the tone to these responses would be different, or rather, more softer, if it was the female posting here saying she is having serious doubts about her coming marriage and was in this situation. I agree with the above. To the original poster: You say you have 'feelings' for her, but do you really? How emotionally invested can you possibly be, given that you have spent almost no time with her? I get that you have a sexual connection, but that is not going to last nor is it a basis for a relationship if there isn't more. 1
veggirl Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 What do you expect will happen? I mean do you even think there is a remote possibility she will leave her fiance of years, father to her child, for a fling with her neighbor? Your best bet is to get out NOW. Have some boundaries and be an adult. You are going to further down the rabbit hole and at the end of the day, she is going to choose her family. Go complete no contact with her. It's not worth it, it will not end well. Period.
Pineappls Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Well i dont think its okay from you or her! And i dont think you should blame the alcohol! Because it was you that kept opening the door! Its important to have respect for peoples relationships. Rather he is gay or transsexual its not your business its her and her men problem to figure that out if they want to do so. You can easily tell her its done and if she comes again you will tell on her. Or move away! And dont open the door if she comes again. There are so many single girls out there. Choose one! What you are doing will put you in big danger, not only with her men but the whole neighborhood. Because gay or not, no one will chill out and act soft if a guy sleep with their girl! And other males there may keep you away from their home and wife. Soon you become unwanted!
LaylaSings Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Don't risk your heart and reputation or how you feel about yourself by risking getting caught doing this. It's early and you are not in love. So if you have feelings for her ask if she'll end her relationship and give it a try if you want but the best advice I could give is just take a step back.. Find someone whose available. You will save her and yourself a lot if future heart ache. I know it's easier said than done but that's the best advice I have. Good luck!
fellini Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 (edited) First of all, you have not been SLEEPING with your neighboros finace, you have been having totally uninhibited sex. There is quite a difference. You seem to know what your penis wants, but who is in charge of your decision making? Your penis or your heart? I dont hear how you have a "relationship" with this woman, other than you get off on her intense desire to get from you EXACTLY what you seem only to want from her. So you want what? To marry her so that you can keep having intense sex? Or do you think a woman who wants to sneak out of her house each day for three days MUST BE THE WOMAN of your dreams? Edited March 23, 2014 by fellini 2
beach Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 Your evidence of having absolutely no control over yourself and your actions is odd. Maybe you two are a perfect match! Time to inform her fiancé.
Fluttershy Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 I wonder if the tone to these responses would be different, or rather, more softer, if it was the female posting here saying she is having serious doubts about her coming marriage and was in this situation. . If you had been here longer you would know females are not handled with kid gloves! 1
nais Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 Be careful who you start dating- everyone not looking for love but for HELP - saw this on FB yesterday. She is living with him, she has a child.... if this is not what you want get over it QUICK!
aliveagain Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 You are a poor neighbour and a sh*ty friend, people without boundaries have very lonely lives. Save your neighbour from making the mistake of his life, tell him before he marries her. Let him decide his future with all the information. 3
Elias33 Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 I will not make judgement of you or your "partner in crime". I will however say, you are playing with fire. This situation so close to your home can turn ugly for all involved. Please consider this. Also understand, you are doing this to yourself, meaning, this will be one of those regrets you keep dragging with you through life. So if you can stop it, and you probably can, just do that. And once you have done so, then look at the situation realistically. Is there a future?Is this love?Is this a symptom of someone else's bad relationship?Could it be that you have feelings for the excitement of it all? This may have more consequences than you think. Please consider, and good luck. 1
BHsigh Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 I wonder if the tone to these responses would be different, or rather, more softer, if it was the female posting here saying she is having serious doubts about her coming marriage and was in this situation. I find it pretty funny that you say this, and yet women on here say that everyone is harder on them than they are towards men. OP, You want constructive criticism? Ok, you're doing what a POS would choose to do, and you're trying to rationalize this in your mind. You know what you need to do, drop your neighbors fiance and find someone worth your time, someone that isn't known to sleep around behind their SO's back.
Seeking11 Posted March 24, 2014 Posted March 24, 2014 I find it pretty funny that you say this, and yet women on here say that everyone is harder on them than they are towards men. OP, You want constructive criticism? Ok, you're doing what a POS would choose to do, and you're trying to rationalize this in your mind. You know what you need to do, drop your neighbors fiance and find someone worth your time, someone that isn't known to sleep around behind their SO's back. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/468337-both-married-desperate-need-feel-like-running-away How you respond here and how people are responding to this poster clearly show otherwise. No insults in the link, but plenty in this thread. OP, I still stand with what I said.
Author Koopa Posted May 9, 2014 Author Posted May 9, 2014 UPDATE!!!! He found out, I don't know how but luckily I moved halfway across Texas before he did. let me just share how the text conversation went Him: OK. I just have two simple questions for you and please be honest and forward. Afterwards Ill wish you luck and be out of your hair. Did you sleep with MOW (he used her real name) and if so how many times? well obviously I knew that he already knew, however I have no idea how he found out, but I figured even though I have broken the golden rule in the guy code I might as well come clean. ME: 3 times, I'm really sorry man. This is the truth, my conscience knew it was wrong the whole time so I really was/am sorry. However by "slept" I knew he was only asking how many times we had sex which was really only 3 times but there were countless foreplay sessions after the third time, we had a hard time quitting each other. Him: Good luck. This scared the crap out of me like Liam Neeson telling me he has a particular set of skills (but after thinking about it this guy does not have skip tracing skills like I do so I am just being paranoid) Me: How did you find out? ... no response, this was almost 2 weeks ago and I have talked to their neighbors who say they seem to be doing ok which makes me feel better, who knows maybe this is just what they needed to let him know not to take her for granted
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