David95 Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 Hello everyone, I live in the Netherlands and my girlfriend in Scotland, we met on a summer camp last summer. We've had an LDR for about 7 months now and everything is going pretty well considering it's my first relationship. But here's the thing, she's almost done with high school and she's going on a gap year to Malaysia. This means communication will be much harder because the internet connection probably won't be good enough for Skype. Also visiting her will cost much more money and considering next year's my last year on high school I probably won't have much time to earn money for trips. I'm really afraid it won't work out because it's already hard sometimes and not being able to Skype will make it even harder. I think it might be better for us to break up when she leaves so it will be easier for both of us. I just don't know what to tell her because if I do, it probably will spoil the time we have left until she leaves but I can't bear not telling her either because I don't want to drop this on her the last time I see her. Thanks a lot for reading and I hope someone can help me with this.
David87 Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 Hey buddy you have the same name as me lol:) This is your first relationship be grateful for what you've learned and move to the next one. Don't tell her at the very last moment, because you'll ruin her trip.
pvroom Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 I think David87 is right. I'm 30 and I can tell you, at your age you think this is it, but it might not be. If it is, you will work it out, maybe you will break up but you'll get back together. Don't make your lives hard, enjoy what you've had but let it go and be open to new opportunities. Not just girls, but things that life offers when you are single, it can be a lot more enlightening 1
HeavenOrHell Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 I think if you're having doubts about it before she's even gone then you're being mature in thinking it's best to call it a day, I would tell her as soon as possible though so that can she stop investing emotionally in something which is going to end. Are your doubts about being in an LDR because you think you can't handle it, or because you think she couldn't? Or both? OTOH if you feel seriously about each other and can see yourselves spending your lives together long term then a year is really nothing in the big scheme of things. I've been in an LDR for nearly 4 years (Netherlands/UK) and we've no end in sight, so from my perspective a year is nothing, it's a lot sooner than never. It really depends how strong your feelings for each other and whether having one difficult year is worth it. Hello everyone, I live in the Netherlands and my girlfriend in Scotland, we met on a summer camp last summer. We've had an LDR for about 7 months now and everything is going pretty well considering it's my first relationship. But here's the thing, she's almost done with high school and she's going on a gap year to Malaysia. This means communication will be much harder because the internet connection probably won't be good enough for Skype. Also visiting her will cost much more money and considering next year's my last year on high school I probably won't have much time to earn money for trips. I'm really afraid it won't work out because it's already hard sometimes and not being able to Skype will make it even harder. I think it might be better for us to break up when she leaves so it will be easier for both of us. I just don't know what to tell her because if I do, it probably will spoil the time we have left until she leaves but I can't bear not telling her either because I don't want to drop this on her the last time I see her. Thanks a lot for reading and I hope someone can help me with this.
DannyCA Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 I had a friend who dated this girl for less than a year right after high school. She was going to leave for Texas for a year for school, but it was only going to be for a year. My friend didn't know what to do and was unsure if he should keep the relationship going. He ended up breaking up with her like a week or two before she left. He was sad about it, she was sad about it, but it was his choice. They spoke for the first few months but then she told him to stop contacting her and he listened. Over the next year these two saw other people, completed some goals they've wanted to, did what they wanted, and just grew as individuals. When she came back to California, she started dating someone else. This didn't sit well with my friend so he contacted her again. Not without a lot of work on his part, they started dating again. They've been together now for two years (not including the first time they dated.)
Author David95 Posted March 21, 2014 Author Posted March 21, 2014 Hey buddy you have the same name as me lol:) This is your first relationship be grateful for what you've learned and move to the next one. Don't tell her at the very last moment, because you'll ruin her trip. If I decide to break it off I don't want to tell her at the last moment but I wan't us both to agree on it and to keep heving this until she leaves. I think David87 is right. I'm 30 and I can tell you, at your age you think this is it, but it might not be. If it is, you will work it out, maybe you will break up but you'll get back together. Don't make your lives hard, enjoy what you've had but let it go and be open to new opportunities. Not just girls, but things that life offers when you are single, it can be a lot more enlightening I understand what you're saying and I do crave a relationship with someone a bit closer to home. But I also want too keep this as long as possible. I think if you're having doubts about it before she's even gone then you're being mature in thinking it's best to call it a day, I would tell her as soon as possible though so that can she stop investing emotionally in something which is going to end. Are your doubts about being in an LDR because you think you can't handle it, or because you think she couldn't? Or both? OTOH if you feel seriously about each other and can see yourselves spending your lives together long term then a year is really nothing in the big scheme of things. I've been in an LDR for nearly 4 years (Netherlands/UK) and we've no end in sight, so from my perspective a year is nothing, it's a lot sooner than never. It really depends how strong your feelings for each other and whether having one difficult year is worth it. I do think it may work, I just know it will be very hard for each of us and if we're gonna end it I'd rather have us agree and say goodbye in person instead of over Skype or by letter or email, what might happen if I tell her what I think and she doesn't agree or if it doesn't work when she's away. I had a friend who dated this girl for less than a year right after high school. She was going to leave for Texas for a year for school, but it was only going to be for a year. My friend didn't know what to do and was unsure if he should keep the relationship going. He ended up breaking up with her like a week or two before she left. He was sad about it, she was sad about it, but it was his choice. They spoke for the first few months but then she told him to stop contacting her and he listened. Over the next year these two saw other people, completed some goals they've wanted to, did what they wanted, and just grew as individuals. When she came back to California, she started dating someone else. This didn't sit well with my friend so he contacted her again. Not without a lot of work on his part, they started dating again. They've been together now for two years (not including the first time they dated.) I really hope this will happen if the distance makes it too difficult. We've already spoken about this posibility for if it gets too hard with the limited communication. But now I think of it, when she gets back I'll be going to university and she doesn't know what she'll do. I'm afraid she'll go back to her parents' house and I wouldn't blame her but that would mean it's still long distance.
