quidproquo89 Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 I went on a first date with a girl and we chatted for hours and she said she was having a really good time and we ended the night on a kiss. Over text message following this date, she was very encouraging saying things like she wants me more and loved our kiss and wants to cuddle me, is it strange she's thinking about my bed and she felt this was really going somewhere. So on the next date, I gave her a peck on lips and said hello. We held hands on the way to the cinema and kissed twice in the cinema and we held hands whilst we watched the film. Since then she has not approached me with such enthusaism, in other words it feels like I went too far, but she was giving me signals to do so right? Would you not get that opinion in my position. I was chatty and took the initaive as you would with someone you liked and you thought liked you on a second date. However she said she didn't want to rush things and isn't ready for a relationship. I was shocked, as it is stark contrast to what she was telling me/giving me vibes about before. She said she has come out of a bad relationship and needs time but its all her not me. Its been three weeks and not a peep out of her. Feeling a little let down and led on to be honest. Why would you show someone such interest if you weren't ready and do people just suddenly decide they don't like somebody despite the fact that you feel like you've done everything right and progressed in a natural and justified manner?
Phantom888 Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 She is giving you pure BS. Her interest should grow, not mellow out in the beginning, if he is truly interested. She might be dating someone else, and she doesn't want to jump the gun before finalizing her decision. This is like the oldest trick... "i'm not ready for a relationship because I just got out of one." I'd venture to say 1 out of 10 times it's the truth.
Author quidproquo89 Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 she disappeared on me before without a word, but when she came back and apologised I let her off and she seemed like a really decent person, I guess you can never tell.
Phantom888 Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 she disappeared on me before without a word, but when she came back and apologised I let her off and she seemed like a really decent person, I guess you can never tell. Don't trust anything early on. Action speaks louder than words. I went on a date with an Olympic ice skater once, and we made out in my car for a long while. Hot and steamy. I totally thought she wanted to pursue this further, but she kept giving me BS about being busy. When I stopped texting her, she stopped too. Obviously she wasn't interested. 1
Author quidproquo89 Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 Don't trust anything early on. Action speaks louder than words. I went on a date with an Olympic ice skater once, and we made out in my car for a long while. Hot and steamy. I totally thought she wanted to pursue this further, but she kept giving me BS about being busy. When I stopped texting her, she stopped too. Obviously she wasn't interested.its annoying and I think your 100 percent right. Better to see whats what on the dates rather than trying to gather too much by texting also I think
Gaeta Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Dating is not a black and white business. Sometimes I went on a date, I felt really good about the guy, once I'd get home I'd feel so so about him. Then I'd start asking myself if I really liked him or not. Because the first date was really good I decide I'll give a second date a try. I have a good time but when I get home that night I know for sure even though he's a real cool guy he's not for me. Simple as that. In my case I let the guy know I do not wish to pursue but many women prefer fading away. 1
Author quidproquo89 Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 mmm thanks for your input. Do you usually play it cool, or do you show such great vibes and encouragement as my date did?
Gaeta Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 mmm thanks for your input. Do you usually play it cool, or do you show such great vibes and encouragement as my date did? It has happened that the gentleman kissed me, I kissed him back, it could have given the impression I was into him, but later I decided that was not it for me. Also, she may have had another interest and she picked him. When she said she was not ready for a relationship that is an easy let down that means I am not into you.
Author quidproquo89 Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 It has happened that the gentleman kissed me, I kissed him back, it could have given the impression I was into him, but later I decided that was not it for me. Also, she may have had another interest and she picked him. When she said she was not ready for a relationship that is an easy let down that means I am not into you. You could well be right. She messaged me extensively morning, lunchtimes and evenings for weeks, so to have two on the go with this level of enthusiasm is quite a task. Well I'm just clearing my mind as I'm not planning on contacting her again, its just a big shame is all.
