WorriedSteve Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 I hung out with a girl for a month and we were very close, there was definitely some pretty strong chemistry. Then I went on a trip for a month, but we communicated with each other throughout the trip and feelings seemed to be strong still. However I came back and she's very distant, she says she hasn't met anyone else and just needs some time to ease back into things but there is definitely some tension in the air and I don't understand why she is so cold, especially when she emailed me while I was gone and told me how much she missed me. Is this common? I want to make things work out but it's causing me horrible anxiety and I don't know if I should be persistent to show how serious I am and that I still care, or back off and give her time but that could seem like I don't care if I'm not being more persistent... She's really busy and that is what she tells me, but she was busy before and made time for me. I want to text her or call her all the time but she's not contacting me much since I've been back and I don't want to seem needy or desperate but it's killing me just waiting to see how things go and if she'll come around. I've told her how I feel and she says she needs to ease back into it...but I would have hoped she was excited to see me and jumped into my arms when we saw each other. I don't want to lose her...but she's constantly on my mind and I worry about it nonstop!
DALIFAN Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 (edited) Before I start off: How did you guys leave it before you left for your trip? We're you already officially dating by then? How old are you guys? I can tell you from personal experience that her "behavior" is not too uncommon. That's how usually I feel too. Though you might have kept in touch while your trip, not seeing somebody for a while can make things awkward. Not for everyone but for some people. I am one of those people. My ex and I were dating for a month when he left for a trip for 2 months and I was on a one month trip too during that time. We obviously kept in touch via email and things seemed normal etc... But the day I saw him again it was very awkward for me. I needed time to get accustomed to him being back. He respected that, stayed in touch with me, made it known that he still cared for me. After two days things were back to normal Even after a year of dating, he had to move abroad for a year and we saw each other once every 3 to 4 months (he was in the US i was in Europe) and I always needed time to ease back into "us". He was different than me in that matter, but he always respected it. It never meant that I liked or loved him less. So don't worry. Give her some time, still let her know you like her. But that is only one possibility. Edited March 20, 2014 by DALIFAN
hasaquestion Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 I hung out with a girl for a month and we were very close, there was definitely some pretty strong chemistry. Then I went on a trip for a month, but we communicated with each other throughout the trip and feelings seemed to be strong still. However I came back and she's very distant, she says she hasn't met anyone else and just needs some time to ease back into things but there is definitely some tension in the air and I don't understand why she is so cold, especially when she emailed me while I was gone and told me how much she missed me. Is this common? I want to make things work out but it's causing me horrible anxiety and I don't know if I should be persistent to show how serious I am and that I still care, or back off and give her time but that could seem like I don't care if I'm not being more persistent... She's really busy and that is what she tells me, but she was busy before and made time for me. I want to text her or call her all the time but she's not contacting me much since I've been back and I don't want to seem needy or desperate but it's killing me just waiting to see how things go and if she'll come around. I've told her how I feel and she says she needs to ease back into it...but I would have hoped she was excited to see me and jumped into my arms when we saw each other. I don't want to lose her...but she's constantly on my mind and I worry about it nonstop! Were you with her in the first place? Define your relationship with her in one phrase.
Author WorriedSteve Posted March 20, 2014 Author Posted March 20, 2014 Thanks for the feedback! We're both in our mid twenties. We were not officially boyfriend/girlfriend but we were dating, sleeping together, and I'd like to think not seeing other people during that time (I wasn't and she didn't give any indication that she was, especially because so much if her free time was spent with me). We talked about being in a relationship but decided to wait until I got back...and now I'm worried it might be too late and I hate myself for the idea of having had the most amazing girl and having potentially lost her. I tend to overthink things and maybe time will sort it out...but she isn't texting/calling/talking to me the way she used to. As much as it hurts to sit and wait I'm worried if I am text her too much she might get aggitated and distance herself further. And by too much I mean at least once a day/every other day which doesn't seem like a lot (we used to talk daily), but it's pretty much been me texting her to solicit a one line response and not a banter back and forth...so I'm really confused.
quidproquo89 Posted March 20, 2014 Posted March 20, 2014 Thanks for the feedback! We're both in our mid twenties. We were not officially boyfriend/girlfriend but we were dating, sleeping together, and I'd like to think not seeing other people during that time (I wasn't and she didn't give any indication that she was, especially because so much if her free time was spent with me). We talked about being in a relationship but decided to wait until I got back...and now I'm worried it might be too late and I hate myself for the idea of having had the most amazing girl and having potentially lost her. I tend to overthink things and maybe time will sort it out...but she isn't texting/calling/talking to me the way she used to. As much as it hurts to sit and wait I'm worried if I am text her too much she might get aggitated and distance herself further. And by too much I mean at least once a day/every other day which doesn't seem like a lot (we used to talk daily), but it's pretty much been me texting her to solicit a one line response and not a banter back and forth...so I'm really confused. I definitely think your right not too pressurise her, contact her or let on that anything is wrong. Just try and keep chilled and happy at least when you see and contact her. Let her know as I think you said you have - that you still care. Then give her some space and time. Things may still turn out okay but stressing about it will only push her further away. You can lightly tell someone you care without carrying the emotional baggage with it. Stay cool and I hope it all works out. You have done nothing wrong, nothing wrong! Just stay light and be there for her when she needs you and stay in touch now and and hopefully it will work out for you
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