DannyCA Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 I really hope this will happen if the distance makes it too difficult. We've already spoken about this posibility for if it gets too hard with the limited communication. But now I think of it, when she gets back I'll be going to university and she doesn't know what she'll do. I'm afraid she'll go back to her parents' house and I wouldn't blame her but that would mean it's still long distance. Chances are you probably already know this. There's no guarantee either way you play it. You stay together: 1. One of you breaks it off and you're both done for good 2. You stay together through this and the rest of your lives 3. One of you breaks it off and you end up getting back together, but you break up again for good 4. One of you breaks it off and you end up getting back together, but you guys end up spending the rest of your lives together You break up before she leaves: 1. You guys never get back together 2. You guys end up reconnecting later down the road but end up breaking up and this time for good 3. You guys end up reconnecting later down the road and this time you end up spending the rest of your lives together There's an infinite amount of things that could happen. This isn't going to help much but you really need to just go with your gut. You can't try to mold and control these situations. My ex moved away 1,000 miles after two months of dating. We dated another 6 months before she broke up with me (which was a year ago). It's funny because I made a pro's and con's list of breaking up with her just a few days before she broke up with me. I realized she had these good opportunities where she was living now and she had a chance to live the life she wanted. But I was too selfishly in love to let her go. All I had on my mind was trying to get her to move back to me as soon as possible even if that meant giving up great education and career opportunities out there. We kept in contact here and there for the next year. We haven't spoken since this January, and it's safe to say we can't stand each other anymore. And keeping in contact with her all that time held me back in healing and probably hurt my chances very much of reconnecting in the future. In the end, I wonder if it would have been better to just break it off after the first two months. In one way I say yeah because I would have never fallen in love with her and we would have just been a summer fling, on to the next one. But on the other hand I would have never fallen in love with her, and despite our nasty breakup, I still have fond memories of what we had. Go with your gut, because there is really no right answer
Author David95 Posted March 23, 2014 Author Posted March 23, 2014 Thanks. I think I'm not gonna break up for now, just because it feels wrong to leave someone you love because you think it's gonna get too hard later on the line. I'm gonna talk with her about what she thinks what should happen but I really hope we can agree on stopping communication when she leaves with both of us being okay with it. Because then we will be able to see eachother one final time before saying goodbye. And then maybe get back together when she returns.
Els Posted March 23, 2014 Posted March 23, 2014 The internet connection in Malaysian cities is acceptable for Skype, especially if she is renting a room. If she is interested in keeping in contact, she will ask around for good internet options. Has she traveled overseas before?
Author David95 Posted March 25, 2014 Author Posted March 25, 2014 She will be somewhere outdoors with some gapyear foundation so internet will be practicly non-existent. And yes she has travelled before, just not since we started dating.
Author David95 Posted April 17, 2014 Author Posted April 17, 2014 Right now it feels a bit like the spark's gone. I don't know whether this is just from my side or whether she feels the same but our conversations don't go anywhere and it's usually very hard to come up with things to talk about. I am thinking about breaking up but I'm unsure if I still love her or not and if I do it how will I do it? And what if I actually do love her but it's just a bit dull at the moment?
Author David95 Posted April 21, 2014 Author Posted April 21, 2014 (edited) I have decided to break up. I just called her but I already feel regret and I'm not sure whether I made the right decision. I feel terrible for breaking her heart and I am starting to think I did love her but it was just hard at the time. Also, we decided we are going to stay in contact but I think I'm not going to talk to her until I'm over it. Edited April 21, 2014 by David95
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