Author quidproquo89 Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 It has happened that the gentleman kissed me, I kissed him back, it could have given the impression I was into him, but later I decided that was not it for me. Also, she may have had another interest and she picked him. When she said she was not ready for a relationship that is an easy let down that means I am not into you. If I wasn't a hundred percent sure about somebody I wouldn't lead them on. I'd play it cool and let the dates dictate hoe things go. Instead she as I said earlier really drew me in and brought me close to her, seems a bit weird to me. Get really wrapped up by a guy and then suddenly run off, odd but hey I gotta stop talking about it lol
soccerrprp Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 I went on a first date with a girl and we chatted for hours and she said she was having a really good time and we ended the night on a kiss. Over text message following this date, she was very encouraging saying things like she wants me more and loved our kiss and wants to cuddle me, is it strange she's thinking about my bed and she felt this was really going somewhere. So on the next date, I gave her a peck on lips and said hello. We held hands on the way to the cinema and kissed twice in the cinema and we held hands whilst we watched the film. Since then she has not approached me with such enthusaism, in other words it feels like I went too far, but she was giving me signals to do so right? Would you not get that opinion in my position. I was chatty and took the initaive as you would with someone you liked and you thought liked you on a second date. However she said she didn't want to rush things and isn't ready for a relationship. I was shocked, as it is stark contrast to what she was telling me/giving me vibes about before. She said she has come out of a bad relationship and needs time but its all her not me. Its been three weeks and not a peep out of her. Feeling a little let down and led on to be honest. Why would you show someone such interest if you weren't ready and do people just suddenly decide they don't like somebody despite the fact that you feel like you've done everything right and progressed in a natural and justified manner? She had a date or interest in someone else that is more of a priority for her. How much time elapsed between your first and second date?
Author quidproquo89 Posted March 21, 2014 Author Posted March 21, 2014 She had a date or interest in someone else that is more of a priority for her. How much time elapsed between your first and second date? a week, you say that but if that was the case why would you make up all this stuff about getting over an emotional abusive boyfriend, taking all her savings, treating her like crap and making her move back home. Doesn't make sense to me. Why bother making that up when you can just say I'm not interested? She used that excuse when she disappeared the first time also, could be what you say or she has problems with intimacy, or just a bit of an odd ball, maybe?
Emilia Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 a week, you say that but if that was the case why would you make up all this stuff about getting over an emotional abusive boyfriend, taking all her savings, treating her like crap and making her move back home. Doesn't make sense to me. Why bother making that up when you can just say I'm not interested? She used that excuse when she disappeared the first time also, could be what you say or she has problems with intimacy, or just a bit of an odd ball, maybe? Doesn't matter. Unstable, unable to have a healthy relationship, low self-esteem, etc. You dodged a bullet. One thing about unstable people is that you usually find this out early on because they are unable to contain their emotional responses. 1
Author quidproquo89 Posted March 21, 2014 Author Posted March 21, 2014 Doesn't matter. Unstable, unable to have a healthy relationship, low self-esteem, etc. You dodged a bullet. One thing about unstable people is that you usually find this out early on because they are unable to contain their emotional responses. I'm usually as calm as a hindu cow, lol sorry ha ha. I just don't like it when girls mess with your head, you know? There and interested then gone the next. I'm trying to get better at handling situations, gauging people and not getting too emotionally involved too quickly. 1
Emilia Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 I'm usually as calm as a hindu cow, lol sorry ha ha. I just don't like it when girls mess with your head, you know? There and interested then gone the next. I'm trying to get better at handling situations, gauging people and not getting too emotionally involved too quickly. They are good at sucking you in emotionally, they are the ones to look out for.
Author quidproquo89 Posted March 21, 2014 Author Posted March 21, 2014 mmm, nothings ever simple lol 1
RonaldS Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 This is essentially what happened with a woman I connected with that I've known for a long time (in the thread on this page). Constant contact/texts, met up and it was really nice...great connection, comfortable familiarity, really good energy and feeling, kissed at the end if the night, communicated a lot afterward, and then just like that....nothing. Who ever really knows. When the person doesn't communicate why, there's no way to know what did or didn't happen. Sucks worse when it's somebody you've known for years.
Author quidproquo89 Posted March 21, 2014 Author Posted March 21, 2014 This is essentially what happened with a woman I connected with that I've known for a long time (in the thread on this page). Constant contact/texts, met up and it was really nice...great connection, comfortable familiarity, really good energy and feeling, kissed at the end if the night, communicated a lot afterward, and then just like that....nothing. Who ever really knows. When the person doesn't communicate why, there's no way to know what did or didn't happen. Sucks worse when it's somebody you've known for years. ah i'm sorry mate, it does suck. Luckily time heals all wounds right? . all you can do is your best, as they say it takes two, so theres always a chance it will happen. Its happened to me a few times on the trot now lol. Last three were - I was nervous on the first date so she buggered off, second one liked to toy with guys so she was just there to mess with my head. This was the latest one. All experience, I'm hoping the next one will work out
RonaldS Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 ah i'm sorry mate, it does suck. Luckily time heals all wounds right? . all you can do is your best, as they say it takes two, so theres always a chance it will happen. Its happened to me a few times on the trot now lol. Last three were - I was nervous on the first date so she buggered off, second one liked to toy with guys so she was just there to mess with my head. This was the latest one. All experience, I'm hoping the next one will work out Thanks. It's not traumatizing or anything, but it is baffling. All of the women in my thread said I needed to make much more of an effort to ask her out again and show more interest. So I did and....zilch back.
Author quidproquo89 Posted March 21, 2014 Author Posted March 21, 2014 strange, i'll pop over to your threads and have a look
RonaldS Posted March 21, 2014 Posted March 21, 2014 strange, i'll pop over to your threads and have a look The one I was referencing was the one about reconnecting with an old friend. The thread you bumped was an old one about a flighty girl that I never really cared that much about. The current situation is much more bothersome. Not to hijack your thread....
Author quidproquo89 Posted March 22, 2014 Author Posted March 22, 2014 has anyone had this before, where they feel they are ready for a relationship (in this case she had come from an emotionally abusive relationship) but when they get close to someone, they feel scared and odd about being about being kissed and treated affectionately?
Chalkdust89 Posted March 22, 2014 Posted March 22, 2014 (edited) has anyone had this before, where they feel they are ready for a relationship (in this case she had come from an emotionally abusive relationship) but when they get close to someone, they feel scared and odd about being about being kissed and treated affectionately? I broke up with my ex of three years on very good terms. Despite not having any romantic feelings for him anymore, I don't have a lot of casual dating experience and found it really hard to enjoy the process. Even after a really nice first date, the idea of taking things further and possibly committing to something new was a little scary and not something I was looking forward to. I found myself pulling away from really cool guys who were very in to me. It would be more unfair, in my opinion, to keep leading them on and spending time with them to see if my thought process would change once I got to know them more. I've determined I'm not ready to start dating again and should just enjoy my single life for now. I feel bad that I have had to break things off with good people, but you don't know if you're REALLY ready to date post-breakup unless you go out and try it. In her case, she sounds like she's not ready and possibly has some other feelings to sort through before she can start something again. Especially coming from an abusive relationship, it can be really hard to adjust back to "normal" guys and to trust a new person you don't really know. I don't blame her for trying or for missing physical contact, but I am sorry to hear that you got hurt in the process. Edited March 22, 2014 by Chalkdust89 1
Author quidproquo89 Posted March 22, 2014 Author Posted March 22, 2014 I broke up with my ex of three years on very good terms. Despite not having any romantic feelings for him anymore, I don't have a lot of casual dating experience and found it really hard to enjoy the process. Even after a really nice first date, the idea of taking things further and possibly committing to something new was a little scary and not something I was looking forward to. I found myself pulling away from really cool guys who were very in to me. It would be more unfair, in my opinion, to keep leading them on and spending time with them to see if my thought process would change once I got to know them more. I've determined I'm not ready to start dating again and should just enjoy my single life for now. I feel bad that I have had to break things off with good people, but you don't know if you're REALLY ready to date post-breakup unless you go out and try it. In her case, she sounds like she's not ready and possibly has some other feelings to sort through before she can start something again. Especially coming from an abusive relationship, it can be really hard to adjust back to "normal" guys and to trust a new person you don't really know. I don't blame her for trying or for missing physical contact, but I am sorry to hear that you got hurt in the process. I had a week or two wondering if she would come back, as in she feels she wasn't ready so maybe she would come back to the guy (me) she was originally (twice) interested in. Although I may have appeared desperate at the end because I was genuinely disappointed after thinking we were about to start a relationship. The last few weeks, I've been putting her right out of my mind and been enjoying myself. You never know what the future holds, but I'm not counting on it as life is no fairytale lol
Author quidproquo89 Posted March 24, 2014 Author Posted March 24, 2014 Something looks dodgy here. I checked in on the girl I mentioned here, not in a creepy way I just wanted to see how she was getting on so I scrolled a few posts and a few pics. I noticed her in a pic with an ex in June, who she is till friends with and still likes her fresh posts on facebook. This can't be the same guy that emotionally abused her, can it? She told me that she broke up with someone in August who was abusive, I figured it was someone after this guy who is still on her facebook. But there isn't time is there if they are in a facebook picture together in June? Hope this doesn't sound awful and stalkerish, it just popped in my head and I worried I been lied to
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